Seeking thoughts from catholic girls

[Samwise1]

Hi, I’m experiencing some new events in my life and need another’s viewpoint on it. I am looking for answers from catholic girls around the age of 20 cause that’s where it’s about

I tried looking for answers online, but lots of stuff is just too ‘physical’ for me, if you get what I mean. I have different intentions in a relationship.

Here’s the story, trying to make it as short as possible. It always seems impossible for me to write short messages, so bare with me.
I met this girl on a Mardi Gras-event (we do it in a decent style), felt a crush on her but at that time did not want to pursue it: I was a seminarian. I tried to loose my thoughts about her, and pretty well succeeded. Triggered by this event, but mostly based on other experiences and on my prayer life, I started discerning my vocation again and found out I am not called to be a priest. I had excellent guidance on it and really felt that God purified my heart to see my actual calling: Married life, to contribute to the world as a layman. I left seminary 2,5 months ago. I did already feel prepared for married life long ago, but I guess it just took time and grace for me to see this calling. I consider myself very conscientious (scrupulous even sometimes) and I hear this from other people too.

I emailed this girl after leaving (just friendly, but my crush on her surely returned AFTER my decision) and she directly said she wanted to see me face-to-face, in a friendly way but with a wink. There recently was a good occasion to meet up so she asked me to come over. She postponed several times but made dinner for me and really ‘composed’ a good night out including Mass and visiting her co-students, some of which I know personally as well.

We talked a lot. There were almost no gaps, just talking. It really was a beautiful chemistry going on. She introduced me to some other friends, I complimented her, we had these longtime stares into each others’ eyes, she was tired when we were with her friends but energetic when she was alone with me.

When we left, we didn’t exchange kisses (she drew me into a kiss when we met at the start of the evening) but stared at each other’s eyes again while she said she really enjoyed the evening. She spoke repeatedly about ‘next time’.
In my car I got a text repeating she liked it, with an ‘x’ at the end. I replied the day after almost the same and said something about next time.

Some facts:
-She is 20, I’m 31. That’s a huge age difference, I know, but when we talked the other day, this seemed no problem: We match up perfectly ‘verbally’.
I think this is because I’m still kind of young: I’ve only been really practicing my faith for 12 years now, and I usually hear I look and act below my natural age.
Her parents are divorced so that may mean she’s looking for a father figure. She has seen several countries and this family struggle and that could make her feel more mature.
-We live 100 km’s away from each other.
-We have several mutual friends and acquaintances and we both visit and serve at catholic youth groups. It struck me that she didn’t plan an evening together with all those friends but partly with me alone.
-I kept praying about my vocation, praying for her and for Gods will to succeed. I have a spiritual director (but of course he doesn’t know perfectly what a 20 year old girl would feel) and frequent the sacraments. She does too

My question mainly is: If you were in her shoes, what do you think she has in mind? I just cannot imagine such a young, nice girl could really love me, but then again in my gut, in my prayer and when I rethink our time together, I just can’t imagine there’s nothing there.
And: I am currently still without a job (though trying to find one in my previous profession), might this be a problem for her?
And: Am I risking a friendzone? I guess not because of exclusivity and the glances.
And: “Was it a date?”
And: What would you like a guy to do right now?

I do not want to ask her openly because I want to respect her privacy and decision. She may feel overpowered by me as her senior. I also do not want to keep dating her ‘in order to get her’, I want her to be free to choose me.

Thank you for reading, and answering!

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I just wrote you like 7 large paragraphs trying to answer your questions, but I deleted them when I realized they could have everything to do with what pertains to me and not pertain to your lady at all! Soooo…

I’m just going to say:

Take it slow. Communicate! It sounds to me that you want to ask her some serious questions.

You say “I do not want to ask her openly because I want to respect her privacy and decision. She may feel overpowered by me as her senior. I also do not want to keep dating her ‘in order to get her’, I want her to be free to choose me.”

You say this, however, it is the male that has to do the leading, asking the questions. It just has to be that way. You have to communicate your intentions to her. She is the one who responds. Its not proper for a lady to do the advancing. Some women will to try and give her beau a clue (some men are just so timid!) but it really puts a woman at a disadvantage as they are the weaker sex, and sorry to have to say this but because of the male sex drive it makes her vulnerable to do so. She can and most times WILL be taken advantage of (speaking of this day and age). That is why most women don’t and know they shouldn’t. And I don’t feel they should have to. It is why the man who has to lead. You wanna be head of the household, you better start showing her now you can lead the two of you. Most women are put at ease by this, so as long as the man is not dominating in a threatening way, and will love you better for your communication skills. It sounds like you are worried you might come across as a predator since you are older. Is this true? It sounds like you are trying your best to be respectful… and if you are, then rest assured she probably already senses that.

They way she is going to 'choose you' is by her behavior.   Is it something more that she does only with you that is unmistakable?  If it hasn't been clear, is there anything you can say or do what would bring about more clarity between the two of you?   

Its hard to say 'she is interested'  since I'm not there to see the interactions, however from what you wrote it sounds fine and off to a good start.   She already made you dinner.  She could just be in the stage of getting to know you better.  I don't know what you mean by "friend zone".. but I see nothing wrong with it, unless you clearly were dating and courting and she was just leading you on for attention and gifts.     Most women have to have that emotional bond first.   We don't open up unless we have that level.   So even if she is just in friend zone now, then it doesn't mean its always going to stay that way.

We can’t tell you how mature she is because we don’t know her. Only you do. If you have questions or reservations about that, then wait, take it slow and take the time to observe her while you get to know her.

By the way, as far as the question goes “is this a date”,… its hard to tell these days isn’t it? There are no real cultural norms anymore in this area of life. It used to be there were certain signals that interested couples would discreetly give so that they could know for certain the intentions. People laugh at the idea, but I can see now why they were put in place. It does everyone a good service to know where the other is standing in a discreet way since, let’s face it, love hurts! However, in your case, to be sure, I would** not **say it was a date. I would say that if you want to date her, then ask her out as a date, specifically using that term. Then you will know you are on a date. I can understand your confusion!!! There are just no distinctions these days it seems.

MOST OF ALL  pray about it and do what Christ says you should do.   That's what counts the most!!!!!    

 Best Wishes!

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

I definitely agree with this; I think that your young lady is interested, but she is looking to you to ascertain your feelings. I think that her actions are pretty blunt, but I believe that it is now your turn to discuss with her what you are looking for in this relationship. As for the age difference, I think that time will only tell. If you both are similar in emotional maturity and life experiences, I believe that the difference should be of no consequence. However, I would make certain that she wants to be committed to a relationship; unfortunately, in this day and age, society usually dictates that individuals her age should be free to explore her options. If she is on the same page as you, I think that everything should be fine. But, you must try and make your intentions known… I know that many girls would feel very uncomfortable pursuing a guy, and wish for the guy to pursue* them*. Good luck and God bless.

 

[Kelfa28]

Hi!

I’m 28 and therefore, closer to your age but I think I can still help.

To answer your question…I’d say yes, she is interested in you and maybe more then just as friends.

Age shouldn’t be that much of a factor. I know plenty of girls who dated men 10+ years there senior and it worked well for them.

I wouldn’t read to much into the cues she gives you because you’ll end up driving yourself nuts guessing what she is thinking.
Was it a date? It sure sounds like it was.
If she is a good Catholic girl then she is probably serious about discerning marriage as well. I don’t think she would “friendzone” too many guys. I doubt she is seeing many guys anyway.

When I met my husband…our first date was exactly that…a date. This was crystal clear to both of us that we were looking for a relationship and not a new friend (we did meet on a dating website…so there you go).

Talk to her about how she feels about a relationship and how she would feel about seeing you more seriously.
Learning to communicate is the most important thing…even if it’s a brand new relationship.

BTW…my husband didn’t have a job when he met me either. He had just got home from a year long deployment and his contract with the Army was up.

Now, four years later, he not only found a job but is comfortably supporting his brand new family.

 

[Samwise1]

Wow. I guess I couldn’t have wished for more honest and better responses than these.
Really got me thinking, and the puzzle fits together .

I guess it’s some things combined that make me act like this:
-My newness to dating, which I can now overcome by your help
-The feeling I can’t just ‘try it out’ on this girl - she is too special for me to treat as a testcase. Some guys who start dating ‘gradually’ grow toward the perfect date, while I had the ‘luck’ to get asked by someone who I really feel a lot for already, and who I’d want (and feel that God wants me) to be with. So I don’t want to be disappointed.
-A lack of confidence, maybe also from my pre-seminary time were I was just too clumsy and got into this ‘friendzone’ (girls that just tell you that they like you, but just as a friend). Right then, I never had the nerve to make clear that I really liked her and ‘court’ her. I should live right now in selfconfidence that I am someone who can ‘court’ a girl.
-Shortsightedness, indeed: She did all the planning until now. Wow. I really didn’t notice that as much as you two did! This means negatively that she may have given up hopes (but then our goodbye-talk would not been so positive), but positively that I have all the reason to take the initiative myself.

But most of all, I am so sure she is not ‘leading me on’ for presents (she is not like that, and if she was she wouldn’t have put up with a ‘broke bloke’). And I think she would be serious about a possible relationship. She definitely is different than other girls her age. She is committed to charities and volunteering, and clearly seeks stability.

Of course there are mixed opinions about the men or women leading, but I’m sure I didn’t lead enough anyhow. And you have helped me see that she already put a lot of effort into it all, whether it’s dating or not. First I was afraid that she would see a step of me as ‘stalkerish’, but now I see she has already taken several steps herself so she is actually ‘stalking’ me
Also, girls, next to these ‘man leading’ opinions I see a lot, there’s also a lot about ‘hiding your feelings’ and ‘being respectful’. I think I did more of the last then the second!

Maybe I watched too much for the ‘nervous’ or ‘shy’ signs, but she isn’t. She just feels comfortable around me, but also clearly is interested for ‘more’. It’s just my gut, my prayer and my ‘manliness’ where I have to act on.
She has a birthday coming up, so there’s enough opportunity to be creative.

Please let me know if there is some I’m still overlooking.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Samwise1,

Forgive me, I didn't mean to sound as if I thought she would just be playing you for gifts and such.  I was confused over the term "friend zone", thinking that it meant something along those lines, abusing a wooing male for their attentions.    If she is church girl, I highly doubt she'd do that sort of thing.   

Don't worry about her putting a lot of effort already.  In the beginning stages these things are fine.   The flame has to start up somehow with someone making some initial move.   Its just up to the guy to make it more official.   Perhaps you should ask her on an official date next?

I can see how you may have some warming up to do to do dating once coming out of seminary… Your mind was probably on things of God so much to put much effort in polishing up your wooing skills! I know that it was the same for me- 3 or 4 years of serious contemplation towards religious life - and coming out of it and dating again feels absolutely foreign, even though I dated much before!

I can't tell if you are overlooking anything else, but just a few more comments...   I think the age difference can be a plus for you since women usually like to have a male that is more experienced in life in order to protect and care for her.  If she is really into the church and knows you were seriously considering priesthood, then I think this also is a big plus in her eyes.   There are not many men like you, lets face it!  That may be why she has made some bold moves already.   Just guessing though.

One last thing, prepare yourself for the worst, just in case. If my experience with men I’ve dated tells me anything is that they have a tendency to get REALLY excited and somewhat hyper, (yet you are 31, so I don’t think you’d do that- however I don’t really know, some men still seem very phased by it all!!!) not realizing that its just the beginning and a date doesn’t necessarily mean marriage or anything romantic. It can actually scare a girl… I had one guy jump over 4 foot bushes at noonday on campus one day just to reach me to talk with me. He couldn’t have just walked around them, but made a b-line for me. I appreciate the sentiment, but I felt ashamed I made a man that nutty and I was embarrassed for him and for me. Actually, I think that happens to both males and females… chuckles. Just always keep in mind that it may not go as you had hoped. I don’t think I need to tell you that though, but wanted to just in case.

Anyway, hoped that helped. Ha ha… maybe you can help me with my man problems. :shrug:

Best wishes!!

 

[beckers]

Dont try to understand what she thinks. We woman are hard to read. She sounds interested so the best thing is to be honest and up front with her. You say you have good communication so talk to her about your feelings. The longer you drag it out the more worried you will make yourself and the more damage your heart will feel if she doesn’t return your feelings.

I have had a few friends who left the seminary. Some have gotten married within a year of leaving bc your more intuned to what your vocation is. She may or may not be on the same path as she is a little young and may know her ultimate goals is to be married but just not right now. Also don’t put her on pedistool as the ultimate perfect woman/ wife bc none of us can live up to that. Talk to her and than go from there. The fear of the unknown is by far worst than the truth.

Good luck.

 

[Crescentinus]

gets popcorn

 

[Samwise1]

Thanks to all the other posters!

I am noticing the dis- and pre-advantages of leaving seminary: I clearly know what God calls me to marriage, but I’m also not used to dating anymore. Also right after leaving, my director advised me to wait until she invited me, just to first get used to the feeling of being ‘lay’ again.

Indeed, it’s very easy to be mislead by simple ‘cues’, because they can work both ways.

And my pre-seminary days were examples of how I turned too crazy (indeed, without communicating my intentions) and put people on a pedestal as ‘the only solution to my singleness problem’. There is no problem anymore, I just want to make a girl happy.

I’m welcoming fun suggestions for a second date.

 

[Daisies88]

I wouldn’t worry too much about the age difference; 11 years is a lot, but not insurmountable. I am a 23 year old girl and my fiance is 32, so our ages are quite close to yours with a slightly smaller gap.

Your female friend would be the one to best answer these questions, but I will try my best to help!

My question mainly is: If you were in her shoes, what do you think she has in mind? I just cannot imagine such a young, nice girl could really love me, but then again in my gut, in my prayer and when I rethink our time together, I just can’t imagine there’s nothing there.

Yes. It is most definitely possible for a younger girl to love you. Maybe not yet, but as you continue to learn more about each other, it could happen

And: I am currently still without a job (though trying to find one in my previous profession), might this be a problem for her?

A job is important, but other things are much more so. I think a willingness to work hard and to do your best are what matters the most. Jobs can be a touchy subject, because of the economy right now. Lots of people are struggling in this area. If she really likes you, then a lack of a job should not deter her from spending more time with you!

And: Am I risking a friendzone? I guess not because of exclusivity and the glances.

I think there is nothing wrong with starting out as friends. There is less pressure, and there is the possibility for something more to blossom.

“Was it a date?”

Maybe. That one is a little harder for an outsider to answer. I think so though.

What would you like a guy to do right now?

I do not want to ask her openly because I want to respect her privacy and decision. She may feel overpowered by me as her senior. I also do not want to keep dating her ‘in order to get her’, I want her to be free to choose me.

Just be yourself! There is nothing wrong with taking things slow and continuing to date so that she gets a chance to know more about you. In my humble opinion, the more time you spend together (whether as friends or romantically), the more likely she is to “freely chose you”. Before someone can love you, they have to truly know you! It is okay if things take time. Being patient might bring something very beautiful into your life.

I wish you the best as you discern more about your relationship with the young lady!

 

[Pravoslavny]

Hi, I’m experiencing some new events in my life and need another’s viewpoint on it. I am looking for answers from catholic girls around the age of 20 cause that’s where it’s about

I tried looking for answers online, but lots of stuff is just too ‘physical’ for me, if you get what I mean. I have different intentions in a relationship.

Here’s the story, trying to make it as short as possible. It always seems impossible for me to write short messages, so bare with me.
I met this girl on a Mardi Gras-event (we do it in a decent style), felt a crush on her but at that time did not want to pursue it: I was a seminarian. I tried to loose my thoughts about her, and pretty well succeeded. Triggered by this event, but mostly based on other experiences and on my prayer life, I started discerning my vocation again and found out I am not called to be a priest. I had excellent guidance on it and really felt that God purified my heart to see my actual calling: Married life, to contribute to the world as a layman. I left seminary 2,5 months ago. I did already feel prepared for married life long ago, but I guess it just took time and grace for me to see this calling. I consider myself very conscientious (scrupulous even sometimes) and I hear this from other people too.

I emailed this girl after leaving (just friendly, but my crush on her surely returned AFTER my decision) and she directly said she wanted to see me face-to-face, in a friendly way but with a wink. There recently was a good occasion to meet up so she asked me to come over. She postponed several times but made dinner for me and really ‘composed’ a good night out including Mass and visiting her co-students, some of which I know personally as well.

We talked a lot. There were almost no gaps, just talking. It really was a beautiful chemistry going on. She introduced me to some other friends, I complimented her, we had these longtime stares into each others’ eyes, she was tired when we were with her friends but energetic when she was alone with me.

When we left, we didn’t exchange kisses (she drew me into a kiss when we met at the start of the evening) but stared at each other’s eyes again while she said she really enjoyed the evening. She spoke repeatedly about ‘next time’.
In my car I got a text repeating she liked it, with an ‘x’ at the end. I replied the day after almost the same and said something about next time.

Some facts:
-She is 20, I’m 31. That’s a huge age difference, I know, but when we talked the other day, this seemed no problem: We match up perfectly ‘verbally’.
I think this is because I’m still kind of young: I’ve only been really practicing my faith for 12 years now, and I usually hear I look and act below my natural age.
Her parents are divorced so that may mean she’s looking for a father figure. She has seen several countries and this family struggle and that could make her feel more mature.
-We live 100 km’s away from each other.
-We have several mutual friends and acquaintances and we both visit and serve at catholic youth groups. It struck me that she didn’t plan an evening together with all those friends but partly with me alone.
-I kept praying about my vocation, praying for her and for Gods will to succeed. I have a spiritual director (but of course he doesn’t know perfectly what a 20 year old girl would feel) and frequent the sacraments. She does too

My question mainly is: If you were in her shoes, what do you think she has in mind? I just cannot imagine such a young, nice girl could really love me, but then again in my gut, in my prayer and when I rethink our time together, I just can’t imagine there’s nothing there.
And: I am currently still without a job (though trying to find one in my previous profession), might this be a problem for her?
And: Am I risking a friendzone? I guess not because of exclusivity and the glances.
And: “Was it a date?”
And: What would you like a guy to do right now?

I do not want to ask her openly because I want to respect her privacy and decision. She may feel overpowered by me as her senior. I also do not want to keep dating her ‘in order to get her’, I want her to be free to choose me.

Thank you for reading, and answering!

My first question would be do you have a CAREER? It took me a few years of studying Catholic material (mostly pre-Vatican II) to realize that, actually, before the 1960’s EVERYONE taught that a prerequisite for even dating was being able to get married within a reasonable time…this INCLUDED the need for the man to have a stable career. The economy is rough you should look into that question before getting yourself emotionally attached.

 

[Pravoslavny]

Also, practical advice…if you go out with her in a State where the drinking age is 21 make sure that she (and her friends) are not drinking while you are around. It sounds weird for me to say it but it can land you in a ton of trouble.

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

Thanks to all the other posters!

I am noticing the dis- and pre-advantages of leaving seminary: I clearly know what God calls me to marriage, but I’m also not used to dating anymore. Also right after leaving, my director advised me to wait until she invited me, just to first get used to the feeling of being ‘lay’ again.

Indeed, it’s very easy to be mislead by simple ‘cues’, because they can work both ways.

And my pre-seminary days were examples of how I turned too crazy (indeed, without communicating my intentions) and put people on a pedestal as ‘the only solution to my singleness problem’. There is no problem anymore, I just want to make a girl happy.

I’m welcoming fun suggestions for a second date.

Well, I think that your date should be something that is special to her; if she loves movies, you should rent her favorite and watch it at home (it’s nicer than the theater, since you can pause it anytime to talk, and you don’t have to deal with loud people!). If she likes coffee, I highly recommend a small coffee shop at an hour where there are not many customers, and perhaps window shopping afterwards. In my college town, there is always an art fair of some sort during the summer; if she likes arts and crafts, find something similar where you live. If she’s a video gamer, find a game you both like to play. I think that the best advice I can give you about this is make it something meaningful. It shows that you care a lot about this girl and want to develop a deep relationship. Plus, I think it’s always nice to know that a guy is listening! Hint, hint… flowers don’t hurt either!

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Second date suggestions… do something you know you both like to do.

It doesn’t have to be a movie or a dinner or what people normally think as a date. I would say its best to do something where you can talk and not be too distracted. Leave the more fun active stuff like concerts and bull riding rings (ha ha, just made that up, can you tell?) for later when you know each other better and are a bonafide couple. A picnic in a park- bring some books to look at and discuss if you can find a topic you both have interest in? Go take a trek to an attraction somewhere, a zoo, a memorial, an art museum or any other type of museum. Go for a hike on a hiking or biking trail- preferably somewhere where it is not too secluded. For the beginning, it should be something light and innocent, if that makes sense, but makes room for conversation.

Best wishes!

 

[Samwise1]

Hi all,
just wanted to give some updates and answers. For those with or without popcorn

First of all to Pravoslavny:
I did have quite a good career, it’s just the problem to restart it and to get a new job as from the beginning. There are good signs and I am sure I’ll be able to support my family in the future, if God grants me one.
Drinking age is not a problem. She’s a Christian, good girl and knows what she’s doing.
I studied four years of theology and also was involved a lot in teen and young adult counseling, so don’t worry While my questions here sounds like a teenage boy feeling butterflies for the first time because that is quite new, all the rest of me is an adult Christian man who knows his duties in this world.

I took initiative to set a new date. But we decided to wait until she finishes study and returns from a mission trip. That way we will really have time and I don’t have to take her away from her other responsibilities, and she has the time and opportunity to come over to my region. Her study comes first.

I will suggest visiting a historical city and eating together (not too classy). We have so much to talk about so I guess we will be enough for ourself. There are some natural parks and exhibitions in the area as well, but that’s up to her. She likes theology, cultures and (if I’m correct) nature. We just need each other to talk together, and I want to take her to different places to show my initiative and to see how we react in different places.

I think I didn’t communicate my intentions just yet, but I’m using the word ‘date’ already as per your suggestions. I want to see her face to face to show her what I feel, but in the meantime I’ll let her know that she’s a treasure. At our date, I think I’ll be most comfortable with "I hope we will get to know each other better, because I really do like you and I think… " (and then I’m sure I’ll fidn myself saying what I need to say).

I think -that’s quite usual here- that I’ll also try to touch her (that worked for us both before) lightly and see if we end up with hands. Same with kissing: Just see how we end up.

These comments really struck me as valuable (from AE, Daisies and Al):

Its hard to say ‘she is interested’ since I’m not there to see the interactions, however from what you wrote it sounds fine and off to a good start. She already made you dinner. She could just be in the stage of getting to know you better. (…) Most women have to have that emotional bond first. We don’t open up unless we have that level. So even if she is just in friend zone now, then it doesn’t mean its always going to stay that way.

Just be yourself! There is nothing wrong with taking things slow and continuing to date so that she gets a chance to know more about you. In my humble opinion, the more time you spend together (whether as friends or romantically), the more likely she is to “freely chose you”. Before someone can love you, they have to truly know you! It is okay if things take time. Being patient might bring something very beautiful into your life.

I think that your young lady is interested, but she is looking to you to ascertain your feelings. I think that her actions are pretty blunt, but I believe that it is now your turn to discuss with her what you are looking for in this relationship.

A lot of this is so in touch with what I feel and how our last phonecall went! I have some signs that I’m really special (the exclusivity and such) to her, but I really have trouble conquering my unbelief that this special younger girl really loves me (already).

 

[Samwise1]

Hi,
want to send you all an update and see if you can add some advice.
Of course there’s a lot of infos missing but keeping it short:
We had several wonderful phonecalls together, but because of mutual holidaytrips we were unable to see each other face-to-face again.
I wanted to make my intentions clear face-to-face, but waiting on that I already tried to text her more and more, send cute cards etcetera. (Not too much, I kept a neat pace - but maybe I overdid it, mostly in my wording - maybe I pretended too much we already were a couple).
All went well until recently I asked her honestly why she didn’t reply on some texts from me (I felt I could ask that at that moment).
She started ‘the talk’ herself and said she didn’t know what our future together would look like (note our long distance and age difference), and that she didn’t know me well enough yet. She didn’t want to create false hopes so that’s why she didn’t reply to the texts etc.

My guess is that this came up with her only recently, and that she’s struggling with convincing her head of the interest she’s feeling in her heart.
She confirmed that my stance on faith is the thing she likes a lot, and she likes talking to me.

I promised her I would give her more space, exactly used the words “I want to give you time to get to know me better” and the like. I feel she’s still open and did certainly not reject me.
So right now I decided to cut contact so she can sort out her mind. I won’t send her texts anymore because they disturb the both of us. I’m still thinking of calling her to rephrase and explain more, and to restart the ‘get to know us’-process on my initiative, but I might dare the challenge to wait until she contacts me, but that feels really awkward as well.

In the meantime, I found a job and also more and more security in my new vocation and identity as a son of God and adult man. So on that side it’s really going well!

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

You’ve handled the interactions with her with maturity - definatly keep us updated as you are in our prayers.
God Bless,
Chloe M.

 

[Samwise1]

Thanks! I am praying and thinking about it a lot, but sometimes it’s so difficult keeping my patience and trust instead of just letting my passions and fear take control.

I wanted to add that I decided to write her a letter - she’ll be away again for a few days so I want to send her letter putting down my thoughts, that she’ll see on her doormat when she returns. I like to write and feel that I can help her by it.
Any advice how to make it lightly though serious?

 

[LSK]

I would hold off on the letter if I were you (yes, I am an old woman but we are very wise and St Lawrence called me a Treasure of the Church, so pay attention, Bub).

I would not only give her the space she requested, I would start praying for your future spouse (who ever that may be) and I would start doing things at the parish that will allow you to meet OTHER ladies that may spark your interest.

It is time for you to polish your social skills so that you can honestly say you took the time to grow up and meet people before you settled down.

But what do I know? I was only 20 once!

 

[Greg_N]

Okay, (as I’m a dude, feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt) but anyway, —man to man— you just need to suck it up and be hella confident. Don’t be a sap and lay off the texting/emails; you need to establish face-time (phone calls can be good, but you want that killer eye-contact). Also, keep the ruminating to a minimum (you don’t wanna become obsessed), don’t try to calculate her every move/reaction; girls are way too unpredictable for that… just sit back and let nature do it’s thang. The mushy stuff (letters, cards etc.) should wait until you’re well into the relationship or it could come across as creepy. Play it cool and speak your mind (within reason) and wait for affirmation before you make anything official.

I’ll keep you and her in my prayers dude.

peace.