Sexless marriage .. help?

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I simply believe God is testing my faith … as God can fix the issue with a wink of an eye. But it’s not on my time … it’s on Gods time. Thank you all who have taken time to encourage me.
 
Did she have this view (about older people should not have relations) before you were married?
 
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The OP’s wife no longer respects him. At the very least, she doesn’t respect him enough to even begin considering his needs let alone do anything at all about them nor does she respect him enough to consider getting herself checked out or going to counseling with him. The language she uses sounds like she is shaming him for even thinking about it. It won’t matter what she says about respect, it’s what she does that shows him what she really thinks about him.

It is very very difficult for a woman who doesn’t respect her husband to want to have sexual relations with him. Hence I would suggest to the OP that he needs to honestly look at his life with her and figure out where her level of respect for him changed and what could have triggered it. Maybe there are differences to be found between the man she married long ago and the man she is looking at today. Who knows, I don’t know, there are always two sides to this, the OP thinks he’s a saint but maybe he isn’t from her point of view.
 
Children should not be having sex, sex is not for the young until they are married. Sex is only for the married. Ask her what she means by sex is for the children and young? Ask for more details in what is she saying what does she mean. I think it’s not the we are too old excuse but that she “doesn’t want” to have sex (doesn’t find pleasure in it) and that you do…is not making a difference I think she is being a bit self centered. I am a wife and I can understand where she is coming from, it’s not that I can’t enjoy sex it’s that I really don’t need it. I have four kids grown and now grandchildren, but because I recognize that he needs it, it’s my way to give back to him. Perhaps there is something about sex that she doesn’t like, perhaps it’s painful or messy or whatever, ask her these questions too, just ask her to be totally honest with you so you can understand where she’s coming from. There is a lot of great books out there, the 5 love languages is one of them, find her two strongest love languages, try to adapt your actions to her with them, it will help her to feel loved and perhaps she will return those feelings, it’s not a trick to get her to do what you want but instead it an understanding of what makes each person feel truely loved. (Including yourself)
 
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I’m sorry. I wrote it the wrong way. My wife says sex is for young couples that just got married … not pre marriage. And older married couples … is a waste of time and not needed anymore. What’s needed is taking care of our boys and working hard… that’s it. I love my wife … and I really also don’t want her to just have sex with me … I want her to enjoy it … as she always did in the past when we first got married … I couldn’t even keep up with my wife’s needs. I just don’t know
 
Well something with her changed. You should ask her what changed if she used to appear to like it, was she faking that? Is she saying she doesn’t enjoy it and that’s why, if she says it’s not ncessary, does she do anything else or waste any of her time doing things she enjoys that’s not necessary? Tv? Good food, beauty shops, conversation with friends, shopping, extra naps? If so then she isn’t being honest with you about her reason. The thing here is she needs to be honest, the kind of honest when you get sick of arguing and then just finally say it (whatever IT is). You won’t get far if she doesn’t know how to be honest with herself and you, when answering
 
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I agree but being honest is what is required, It’s also sometimes the most difficult
 
I’m sure John the Baptist would be thrilled to know his parents were told old to have him.
 
Yes I agree. And I’m not just thinking about myself but of my wife … I want to be 1 as God intended
 
I was talking to someone else about something else. I already replied to Monicad who had the same question and clarified the situation. Maybe you read it while you scrolled down the thread.
 
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I can sympathise…

No solution to offer to restaure your conjugal relations, but interestingly, my spouse said me something very close to your wife’s words.

And it hurts to be rejected indefinitely…

I must have something you don’t tell in your relationship or don’t realized such as erosion of romantism at a moment…
 
Take her to a Retrouvaille Weekend as soon as possible. It’s for marriages such as yours. You can read all about it online. Search on the name.

I’ve seen some amazing heart-touching results happen at these weekends, even on hardened hearts. It is put on by the Catholic Church, and they reference scriptures as they teach various points. It is taught by several couples who have faced similar problems as yours. You are not embarrassed or put on the spot in any way.

It’s not about the negative, but embracing the positive. You will learn how to share emotions—that emotions are neither good nor bad. But emotions need to be respected. You’ll learn how to get in touch with your own emotions and how to validate your wife’s emotions. You’ll develop skills for talking to each other in a productive manner that builds love instead of walls. They teach a lot about sex in a positive manner from the Bible. I cannot recommend Retrouvaille too highly.

They have weekends all over the US and I think also Canada. You pay what you can afford. To register, you have to pay a small amount to pay for your room and board. You’ll start Friday afternoon and end on Sunday afternoon. It is an emotional experience, but it is healing. If you cannot afford the full amount that they recommend at the end, you are not embarrassed in anyway.

Once you learn how to talk to each other, then you will begin to solve problems more quickly and permanently. You need to make a commitment to get all twelve of the followup sessions. They usually do three at a time on a Saturday, so four weekends. They are free. You will be different people when you come home.
 
At Retrouvaille, it is older couples than you talking about how important sex is to a marriage. You’ll also learn how to pray together and for each other. Surely you have someone who can take care of the kids for a weekend. If she balks about going, you can call one of the couples at the Retrouvaille you want to go to and ask their advice on how to persuade your wife to go.
 
Ok, it seems like your wife is not going to listen to you are to seek counseling from a priest or anyone else. My suggestion is the following, I know it might be uncomfortable, but talk to one of her sisters, mother, or close friends who she does respect and listen. See if they will talk to her. I cannot imagine anyone thinking this is normal behavior and not being willing to help. Perhaps that will get the ball rolling a bit and she will start to realize she has a problem.
 
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