Sent away from confession

[Cory]

I notice you did not answer the question about when you showed up for Confession …

I didn’t answer it because it’s irrelevant. It would fine if the parish wants to make a rule that everyone who is in line before x time will be seen and others will be turned away. But that is not what happened in my situation.

Like Brianmcg321 example. He walked into supercuts and the hair dresser was able to see that she wasn’t going to be able to finish with the customers she had and cut his hair by closing, so she sent him away. What she didn’t do was have him wait for a half hour and then send him away.

Another example:

At 8:30 pm you arrive at a restaurant that closes at 9pm. The hostess tells you to have seat in the lobby. At 9pm she comes over to you and says, sorry the kitchen is now closed. “Why don’t you stop by for breakfast tomorrow?”

Another example:

You’re at the store. They announce that the store is closing and to make your final selections. You show up at the registers and there’s a line. It’s now closing time. Instead of ringing the rest of the customers in line they tell you to abandon your shopping carts and get out. “You can come back tomorrow to purchase your items.”

The point is not that there may or may not be rules. It’s a point of respect for people’s time. I understand that the priests are busy, but so am I.

 

[Isca]

In Italy, I have known Mass start quite late because the priest sees everyone who is waiting for Confession. No-one seems to mind, but then, there is only one Mass on a Sunday morning.

 

[Gorgias]

If you were already inside they would not send you away. They may cut the line at a certain time but you would be told immediately.

Isn’t that what they did – ‘cut the line’? Even better, she waited until the last minute, so that as many people who could ‘fit in’ before the end of the time would actually have a chance to go to confession! That way, the line wouldn’t get ‘cut’ prematurely – rather, the priest heard confessions up until the last moment possible! (Remember, too, that an individual confession doesn’t take a set amount of time – some people take less and some much more time. It’s not trivial to make that determination!)

Nope not suggesting that. Better planning or better monitoring of the line would be perfect solutions.

How, though? OK – she could’ve watched the line and started counting people: “hmm… if people take an average of 4 minutes, and there’s only 13 minutes left, I could go to everyone behind the 3rd person and tell them that there’s not likely going to be time for them to go to confession.” But, then, if it takes less time than expected, guess what everyone else from the 4th person and back thinks? “I can’t believe they did that to me! They chased me away from confession and there were still three whole minutes left!! The Church is so inconsiderate!” So, perhaps you might give them the benefit of the doubt – perhaps this is the way that they’ve determined that gets the maximum number of people to confession. And, since it’s a set schedule, is it unreasonable to presume that everyone generally knows that confessions go from (for instance) 5:00 till 5:30, and that Mass is at 6? So, the implication is that everyone is mature enough to set their own schedule, and look at their own watches, and realize when they’re coming up against the deadline. In other words, the onus for ‘better planning’ (i.e., get to the confession line earlier) or ‘better monitoring’ (i.e., looking at the line and thinking “I’m probably not going to make it in time”) is on the individual. Is that unreasonable?

In any case, if they had come to ya’ll 10 minutes early and said “you’re probably not gonna make it”, what would you have done any differently? The presumption, for “prior to Mass” confessions, is that you’re going to be attending Mass. So, what difference is there, in terms of what you’d have done?

Also we have more than one priest. They are not all needed for mass. The priest not doing mass could be assigned to hear confession. Or multiple priests can do confessions and the line would go quicker.

Are all priests expected to be working 24x7x365? Perhaps – after working a long Saturday (which might include daily Mass, meetings with parishioners, a wedding, another anticipated Sunday Mass (at this or another site), etc), this is the only downtime that’s available for the priest who isn’t scheduled for Mass. And, as others have mentioned, if you schedule both priests at the same time, then no one is available for emergency calls.

 

[ServusHumilis]

I also agree it is unacceptable, and it has happened to me on at least one occasion (though to the priest’s credit he said “come back after Mass”). Our Mass often begins up to 10 or 15 minutes late due to confessions (and no one minds), a stark difference from another parish where I show up early to head to the confessional only to find the doors locked and end up having to wait for the priest to start Mass 10 or 15 minutes late because he was “having dinner.”

 

[pensmama87]

That does happen, but I’m not convinced it’s always the whole story. A priest once wrote an article about how alarmed he was that some parishes don’t even have set confessions times and instead have “by appointment only” listed in the bulletin.

Oh, I’m sure it’s not always the whole story. But I’m not sure what good it does for a penitent to automatically assume that the whole thing is suspicious and that this individual priest doesn’t care about hearing confessions. I find it’s much better for me spiritually to assume there was a good reason and to focus on my own effort to get my confession heard. If I set a breeding ground for resentment in my own mind, it’s going to grow. (I try to apply this to a lot of my life, by the way, and it works wonders - I’m a much calmer driver now that I take the time to stop and not call every driver who does something dodgy an idiot. )

If the OP is showing up at the beginning of the posted time regularly and isn’t being seen, he might call the parish office to set an appointment, and mention to the priest, “Wow, it’s so great that there are always so many people going to confession [which is true, after all]! I get there at the start and I know you have to stop sometimes to get ready for Mass. Do you think people would benefit from starting the time sooner or adding times throughout the week?”

There have been times when I have gone to confession and there has been nobody in line, and there have been times I go and there’s a long line. When I get there I kind of do a “line check” for myself - I generally estimate about 5 minutes per person in front of me and it’s not a bad guideline - and sometimes I know I just can’t spend that much time. So I decide to come back later. I do live in an area with a lot of parishes, though, and can get to a scheduled confession time any day of the week, which I know is not the case everywhere. Again, if it’s urgent, schedule a confession.

And remember that it’s awesome that if the lines are generally busy, and pray for the priests we have and for more vocations. A lot of times parishes have cut back on confession times simply because nobody comes. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle, but we have to do our part to break that.

 

[hadulzo]

Be thankful there is a line for confession. That is a good sign. I seldom see a line for confession and we have one Priest,
.

 

[Memaw]

I am sorry this happened to you.

Well, sadly, this is more common than you might suspect, and it has happened to me more than once.

Yes, the priest needs to prepare for Mass, but they should hear confessions after if at possible.

The reason for this is that people who get frustrated by things like this could be driven away from the Church.

There is a certain amount of professionalism in the Catholic Church that is expected.

I agree !!!
Sometimes we like to feel sorry for ourselves if things don’t go our way. We need to respect the time allowed for Confessions or make an appointment. Maybe Fr. has another appointment or commitment right after Mass and can’t stay to hear more Confessions. Standing outside the Confessional can hardly be the same as being inside the “box” or room. Next time get their earlier so you can be one of the first in line. God Bless, Memaw

 

[acadiANNA]

P.S.
No one gets in line after 3:30. Hours of confession are posted as Saturdays 2:30-3:30 Mass at 4:00. Sometimes I am the only one at 2:30. Others start coming in at 3:00.

 

[agnes_therese]

If the OP is showing up at the beginning of the posted time regularly and isn’t being seen, he might call the parish office to set an appointment, and mention to the priest, “Wow, it’s so great that there are always so many people going to confession [which is true, after all]! I get there at the start and I know you have to stop sometimes to get ready for Mass. Do you think people would benefit from starting the time sooner or adding times throughout the week?”

Excellent idea. Use the experience to try to make a positive change.

 

[Cory]

Serious follow up question.

A person who is conscious of grave sin is not to . . . receive the body of the Lord without previous sacramental confession unless there is a grave reason and there is no opportunity to confess; in this case the person is to remember the obligation to make an act of perfect contrition which includes the resolution of confessing as soon as possible. (CIC 916)

Since I showed up and was sent away would that be a grave reason for no opportunity to confess?

 

[Gorgias]

Serious follow up question.

Since I showed up and was sent away would that be a grave reason for no opportunity to confess?

Good follow-up question!

The reason to ask this question, it would seem, would be in the context of wondering whether you could receive communion.

Even if it were the case that you could make recourse to this provision, you’d still have to get to confession in a timely manner – even if you had ‘perfect contrition.’

To your question, though, and there are really two questions in play: ‘grave reason’ for receiving now, and ‘no opportunity to confess’. Is it the case that there is a ‘grave reason’ that you must receive communion now? In other words, isn’t it possible to simply defer receiving, and then go to confession this week?

In any case, if there were a grave reason that you need to receive communion now, then had there been – and does there continue to be – “no opportunity to confess”? Yesterday, if you showed up at confession 5 or 10 minutes before it was over, I think it’d be difficult to claim “I had no opportunity”. Is there no opportunity for you to make an appointment with one of your priests (or another priest in the area) for confession? No other parishes in the area that offer times for confession?

Absent some extenuating circumstances, it would seem that the normal answer would be that you should try to get to confession this week, so that you can receive communion at the next Mass that you attend.

 

[Joan_M]

I didn’t answer it because it’s irrelevant. It would fine if the parish wants to make a rule that everyone who is in line before x time will be seen and others will be turned away. But that is not what happened in my situation.

Like Brianmcg321 example. He walked into supercuts and the hair dresser was able to see that she wasn’t going to be able to finish with the customers she had and cut his hair by closing, so she sent him away. What she didn’t do was have him wait for a half hour and then send him away.

Another example:

At 8:30 pm you arrive at a restaurant that closes at 9pm. The hostess tells you to have seat in the lobby. At 9pm she comes over to you and says, sorry the kitchen is now closed. “Why don’t you stop by for breakfast tomorrow?”

Another example:

You’re at the store. They announce that the store is closing and to make your final selections. You show up at the registers and there’s a line. It’s now closing time. Instead of ringing the rest of the customers in line they tell you to abandon your shopping carts and get out. “You can come back tomorrow to purchase your items.”

The point is not that there may or may not be rules. It’s a point of respect for people’s time. I understand that the priests are busy, but so am I.

Your examples are not pertinent to the confession situation. The priest was going to say Mass. He was hearing confessions before Mass. Clearly, he had to stop confessions in time to go to the sacristy and vest for Mass. What did you expect him to do? Continue to hear confessions and have Mass late? That would have inconvenienced everyone who came for Mass, and is unacceptable. It is not all about you!

 

[Cory]

Your examples are not pertinent to the confession situation. The priest was going to say Mass. He was hearing confessions before Mass. Clearly, he had to stop confessions in time to go to the sacristy and vest for Mass. What did you expect him to do? Continue to hear confessions and have Mass late? That would have inconvenienced everyone who came for Mass, and is unacceptable. It is not all about you!

I’ve already offered alternatives, others have offered more, and I’m open to hearing more as well. But too bad so sad the priests time is more valuable than yours is not acceptable in polite society.

 

[hamandcheese]

All the Churches in my area have confession for an hour before Mass on Saturdays only. The times are all within a half hour of each other. If you cant make it because you have to work on Saturdays, like many people do, it is necessary to make a special appointment. Everyone says how busy the priests are but what are they doing all week long that’s more important then cleansing a soul of mortal sin? Isn’t that a big part of their job? What are they so busy doing? I know around here, with a few exceptions, its not working on their homilies I can tell you that!

 

[BartholomewB]

Serious follow up question.

Since I showed up and was sent away would that be a grave reason for no opportunity to confess?

Yes, I think it must be.

 

[CompSciGuy]

I am sorry this happened to you.
The reason for this is that people who get frustrated by things like this could be driven away from the Church.

Really? You are suggesting that people would leave the Catholic Church over minor inconveniences such as this?

 

[RaphaelJ]

I do not understand why there is an issue. The priest had to stop confessions to prepare for Mass. The people waiting in line simply have to go back some other time. If there was a specific schedule for Confession then the priest must follow it. Those who arrive later must bear with it.

But too bad so sad the priests time is more valuable than yours is not acceptable in polite society.

This. Yes, in a way this is true because the priest’s time is used to minister to others who have needs too. In your situation it was to prepare for Mass. In other situations, he will have to minister to the sick, counsel people, perform baptisms, etc. With so many people needing a priest, it seems that polite society would nod and sympathize.

 

[Gorgias]

YADA:

I notice you did not answer the question about when you showed up for Confession …

I didn’t answer it because it’s irrelevant.

No, it’s highly relevant.

If you were there in line at the start, but still couldn’t go to confession, then (on this day, at least), there is insufficient time being offered for confession. Rather than cursing the darkness, why not light a candle? Talk to your pastor, explaining your situation, and ask whether more time for confession might be offered!

If you arrived in a reasonable amount of time for the number of people in line, then perhaps Father is allowing people to spend an inordinate amount of time. That’s a difficult call to make – we wouldn’t want to presume that everyone gets a certain few minutes in the confessional and nothing more; but, if everyone is taking a long time, perhaps there’s an opportunity to talk to your pastor about the disparity between the time available for confession and the number of people who desire to go to confession. Again, ‘light a candle’…!

If, on the other hand, you arrived shortly prior to the end of confessions (5-10 minutes, perhaps?), and this was the reason that you were unable to go to confession, would it be uncharitable to suggest to you that – given your experience this week – you plan ahead in order to be there in sufficient time to get into the confessional?

It would fine if the parish wants to make a rule that everyone who is in line before x time will be seen and others will be turned away.

Right – that’s one reasonable solution (presuming that it does not impact the Mass schedule), but not the only solution.

But that is not what happened in my situation.

At 8:30 pm you arrive at a restaurant that closes at 9pm. The hostess tells you to have seat in the lobby. At 9pm she comes over to you and says, sorry the kitchen is now closed. “Why don’t you stop by for breakfast tomorrow?”

But… that isn’t what happened to you, was it? It wasn’t “I’m sorry, you need to go home,” but rather, “I’m sorry, the time for breakfast is over; we’re serving dinner now. Won’t you stay for dinner?” In other words, although you weren’t able to go to confession, the time had arrived for Mass. You weren’t being told “leave the building!”… you were being told that the menu had changed…

The point is not that there may or may not be rules. It’s a point of respect for people’s time. I understand that the priests are busy, but so am I.

That’s a good insight. Mind if I respond to it?

Your take on things – including your approach and the examples you’ve used to illustrate your point – all come from the sphere of consumerism and the business world. In that context, the ‘relationship’ between you and a vendor is purely a business relationship: you give them your money, and they give you a product or service. That means that you’re a customer, and the people with whom you interact are being paid in order to provide you with a pleasant business transaction experience. The context of the Church, however, is different in a few significant ways!

First, the sacraments aren’t a business transaction. They’re an opportunity to approach Christ and to receive grace. That means that it’s not a business context, but a family context. If you went to visit your grandma unannounced and it turned out that her schedule was already pretty full, and she really wanted to meet with you but ran out of time to do so… would you walk away indignant at the ways in which she didn’t respect your time?

Second, businesses hire people to interact with customers. This means that there’s an implicit environment of professionalism – the employees are trained to cater to paying customers, and “the customer is always right.” Is that the situation into which you enter when you walk into a church for confession or Mass? Hardly – the people with whom you interact are, by and large, volunteers. If a volunteer fails to rise to the standard that you expect in a consumer environment, do you then ‘take your business elsewhere’? Do you refuse to do business with the Scouts or the local Little League because they’re not as polished as the folks at Starbucks?

Clearly, priests are busy, and your time is valuable too. We interact with volunteers at church… and they’ve given up their ‘valuable time’ to help out at church. It seems to me that there’s the possibility to look at the experience, and in charity, recognize the difference between going to church and going to a restaurant…

 

[Thomas_White]

I’ve had that very thing happen, in an instance where I was the next (and only remaining) person standing in line at the Confessional. It was immediately before a 12:05 p.m. weekday Mass. As the person who had been in line ahead of me left the Confessional, so too did the priest. It was disconcerting, for sure, as I had stood waiting in line for maybe fifteen minutes. But I understood that the priest did not want to keep the entire congregation waiting either. As it was, my time in the Confessional would not have been long at all, but the priest could not have known this. To be truthful, I decided in the moment to resort to the primacy of conscience and made a good Act of Contrition. But I do have to wonder how others would view this.

Since I attended Catholic schools for twelve years and have had many, many interactions with priests, including as teachers, I would be very hesitant to make any general comment about priests. I would only note that they are as human as the rest of us and, as a group, represent the full spectrum of human personality.

 

[Memaw]

Serious follow up question.

Since I showed up and was sent away would that be a grave reason for no opportunity to confess?

NO !! You should talk to your priest about this so he can explain it to you. God Bless. Memaw