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BlaineTog
Guest
This is a profoundly uncharitable thing to say, and an even more uncharitable way of saying it.
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chipeto
Guest
It was said a bit brusquely, perhaps, but the point is valid. There is something about the modern world that encourages this kind of solipsism, that nothing is more important than one’s feelings.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
Good answer. Direct and too the point I would say the same.
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Joan_M
Guest
Really? You may “feel” love for God, but you refuse to obey a specific one of His commandments. Is that love? No. It is not. You have made your own sexual wants become your god.
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QuasiCatholic
Guest
In regards to your question about whether you have to believe everything to be Catholic. I know from experience (and from the responses already to your question) that there are a lot of Catholics out there who will tell you the answer is “Yes, absolutely.”
This is one reason I was very VERY hesitant about the idea of joining the Catholic church, even after I started to think about it as a possibility due to my relationship with my very Catholic boyfriend.
I finally got a chance to address these concerns with my priest last week, and I’ll tell you what he said: He said he wishes everyone would stop thinking of Catholicism as a religion of rules and regulations and would focus instead on the personal relationship with God and the love we have for God and that he has for us. He also said that if you enjoy Mass and feel like you get something from attending – that the Liturgy is speaking to you on some level – that’s all that really matters. Well, that and believing in the Real Presence. He said he doesn’t expect everyone to agree with the church on everything, and that he’d actually prefer it if people were honest about their doubts and disagreements instead of pretending because they think they have to.
That being said – you are very young to be having sex. I know 18 feels grown up, and that you technically are grown up from a legal standpoint. But in another 5-10 years, when you look back at where you were emotionally at this age, you’ll realize you were still basically a kid. Better to wait … at least a little longer, if not all the way until marriage … thus says the voice of experience
This is one reason I was very VERY hesitant about the idea of joining the Catholic church, even after I started to think about it as a possibility due to my relationship with my very Catholic boyfriend.
I finally got a chance to address these concerns with my priest last week, and I’ll tell you what he said: He said he wishes everyone would stop thinking of Catholicism as a religion of rules and regulations and would focus instead on the personal relationship with God and the love we have for God and that he has for us. He also said that if you enjoy Mass and feel like you get something from attending – that the Liturgy is speaking to you on some level – that’s all that really matters. Well, that and believing in the Real Presence. He said he doesn’t expect everyone to agree with the church on everything, and that he’d actually prefer it if people were honest about their doubts and disagreements instead of pretending because they think they have to.
That being said – you are very young to be having sex. I know 18 feels grown up, and that you technically are grown up from a legal standpoint. But in another 5-10 years, when you look back at where you were emotionally at this age, you’ll realize you were still basically a kid. Better to wait … at least a little longer, if not all the way until marriage … thus says the voice of experience
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AuditVocemMeam
Guest
The so-called rules and regulations are the same love from a different angle. “If you love me, keep my commandments.” - John 14:15
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QuasiCatholic
Guest
I love my parents, but I don’t live my life exactly the way they would like me to all the time.
If everyone kept all of the commandments all the time, we wouldn’t need to be forgiven or saved.
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FriendlyFace
Guest
Jesus Himself said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15.) We demonstrate our love for God with our obedience to Him and the teachings of His church. Jesus “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:8) It’s not oppressive to obey Church teaching. By doing so we imitate Christ, show our love to God, and become the best people we can be (saints hopefully.)
We also avoid hurting others and ourselves. Sex outside marriage may seem appealing now. But if your heart gets broken once or several times I guarantee it will look ugly very fast. And that’s when it becomes clearer that that kind of profound self-giving should be saved only for the total commitment of marriage. But by that point, a lot of damage has been done.
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AuditVocemMeam
Guest
The reason people do that is because they have a different opinion about the right way to live their lives, i.e. they think that some other way is more good (desirable). But God is perfect, so there is no better way to live than that which God wills.
True, our own evils can pave the way for yet more glorious manifestations of God’s goodness (like redemption and mercy). But forgiveness and salvation presuppose that we reject our evil acts. “I detest all my sins,” like the Act of Contrition says. So in order for us to get back into a right relationship with God, we admit that we should have done what God willed originally and that our acts were a mistake. I think this attitude might come from an overly “personalist” conception of God, as if God is just one more voice among others although an especially powerful one, but classically in the Catholic theological (and philosophical too) tradition, God is goodness. So God is the law of what we ought to do and ought not to do, rather than some powerful person making arbitrary and potentially not applicable demands.
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billcu1
Guest
I’m trying to understand myself your attachment to sex. Before I came into the church I had a little bout and sex really didn’t mean that much to me. But anyway. During dating push your guy to the limit see what he’s made of. If your dating someone and can’t go a year without sex…well it blows my mind personally. Contraception isn’t needed because a woman is only fertile 5-6 days out of the month. If you were married or in your situation anyway, as I am understanding it. Could you abstain that long? You could have a sexual addictionI guess that is true. I believe in the bonding part. I didn’t even think about the jealousy and comparison bit. I guess if you’ve only been with one person then that wouldn’t be an issue and you’d be able to love each other even more.
Yes, children do deserve the best- having a happy family. To be honest, my parents were never really a happy couple when I was younger. It really distorted my view of marriage. My father always use to say “Never get married” half jokingly but serious too. Maybe this is why I didn’t feel so strongly about my virginity- because I didn’t have the thought of marriage to link it to. Thank you for your reply, it has really gotten me thinking
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billcu1
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¶ 2 Well said !Jesus Himself said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15.) We demonstrate our love for God with our obedience to Him and the teachings of His church. Jesus “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:8) It’s not oppressive to obey Church teaching. By doing so we imitate Christ, show our love to God, and become the best people we can be (saints hopefully.)
We also avoid hurting others and ourselves. Sex outside marriage may seem appealing now. But if your heart gets broken once or several times I guarantee it will look ugly very fast. And that’s when it becomes clearer that that kind of profound self-giving should be saved only for the total commitment of marriage. But by that point, a lot of damage has been done.
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Rau
Guest
I think sexual addiction would be an extreme interpretation of the events as we’ve heard them. The view I’m forming is that the OP is in simply comfortable with sex in circumstances of a genuine (but un-married) relationship. I tend to think that the “try it out” argument she gave is just a rationalisation.I’m trying to understand myself your attachment to sex. Before I came into the church I had a little bout and sex really didn’t mean that much to me. But anyway. During dating push your guy to the limit see what he’s made of. If your dating someone and can’t go a year without sex…well it blows my mind personally. Contraception isn’t needed because a woman is only fertile 5-6 days out of the month. If you were married or in your situation anyway, as I am understanding it. Could you abstain that long? You could have a sexual addiction
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on_the_hill
Guest
Whoa. I haven’t read through the thread, but this first response seems harsh.
At least for a first response.
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Married39
Guest
First off, let’s not rush to judgement people.
Magdalena seems like a lovely young woman. If she is sexually active with a young man she cares about, that is her choice.
I am not here to condemn her or preach to her. Lots of girls from Catholic schools don’t attend Mass, party hard, and sleep around.
If I had a straight laced daughter like you who has been with 1 guy, I would not be judging her.
People in the 40’s and 50’s got married at 17 and 18. My aunt is 83 and was married at 17. She admitted alot of girls back then got married young and forgoed college and university in order to have a family. She said alot of girls back then were having pre-marital sex as well.
Nowadays most families need 2 incomes to survive and kids are expensive. We spent $14,000 last year on day care. Getting married young is foolish since women have a right to an education just like men do.
With sex in the media, music and living in an unfortunate secular world, teens having safe sex is the least of my worries. Bullying, rape, violence, internet crimes etc. take precedent.
This young lady sounds mature and if she is enjoying herself sexually, loving God, loving her family, respecting life, then good for her.
Let’s look at all the priests, TV preachers, teachers, etc. that have commited sin as well by having sex with underage boys, etc. Yet, they stand up and preach the gospel and are protected by the Vatican, etc.
I feel sorry for the 46 year old virgin. More than likely, you will die a virgin. You should have gone into Holy Orders if you wanted that lifestlye.
Magdalena seems like a lovely young woman. If she is sexually active with a young man she cares about, that is her choice.
I am not here to condemn her or preach to her. Lots of girls from Catholic schools don’t attend Mass, party hard, and sleep around.
If I had a straight laced daughter like you who has been with 1 guy, I would not be judging her.
People in the 40’s and 50’s got married at 17 and 18. My aunt is 83 and was married at 17. She admitted alot of girls back then got married young and forgoed college and university in order to have a family. She said alot of girls back then were having pre-marital sex as well.
Nowadays most families need 2 incomes to survive and kids are expensive. We spent $14,000 last year on day care. Getting married young is foolish since women have a right to an education just like men do.
With sex in the media, music and living in an unfortunate secular world, teens having safe sex is the least of my worries. Bullying, rape, violence, internet crimes etc. take precedent.
This young lady sounds mature and if she is enjoying herself sexually, loving God, loving her family, respecting life, then good for her.
Let’s look at all the priests, TV preachers, teachers, etc. that have commited sin as well by having sex with underage boys, etc. Yet, they stand up and preach the gospel and are protected by the Vatican, etc.
I feel sorry for the 46 year old virgin. More than likely, you will die a virgin. You should have gone into Holy Orders if you wanted that lifestlye.
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question_von_me
Guest
You are definitely not Catholic if you think that way.I believe in God and love being a Catholic…
Thanks
You will lose all Grace and your soul will slowly start dying. You will feel worse and worse each moth and each year if you stay in the state of sin.
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thewanderer
Guest
While I agree that some of the replies here have been too harsh, I’m not sure that people here are judging Magdalena, but rather are judging her actions as being objectively immoral.
And what counts as a young marriage to you? I know plenty of people who have gotten married in their early twenties, and I am about to join them all. I am the woman in this case and I have received an education, as had all the other women I know of in a similar scenario. So you are telling me you would rather that I wait another 2-3-4 years to make sure I have further education and a good career in progress before I get married… why? I know exactly what I’m getting into. I know what difficulties lie ahead, and this is what I want to do. I would rather face these difficulties with my fiance as my husband than spend another 3-4 years getting more education and setting up a career. Yes, children can be expensive, but if you make sure you don’t need daycare that takes a huge chunk of the expenses out of the picture. As you said, you spent 14K on day care. There are ways for young people to make sure their finances work out. Claiming that everyone who marries young is foolish is just plain false.
Yes, everyone is a sinner. I am a sinner, my fiance is a sinner, you are a sinner and the OP is a sinner. We are all humans and so we are all sinners. But the OP came on here asking us to explain why we believe sex should be reserved for marriage. I don’t understand why you seem to have a problem with people answering the OP’s question. Its not as if we don’t care about bullying, rape, or other violence, but rather that the OP asked about her situation so this thread is about that specificially, it would be wrong to sidetrack it by talking about all sorts of other problems.
Wow, really? Whether or not he dies a virgin, why in the world do you think he should have gone into Holy Orders just because he is still a virgin? You do realize that Holy Orders isn’t just for anybody who doesn’t get married, right? It is a separate and special calling, and it is possible to live a very fulfilling and happy life as a single, lay, virgin. Such people do not need your pity, but rather your support and encouragement, just like the rest of us. We’re all human and we’re all in this together, treating 46 yr old virgins as though they are lesser, and so deserving of your pity comes across as a little condescending. Maybe that’s not how you intended it to sound, and if so I’m sorry for reading it that way, but that is how it comes across they way your post is currently written.
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FriendlyFace
Guest
Besides that virginity is a beautiful sign of faith and the best way to die if you’ve never married. Any Catholic who avoided sex out of love for God and a hatred of sin should be admired by their fellow Catholics, not pitied. There’s more to life than sex, and it’s better to die a virgin than to have sex outside of marriage just for the sake of it
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thewanderer
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Oh, I absolutely agree with you. There is no way I would agree to having sex outside marriage, even if it meant me dying a virgin. I have a greater vision of sexuality than as just another way of showing affection and I’m not about to cheapen the experience by turning into that.
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on_the_hill
Guest
Do you speak from experience?
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FriendlyFace
Guest
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