Sexless marriage .. help?

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Tell her Pope John Paul II placed his authority as Pope on the Catechism, which states this teaching, that she is in mortal sin for refusing the marital debt for 3 years,

Her ‘opinion’ versus the Pope/ Catechism of the Church.
The catechism doesn’t teach anywhere that this rule expires at any stage of marriage, unless there are grave reasons.

Just because something is her ‘opinion’ doesn’t make it true.

Google and print off catholic church teachings on the ‘marital debt’ and ask her to read all of the information.
 
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When was the last time you got a baby sitter and took your wife out on a date? NOT expecting sex, just time for the two of you to be a couple.

What did you do when you were dating? Did you go dancing? Find out where a good band is playing and go dance. Movies? Museums? Mini-golf? When was the last time you simply had fun together without the kids?
 
I’ll be honest. In her 40’s she just got old. Doesn’t think it’s a priority. Early on in our marriage … I couldn’t keep up with her. What a night and day difference
 
Yes for married people … young married couples. Not older ones with responsibility’s
 
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Is there perhaps a language or cultural element to this issue?

Something is amiss.

She does not have to come to counseling, you go to counseling. Or, take her up on her challenge “honey, I have scheduled a meeting with Fr Joe. If he says that we are too old for sex, I will never ask you again.”
 
Ctactor said:
Thanks !! I actually clean the house to surprise my wife … I do a lot of daily chores.
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Here’s the million dollar question…aren’t daily chores and cleaning a part of normal life?
Ctactor said:
She simply says Romance and sex are for young people not for married adults who have children to take care of … and work. She won’t seek help … my wife says I’m the problem thinking like a child and not as an adult. !!
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She is clearly stressed and sex takes time for women…speaking as a woman, she may not have the space in her head to get herself there. She may not really enjoy sex as much as you might think. You say you cleaned the house “for her”, but is that how she really wanted to be loved or is that the way you express love? You might want to pick up a copy of the “7 Love Languages” if you haven’t already. It’s a widely read book and an easy ready.

Whatever you do stay away from the medical work up angle. It is a huge turn off (at least for me) to imply there is something functionally wrong with a person’s sexual drive. It’s one thing to do it mutually for infertility issues; that’s a shared cause. You are looking for sex…you offering to also go in to have a “check up” is not helping, I’d personally feel pandered to.

Clearly no one can diagnose your marriage over the internet. Other than personal experience, I’m not even qualified to do so. If she won’t go to counseling, go yourself, and don’t go to figure out what is wrong with her. Get to know yourself better. Your original post leads me to surmise that you might be a very if then sort of person. It’s good that you want to be a good husband, but (I’m not really trying to be harsh) I almost get the feeling that you are saving up stickers to get what you want. My thousand mile guess is that she feels like everything relies on her. Yes you help, but are you being asked (told) things to do vs anticipating and augmenting the list of things she sees that need to be done?
 
Loving the advice. But she won’t book anything if the kids are not involved. She actually might get mad if I try to organize something. Her own words … sex and romance are for younger married couples… not older.
 
Book it anyway. !

Tell her you need a break from all the kids and would like to let them get to spend some bonding time alone with their grandparents ☺️
 
YoungCatholicGuy said:
Tell her Pope John Paul II placed his authority as Pope on the Catechism, which states this teaching, that she is in mortal sin for refusing the marital debt for 3 years,

Her ‘opinion’ versus the Pope/ Catechism of the Church.
The catechism doesn’t teach anywhere that this rule expires at any stage of marriage, unless there are grave reasons.

Just because something is her ‘opinion’ doesn’t make it true.

Google and print off catholic church teachings on the ‘marital debt’ and ask her to read all of the information.
Click to expand...
My lord, you are going to be some catch.
 
I specifically talked about having adult fun where there is no sex expected. How often do you do that?
 
This is church teaching PJH74

You disagree with the Magisterium of the Church?

There is no sin involved with informing one’s spouse about what the Church’s teaching on a matter is.
Especially when the church teaches something is a mortal sin.
 
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Nope. No cultural issues. As I mentioned early on in our marriage I myself couldn’t keep up. But now that we are in our 40’s with two boys and bills… that is the only priority. She says that “father bill” should tell me that I’m acting as a child
 
The celibate state is superior to the married state, so it is not really a bad thing.
 
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Yes. There can be other things occurring… Suffice it to say that this issue can be a symptom of very serious problems.
 
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