Self-inflicted pain to stop masturbation

[JimR-OCDS]

A wise priest once told me in the confessional, “until the reason for not doing it becomes stronger than your desire, you’ll struggle and fail.”

How to make the reason stronger? Prayer, there’s no other way.

Jim

 

[Equus_Pallidus]

Turn off the TV and read GK Chesterton. Great books, try “Orthodoxy”.

 

[GoldenArrow]

The BEST thing you can do is turn off the cable TV. It’s become a cesspool.

Another good thing would be to activate the content blocker on Internet Explorer, or whatever you’re using. You could even go so far as to giving someone else the password to override it, if you have a problem with Internet Porn.

The mind is the primary instigator of masturbation, not the body. You must start with avoiding the near occasions of sin by trying to keep the (name removed by moderator)ut to your mind as pure as is humanly possible.

Use this time of Lent as an opportunity for spiritual cleansing.

I have recommended … harmless painful exercises to distract from the desire of masturbation with private conversations, BUT … I only recommend that sort of stuff for the most embedded cases. This approach is meant to interrupt the desire to masturbate and is not really a method for cleansing.

To cleanse … one must start from the heart.

If you need any advice, you can email me or PM me.

God Bless!

 

[Friend_Of_Rome]

The most powerful antidote to inner lust I have found is to pray a novena to Saint Jude. being the patron of helpless/hopeless causes, this would fit right in that category. Also, pray the St. jude chaplet-great for overcoming sudden and strong temptation.

 

[Friend_Of_Rome]

I have some more to say-

Remember, there is always hope. No matter how evil your actions are or may seem to be. Look at St. Augustine, St. Benedict, numerous “classic” saints. if someone could be that bad, and yet become a saint, there is always hope.

From personal experience, I would say that heartfelt prayer and repentence coupled with Mass as often as possible can do wonders! the rosary was my first breakthrough-Say it and say it often. It is your best weapon when you are not in a state of grace. When in a state of hrace, receive Jesus in the sacraments.

A quote I once heard instructs you how to complete the above, “Do it, that’s how.”

You will be in my prayers.

 

[blessedstar]

The key to growing in virtue is to desire to love yourself as God loves you.

Alot of sin is committed out of a false image of the self, that is believing that in some way we are unworthy of love even from ourselves. In turn we do not love others and God as we should because we do not know even how to love ourselves. We can act in a self negligent way because of these ideas about ourselves and therefore fall into sin. When we don’t love ourselves we become self destructive.

We seek to be happy and experience happy feelings and look for them in alot of places which lead us into habits that seem to satisfy this deep need inside us to be loved and to love ourselves when all they do is leave us empty after the fact.

The key to virtue of loving oneself cannot grow unless we love God and pray.

If we are sorrowful for our sins then it follows that we also love God, what is lacking is self love.

People who experience this come to a metanoia. Something will happen in their life by God’s grace if they pray to be freed from sin and this will be a deep flush of love and realisation that they are a child of God.

Recognising that we are loved children of God instils in us a protective quality. We love our Father and desire not only to please Him, but then we desire to love what we offer to God, that is to love ourself because if we do not have love for ourself the self will not transform, that is become Christ like.

This self love is not a disordered indulgent self love, but it is recognising the true self, the self that God intended and loving the self within because it is a true gift of God, realising you are loved beyond measure as a creation and child of the Creator. This ordered love of the self God made.

I would suggest that you concentrate on your many beautiful qualities, the gifts that God has given you and His many blessings in your life, the virtues that God has given you and developed in you by His grace and pray often thanking God for these.

I would ask you not to preoccupy your mind with sin, a sin greatly pondered is a sin easily committed. Fill your mind with thoughts about your talents and your virtues, your kindness and your love for those close to you, as you know a simple smile can do another person a great deal of good, think about how many times you have smiled at someone and the happiness that brings to their day, this is a simple example, but it is a starting point for you to ponder yourself. Think about the warmth that fills the hearts of those people who love you and the joy you bring to their life just by being here and being you. If you are a young man/woman your mother’s heart is gladdened just to have you as her son/daughter, like God she loves you no matter what you do.

You will begin to see the beautiful child of God that you are and learn to love yourself as God does. This is the greatest deterant to sin, to know yourself and love yourself and to love God because when you do this you recognise the indwelling God in your soul. You know that to know yourself is to recognise Christ in yourself and to love others you recognise Christ in them.

When you see this, you will see that all people are precious and your love of neighbour will grow as it will throughout your life.

We are all growing in Love, it’s a long journey, it travels throughout eternity, so be kind to yourself and don’t consider doing anything harnful to your flesh, it won’t help. Your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit I don’t suggest you willingly harm it.

Have a chat with your Priest.

Pray, love and don’t worry.

Love and prayers

 

[Fergal]

**“All bodily mortifications and other exercises are useless, save that they serve to arrive at the union with God by love. He had well considered this, and found it the shortest way to go straight to Him by a continual exercise of love, and doing all things for His sake.”
Brother Lawrence
(1611-1691)
**
Why is there such an overwhelming aversion to bodily mortification throughout this thread?? Have we really become so placated?

Whilst I would advise against ‘pain’ in the strict sense, I would be very quick to suggest and defend that you look for some form of bodily mortification.

In this day and age people have become so uncomfortable with the idea of any bodily mortification or ‘pain’ for penance sake and have absolutely no problem with bodily modification which puts the human body through a hell of a lot more in the name of vanity. (I am not including here necessary reconstruction surgery but surgery done for the sake of vanity)

I would suggest that you speak to your confessor about this and explain fully the desire you have to look into some form of bodily mortification.

It can be as little as kneeling without support or sitting without using the back rest for a short amount of time. It does not have to include gouging ones eyes out or sticking hot pins in ourselves!!!

Do some research yourself and you may find something that suits.

PS There is nothing wrong with a good cold shower either

 

[FraterInChristo]

…

ScrubIT is a FREE recursive DNS server that regulates what comes into your home or business. Enabling it is easy, and requires no special software: In Windows (2000/XP/Vista), go to the Control Panel and open Network Connections (Network and Sharing, in Vista). Select your network (typically Local Area Network) and click on ‘Properties’. Select TCP or TCP/IPv4, whichever is listed, and click on ‘Properties’. Under the section that says ‘Use the Following DNS Server Addresses’, specify the ScrubIT DNS servers: 67.138.54.100 as preferred; 207.225.209.66 as alternate. (To DISABLE the service, reset things back to ‘Obtain DNS Server Address Automatically’.)

…

This could be the ideal solution for parents concerned about children’s online activities. It’s not perfect (e.g., it doesn’t block image searching through Google), but it seems to filter the majority of sites.

There is a real good software program available from most places where you can get software called “Child Safe” by Webroot. I installed this for my mother-in-law and I was really impressed with all of the options available to you. Most important, you can block all “mature” content – whether that be drugs, pornography, cults, weapons, etc. – from being visited to on the Internet; and you can restrict what is searched for on search engines (i.e. any text typed in the search field at Google). You can basically cleanse your entire computer. You can restrict how many hours a day, and when, people use the computer and the Internet; i.e. no computer or Internet after 10:00 PM. Stuff like that. It is a really neat program. I would check Child Safe out if you really wish to block anything bad from coming through your computer. It is not free, like ScrubIt, but it can do a whole lot more and I think that it is worth the $30-$40 that you might spend.

Peace of Christ,
Always,
Nicholas

 

[cheddarsox]

"All bodily mortifications and other exercises are useless, save that they serve to arrive at the union with God by love. He had well considered this, and found it the shortest way to go straight to Him by a continual exercise of love, and doing all things for His sake."
Brother Lawrence
(1611-1691)

Why is there such an overwhelming aversion to bodily mortification throughout this thread?? Have we really become so placated?

Whilst I would advise against ‘pain’ in the strict sense, I would be very quick to suggest and defend that you look for some form of bodily mortification.

In this day and age people have become so uncomfortable with the idea of any bodily mortification or ‘pain’ for penance sake and have absolutely no problem with bodily modification which puts the human body through a hell of a lot more in the name of vanity. (I am not including here necessary reconstruction surgery but surgery done for the sake of vanity)

I would suggest that you speak to your confessor about this and explain fully the desire you have to look into some form of bodily mortification.

It can be as little as kneeling without support or sitting without using the back rest for a short amount of time. It does not have to include gouging ones eyes out or sticking hot pins in ourselves!!!

Do some research yourself and you may find something that suits.

PS There is nothing wrong with a good cold shower either

I’m not against bodily mortification when done properly and with proper guidance of a spiritual director. But a practice that might link sex/pain is not wise, and could well lead to graver perversions of the gift of sexuality further down the line.

Pain and mortification can well become addictions themselves and even the church teaches they should not be undertaken without proper counsel.

Many of the posters here have suffered such improper addictions to mortification and pain and speak from experience. As a previous poster mentioned, pain causes a release of chemicals into the bloodstream that a person can become addicted to.

If the OP wants to deprive themself of pleasure as penance for their improper sexual thoughts or behaviors that is fine. Every time they give in, they can forgo a favorite TV show, computer time, or other pleasurable activity, to remind themselves in some small way the very real consequences of sin, and to make more time for prayer.

The old advice to take up a sport or other physical activity, thus using up excess energy is still a good one. Idle time and extra energy can become the devil’s playground.

Use up your energy shoveling the neighbor’s snow, delivering mobile meals, helping a friend keep their backhand up, painting mom’s shutters, or what have you.

But please do NOT further pervert the very natural sexual desire by forming an association between sex/pain/satisfaction. This does not honor God, nor the temple of the Holy Spirit that is your body.

We need not fear our sexuality and desire, we must simply find appropriate outlets for them. Marriages have been ruined and lives destroyed by sexual misfunction borne out of an overzealous attempt to rid ourselves of a natural function.

Saying “no” to the desire to masturbate may well be mortification enough, at least at the start.

 

[GoldenArrow]

Why is there such an overwhelming aversion to bodily mortification throughout this thread?? Have we really become so placated?

Whilst I would advise against ‘pain’ in the strict sense, I would be very quick to suggest and defend that you look for some form of bodily mortification.

In this day and age people have become so uncomfortable with the idea of any bodily mortification or ‘pain’ for penance sake and have absolutely no problem with bodily modification which puts the human body through a hell of a lot more in the name of vanity. (I am not including here necessary reconstruction surgery but surgery done for the sake of vanity)

I would suggest that you speak to your confessor about this and explain fully the desire you have to look into some form of bodily mortification.

It can be as little as kneeling without support or sitting without using the back rest for a short amount of time. It does not have to include gouging ones eyes out or sticking hot pins in ourselves!!!

Do some research yourself and you may find something that suits.

PS There is nothing wrong with a good cold shower either

I’ve done harmless bodily mortifications before. They do work. Cold showers work quite well!

God Bless!

 

[blessedstar]

It is at best not prudent and at worse wreckless to encourage strangers on a forum to take on mortifications.

This advice can only be done by indepth spiritual direction preferably from a Priest.

My best advice is as stated in my post before no24 because a desire to harm the self can come from a lack of love for the self and repeating certain sins can also come from a lack of love for the self due to a number of reasons.

But above all my best advice to you is to go and see your Priest and speak with him during an appointment and he will be better able to guide you spiritually in this than anyone on a forum.

Please don’t be afraid to approach your Priest, you know as a celibate man he has probably fought worse battles than you and will have every good help, support and advice for you.

In my prayers

 

[Abira]

A wise priest once told me in the confessional, “until the reason for not doing it becomes stronger than your desire, you’ll struggle and fail.”

How to make the reason stronger? Prayer, there’s no other way.

Jim

That’s really good advice… I guess really our strugle is a reflection on how much importance we place on our faith… and our focus can’t be on two things successfully.

I think the advice to pray is sound advice, the focus more on God will downplay your focus on other things.

I would not recommend any pain because of the possible association with pleasure. It could also work the opposite way…that all sexual feelings remind you of pain and no longer can be enjoyed even when you’re married. (almost like aversion therapy)

S

 

[CathCentrist]

I have been trying to stop masturbating for awhile. After trying many different things, I feel that some sort of pain when I am going to start masturbating might be the best way to stop. What is a way I can do this?

I’d rather see you or anyone give into temptation and do the deed, then go thru the remorse and confession rather then resort to inflicting physical harm to your body.

 

[blessedstar]

I wouldn’t normally do, but I just wanted to share this with you.

If you do want a mortification learn to love your cross and learn to offer your self as a complete holocaust to God. Learning to love our cross is a mortification in itself; a daily hidden and little martyrdom. This mortification of our self in loving our cross and offering it silently to God is the only mortification that is pleasing to God.

You do not need to invent mortifications. The cross that the Lord sends you and upholds you in is sufficient otherwise He would not send the cross at all.

And if it is that you are presently not under the cross and desire to suffer for Jesus then this in itself is suffering and sufficient.

You will not have to wait long before the cross is upon you again because Jesus in His love and kindness does not deprive a single child of God from the blessings of His Cross.

Pray for the grace to learnt to love your cross as a mortification of your self united to Christ Jesus mortified upon the Blessed Cross for your soul the souls of those you love and for all of humanity.

With love and
In my prayers

 

[chevalier]

Hello!

I have heard of similar struggles and I want to suggest one idea that a young man told me that he does: He wears a rubber band on his wrist and every time he is tempted, he snaps it. Not much pain, no injury, but a jolt of reminder. And no one needs to know why it is there.

There is some great information on this site and I am sure you will find information and encouragement there.

God bless you!

Kelly

Pushing nails into the flesh of your palms could be in improvised replacement, I guess. It clears the mind a bit and gets it rid of clouding thoughts by taking the focus off them, but I’d be careful with that. It’s a good snap effect, but associations could be bad.

 

[Abira]

Pushing nails into the flesh of your palms could be in improvised replacement, I guess. It clears the mind a bit and gets it rid of clouding thoughts by taking the focus off them.

so does taking a bath, or talking to my cat (yes she loves and understands me lol)… or maybe having a chat on the phone with a friend…reading a book…praying or talking a walk, doing some exercise…

and all these ideas don’t require plasters afterwards. I thought it was wrong to injur or mark the body intentionally as the body is our temple and we should treat it with more respect.

It also gives out the message that this issue is Body VS Mind. When in fact the strongest statement we can make is to unite body and mind against the sin in question.

S

 

[chevalier]

Self-flagellation was done not so long ago by saints, so it can’t be that wrong, although one wouldn’t normally suggest that. You’d need to push pretty hard to leave marks. I generally do that to stay awake when I’m sleepy and I should be awake, sometimes when I need a snap, like to think fast and sharp, remember using it to help me keep control of myself in confrontational situations. It doesn’t fail me. But I guess it’s not for everyone.

 

[Abira]

Self-flagellation was done not so long ago by saints, so it can’t be that wrong, although one wouldn’t normally suggest that. You’d need to push pretty hard to leave marks. I generally do that to stay awake when I’m sleepy and I should be awake, sometimes when I need a snap, like to think fast and sharp, remember using it to help me keep control of myself in confrontational situations. It doesn’t fail me. But I guess it’s not for everyone.

lol, ok even though I’d be reluctant to do that, I understand the use of pain by some… i think my reaction to your first statement is due to having relationships with people who’ve self harmed ( i think i attract them, an idea which disturbs me in itself). I imagined blood and everything lol

 

[chevalier]

It’s okay, it’s okay. Besides, remember I’m a guy. Though I think it could be quite a ladylike way of restraining emotions anyway. No drawing blood at all. That would feel a bit creepy. Condolences on relationships with self-harming people. You’re in my prayers and I hope you have found or will find someone who has a bleeding heart but not that way.

 

[Abira]

It’s okay, it’s okay. Besides, remember I’m a guy. Though I think it could be quite a ladylike way of restraining emotions anyway. No drawing blood at all. That would feel a bit creepy. Condolences on relationships with self-harming people. You’re in my prayers and I hope you have found or will find someone who has a bleeding heart but not that way.

thanks chevalier… I’m secretly flattered that you had an idea I was a lady only through text form lol lol

Take care, S