Sex question from an engaged man (virgin)

[Debora123]

Given this, I would like to know: is a man allowed to give a woman a climax AFTER he has experienced his own, but as part of the same sex act?

Yes. A woman can climax either before, after, or during the man’s climax. Chances are she won’t climax from intercourse, even if you were to last a really long time. Intercourse alone usually doesn’t feel good enough to women to where they are able to climax. So you’ll usually have to stimulate her manually or orally. She may even stimulate herself manually during intercourse (while she is on top). Doing so would not be a sin.

The only thing I get hung up on is that it would require the use of a hand. I know that such stimulation is allowed as foreplay, but is it allowed to bring about an actual climax that way for the woman?

Yes, of course. As I said above, it is ok for a woman to climax in ANY way. So long as it is within a session.

But if I wanted “do whatever you feel” I’d be a protestant!

A married couple very well MAY do “whatever they like” so long as the man finishes inside the woman, and all acts (positions, foreplay, etc…) are consensual and conducive to self giving love.

Also, any other advice for a soon to be husband, especially about the wedding night, would be appreciated!

If your fiance is a virgin it’ll hurt her very very very badly. Be patient and go slow. It might take a while for you to be able to go all the way in. Using lubricant might not be a bad idea, as it may help ease her pain.

 

[Debora123]

I guess that’s the answer that I was looking for on another post. Can I manually manipulate (hand, etc.) my wife before I penetrate, so that she does climax.

Is there a clear answer on this?

You can manually or orally stimulate her at any time during a session. She may also manually stimulate herself during this time.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

If your fiance is a virgin it’ll hurt her very very very badly. Be patient and go slow. It might take a while for you to be able to go all the way in. Using lubricant might not be a bad idea, as it may help ease her pain.

This is a common misconception. A first time intercourse for a woman MAY hurt. I might hurt a lot, really a lot. It might not. Personally, I experience no pain at all. Even now, 20 months of being married, if I’m not lubed enough, it’s not comfortable at all for me, in fact almost impossible to achieve intercourse.

 

[Debora123]

This is a common misconception. A first time intercourse for a woman MAY hurt. I might hurt a lot, really a lot. It might not. Personally, I experience no pain at all. Even now, 20 months of being married, if I’m not lubed enough, it’s not comfortable at all for me, in fact almost impossible to achieve intercourse.

I experienced A LOT of pain so I thought everyone else at least experienced some. My apologies.

 

[fpt]

*The marital act for virgin spouses can be stressful, thus some fears can appear and provoke pains. *

*Per se, the first sexual of wife is not very painful in general, but sometimes a little pain can come. *

Only, a very tender and lovable husband and a mature wife* in her head about the sexuality can avoid those pains: husband has to be patient, tender, lovable, lovable and the wife has to try to accept this potential situation*. Also, a degree of pain has to be agreed by her: a sexual effort and a sexual sacrifice coming from her.

 

[mommamaree]

If your fiance is a virgin it’ll hurt her very very very badly. Be patient and go slow. It might take a while for you to be able to go all the way in. Using lubricant might not be a bad idea, as it may help ease her pain.

While it is always important for a husband to be considerate of his wife and be careful to avoid causing any pain, it is not always true that the first time for a virgin woman will hurt. My first time did not hurt, or at least it did not feel any more uncomfortable than getting a little scrape on my arm, and the good sensations far outweighed the uncomfortable one. Going slow is very important, and there is no reason why full penetration must be achieved quickly. But that remains true for women even after multiple childbirths.

 

[Debora123]

While it is always important for a husband to be considerate of his wife and be careful to avoid causing any pain, it is not always true that the first time for a virgin woman will hurt. My first time did not hurt, or at least it did not feel any more uncomfortable than getting a little scrape on my arm, and the good sensations far outweighed the uncomfortable one. Going slow is very important, and there is no reason why full penetration must be achieved quickly. But that remains true for women even after multiple childbirths.

Wow, looks like I totally got jipped then lol. Yeah, not only did my first time hurt, but my first THREE times hurt (and bled). And it didn’t just hurt a little, it was very very painful. A burning, stabbing pain. It probably took close to a half hour for him to be able to get all the way inside the first time, but I was eager to make it happen. Felt like I was being stabbed with a burning hot knife though.

…And I wasn’t even nervous at all either, so I dunno why it hurt sooo much.

 

[fpt]

Wow, looks like I totally got jipped then lol. Yeah, not only did my first time hurt, but my first THREE times hurt (and bled). And it didn’t just hurt a little, it was very very painful. A burning, stabbing pain. It probably took close to a half hour for him to be able to get all the way inside the first time, but I was eager to make it happen. Felt like I was being stabbed with a burning hot knife though.

…And I wasn’t even nervous at all either, so I dunno why it hurt sooo much.

The love, the tenderness, the natural goodness, the trust*, the lack of wrong mentalities, the good education about the marital act,* the patience*,* the time*, the open mind, the mental foreplay, the spiritual foreplay, the religious foreplay, the physical foreplay, the physical afterplay,* the communication, *the sexual effort, the sexual sacrifice,the sexual cooperation, the catholic charity are the keys.

 

[mommamaree]

Wow, looks like I totally got jipped then lol. Yeah, not only did my first time hurt, but my first THREE times hurt (and bled). And it didn’t just hurt a little, it was very very painful. A burning, stabbing pain. It probably took close to a half hour for him to be able to get all the way inside the first time, but I was eager to make it happen. Felt like I was being stabbed with a burning hot knife though.

…And I wasn’t even nervous at all either, so I dunno why it hurt sooo much.

I am so sorry. Some women have thicker membranes that must be stretched (the hymen is actually stretched open more often than “broken”), and sometimes the sizes of the genitals play a role in additional pain (for example: a women who is smaller and a man who is larger). Also, the amount of lubrication a woman makes will vary, and a virgin may not have enough lubrication because her body doesn’t know what is happening just yet. I bet that was very discouraging.

 

[Debora123]

The love, the tenderness, the natural goodness, the trust*, the lack of wrong mentalities, the good education about the marital act,* the patience*,* the time*, the open mind, the mental foreplay, the spiritual foreplay, the religious foreplay, the physical foreplay, the physical afterplay,* the communication, *the sexual effort, the sexual sacrifice,the sexual cooperation, the catholic charity are the keys.

All those were present, but it still hurt and bled. I’m sure it was just a physical thing on my end. He wasn’t doing anything wrong or being rough either, so yeah. It was all just my body.

 

[Debora123]

I am so sorry. Some women have thicker membranes that must be stretched (the hymen is actually stretched open more often than “broken”), and sometimes the sizes of the genitals play a role in additional pain (for example: a women who is smaller and a man who is larger). Also, the amount of lubrication a woman makes will vary, and a virgin may not have enough lubrication because her body doesn’t know what is happening just yet. I bet that was very discouraging.

Thank you.

But it was actually fine. I wasn’t worried or anything, I knew it would hurt, I just didn’t realize it would hurt that much. But regardless of the pain, it was still great being so close and knowing that we were finally giving ourselves to each other after 4 years. Despite the pain, I still cherished the moment and it is still a fond memory.

 

[fpt]

Thank you.

But it was actually fine. I wasn’t worried or anything, I knew it would hurt, I just didn’t realize it would hurt that much. But regardless of the pain, it was still great being so close and knowing that we were finally giving ourselves to each other after 4 years. Despite the pain, I still cherished the moment and it is still a fond memory.

I wanted to state that in this context, *the little pains, the bleeding, the hurting, the burning, the stabbing pain *were overcome via the love, the tenderness, the natural goodness, the trust, the lack of wrong mentalities, the good education about the marital act, the patience, the time, the open mind, the mental foreplay, the spiritual foreplay, the religious foreplay, the physical foreplay, the physical afterplay, the communication, the sexual effort, the sexual sacrifice,the sexual cooperation, the catholic charity.

You are a good example that despite the pain, you could still state that you cherished this moment and that it will be still a fond memory because of the conjugal love of your husband and your your conjugal love for him. Your experience of wife is a good message for the future virgin brides.

Today, the catholic virgin brides have to be helped by your types of statement. You are a positive young wife. It is helpful.

 

[SciFiWriter]

I was not aware that a woman normally doesn’t reach climax before a man. I guess I lucked out with my relationship. In my experience, the more fun you have in general in the bedroom, the easier sex is; the more you focus on “the climax” the harder it is. For me and my significant other, the more general fun we have, clothed, unclothed, on the bed, elsewhere in the house (it doesn’t matter) – the easier it is to just have a great time and everything else comes natural. And as someone said above, COMMUNICATION is key. You should both talk to each other about what you like, what you don’t like, what feels good, what doesn’t; etc., there will be “little things” that you find out will cause her pain, and other things you find out will cause her great pleasure.

There is actually a lot more I can go into that to get into specifics, but despite reading the rules on posting (which I do not intend or want to break, ever), it’s not exactly too clear to me what is considered explicit because, sadly, I can go into better detail on things a woman really really likes but it requires getting down to the nitty-gritty. So I am withholding quite a lot. If I have the go-ahead from a moderator to continue with the specifics of things that your wife will find comfortable, I will gladly divulge but at the same time, I don’t want to get into trouble for my description and detail.

 

[Debora123]

I wanted to state that in this context, *the little pains, the bleeding, the hurting, the burning, the stabbing pain *were overcome via the love, the tenderness, the natural goodness, the trust, the lack of wrong mentalities, the good education about the marital act, the patience, the time, the open mind, the mental foreplay, the spiritual foreplay, the religious foreplay, the physical foreplay, the physical afterplay, the communication, the sexual effort, the sexual sacrifice,the sexual cooperation, the catholic charity.

You are a good example that despite the pain, you could still state that you cherished this moment and that it will be still a fond memory because of the conjugal love of your husband and your your conjugal love for him. Your experience of wife is a good message for the future virgin brides.

Today, the catholic virgin brides have to be helped by your types of statement. You are a positive young wife. It is helpful.

Aww thank you so much!

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I will gladly divulge but at the same time, I don’t want to get into trouble for my description and detail.

I’ve attempted to do that is as unoffensive a way as possible, but those threads tend to get out of hand and have disappeared.

The long and short of it is that it would be extremely (repeat: extremely) unlikely to happen with inexperienced couples. It didn’t happen to my wife until she hit 39, and now its an every-time occurrence as long as she’s not tired. Age and experience (from experimentation) is most definitely helpful, as well as being relaxed and alert.

Don’t expect it to happen right away, and don’t stress out when it doesn’t happen right away. Experiment, and live in and appreciate the moment with your spouse. Sex is way more than climaxing together; it’s a spiritual expression of a sacrament.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Today, the catholic virgin brides have to be helped by your types of statement. You are a positive young wife. It is helpful.

I concur. And it’s not just Debora; it’s also husband. They represent the ideal that many of us strive for, yet fail very miserably at. Our sinful world desperately needs more of such shining examples.

 

[Debora123]

I concur. And it’s not just Debora; it’s also husband. They represent the ideal that many of us strive for, yet fail very miserably at. Our sinful world desperately needs more of such shining examples.

I totally didn’t deserve such a nice compliment, but thank you so much for the kind words. )

 

[fpt]

I concur. And it’s not just Debora; it’s also husband. They represent the ideal that many of us strive for, yet fail very miserably at. Our sinful world desperately needs more of such shining examples.

*Of course, the role of husband is essential and important. *

But, in my sentences i wanted to insist on the sexual efforts and the sexual sacrifices of a virgin bride during the beginning of the conjugal sexual life. By love for the husband, by love and tenderness of husband toward wife, the virgin bride has overcome* the little pains, the bleeding, the hurting, the burning, the stabbing pain. Today, the sexual sacrifices and the sexual efforts in the marriage,* in positive or in negative, are not teached by the educators, in general.

In their case, they had and have good mentality about the marital act. She agrees with the fact of making sexual efforts in favor of the husband, of the couple and in fine in favor for herself.

She was and is mature, sexually speaking, because she overcame her pains in reason of the mutual and reciprocal love. She was capable to allow to her husband to keep doing his job of lover on her (sorry for those type of words!!!) in order to lead the marital act. Also, the husband was and is mature.

 

[mommamaree]

*Of course, the role of husband is essential and important. *

But, in my sentences i wanted to insist on the sexual efforts and the sexual sacrifices of a virgin bride during the beginning of the conjugal sexual life. By love for the husband, by love and tenderness of husband toward wife, the virgin bride has overcome* the little pains, the bleeding, the hurting, the burning, the stabbing pain. Today, the sexual sacrifices and the sexual efforts in the marriage,* in positive or in negative, are not teached by the educators, in general.

In their case, they had and have good mentality about the marital act. She agrees with the fact of making sexual efforts in favor of the husband, of the couple and in fine in favor for herself.

She was and is mature, sexually speaking, because she overcame her pains in reason of the mutual and reciprocal love. She was capable to allow to her husband to keep doing his job of lover on her (sorry for those type of words!!!) in order to lead the marital act. Also, the husband was and is mature.

Perfect love casts out all fear.

Women must accept a lot of pains within their body for the sake of love. The first time for the virgin will have some discomfort, at the very least, associated with it. Pregnancy, then childbirth, then nursing (which is not easy to learn or to teach the baby, but is so worth it); these things all cause the woman to experience a lot of pains within her body. But women do it for the sake of love. It is one of the things that is common to the experience of all women, but which is not much talked about. I am trying to be honest in my family life, both with my husband and with my children, that love hurts. When we respond maturely to that love, we accept the pain and are able to bear much for the sake of love. I think it would do our society much good if we started being honest in public conversations about how much women’s bodies experience physical pain in uniting with their loving husbands and bringing children into the world. Not to escape from that pain, but to courageously rise up to meet it. We need women like Debora who are willing to make that sacrifice of their comfort for their husbands and families. We need Christian women to view their vocation to marriage within the broader call to follow Jesus. We are soldiers in this world, part of the Church Militant, but our leader is Love Himself. Love bears all things, and we women are asked to bear a lot within our bodies for the sake of love.
Anyway, got a bit off topic, but I find the notion of courage and sacrifice willingly taken up for love to be very empowering. You can do a lot of things that are very difficult when you remind yourself that you are doing it for love.

 

[fpt]

The moral education on the sexed and sexual corporeality, on the marriage, on the marital act with all the corollaries, on the sexual rights, on the sexual obligations, on the sexaul duties, on the sexual charity, on the union of body and soul, on the marital debt, on the mutual and reciprocal donation of bodies, on the sexual efforts, on the sexual sacrifices, on the sexual donation IS VERY IMPORTANT.

The moral education, the religious education, the spiritual education, the mental education and the psychological education about the marriage and about the marital act have to be done by the parents, by the catholic priests, by the catholic doctors, by the catholic nurses, by the catholic midwifes, by the catholic ethicists, by catholic psychologists, by the catholic moralists.

The preparation of marriage is so important. The issue is that the topic of the marital act is not enough explained,* there are many wrong teachings, all is not in the details with the subtelties. ***The natural moral regime of the materiality and of the intentionality of the marital act is not enough known. **This topic is quite particular. The ideologies and/or the heresies are the kings and the queens. It was for that that I wanted to do a doctorate on this topic, in the details. But, for the moment can not, may be in the future. Perhaps a book with a quiz and many answers. Why not!!! i must take time and decide.