Seriously questioning my beliefs

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To the OP:

It takes time. Such a loss is like a time out for your brain, you need to restore trust and faith and sanity until you can make decision on a logical base.
A little book my mother gave me after a loss came to my mind. Its about the relation between jesus and a human. It´s in german, so I try to summarize the little story.
A man looks back on his lifetime as a long walk on a beach.
There´s a time he walked next to jesus, seeing his footsteps beside his own. He was happy at this point of his life. Sometimes his footsteps were not as regular on the floor - the times he struggled with his life.
Then the man sees a huge distance only with one pair of footsteps.
He asks Jesus “why have you left me in this time?!”
But Jesus answered: “I never left you, it was the time you felt really bad, so I carried you upon my shoulder. This is the reason you see only one pair of footsteps”.

Dear OP, you are at a stage of life where you only see one pair of footsteps, but have trust, you are in god´s hand.
 
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Wow, I didn’t expect this post to blow up. Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful words, suggestions, prayers, and the like. I’ll respond to a few comments in a little bit. Still trying to take it all in. Bear with me.

However I’d like to reply to a couple right now. First, @Melodeonist, I don’t think “blind faith is good faith” is a reasonable platitude. The statement “2 + 2 = 4” is quantifiable. You can take two objects, add two more, and verify that they total four. That isn’t true of faith at all–in fact, quite the opposite. God doesn’t allow himself to be seen, or heard, or known. There’s no mathematical formula to substantiate God. We’re left to make inferences with little more than philosophy. What good has that done?

I suppose prior to this I held blind faith, inasmuch as it was never tried. In fact, I was prone to making comments such as yours. “The Truth is always the Truth and the Truth never changes.” Pilate’s jest is valid: “Quid est veritas?” It’s not a question that can be dismissed easily.
 
Hi AIPM615, My deepest condolence to you,as your best buddy and confidant,friend passed away.what a big Grace your friend has received, since his Mom called a priest and he received the last sacraments.not many got this blessing.your don"t understand the value of it,Your friend"s sins are forgiven,as he received the baptism as of Blood ,died of accident, Jesus has received a reparation from him for all his sins committed in his life time,so don"t worry to much,as this November month is dedicated to the Holy souls in purgatory,offer a Holy Mass and say Rosary, it will be very much helpful for your friend,as salvation depends upon the last moment, your friend is saved, be happy for it ,if he lived longer perhaps he might lose his soul so Jesus has taken him at the right time.i remember a saint"s young son died untimely she was very angry with Jesus then he showed her in a dream a young man who hung himself on the tree, when she seen closely it was her son,so Jesus showed her that if he lives longer he would loose his soul ,gambling and leading a sinful life.like wise you friend passing away is greater good in God"s sight,its the best for him, be assured and please don"t be so sorrowful ,your holding on to your friend"s spirit ,his soul will be grieved.
It is also good for you as an example to come close to Jesus your true friend who died for you and cares ,so much for you,surrender and give up every thing in the hands of Jesus you will be at peace .God Bless

Wisdom 3:1-9 But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,and no torment will ever touch them.
2 In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,and their departure was thought to be a disaster,3 and their going from us to be their destruction;but they are at peace.4 For though in the sight of others they were punished,their hope is full of immortality.5 Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good,
because God tested them and found them worthy of himself;6 like gold in the furnace he tried them,
and like a sacrificial burnt offering he accepted them.7 In the time of their visitation they will shine forth,
and will run like sparks through the stubble.8 They will govern nations and rule over peoples,
and the Lord will reign over them forever.9 Those who trust in him will understand truth,and the faithful will abide with him in love,because grace and mercy are upon his holy ones,and he watches over his elect.

Psalm 49:7-9 ,15 Truly, no ransom avails for one’s life,there is no price one can give to God for it.
8 For the ransom of life is costly,and can never suffice,9 that one should live on forever and never see the grave.15 But God will ransom my soul from the power of Sheol,for he will receive me.
 
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Praying for your friend – may his soul rest in the glorious presence of God – and praying for you.
 
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to the OP

I am very sorry for your loss.

I think you DO believe, or else you wouldn’t have asked for prayers. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. We all have had or will have doubts, thankfully you have an extensive background to draw from during this dark time. You will see the light again, just give it time.

If it is possible, drop your classes and take some time off to re-evaluate. Have you ever tried one of the silent spiritual retreats? I know it would take some time to make one but we are talking about eternal salvation here. It is kinda important. If you need help finding a retreat, PM me your location and I will find one for you. They usually last about one week but some take 30 days.
 
Very eloquently said RKS, thanks for your words. We forget that it’s ok to doubt, just as long as we come back!
 
So sorry for your loss, and the pain that you feel right now. You do believe, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. God is there for you and He will see you through this. About 18 years ago, my wife lost 2 pregnancies. I turned away from God and blamed Him for my pain, but he called me back. I still wrestle with doubts and questions from time to time, but he’s always there waiting for me. Lighten up on yourself a bit and keep praying. God Bless.
 
Crisis of faith! A spiritual attack. There is only one who initiates this. The prince of this world. Resist him, and he will flee from you. Reference James 4:7

You are right in mourning, but do not let your mourning separate you from the eternal life promised to him and to us. You were on your way to adoration for a reason. You needed to pray and someone else needed those prayers at that exact moment. Your dear friend lives on in your heart. He lives on in spirit. When our Lord was put to death in the flesh, He was made alive in the Spirit. Reference 1 Peter 3:18

Rather than listening to secular/atheist/pagan philosophers, scientists or others who ponder nothing, let’s look at something more profitable.

Wisdom 3:1-9

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
and no torment will ever touch them.
In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,
and their departure was thought to be an affliction,
and their going from us to be their destruction;
but they are at peace.
For though in the sight of men they were punished,
their hope is full of immortality.
Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good,
because God tested them and found them worthy of himself;
like gold in the furnace he tried them,
and like a sacrificial burnt offering he accepted them.
In the time of their visitation they will shine forth,
and will run like sparks through the stubble.
They will govern nations and rule over peoples,
and the Lord will reign over them for ever.
Those who trust in him will understand truth,
and the faithful will abide with him in love,
because grace and mercy are upon his elect,
and he watches over his holy ones.

My advice is to get yourself back before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Mourn there, while reading and pondering the scriptures. Be patient with the Lord and you will receive your consolation.
 
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If the Christian faith is true, your friend’s death is not meaningless.

This is not to prove the truth of Christianity.

But the Christian faith presumes death and suffering. The central moment in Christian history – the resurrection – is caught up in the messiness and tragedy of death and suffering.
 
po18guy,

You formatted as if you were quoting Scriptures. But I want to make it clear that you were not – or at least, you did not distinguish what was you and what was Scripture.
po18guy said:
Crisis of faith! A spiritual attack. There is only one who initiates this. The prince of this world. Resist him, and he will flee from you. James 4:7
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It is quite possible that God could initiate a crisis of faith for us, perhaps because we have faith in the wrong things. Someone can say “I believe in God” without having any clue about God or having any depth of faith at all. In such circumstances, God could cause us to have a crisis of faith.

God has harsh words for anyone who presumes to know why someone is suffering. Read the Book of Job.
 
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I was responding to the OP. Can’t please 'em all. James 4:7 is a reference. 1st Peter is a paraphrase. Wisdom 3 is exact. From Job, Tobit , Wisdom and others, we see that God uses means according with His good pleasure to test us. God refines. The evil one seeks to destroy, i.e. the content of the prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel.
 
First I would like to request that your idea of science proving so much stuff about the brain is simply not true, no doubt you had heard this from someone with a slanted viewpoint they wanted to propagate.

Now, you are emotional. You seem very emotional and not rational. This is what happens when one is faced with tragedy. Just calm down and breathe.
We don’t all feel God all the time. The purpose should be to not feel anything, but do God’s will.

You say you simply don’t believe. But this is not true. We are all essentially wired to believe. The atheist may convince himself on some level or be convinced on some level of their beliefs, but atheists, including you, are essentially wired to believe in God.

I find my faith is hampered when I am in mortal sin, but the state of Grace can help. Try talking with a priest, contact your local church. Not now, but in a while after you’ve calmed down if you are still feeling this way.

Continue going to Church. Perhaps do not take the Eucharist, but do adore It.
 
Kei said:
Now, you are emotional. You seem very emotional and not rational. This is what happens when one is faced with tragedy. Just calm down and breathe.
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Thanks, Bildad.

(16 char)
 
po18guy said:
You were on your way to adoration for a reason. You needed to pray and someone else needed those prayers at that exact moment.
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You’re right. I was going to pray for the recovery of someone who had, unbeknownst to me, died six hours earlier. Almost drove my car off the road when I got the news.
forgiveme31 said:
About 18 years ago, my wife lost 2 pregnancies.
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I’m so, so sorry. 😭
Blessedwithfive said:
If it is possible, drop your classes and take some time off to re-evaluate. Have you ever tried one of the silent spiritual retreats?
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I’m dropping out after this semester. There’s only two weeks left, thankfully.
Wouldn’t mind a silent retreat. I don’t live too far from Clear Creek Abbey so that might just work out.
catholic1seeks said:
If the Christian faith is true, your friend’s death is not meaningless.
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The chance for everything to happen like it did was next to none. Had the timing been different by mere seconds we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all. I’d have gone to visit as planned, and a mother wouldn’t have lost her only child. Obviously thinking “what if” can’t undo the past… but it almost can’t be helped.

I don’t believe that God, if he’s real, orchestrates tragedy. But I sure wish there was a reason. Something. Anything.
 
AIPM1615 said:
The chance for everything to happen like it did was next to none. Had the timing been different by mere seconds we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all.
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Same with my father, who was seriously brain injured in a car accident when I was six. If only things had been the slightest bit different, he would have never gotten hurt at all, and I would have grown up with a dad.
 
Sometimes it is like trying to figure out quantum theory. Few people come close.
I know a woman who lost her teenage son in an auto accident. She amazes and inspires me.
Her faith is deeper than the protection she might have expected, deeper than all the positive expectation we have because we have faith.
Deep enough even to accept this unspeakable grief.
Such people do exist.
 
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