Self-harm

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|I am getting closer to making a confession. I have started going back to Mass now and am really appreciating it. I am well now but I do struggle with a fear of rejection. Hardly surprising given that I have always been rejected. But I do know that God has not rejected me and He wants for me to be part of His Church so I will try and go to confession. I tried several times to go to Mass and I eventually managed so I will eventually manage confession too. Keep praying for me though because it won’t be easy. We only have one priest in our parish and he is very forthright but I do think he will be a good confessor when I can gain trust enough. I spoke to him on Sunday about not having brought the girls up inthe Church and he was kind of nice although I have heard him addressing this issue very bluntly from the pulpit. But that makes me respecthim all the moreI suppose.
 
I don’t think you should be surprised by the number of people who cut but should be concerned about the number who are too ashamed to tell. This is a terrible reflection on the people in our society. It tells of rejection and judgement and it is awful. Most people who self harm are not ‘emos’ but are regular people of all ages who lack coping strategies for major difficulties in their life. They are not usually suicidal nor can they be labelled as ‘personality disorders’ as some would like to label us. They can get better but they need a social support network. I, personally, didn’t have a network of support and I was amazed how quickly my friends disappeared. I now have an online network of people who are a bit like me and that has been very helpful. I never talk about it in real life - it is an unspoken shameful secret. Even my husband won’t talk about it (not that I want him to).
Chyna said:
Originally Posted by TheHopeless
Is self-harm such as skin-picking or cutting a mortal sin? Does it have to be confessed?

i have the same questions. i am very surprised how many cutters there are. Very shocked! Wouldn’t you think that it is a sin? If God made us in his image, if one hates oneself are they not hating God, if one kills oneself are they not killing God, in a way?

Chyna
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Linnyo I don’t think you should be surprised by the number of people who cut but should be concerned about the number who are too ashamed to tell. This is a terrible reflection on the people in our society. It tells of rejection and judgement and it is awful. Most people who self harm are not ‘emos’ but are regular people of all ages who lack coping strategies for major difficulties in their life. They are not usually suicidal nor can they be labelled as ‘personality disorders’ as some would like to label us. They can get better but they need a social support network. I, personally, didn’t have a network of support and I was amazed how quickly my friends disappeared. I now have an online network of people who are a bit like me and that has been very helpful. I never talk about it in real life - it is an unspoken shameful secret. Even my husband won’t talk about it (not that I want him to).

i know, i know all too well.
Chyna
 
Chyna, Linnyo,

Please forgive those who judge, they do not understand. Please, as difficult as it is, put those who judge behind you. I care for you, my wife cares for you. She was in your shoes. We made it past this, you can too.

As hard as it seems, you must trust someone. A confessor, a friend a family member.

If my wife or I can help you, please PM us.
 
Thankyou for being so kind. I really do appreciate it. I think other people’s judgement and what their judgements caused were the worst part. I had to resign from my job because of them and I still do not have a permanent job 4 years later. However, I no longer cry everytime I think of it. In fact, I can see how God has taken what was bad and changed it so that there was a good outcome. He has ensured that I have not been out of work and I have had temp contracts in schools where the staff heve been lovely - and allowed my confidence to return. It has been quite awesome, the way God has dealt with it. He has revealed things to me that I didn’t know and He has brought me back to him.
I know that if I don’t get something then it is because it isn’t God’s best will for me. And He will open other doors instead. I really do think being ill has, in the long run, made me a better person. I have far more empathy for others and I am about to start a job teaching kids with behaviou problems. I think He is preparing me to help others, maybe troubled youngsters. I’ll soon see what His plan is.
Anyway, I will keep you posted and might need your help sometimes. I really appreciate the offer of friendship. Thankyou.
iamrefreshed said:
Chyna, Linnyo,

Please forgive those who judge, they do not understand. Please, as difficult as it is, put those who judge behind you. I care for you, my wife cares for you. She was in your shoes. We made it past this, you can too.

As hard as it seems, you must trust someone. A confessor, a friend a family member.

If my wife or I can help you, please PM us.
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Linnyo, I think “cutters” have stumbled upon a physical reaction that they don’t understand and are in a way self-medicating.

When the body is cut or injured, there is a release of adrenalin and other brain chemicals, probably even endorphins, that act to balance something that may be lacking in the brain.

Have you tried jogging or something else that would cause endorphins to kick in as a way to relieve tension and anxiety?

As for the priest, let me make a suggestion. Approach him after Mass and put it on the line. Tell him outright that you are scared. Ask him if you can trust him. Ask him! Then tell him you want to make an appointment to go to confession. He may suggest doing it immediately if he has time. I promise you if you approach him like this he will be extra kind. And be fully honest with him. You may be surprised at the very good advice you get. Please do this for yourself. It’s wonderful you are going to Mass. God is reeling you back in. Don’t fight the line! It’s better in the boat! 👍
 
You are right - it is like self medicating - it worked like diazepam. But I’m ok now - i have other strategies now. I remove myself from triggers, use breathing techniques, walk the dog, drive, or.even sleep when I feel myself slipping. I think I will do as you have suggested and lay it on the line with the priest. I think he will be fine.🙂
Liberanosamalo said:
Linnyo, I think “cutters” have stumbled upon a physical reaction that they don’t understand and are in a way self-medicating.

When the body is cut or injured, there is a release of adrenalin and other brain chemicals, probably even endorphins, that act to balance something that may be lacking in the brain.

Have you tried jogging or something else that would cause endorphins to kick in as a way to relieve tension and anxiety?

As for the priest, let me make a suggestion. Approach him after Mass and put it on the line. Tell him outright that you are scared. Ask him if you can trust him. Ask him! Then tell him you want to make an appointment to go to confession. He may suggest doing it immediately if he has time. I promise you if you approach him like this he will be extra kind. And be fully honest with him. You may be surprised at the very good advice you get. Please do this for yourself. It’s wonderful you are going to Mass. God is reeling you back in. Don’t fight the line! It’s better in the boat! 👍
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TheHopeless,

Has anyone answered your question? Is it? A sin i mean?

Linnyo “I don’t think you should be surprised by the number of people who cut but should be concerned about the number who are too ashamed to tell”.

Linnyo,

You misunderstood where i was coming from. You and i are similar except for one thing…

Liberanosamalo,

‘Have you tried jogging or something else that would cause endorphins to kick in as a way to relieve tension and anxiety’?

yes, four hours every day

Chyna
 
…not in the sense where the person is suffering from mental illness, the mentally ill do not actually enjoy doing so, it is to see if they are REAL, or through an inversion of anger and grief…it is very complicated.

…doing so because of a weird self gratification thing would be so I would think

Ps the poster has DID or MPD…whilst I never did so an awful lot of folks I have met with the syndrome did…I did other weird stuff to bleed off the pain…not suitable for this discussion place.😊
 
A bit different thing here:

I’m the mother of a small baby and sometimes get depressed /impatient /frustrated /hysterical /all of the above. At those times I can’t pray. I can’t exercise enough and can only very rarely get out of the house, so I have no vent for these feelings. So, to keep myself from screaming or shouting and thus startling my baby, I sometimes consciously and willingly slap my face or bang my head on something. It instantly calms me down. It doesn’t mutilate or injure me. Is THIS objectively wrong? :confused:

I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to slap someone else who needs to function at a time when they’re hysterical - is it wrong to do it to oneself?
 
paradoxy said:
A bit different thing here:

I’m the mother of a small baby and sometimes get depressed /impatient /frustrated /hysterical /all of the above. At those times I can’t pray. I can’t exercise enough and can only very rarely get out of the house, so I have no vent for these feelings. So, to keep myself from screaming or shouting and thus startling my baby, I sometimes consciously and willingly slap my face or bang my head on something. It instantly calms me down. It doesn’t mutilate or injure me. Is THIS objectively wrong? :confused:

I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to slap someone else who needs to function at a time when they’re hysterical - is it wrong to do it to oneself?
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This is the same issue as cutting yourself. It is very much how I started on my downward spiral. I only ever did enough harm to stop the feeling of loss of control or to stop the panic. Problem was, the panic became more and required greater means of calming thus leading to greater harm. Self harm of all kinds leads to a rush of chemicals (maybe adrenaline and seratonin, I’m not sure) but these chemicals are kind of addictive so the behaviour becomes reinforced. I don’t know if self harm is a sin but it is harmful to your mind and body so I would recommend that you try and stop before you find you can’t.
Many people think is is an indication of suicidal impulses. It most certainly isn’t. Nor is it a strategy for attention seeking. We know this because most people who self injure keep it as their deepest darkest secret and are utterly disgusted and ashamed with themselves. It is merely a maladaptive coping strategy. Not the best coping strategy, but a coping strategy nevertheless. It’s not all bad news though - there are other coping strategies and one can stop self injury with a bit of hard work.
 
I try to conjugate Latin while in this state. Amo amas amat, amamus amatis amant. I love you love she loves, we love you love, they love. Over and over. Until the pressure is released and the pain fades. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. it depends on what the trigger was. Straight “prayer” makes the feelings so much worse. I’ve learned to stay far far away from prayer and meditation when in this state.

My method of self harm is to hit myself in the head with open hands, as hard as I can, multiple times. Once I gave myself a minor concussion. Or I dig my nails into my arm. I’ve never been able to cut, though I’ve had the yearning and understand the compulsion fully.

And no, even hours of exercise at a time over an extended period fails to help. I wish the answer was easy. Amino acids, vitamins, etc do nothing. The only thing that ever helped was, astonishingly and unexpectedly, the BC Pill (which I was on for non BC reasons, while not sexually active). It cleared up my urges to self-harm, my OCD, balanced my emotions, made me feel like myself again, sweet and mild and grounded, for the first time in years. Then it made my BP skyrocket, I went off, and everything returned 😦

I think it would be safe to conclude that in my individual case, hormones are playing some sort of role. But all my hormone tests come out normal, charting reveals nothing, and NFP only doctors throw up their hands. So now I’m back to the daily struggle of coping badly with unbearable emotional pain, because I’m scared to risk a stroke by taking the thing that’ll fix it 🤷
 
Hi,
It is great with all the responses to this thread, especially all the new one from here in August. I still don’t feel that I have got any final answer to my question - and now I see that other peopler are very interested as well (so it is not just me wondering… kind of a relieve…). So I still hope someone out there can give me (and all others in need of it) an answer 🙂
TheHopeless
 
paradoxy said:
A bit different thing here:

I’m the mother of a small baby and sometimes get depressed /impatient /frustrated /hysterical /all of the above. At those times I can’t pray. I can’t exercise enough and can only very rarely get out of the house, so I have no vent for these feelings. So, to keep myself from screaming or shouting and thus startling my baby, I sometimes consciously and willingly slap my face or bang my head on something. It instantly calms me down. It doesn’t mutilate or injure me. Is THIS objectively wrong? :confused:

I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to slap someone else who needs to function at a time when they’re hysterical - is it wrong to do it to oneself?
Click to expand...
Please do not take the following the wrong way. It is an observation, not a judgement. I spend a lot of time with developmentally disabled children (ex. severe autism, down syndrome, etc.) Many of them exhibit self injurious behavior, particularly head slapping and head banging (hence the ‘helmet’ stereotype).

I believe that their issue is often much like yours. They do not have a satisfactory outlet for strong feelings, so they direct it at themselves instead of at others. It is essentially impossible to extinguish these behaviors directly. You can ‘stop’ one form of the behavior, but another always takes its place. This is because the emotional need is not met by simply ‘stopping’ the outlet.

Although I cannot speak with any authority I believe that God does appreciate your motives. You are redirecting frustration and rage. However I think it also be helpful to try to modify your self injurious behavior. Head banging and slapping are a fairly high risk form of this behavior, so you might try redirecting yourself to making fists and pounding on your thighs (for many people, this triggers the same brain chemistry response as head striking with considerably less danger of serious injury). A punching bag can also sometimes be used as an alternative, but, unlike our thighs, it is hard to have along each time a need arises.

As importantly, I would suggest seeing what you can do to extend or alter your personal ‘support’ situation. It would be more constructive for everyone if the emotions could be diffused sooner. Raising a severely disabled child there is often absolutely zero idle time and considerable frustration and stress, so my wife and I inevitably fell into a routine of sharing responsibility and giving each other regular ‘down time’. But I think this also helped us tremendously with our other children as well.

You may be resisting getting some assitance from others because you believe that you should be able to handle certain responsibilities entirely on your own, but I think there is no shame in needing help. My brother-in-law has long made a habit of giving my sister regular personal time away from their children and I think that the impact has been tremendously positive for everyone involved.

Best wishes
 
SoCalRC,

thank you! A punchbag sounds good! 😃

Support is something I wouldn’t mind accepting, but everyone I know lives far away. 🤷

I’ll pray for your family. It can’t be easy (and here I am whining and complaining :o ).

God bless you. 🙂
 
paradoxy said:
I’ll pray for your family. It can’t be easy (and here I am whining and complaining :o ).
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Thank you for your kind thoughts, but please do not take my comments as any type of comparison.

My only point was that, because of our son’s needs, a need to ‘share the load’ was obvious. We are quite blessed, we have each other, our older children, the support of family, and the extended family of our parish.

No one near by, sole responsibility for a totally dependant human being for most (all?) of the day… I do not envy your load.

Also, I do not want to give the idea that disabilities are mostly a burden. I should have explained it as ‘some of the most loving and gentle souls I know engage in behavior just like yours, for, I suspect, the same reasons.’

But I do pray that you can find an alternative to striking your head. As another poster noted, it is possible to inflict serious injury with this release mechanism.

Best Regards
 
paradoxy,

How about letting your husband take the baby and you run the bath water. Soak and calm your nerves. Take a short walk. Go to the closest small store, like a drug store and just calmly walk up and down the aisles for a change of scenery.

When my oldest daughter was about six or seven, I used to play hair dresser. I’d let her brush my hair and put bobby pins in it. Sounds silly but just her act of brushing my hair gave me a chance to calm down. She loved brushing my hair.
 
Some of the coping strategies I use are:
  • squeezing a block of ice in my hand until it melts
  • going out for a drive (my husband doesn’t like this one)🤷
  • getting into a place where there are other people e.g. library, shops
  • pinging an elastic band on my wrist
  • using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - google it
  • typing in support forum
  • going into bed and pulling the covers up over my head and imagining a vast nothingness?
  • sitting in a chair and MAKING myself relax using relaxation methods
  • breathing techniques for panic attacks
  • cleaning everything in sight
  • going into woods and balancing on logs
  • dancing to loud music
    I know some of these ideas are a bit bizarre but they are far less destructive coping strategies. I was taught EFT when I had depression to help deal with anxiety. Some of you may be interested to kknow that it has been known to increase performence in sports, prevent travel sickness and can be used to put you in the right frame of mind for almost anything! I think it works. 👍
Pinging an elastic was something I used to do every time I met with my boss to prevent panic attacks. One time, however, i pinged too hard.😊 The elastic snapped, flew across the room and bounced off her desk.:o I never had a panic attack but I couldn’t stop giggling. I have never used this method since. My therapist suggested that I imagine people in compromising situations to stop feelings of panic creeping in. I’ll leave that suggestion to your own imagination though.

As far as having a young baby goes, some of these ideas won’t be helpful. What I would say is that a few minutes crying never harmed anybody. If you feel unable to cope and about to lose the plot or become destructive, lay baby down in the crib and take yourself into a different room. Even turn on the music or hoover for a few minutes to get a breather. Who knows? Baby may have gone to sleep in the meantime:) . After you have calmed, you can go in and see to baby and he/she will have more positive vibes from you.
 
I like the bizzare ones 😃

My biggest problem: when alone I don’t have a car. Can’t go anywhere - no roads here (except the one w/o a sidewalk where the big trucks go) = can’t take stroller anywhere = can’t go anywhere = utterly trapped 😃

Dancing to loud music helps at times, but my baby doesn’t seem to care for loud rock too much for some reason 😃

Thank you so much for the suggestions, will definitely google EFT. Any further advice is appreciated, really, and I will actually try to implement it (running out of my own ideas here 😃 )
 
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