Sex with Older Guys

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Aly said:
This is kinda dumb question I know but what does the bible say about girls having sex with older guys? I know havin sex with a guy before being married is a sin and all but some of my friends say its not wrose if the guys are older if you dont get caught. Is that true? I’m 14 and my friends are like 15.

:o Aly
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Honey, you are very wise to question your friends. Sex outside of marriage is a sin, and it does not matter if the boy is older than you, younger than you or the same age as you.

Whenever someone says something like this to you, ask yourself (first) WHY the guy being older would make a difference? If you have a good enough relationship with your friends to ask them why THEY think it would make a difference, then ask them to explain themselves. But do NOT just take it for granted, just because they might be a little bit older than you. Age does not ALWAYS equal wisdom!
 
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff. I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them. Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older. My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now. if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?
 
Aly said:
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff. I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them. Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older. My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now. if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?
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If you are forced or coerced it becomes rape (which is obviously not sinful on the part of the victim) – but if there’s even that possibility that one of your friends might do such a thing to you, why on earth are you still hanging out with them?

Gentlemen (both your age and older) these days can be hard to find, but they’re around. Nobody should expect to be ‘rewarded’ for their company with sex, and you – and everyone else, for that matter – would be better off without the kind of people who do expect that.
 
Aly said:
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff. I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them. Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older. My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now. if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?
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If you are forced to have sex, it is RAPE, and no, it is not a sin for the rape victim, but why on earth would you put yourself in this situation? Even if you come out without a pregnancy or a disease, you will carry the trauma with you for the rest of your life. Is it worth it to hang out with loser guys who trick impressionable young girls into activities for which they are in no way ready? These guys are predators, and by associating with them and allowing them to have their way, these young girls are simply feeding the flame. Please have more respect for yourself and your body, and do not let a creepy guy who can’t (or won’t) deal with women his own age ruin you.
 
Aly said:
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff.

I was 14 once too, and found myself in similar situations with my friends. One of my friends was even dating a 20 year old at one point. She got into a few situations that made her realize that she was in over her head and finally stopped seeing him. It helped that me and a few of her other friends helped her realize that it wasn’t cool to be used by a guy.

I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them.

Then don’t hang out with them…no one is forcing you to hang out with anyone. You can choose your friends. Nothing wrong with just having some girl time.

Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way

Only some parts of it. But mostly they are seeing a world where young girls are naive and have no respect for themselves or God and are easy to get into the sack.

but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older.

NO, it’s not because they are older, it’s because they are scummy sleazebags. I hope that’s clear enough for you!!!

My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now.

**I wish your dad would step up and explain some of this stuff to you. He is the best one to explain how guys are and/or should be. Have you tried asking him? **
What about your mom? You say she is freaking out, but my best guess would be that she loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurt (physically or emotionally). TALK to her.

if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?

You can’t be kind of forced to. You are either forced (raped) or you choose to have sex. 14 is old enough to make responsible choices. But I know that lots of bad choices get made too because I made lots of them myself.
Start asking yourself, and your friends, what sex means. Sex with anyone but your spouse is GIVING AWAY a part of yourself that is sacred and special.
If you had $1000 in your pocket, would you give it to these older guys because they asked you to or made you think that all your friends were giving them their money?
If you had a ring that your grandma gave to you before she died and told you to use it as your wedding ring in the future, would you give it to these guys just to be cool?
If you had a beloved dog that has been your best friend since you were a little girl, would you give it over to these guys to do with as they please?
Your body and soul are more valuable than ALL of these things combined. Think about that.
malia (a new mommy that prays her daughter will be able to talk to her about this kind of stuff and love herself enough not to give a sacred part of herself away just to be cool:( )
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Aly said:
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff. I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them. Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older. My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now. if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?
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IF someone forces you to have sex, they have committed a crime of rape.

NOW, having said that, you must remember that you have an obligation to not put yourself in situations which could be condusive to either committing a sin yourself or becoming a victim of a crime. If that means no dating guys who want to have sex before they are married, then that means no dating guys who want to have sex before they are married. you have a RIGHT, as a Catholic Christian, to ask a boy or a man what his intentions are…
I would also suggest to you that a guy who wants to force someone to have sex with him is NOT someone who looks at the world the same way you do…there is nothing romantic or thrilling about being a victim of rape.
 
Aly said:
This is kinda dumb question I know but what does the bible say about girls having sex with older guys? I know havin sex with a guy before being married is a sin and all but some of my friends say its not wrose if the guys are older if you dont get caught. Is that true? I’m 14 and my friends are like 15.

:o Aly
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I’m not going to get into the legal issues here, since you asked about what the Bible would say.
In short, if you are 15 years old, and married to an older man, then it would be ok to have sex with your husband, who is an older man. But not with anyone else. As to “worse” I think it’s worse for the man, than it is for the girl, since I think there’s a stronger possibillity of manipulation on the part of the man. But that’s my opinion.
 
Your ideas seem to be those of a young person who has already told us that you don’t want t go out with yong peole because of their imaturity. What do you think of your own.
In these threads you will not get the sympathy you might be looking for to justify your thoughts. Why are you listening to those who are not interested in your good health and well being? Can you tell us that and be honest.

You say that you love God, if you do then how can you not love your body that is made to god’s likeness?
 
littleone said:
Your ideas seem to be those of a young person who has already told us that you don’t want t go out with yong peole because of their imaturity. What do you think of your own.
In these threads you will not get the sympathy you might be looking for to justify your thoughts. Why are you listening to those who are not interested in your good health and well being? Can you tell us that and be honest.

You say that you love God, if you do then how can you not love your body that is made to god’s likeness?
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Aly’s father died, I think that may be the genesis of this whole “older man” idea. I think that she is hurting and that she misses her dad. Her mom is probably still hurting as well.
Both of them can actually grow closer because of the shared grief.
 
***Aly’s father died, I think that may be the genesis of this whole “older man” idea. ***
The Older man in this question as Ali asks is possibly in a sexual relationship, Certainly a person may look for a father figurehead to take the place of, but to draw in the responsibility of a sexual relationships with an elder man goes further into a different situation altogether. It is very dangerous for a person to even suppose that a father figurehead will help or erase any past trauma in the loss of a close person in this capacity.

I think that she is hurting and that she misses her dad. Her mom is probably still hurting as well.
I would not think otherwise than what you suppose, however I think that if she reads what you have written (which is a probability), it might lead her into thinking that because she needs because she is hurting she therefore has the right. Aly’s questioned then comes back to her query “IS IT ALL RIGHT”? And the answer is NO IT IS NOT. God does not condone wantom neglect of the 10 commandments under any situation, although His mercy prevails over all, therefore the judgment is solely His.

Both of them can actually grow closer because of the shared grief.
I agree they might but taking in Ali’s question are you suggesting that in the sexual relationship with the older man they might grow closer together in sharing the grief?
 
Is it really like this in America? It probably happens down here aswell im just oblivious to it. It freaks me out though, ally id get some new friends. Guys like that arent cool they tend to have an abused childhood.
 
Aly,

It is a sin for you to hang out with older guys because that is something that leads to the sin of sex outside of marriage. If you knowingly do something that leads to serious sin, then that is also a sin.

You should not be dating or having sex at your age. Instead you should get involved in activities like sports or dance or music or art or creative writing or other such things.

Also, there is the possibility that you might get pregnant.

And there are many sexually-transmitted diseases out there, including AIDS, which is fatal.

You should put aside dating and guys for now and just enjoy your life.

Ron
 
Aly, I am the mother of a 15 year old daughter. She and I communicate very well. I encourage her to talk to me about ANYTHING and I try not to be judgmental or harsh with her because I want to keep the lines of communication open between us. So far, so good.

The reason I am telling you this is because I want to encourage you to talk to your mother. Tell her these things. Tell her she can’t freak out because you need her and you need her to talk to you like an adult instead of like a child. Your mother has a lot of things to share with you, if you can get her to open up to you.

You are getting incorrect information from your ‘friends’ and believe me, you are going to end up behaving like them if you believe what they say.

Please, please, please – have more respect for yourself, even love yourself, as God loves you. He does not want you to hurt yourself this way.

Do not even think of having sex because you are talked into it, or ‘sort of’ forced into it. It would be a huge mistake and you will pay for it for the rest of your life.

Aly, please listen to what the people on this forum say and talk to your mother or someone who has experienced the world more than you have at 14.

Please love yourself, respect yourself, trust yourself. Find some new friends or join a Catholic youth group, or something.
 
God once instructed older priests to keep some of the young virgin girls from their enemies that they captured for themselves as war booty in the bible. So yea, not the best examples there.

It is illegal though and bad things can happen. They may not be taking advantage of you, though, and it’s quite possible they just want to hang out, but not I, or anyone else on this forum, knows any of the guys and can make any kind of reasonable judgement (erm…no offense to everyone who just made judgements anyway).

However, (and I don’t know how old you are talking) if they are 3 or 4 years older then you, that means a lot if you are 14. Their worldviews are signficantly different then yours. I mean, think about the differences in your life from 14 to 18. You may be able to connect with them in some way if you are more mature, or they may just be trying to play you, and that does happen a lot. Be careful and be safe, don’t let them force you into anything. The truth is, if you just give in, they will like you and respect you less. If you stand up for yourself, they will respect that and likely continue being your friends. Either way though, be careful.
 
Aly said:
I know alot of my friends do stuff with older guys cuz they are cool and have cars and drive them places and buy them stuff. I dont really care about that kinda stuff but boys my age are just like imature little kids and i cant stand hangin out with them. Older guys and me kinda like see the world the same way but they always want sex or other stuff like that when they are with us girls guess cuz they are older. My dad used to know that me and my friends like to hang out with some older guys and he just didnt say anything but my mom is like all freakin out now. if a girl really doesnt want to have sex with sombody older but is kinda forced 2, is that a sin 2 for her?
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If the older guy always want sex or other stuff like that from you 14 yrs old girls, or if they forced sex on you, the guys are still immatured little kids. And they are NOT see’ing the world the same way as you do. I mean, sure, other 14 yrs old guys around you act a little immatured, because guys’ puberty hits a little later than girls’, but within couple of years they will catch up. hmm… why don’t you just try dating not-sex-seeking 16 yrs old guys who can drive you around?

If a girl really doesn’t want to have sex with somebody older, and if a guy is starting to mentally forcing it on her, you still have choice to go along with it or stop see’ing the person. If you choose to go along with it, knowing it’s not the way to be, that’s a sin. If the guy doesn’t let you have chance to escape from him without having sex with him by threatning you or keep following you around, that’s called sort of “stalking” or “blackmailing”, etc etc, you can ask for a restraining order against him. If the guy physically forced it on to you, that’s called “rape”, and you’ve gotta report to the police, and no it’s not a sin to you.
 
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