Sex before Marriage believers?

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oneofmany said:
It really shocks me that people are so blase about sex now with AIDS still not cured.
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AIDS isn’t cured, but it’s manageable.

Some say, given the choice between AIDS and diabetes, you’re better off with AIDS because diabetes is more dangerous long term.
 
on_the_hill said:
AIDS isn’t cured, but it’s manageable.

Some say, given the choice between AIDS and diabetes, you’re better off with AIDS because diabetes is more dangerous long term.
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People with AIDs still have a significantly shorter lifespan than those without, the cost of care is tens of thousands of dollars a year, and the diagnosis complicates every other disease diagnosis one might get, including cancer or diabetes. Certain HIV meds, such as protease inhibitors, increase your risk for insulin resistance and diabetes. There have also been studies that indicate that people who had diabetes before they contracted HIV may also have higher rates of heart disease. IOW, if you have diabetes, getting AIDS would make your diabetes more dangerous…between AIDS and diabetes, it isn’t an either/or choice at all!
 
The Church teaches what God has commanded in the Bible. There are no “if, ands, or buts” about it. A person should not just take the parts of the Bible that they want to because it fits their lifestyle, and disregard the rest. Premarital sex (fornication) is sinful in God’s eyes… No questions asked. He has already answered your question in the words that are written in the Bible.

Since you have already had sex with your boyfriend, then you have already sinned. Jesus told Mary Magdalene to go and sin no more. The adulteress was going to be stoned to death, but Jesus told the mob that the one who was without sin to throw the first stone. It is not a new dilemma for people to consider with regard to sex before marriage.

You say that you enjoy being Catholic, so why do you question the Churches’ reading of scripture? Why is it so hard to comply? I know that today’s society looks at sex before marriage as almost a prerequisite. But, that’s society’s views. We are Christians, and we are sinners.

It is not for us to judge you or your boyfriend. Pray that the Lord gives you both the strength to abstain until marriage. The marriage bed is sacred, blessed by God, and is a union of two people as one for life, not just awhile until you find someone you like better.

My prayers are with you! :gopray2:
 
I did not wait for marriage to have sex (I’m still not married). I’m not cradle Catholic and I wasn’t raised understanding the magnitude of premarital sex. Having thought the way the OP does and having lived through that, I will say that now that I am with the person I will marry (God willing) I realize what a colossal waste of time the others before him were. I was not promiscuous by a long shot but I look back at previous relationships and how many of them turned out and situations I ended up in. My first love married someone else shortly after we parted ways. Its not until I decided to do something different, date differently, evaluate relationships differently that I found a person who I want to marry.

I encourage you to think about this and think about if you want to eventually marry your current boyfriend. 18 is quite young. I was blessed to be able to do quite a bit of traveling and have some amazing life experiences before I met my intended. Don’t let anybody slow you down and take it from me that even without getting pregnant or STD’s it is much more difficult to separate from a man you are sleeping with to go to school, to travel to do things.

Just another perspective.
 
I am nearly 27 now. I gave away my virginity away 7 years ago, and was sexually active for 3 years after that. I had fallen away from the faith when I was 18. Since I’ve come back to the faith I’ve realized just how important waiting until marriage is.

Sex will not hold together a failing marriage and sex cannot make you love a person. A strong holy marriage can make sex improve, though. A married couple can learn to love each other more wholly in the marital bed. Sex should never be a benchmark for determining a partner… and that is speaking from experience.

Joshua C.
 
EasterJoy said:
People with AIDs still have a significantly shorter lifespan than those without, the cost of care is tens of thousands of dollars a year, and the diagnosis complicates every other disease diagnosis one might get, including cancer or diabetes. Certain HIV meds, such as protease inhibitors, increase your risk for insulin resistance and diabetes. There have also been studies that indicate that people who had diabetes before they contracted HIV may also have higher rates of heart disease. IOW, if you have diabetes, getting AIDS would make your diabetes more dangerous…between AIDS and diabetes, it isn’t an either/or choice at all!
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Well if I was pregnant I would rather have diabetes than AIDS and maybe pass that on to the baby.
 
I advised her to get married now. Hey, it wasn’t long ago before the pill that young people who had an oops got married. My brother was “caught” at the age of 20 and his GF was 17. There was no way to get an abortion, thank God. THEY GOT MARRIED JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE WHO COULD NOT WAIT.

They have been married going on 50 years soon. 3 daughters and had a very happy, loving, Catholic marriage. Now people are so selfish this seneriio hardly ever happens. Too many abortions because the pill failed or the condom broke.

People looking shocked at people to be marrying so young without a college education, a good job, a house, a car and a big bank account. Well, then wait to have sex when you get those things and are married or get married now and work together to get those things while having your family at the same time. It may be more difficult but it’s doable, plus it makes you stronger.
 
EasterJoy said:
Who said that two 18 year olds with no means of supporting either themselves or a family are ready for marriage? I don’t think I wrote that. I’m quite sure I did not.

No, it is not an oversimplification, nor is it “inane”. Heaven help the parent who has to parent alone, although many have to do it through no fault of their own, and I hope you didn’t choose that for yourself or your daughter. I hope you didn’t decide on your own that her father was someone you could dispense with, that your MA and your house and your wonderful job cou:thumbsup:ld replace her dad in her life. I can’t imagine my boys being brought up thinking they don’t need their dad. Children need, want, and where possible have a right to be raised in the same house with both of their parents, parents who love each other and have one life together. I hope you are not implying that this is some kind of a frivolous luxury that being “well-adjusted” could possibly prove a child has no need of. Human resilience does not mean that what was taken away was never needed in the first place.

BTW, why did you choose to write that you “found yourself” single and pregnant? Bravo to you (and I mean that!) for choosing to take on all the duties of parenthood when your child’s father wasn’t there to support you and your daughter, but why did you choose to put it that way? Surely you did not gain the age of 30 and a professional degree without knowing that this was a reasonably likely consequence of sex outside of marriage.

Your daughter was not a foundling. You did not wake up pregnant as one wakes up having grown or lost hair or height. Pregnancy requires someone to have made a choice; it does not just happen. Even Our Lord was conceived only after Our Lady made her brave fiat. Either you decided to become pregnant or someone else criminally made that decision for you, but it did not happen by no one’s decision.

Still, it happens very often to women that support implied outside of marriage is not forthcoming when pregnancy comes about. The people who raise children alone are heroes, no matter how they find themselves with that task. We ought not imply that it is “inane” to not wish that on anyone or to tell them it is simply another choice of how to raise a child, though. It just isn’t. You deserved the help of a husband and she deserved a father. Bravo to you for all you did for her, but please do not imply that the resilience you and your daughter showed proves that marriage is merely an option someone looking to become a parent might consider.
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👍
 
I am not a virgin because I didn’t want to wait until marriage. Instead I spent my 20’s sleeping with men I wasn’t married to (and some weren’t really relationships either). The result?I am now 42 and still single. The good men didn’t want me and the losers caused me grief. If I could go back in time I would still be a virgin and maybe have a good husband instead of facing a possible life alone.
 
How would you feel if you found out someone wouldn’t marry you because of your body? You would think they are pretty shallow, right? That’s what “trying someone out for sexual compatibility” is all about. It’s about deciding whether or not you want a relationship based on their body. It puts who they are as a person on the back burner.

I once heard of a priest that, when counseling couples before marriage that had slept together, he would breach the sex before marriage topic by looking at each one and saying, “Do you realize this person is okay with having sex outside of your marriage?” It was blunt, but it made people think about the choices they have made. If a person doesn’t reserve sex only for marriage, then will they be okay with sex outside of marriage after the wedding?

My husband and I waited until marriage, and it is the best decision either of us could have ever made. You don’t need to “try each other out” sexually. If you have a strong bond you will be fine. Plus, marriage isn’t all about sex. When you marry someone, you vow to spend your life with the person NO MATTER the circumstances.

My husband used to work in gynecology-oncology. Cancer can do some horribly disfiguring things and even though modern medicine does try to help a woman retain the ability to have sexual pleasure, there is no guarantee that it will be retained after some surgeries and treatments. In other words, just because you “tried someone out” before marriage, it doesn’t mean that things will always be wonderful in bed.

If you reserve sex for marriage, you give yourself the opportunity to know the actual person you are marrying, not their body. I would hope you would want to marry a person for who they are and not their body, anyway. When you wait until marriage, you are focused on who that person is and how they love you and commit to you as a person.
 
TeachCatechism said:
I am not a virgin because I didn’t want to wait until marriage. Instead I spent my 20’s sleeping with men I wasn’t married to (and some weren’t really relationships either). The result?I am now 42 and still single. The good men didn’t want me and the losers caused me grief. If I could go back in time I would still be a virgin and maybe have a good husband instead of facing a possible life alone.
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How sad. Waiting around for a married man to leave his wife (not meaning you, that you did this) and marry you is one of the most useless actions a woman can do. Even if it does happen how can you trust someone who goes outside of their marriage to date you? It a sign they will cheat on you.

Plus, I don’t know what has happened to modesty anymore. I can’t imagine giving the most intimate, secret and sacred part of myself to just any and all. I had a friend who slept with many men after her divorce. Once when she was at a meeting she suddenly realized she had slept with all the men sitting at that table. She said she felt very strange. Geesh, I would have felt sick and like going into the restroom to throw up. We all know how men talk and compare their sexual experiences, if they have any. I guess I have more respect for myself than to throw myself around like that. Quezzy to say the least, yuck.
 
I heard someone say (cant remember who) explain the reason to stay chaste as the following:

In your life you share and love many things with many people including family, friends, co-workers, ect. the one thing that is reserved to be shared only with your spouse is sex. Once the uniqueness is gone it can never be recovered. I have never had sex with any other than my wife so I have nothing to compare to and she was a virgin also. I don’t know how someone who has had many partners can help but compare. but like many have said it is a sin but confession and repentance wipes the slate clean with God. Unfortunately the consequences remain like they do with most sins. by having sex you have bonded to that person and will in some ways remain so. with all the social media it is not unusual to reconnect with former friends. I have been married 42 years and there always are rough spots and that is where Satan creeps in. I can imagine if you have had past lovers the time they would try to reconnect would be exactly at a low point.
 
oneofmany said:
How sad. Waiting around for a married man to leave his wife (not meaning you, that you did this) and marry you is one of the most useless actions a woman can do. Even if it does happen how can you trust someone who goes outside of their marriage to date you? It a sign they will cheat on you.

Plus, I don’t know what has happened to modesty anymore. I can’t imagine giving the most intimate, secret and sacred part of myself to just any and all. I had a friend who slept with many men after her divorce. Once when she was at a meeting she suddenly realized she had slept with all the men sitting at that table. She said she felt very strange. Geesh, I would have felt sick and like going into the restroom to throw up. We all know how men talk and compare their sexual experiences, if they have any. I guess I have more respect for myself than to throw myself around like that. Quezzy to say the least, yuck.
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Luckily I wasn’t stupid enough to get involved with a married man, but instead wasted my time on men who really didn’t care for me. I didn’t realize it at the time but do now because I see what kinds of men are out there now, either divorced dads who can’t marry in church or men who didn’t marry for a reason. It scares me because I met someone I like but he’s not going as fast as I would like. I am afraid if he isn’t interested then I am back to seeking again and the choices out there are very slim.
 
Like I said before I admire anyone who waits until marriage to have sex.

It’s not common though, people get married later in life and with all of life’s challenges, education costs, a 50% divorce rate, the skyrocketing unemployment rate of recent college graduates, etc. makes it difficult to be a 100% perfect Christian.

Imagine living in Spain and Greece with 50% unemployment rate, educated kids cannot find jobs and having to leave their families or imagine living in Alaska or Northern Canada with 6 months of darkness and cold.

The Lord doesn’t pay these people’s bills and if sex is a way to give people some happiness and fullfill some fantasies, I am not condemning them.

Better to have sex with someone you love than to be depressed, lonely, and bored.

Pre-marital sex is just as common in Catholic high schools as it is in Public schools so let’s look at that statistic as well!
 
Married39 said:
Like I said before I admire anyone who waits until marriage to have sex.

It’s not common though, people get married later in life and with all of life’s challenges, education costs, a 50% divorce rate, the skyrocketing unemployment rate of recent college graduates, etc. makes it difficult to be a 100% perfect Christian.

Imagine living in Spain and Greece with 50% unemployment rate, educated kids cannot find jobs and having to leave their families or imagine living in Alaska or Northern Canada with 6 months of darkness and cold.

The Lord doesn’t pay these people’s bills and if sex is a way to give people some happiness and fullfill some fantasies, I am not condemning them.

Better to have sex with someone you love than to be depressed, lonely, and bored.

Pre-marital sex is just as common in Catholic high schools as it is in Public schools so let’s look at that statistic as well!
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None of this is Catholic teaching.
 
TeachCatechism said:
I am not a virgin because I didn’t want to wait until marriage. Instead I spent my 20’s sleeping with men I wasn’t married to (and some weren’t really relationships either). The result?I am now 42 and still single. The good men didn’t want me and the losers caused me grief. If I could go back in time I would still be a virgin and maybe have a good husband instead of facing a possible life alone.
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How good is a man who will choose to not want you simply for mistakes in your past?
 
Miss_Felicity said:
How good is a man who will choose to not want you simply for mistakes in your past?
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Were your statement clearly pertinent to the facts we know, I might agree with you. However,…

At the time of the events the poster references, she may have been known to the “good men” largely by her actions & reputation (as sleeping around) - they can’t be blamed for being stand-offish in light of the poster’s demonstrated behaviour. It may also be that in the relevant time period, the poster had not yet acknowledged her actions were “mistakes”.

There is no basis in the information available on which to pass judgement on the “good men” to which the poster refers.
 
joshvanrad said:
I am nearly 27 now. I gave away my virginity away 7 years ago, and was sexually active for 3 years after that. I had fallen away from the faith when I was 18. Since I’ve come back to the faith I’ve realized just how important waiting until marriage is.
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Good for you.

👍
 
Married39 said:
Like I said before I admire anyone who waits until marriage to have sex.

It’s not common though, people get married later in life and with all of life’s challenges, education costs, a 50% divorce rate, the skyrocketing unemployment rate of recent college graduates, etc. makes it difficult to be a 100% perfect Christian.

Imagine living in Spain and Greece with 50% unemployment rate, educated kids cannot find jobs and having to leave their families or imagine living in Alaska or Northern Canada with 6 months of darkness and cold.

The Lord doesn’t pay these people’s bills and if sex is a way to give people some happiness and fullfill some fantasies, I am not condemning them.

Better to have sex with someone you love than to be depressed, lonely, and bored.

Pre-marital sex is just as common in Catholic high schools as it is in Public schools so let’s look at that statistic as well!
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Your commentary on the times in which we live is fair enough. And it is not our place to condemn anyone but wish better times for them, and if possible, to help them.

Is sex the only, or the best, or even an acceptable prescription (for the unmarried) for depression, loneliness and boredom? Makes me wonder what should be prescribed for the poor and the homeless.

I’d be happy to look at the statistic you mention. What does that statistic tell you about morality (as opposed to what is happening in the world)?
 
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