Seeking perspective on relating to homosexual couple in the family

[sharmin]

How you treat this couple WILL impact your kids. It will show them how - if they DO sin someday - you will react to it.

If you daughter does get pregnant at 16, do you want her first instinct to be “my parents will KILL ME”, for her to be so afraid that she scrounges up $500 to get an abortion so you will not reject her?

If your son decides to move in with his girlfriend, do you want him to think you will never invite them over for a cook out?

How do you treat those in your family in invalid marriages or living together? What about the contracepting couples in your family?

Not attending the wedding is the loving thing to do, but, after the fake wedding - treat the couple with love and respect.

Don’t invite them over to sleep in your home, do invite them for pie.

Explain to your children that people do sin, people do choose to reject God, but that we are called to love everyone. We are called to be holiness out for a walk.

Beautiful, beautiful post. It made me cry.

 

[Nec5]

I’m going to go out on a limb and recommend that you choose to not have contact with the partner and your niece when they are together. Inviting your niece over because she is your niece is okay as long as she is directly aware of your views. Her partner and her immorality regarding sexuality should not be welcome. I find that the original post contains a great deal of the rationale behind this issue:
john ennis:

The normalizing effect of time has caused virtually everyone in the family but us (my wife and me; our kids are too young to get this–but not for long) to accept this more than they originally would have. Roughly half of them even attended the “wedding.”

Pay careful attention here. These are your words and experiences. It is not theoretical. The sin became normalized and even laudable because it was tolerated and everyone was afraid to say “No”. This is the insidious nature that people wish to ignore in the name of love and tolerance. That is not love. This is precisely why society has normalized homosexuality. People became afraid to call a spade a spade.

You may have to put up with our society’s cultural valuations, but your home and family are your responsibility. If you choose to invite sin into your home, don’t be shocked to find yourself or your family viewing homosexuality as a minor issue or “not that big of a deal”.

Yes, Christ ate with sinners. Remember, however, that he was the son of God and resisted all temptation. We are not so fortunate, for we lack his strength and wisdom. Play with fire often enough and you will get burned. It’s a difficult line for Christians to walk; we must be compassionate and forgiving while simultaneously identifying and denouncing sin. We must also recognize that the logic used to justify sin has become incredibly advanced and is very easy to internalize. Good luck.

 

[PassingThru]

In a way, I would have to in some ways also agree with Nec5, even after my previous post.

I was all prepared to defend my position (still am!) but the other way to look at it is Nec5’s logic. Calling a “spade a spade” as it were, and just laying down your hand. It is at least being honest and forthright. You could go the opposite of my advice and simply establish upfront that your niece is no longer welcome, her sin is too grave, and she must change to rectify the situation. Period.

Of course, be prepared for the situation that jwatza is now in. Many in your family may not accept this decision. But again, if this is your belief, you should be prepared to stand for it. (I won’t go into the glaring irony of party X not being tolerant of a behavior, and party Y not tolerating party X’s intolerance, and party X’s shock at party Y’s hard stance)

I think the important thing is you can not just straddle the issue. If you go half way with restricted visits, separate rules, etc, to her it is just as much a rejection as Nec5 is suggesting. At least be honest.

M

 

[mysweetpeas]

I’m in this situation as well. And had this situation “done to me” as a child. My parents were devout Catholics. My sister was gay and lived with a partner for years. They forbidded me from going to their house with no explanation, wouldn’t invite them over and referred to them as roomates. Imagine my surprise at age 16 when I finally figured it out. I felt like I was lied to and cheated out of a relationship with my sister. It’s a relationship I can never get back.

I still hold that against my parents to this day. It DOES affect children. I felt lied to. I know they were trying to “protect” me, but protect me from what??? Being around someone gay doesn’t make you gay. I’m not going to spontaneously combust knowing she’s gay. If they had just told me from the beginning, we love her but her lifestyle is sinful and we can’t agree with it, fine. But I can’t to this day figure out what they were “protecting” me from. It’s not like I didn’t know gay people existed.

Now I"m married with children and my DH does the same thing to our kids. Just pretend it doesn’t exist. I don’t agree with that. She is our family and God gave me that family. We are now alienated from our entire family because we won’t invite them or go to places with them, won’t acknowledge them as a couple etc. Almost my entire extended family has left the Catholic Church. And honestly, if they look to us as an “example” of the Catholic Church I don’t blame then

Don’t get me wrong. I feel it is wrong. I don’t agree with their lifestyle. But I feel part of my job is to bring others to Christ and to the true faith. Do you think acting like that is gonna draw ANYONE to this faith? Anyone will even be interested in it? Alienating your family seems like a very unChristian thing to do to me

What would seem like a better way to bring others to the faith is examples of love. Examples of “eating with a sinner” as Jesus did. They can look at us and say “wow. Even though what we do is completely against everything they believe, they still love us and show us respect. Maybe there is something to this whole Catholic thing.” Right now they look at us like “That is Catholic? Why in the world would I want to act like that others?”

And I agree with a PP. Why is it just homosexuality? There are so many other sins. Are we going to alienate non Catholics? Are we not going to invite the aunt and uncle who had a vasectomy? Are we going to not invite the brother who lives with his girlfriend to Christmas? They all our sinners. Why do we pick and choose?

But then we forget. We are all sinners… I’m not sure what makes one persons sin worse than another persons.

I want my Children to grow up knowing that I was a true Christian and loved the sinner but hated the sin. That even though I disagreed I was still able to be a loving person to them. That I was able to pass that on to them to know right from wrong while still being loving. I want them to grow up knowing my feelings on it, not me pretending it just doesn’t exist (kids are smart you know, they’ll figure it out).

It’s not like you are gonna suddenly accept gay marriage by going to their house for a cook out. Not anymore than you would suddenly accept contraception by going to said aunt and uncles house for Christmas.