Sensitive Question about marital act -adults only

[silentfactor80]

Sorry, I have asked so many questions, but I have another question.

Is there anything (not West or Popcak) that I can read that can show definitively that it is acceptable for a wife to want pleasure in the marital act, and that she is allowed to move/touch in a way to enable pleasure, and that she is also allowed to ask her husband to move/touch in a way to enable pleasure?

I am looking for actual teachings of the Church, not a celebrity opinion. Because of all the trauma pre-conversion, I am having a hard time believing that Jesus would actually be pleased at all with my behavior if I attempt to enjoy sexual intimacy.

Btw, as I stated before, I have read Good News about Sex and Marriage and Holy Sex. So I am asking now about more authoritative teaching.

To me that is asking for a book that says the sky is blue. A man should take pleasure in his wife’s pleasure (within a God-centered context) and vise versa. Sex is about stepping outside yourself and being there for another. That’s just basic.

I have a friend that shares TMI and waxes poetry about umm giving his wife oral pleasure. The ironic thing is when I knew him before marriage he was one of those “never going down there types.” He said its not the actual act that moves him but rather its the giving his wife the attention to make her feel cherished and fully accepted. Not sure if your husband has done this for you but maybe if you suggest it the same magic will work for you. Just tell your husband to keep those details between the 2 of you…us friends really don’t need to hear it

 

[thewanderer]

Well, the CCC does have this to say:

2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."144 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.145

I know that it doesn’t specifically mention women, but it also doesn’t limit it to men. It is talking about both spouses. If it weren’t it would have clarified.

 

[Debora123]

Well, the CCC does have this to say:

I know that it doesn’t specifically mention women, but it also doesn’t limit it to men. It is talking about both spouses. If it weren’t it would have clarified.

Oh there we go.

I didn’t realize the Catechism would be this specific about it. Thanks for posting, and hopefully this is all the OP needs to hear to help her.

 

[runningdude]

I am still open to the idea of marital counseling, but my husband may not be. We both agree that it could be dangerous to speak to a non-Catholic therapist, because they would not respect our beliefs about married sexuality. And there are no local Catholic counselours. So I don’t know what we are going to do. I don’t know how to find the kind of help we need, especially with us having little children to care for. Any ideas?

A true professional will respect your beliefs, and would be willing to research appropriate advice. You simply need to find a counselor you are both comfortable with. It may take some “shopping” around, scheduling a few brief initial appointments to interview counselors about their areas of expertise and approaches.

A good counselor will help you two articulate your mutual beliefs regarding sexuality, helping identify conflicts and work towards mutually acceptable solutions. A professional can do this, even if his or her personal beliefs are different. Look for someone with experience handling diverse beliefs.

 

[fpt]

Sorry, I have asked so many questions, but I have another question.

Is there anything (not West or Popcak) that I can read that can show definitively that it is acceptable for a wife to want pleasure in the marital act, and that she is allowed to move/touch in a way to enable pleasure, and that she is also allowed to ask her husband to move/touch in a way to enable pleasure?

I am looking for actual teachings of the Church, not a celebrity opinion. Because of all the trauma pre-conversion, I am having a hard time believing that Jesus would actually be pleased at all with my behavior if I attempt to enjoy sexual intimacy.

Btw, as I stated before, I have read Good News about Sex and Marriage and Holy Sex. So I am asking now about more authoritative teaching.

The marital act is the sign of the Holy Trinity.

The marital act is a phenomenon in three moments: before the complete union of bodies, during the complete union of bodies, and after the complete union of bodies.

The marital act is the fact of making one flesh, in the human fashion with the sexual cooperation, what means a mutual and reciprocal donation of bodies, and a mutual and reciprocal donation of nudities.

The marital act is, for each member of couple, an act of conjugal love, a moral obligation of conjugal love, a moral duty of conjugal love, a moral right of conjugal love, a conjugal debt, a prayer, a liturgy, a carnal language of conjugal love **in order to express the conjugal love or in order to improve the bonding of conjugal love or in order to avoid the bad effect of concupiscence or in order to be an actor of the human procreation or in order to have the conjugal physical fun. **

The conjugal sexual love is wanted by God, only in the marriage.

The carnal union of spouses, with all the corollaries, are morally permissible, in the marriage;

The marital sexual charity is** a right, an obligation and a duty for each one of members of couple: ***to do, not to do, to allow to do, not to alow to do, to give, not to give, to allow to give, not to let giving, to receive, not to receive, to allow to receive, not to allow to receive, to take, not to take, to allow to take, not to allow to take.
*

Not to be scrupulous is a rule in the catholicism.