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PRAYER51
Guest
SAGE ADVICE!!! THANKS!
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EasterJoy
Guest
It should not do any harm, at any rate. I think if you send her on her vacation with a recent track record of having acted like her best friend and an advocate for her welfare, it will inoculate her against many temptations, too.SAGE ADVICE!!! THANKS!
Does she like walks? They are very good for health, mood, and friendships. If you can find somewhere to take a summer stroll a few times a week, that couldnāt hurt, either. If she doesnāt want to go with you, encourage one of the kids to take her on a walk, as a treat for her. That spreads the nagging in favor of her health and wellness around a little bit.
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CatholicServant
Guest
Exactly my sentiments - I am so sorry for the status of your marriage and how your Wife appears to be treating you.
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maryjk
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No, I actually meant what I said.
Your wife, by telling you to āget out,ā if you donāt like how she acts, sends a very poor message about marriage. And donāt kid yourself. Your kids know something is wrong.
You wife going on a vacation without you, doesnāt send a bad message. Many women will go away for a weekend with the girls. They then return to the home, refreshed and renewed. Not a big deal.
So if you are worried that a short vacation or girlās weekend sending a bad message to your kids, donāt.
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maryjk
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Prayer51SAGE ADVICE!!! THANKS!
You might want to clear out some of your messages. You are at your limit.
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PRAYER51
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HOW???
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Royalist
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OP, you said your wife isnāt interested in sex any more, but all you really know is that she isnāt interested in sex with you.
What are these women sheās going to Vegas (of all places) with like? How many are divorced? If things got hot and heavy between your wife and some other guy, would they allow/support/encourage your wife to commit adultery?
What are these women sheās going to Vegas (of all places) with like? How many are divorced? If things got hot and heavy between your wife and some other guy, would they allow/support/encourage your wife to commit adultery?
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PRAYER51
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None are divorcedā¦and yes i think they wouldā¦
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maryjk
Guest
So far, between this thread and the message that you sent, you have accused your wife of possibly cheating while on vacation and while at work.
You donāt like her friends. And believe they would not only lie if she did cheat. But you also believe that they would encourage her to cheat.
So, maybe now you realize that this has nothing to do with who goes where on vacation. But more about her attitude toward you and yours toward her.
I have to say if someone was constantly accusing me of cheating, I probably wouldnāt be too friendly toward that person.
(Oh, and I donāt plan on sending someone I donāt know, my email address.)
You donāt like her friends. And believe they would not only lie if she did cheat. But you also believe that they would encourage her to cheat.
So, maybe now you realize that this has nothing to do with who goes where on vacation. But more about her attitude toward you and yours toward her.
I have to say if someone was constantly accusing me of cheating, I probably wouldnāt be too friendly toward that person.
(Oh, and I donāt plan on sending someone I donāt know, my email address.)
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PRAYER51
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Sorry, but I didnāt know how to delete all my messages and wasnāt able to convey that to you any other wayā¦thatās allā¦
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PRAYER51
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I obviously have significant trust issuesā¦and Iām not here for any ulterior motiveā¦Iām here because Iām desperate to get some good adviceā¦and maryjk, you said yourself it wasnāt a good idea for her to go away on a second trip while weāre still in a state of turmoil and getting counselling.
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EasterJoy
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The problem is that if you try to forbid her instead of trying to persuade her to put the trip off, you might make things worse.
If she does insist on going, call whichever of her girlfriends you get along with the best, and let her know you are concerned about your wife. Tell her you want her to help you think of something to do for your wife for a surprise, to make it an extra-special trip for her and let her know youāre thinking of her while sheās gone. You might also be able to call the cruise line and ask for some ideas.
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Zzyzx_Road
Guest
Itās one thing for a wife to have a separate vacation with her friends. Itās entirely another thing to conduct that vacation in places like Vegas or on a cruise ship where temptation will be right there. Especially when the wife isnāt interested in sex with her husband. Hence I call this a red flag.
The problem is not with the friends are the destination, those are just symptoms. The problem is in the marriage and it is this: for whatever reason, she has lost all attraction for her husband. In other words, she has abandoned the marriage right there. Under most circumstances, that will kill the marriage. I donāt know this couple at all so I canāt say what factors went into the loss of attraction and the resulting lack of sex.
The problem is not with the friends are the destination, those are just symptoms. The problem is in the marriage and it is this: for whatever reason, she has lost all attraction for her husband. In other words, she has abandoned the marriage right there. Under most circumstances, that will kill the marriage. I donāt know this couple at all so I canāt say what factors went into the loss of attraction and the resulting lack of sex.
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EasterJoy
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Loss of libido can come from many organic and psychological sources that donāt have to do with the spouse. This is not rare, it is hard, but it is survivable. It is very important that the basic friendship be taken care of, so affection can help knit the spouses together in spite of it. The problem ought not be ignored, but it doesnāt mean the wife is looking for a new model.
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on_the_hill
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OPāwhat are you trying to accomplish with this thread?
Youāve gotten loads of advice about how to try to strengthen your marriage and how you can look at it from different perspectives.
Do you think youāre truly, honestly doing justice to yourself, your wife, or your marriage by continuing to dwell on this in this manner?
Youāve gotten loads of advice about how to try to strengthen your marriage and how you can look at it from different perspectives.
Do you think youāre truly, honestly doing justice to yourself, your wife, or your marriage by continuing to dwell on this in this manner?
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PRAYER51
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Actually my wife and I have resolved everything this morning. The incident that happened in Vegas wasnāt what I thought at all! One of my wives married friends was in fact flirting with other guys by the pool but the other 3 women were just rolling their eyes at herā¦I absolutely believe my wife and other 2 friends werenāt up to anything bad on that trip by the way she told me this morning. I was wrong to break her trust by checking her emails in the first place 
ā¦these trips for her anyway are about what they should be about : reconnecting with old friends, laughing, enjoying good food and relaxing, not from their wedding vows, but from their over-stressed roles as wives, mothers and busy professionals. And my wife agreed to go away with me for our 25th wedding anniversary as well!!!
I just felt bad because she originally turned me down while still wanting to go away again with her girlfriends. Thanks everyone for your prayers and supportā¦it made a difference more than you will know!
ā¦these trips for her anyway are about what they should be about : reconnecting with old friends, laughing, enjoying good food and relaxing, not from their wedding vows, but from their over-stressed roles as wives, mothers and busy professionals. And my wife agreed to go away with me for our 25th wedding anniversary as well!!! I just felt bad because she originally turned me down while still wanting to go away again with her girlfriends. Thanks everyone for your prayers and supportā¦it made a difference more than you will know!
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Xantippe
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Zzyzx Road,
Yeah, for future reference, the female libidinal pilot light occasionally blows out. There are certain predictable times (pregnancy, postpartum, menopause) when this happens and a husband should not take it personally in those cases. A woman just wakes up during those times with no desire at all and with the very idea of intimate physical contact being disgusting and repellentāit just makes the very skin crawl to think of. Itās not necessarily a permanent condition, but itās something every husband should understand and be looking out forāas I said the timing is often very predictableāyou run into this a lot during times of hormonal disruption.
Thereās a pretty good chapter on the postpartum aspect of this in Vicki Iovineās āThe Girlfriendās Guide to the 1st Year of Motherhood.ā The chapter is entitled āSex? What Sex?ā
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EasterJoy
Guest
That is *extremely *good news. All of the best to both of you! Problems you still have, no doubt, but problems can be faced when both are pulling together in the harness.Actually my wife and I have resolved everything this morning. The incident that happened in Vegas wasnāt what I thought at all! One of my wives married friends was in fact flirting with other guys by the pool but the other 3 women were just rolling their eyes at herā¦I absolutely believe my wife and other 2 friends werenāt up to anything bad on that trip by the way she told me this morning. I was wrong to break her trust by checking her emails in the first place
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PRAYER51
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Have to laugh at this as my wife uses the word disgusting for the very thought of anything having to do with sexā¦are you a woman btw Xantippe?
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Xantippe
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Yep.
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