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nana3
Guest
Can anyone with experience tell me what to look for in a child, a girl, if she is being sexually abused? How can we tell in her behavior? The age here is 10 years old.
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raggakitten
Guest
These are some signs I found…
I know there could be more or vary greatly from these, but I hope it helps.
Most children will tell somebody if they’re not being threatened by the abuser… Most children sense it’s not normal, the important thing is to take the accusation VERY seriously and not ignore it. Because God knows it happens a lot!
-Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying
-Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances
-Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters
-A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior
-Regression to infantile behavior; clinging
-School or behavioral problems
-Changes in toilet-training habits
-A fear of certain places, people, or activities
-Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple or poorly explained injuries
-Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas
I know there could be more or vary greatly from these, but I hope it helps.
Most children will tell somebody if they’re not being threatened by the abuser… Most children sense it’s not normal, the important thing is to take the accusation VERY seriously and not ignore it. Because God knows it happens a lot!
-Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying
-Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances
-Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters
-A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior
-Regression to infantile behavior; clinging
-School or behavioral problems
-Changes in toilet-training habits
-A fear of certain places, people, or activities
-Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple or poorly explained injuries
-Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas
K
kage_ar
Guest
Is the child alone with people who could be doing this? Look at opportunities (with a 10 year old, the child’s schedule and “alone time” with adults should be very easy to identify).
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puzzleannie
Guest
good replies, plus the obvious, listen to the child and believe what she says.
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nana3
Guest
She does have fear of people and going to places without someone with her. She has become more clinging with her mother. She is having behavioral problems at home and failing two classes in school. She has a don’t care attitude. She has become more aggressive in fighting with her little brother and is plain rebellious with her mom mostly. She does not go to bed alone and is only able to sleep with her mother in her mom’s bedroom. She does also cry at the drop of a hat. This is my niece and this worries me now. I thought that most of these symptoms were due to her parents divorce, but have been wondering about sexual abuse at her dad’s house. The reason I say this is because she is now knows about sex and has mentioned it to my 7 yr. old daughter. My daughter told me who told her these things and my niece denies it completely and says my dd is lying. Another incident that occurred and my dd told me about recently is that my niece and her were in my nieces bedroom alone with the door shut and my niece asked my dd to take her underwear off. My dd told me that she poked a pen in her anus. I told my dd that lying is not good and she will be punished if she lied and she changed her story and said it never happened. I asked my niece and she said it never happened, but then about the time my dd was learning about penance and confession she told me that the time she told me of what her and my niece did, that it indeed did happen and that she too put a pen her my nieces anus. I asked why they did this and she said it was my nieces idea. I talked with my niece and told her that she was not going to get in trouble but that she needs to tell the truth and she continued to deny it and got real angry. I went back to my dd and she told me that she was telling the truth and that my niece is afraid to tell us the truth for fear of getting in trouble. My niece continues to deny it and this troubles my dd who says she doesn’t understand why she is lying.These are some signs I found…
I know there could be more or vary greatly from these, but I hope it helps.
Most children will tell somebody if they’re not being threatened by the abuser… Most children sense it’s not normal, the important thing is to take the accusation VERY seriously and not ignore it. Because God knows it happens a lot!
-Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying
-Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances
-Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters
-A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior
-Regression to infantile behavior; clinging
-School or behavioral problems
-Changes in toilet-training habits
-A fear of certain places, people, or activities
-Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple or poorly explained injuries
-Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas
I have asked my niece if anyone has touched her inappropriately at her dad’s for she has to sleep with teenagers. The teens are the news wife’s daughter and are troubled teens. One is 17 yr. old and the other is 13 yr. old. My niece has slept with both at different times. I know that she has learned of sex with the 13 yr. old one. I asked her why did she have to sleep with one of these girls and she said there is not enough beds. Her dad has yet to buy her her own bed. I asked why could she not sleep with her little brother and her dad won’t allow it for he is a boy.
I don’t know what to think. I know that my niece is changing so much and is very rebellious. I have this nagging feeling that something is wrong. I don’t think my ex BIL would do anything to his daughter, but than again he has changed so much since he divorced my sister. I mentioned these concerns to my sister, but she doesn’t think anything is going on. I didn’t know that excessive crying is one of the symptom of sexual abuse. But again, I thought as my sister, that most of her symptoms are related to depression and the divorce. I know that she cried for months when she had to go to her dad’s and when asked why, all she said is that she didn’t like going over. She use to cry days before her father’s weekend. This could be the norm but not as long as she cried. She was seeing a counselor and all she told the counselor was that she is very uncomfortable with her dad and at her dad’s house.
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nana3
Guest
continued:
She has had cuts and bruises, but they were accidents at her dad’s. I know she lied about how she got a cut and a swollen ankle one time. SHe told us her dad pushed her off the boat and she injured herself on the propellers. Her father denied it and when I confronted her and told her she needs to tell the truth, she said it was that she paniced and hit her leg on the propellers and cut herself. She said she lied for her father did push her into the lake one time when she did not want to go into the lake and was angry at him still. She hates her father, but sometimes feels sorry for the way his new wife treats him. She has a love hate relationship with him. I know she doesn’t say much of what goes on at her dad’s anymore for she said they, her dad and his wife, have threatened her to keep quiet all that goes on at their house.
I don’t know what to think. She is very afraid of her dad and more afraid of his new wife. She hates the new wife. Her dad keeps telling her that she is her new mother and this angers her for she already has a mother.
I hope that I am not making to much of this, but I would feel terrible if something is going on and did nothing. If there is something going on at the dad’s, I think that it would be one of the teens doing something to her but it could be the dad too.
What can I do, she denies anything? I wonder if this is common for them to deny any wrong doing.
She has had cuts and bruises, but they were accidents at her dad’s. I know she lied about how she got a cut and a swollen ankle one time. SHe told us her dad pushed her off the boat and she injured herself on the propellers. Her father denied it and when I confronted her and told her she needs to tell the truth, she said it was that she paniced and hit her leg on the propellers and cut herself. She said she lied for her father did push her into the lake one time when she did not want to go into the lake and was angry at him still. She hates her father, but sometimes feels sorry for the way his new wife treats him. She has a love hate relationship with him. I know she doesn’t say much of what goes on at her dad’s anymore for she said they, her dad and his wife, have threatened her to keep quiet all that goes on at their house.
I don’t know what to think. She is very afraid of her dad and more afraid of his new wife. She hates the new wife. Her dad keeps telling her that she is her new mother and this angers her for she already has a mother.
I hope that I am not making to much of this, but I would feel terrible if something is going on and did nothing. If there is something going on at the dad’s, I think that it would be one of the teens doing something to her but it could be the dad too.
What can I do, she denies anything? I wonder if this is common for them to deny any wrong doing.
S
SavedByHim
Guest
If you’re asking whether it’s normal for the victim to deny anything is happening, yes it is. Especially if she is being threatened or it is her father doing it to her. (If it’s her father, she would partially want to protect him and not get him in trouble.)I wonder if this is common for them to deny any wrong doing.
It’s hard to say for sure what’s going on. Yes, the signs are there, but as you stated, it could be related to the divorce.
What I recommend is getting her in to see a doctor. Get referred to a sexual abuse specialist if need be, and have her bottom examined. If there has been penetration of any kind, there may be physical signs that a doctor with special tools and knowledge would see and you could go from there. (Obviously, the more forceful the penetration, the greater visible signs.)
I would also start documenting some of this stuff (or encourage her mother to do so) in terms of who said what and when so you/mom can see if a pattern develops. Is she more withdrawn upon returning from her father’s house? Does she complain of itchiness or pain in her genital region after returning from there? etc.
In the meantime, try to limit exposure to anyone questionable as much as possible until you rule this out. I know with a court order of parental custody that might be hard to do, but I’m not sure what their arrangement allows.
My heart is breaking for your niece as I think of another little girl going through what I went through, but I pray for a positive outcome. Regardless of if it’s sexual abuse or depression from the divorce, encourage mom to keep her going to a counselor and keep her talking. Bottling it up is no good and eventually it comes out in self-destructive ways.
Many, many prayers for you, your niece and her mother. Please keep us posted.
R
raggakitten
Guest
That sign of the child not wanting to sleep with anyone else than her mother is RED FLAG sign, and I’m telling you from experience… She doesn’t trust anyone no more, and the only person that she knows FOR SURE won’t hurt her is her mom!She does have fear of people and going to places without someone with her. She has become more clinging with her mother. She is having behavioral problems at home and failing two classes in school. She has a don’t care attitude. She has become more aggressive in fighting with her little brother and is plain rebellious with her mom mostly…
Of course it could be from the divorce, but, still, there are enough weird things going on to think something else could be happening…
The kids that don’t say anything about sexual abuse feel ashamed, or fearful of being punished or rejected. Because they feel they’re somewhat “different” from the rest, they know that other kids aren’t going through the same… It’s a confusing feeling.
And it’s less likely she’ll ever say anything about what’s going on if she fears her dad (or whoever the abuser is), or she’ll be more likely to change the story later, whether it is because of fear or because she thinks it’s wrong to get her dad (or the abuser) in trouble.
I’d consider taking this issue VERY seriously and do something about it, child molestation is devastating to the victim, and it should be stopped as soon as possible so that person can at least have the best chance to heal those wounds.
As for your daughter, I recommend you stop letting her go to those places alone, that incident you mentioned before could be harmful to your daughter since she’s not in an age where she should be experiencing things like that.
If there is an actual sexual abuse, whether it is from the father (YES the father), brother or another sibling or whoever she interacts with during those visits, it MUST be stopped.
At 1st maybe the child won’t understand what’s going on, but when she grows up she’ll feel relieved that someone did something for her on time.
I must say I’m proud of you for being observant and concerned with the wellbeing of your niece, I wish someone would have done the same for me when I was little.
I will pray so you can find the truth behind her behaviour, God bless you!
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nobody
Guest
Trust your instincts, nana3. Do what you have to do.
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hopefulldad
Guest
First, be very very careful! Obviously if someone is abusing the child it needs to be stooped and the abuser punished - BUT - If the child is experiencing difficulties from some other life event and does not know how to express it, and if the child is questioned improperly, you can very well end up implanting false memories that the child will believe as true herself. Nothing gets more attention for a hurting child than a sex abuse allegation, and at her early stage and understanding of truth and reality, saying what she thinks others want to hear, and will reward her for with lots of care and attention is a real possibility. This will not only harm the innocent party being accused, but definitely harm the child.
Read up on False memory syndrome before proceeding!
faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/
Read up on False memory syndrome before proceeding!
faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/
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bunnynessuk
Guest
Hi,
As a sufferer of sexual abuse I can tell you that every child reacts in different ways I reacted by acting out I became promiscous, I got tatoos, sexual piercings, I lied a lot, I went from being an anorexic to a bulimic to an over eater and I now suffer form OCD and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress). But a lot of what I did could be put down (at least here in the UK) to just being a rebellious teen!
Unless you have absolute proof you are going to find it hard, your neice is unlikely to open up particularly if the abuse has been happening for a long period of time. You can never tell what sort of person will commit child abuse and you can’t always tell which child is suffering - no-one except my h2b knows that I am a victim (well survivor) and your neice will need support, it is possible that she like me doesn’t know whether she will be believed and that she has to show some allegiance to her father regardles of how wrong she realises that it is!
I hope this helps if you want to talk feel free to PM me!
As a sufferer of sexual abuse I can tell you that every child reacts in different ways I reacted by acting out I became promiscous, I got tatoos, sexual piercings, I lied a lot, I went from being an anorexic to a bulimic to an over eater and I now suffer form OCD and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress). But a lot of what I did could be put down (at least here in the UK) to just being a rebellious teen!
Unless you have absolute proof you are going to find it hard, your neice is unlikely to open up particularly if the abuse has been happening for a long period of time. You can never tell what sort of person will commit child abuse and you can’t always tell which child is suffering - no-one except my h2b knows that I am a victim (well survivor) and your neice will need support, it is possible that she like me doesn’t know whether she will be believed and that she has to show some allegiance to her father regardles of how wrong she realises that it is!
I hope this helps if you want to talk feel free to PM me!
T
TrishaW
Guest
WOW, there are so many inappropriate things happening here that I hardly know where to begin.
Everyone else has said it all when it comes to the possibility of sexual abuse, and I agree wholeheartedly.
As a step-mom, and a mother to a son with a step-mom as well, other things bother me, too.
1.) NO WAY should this child be told that her father’s new wife is her new mommy. She has ONE mommy.
2.) NO WAY should she be sharing beds with step-siblings. If Dad can’t get her her own bed, she shouldn’t be sleeping there until he can.
I don’t know how recent the divorce was and how soon after that her father got in this new marriage. Children need LOTS of time to get used to new situations.
I would bring this all up to your sister again. Even if no sexual abuse has occurred, this is a child who is literally crying out for help. Someone needs to listen to her.
You are all in my prayers.
Trish
Everyone else has said it all when it comes to the possibility of sexual abuse, and I agree wholeheartedly.
As a step-mom, and a mother to a son with a step-mom as well, other things bother me, too.
1.) NO WAY should this child be told that her father’s new wife is her new mommy. She has ONE mommy.
2.) NO WAY should she be sharing beds with step-siblings. If Dad can’t get her her own bed, she shouldn’t be sleeping there until he can.
I don’t know how recent the divorce was and how soon after that her father got in this new marriage. Children need LOTS of time to get used to new situations.
I would bring this all up to your sister again. Even if no sexual abuse has occurred, this is a child who is literally crying out for help. Someone needs to listen to her.
You are all in my prayers.
Trish
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Orogeny
Guest
Nana,
You need to contact child protective services or what ever they are called in your area and tell them this story. They will investigate and if anything is going on, they will deal with it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have enough evidence. If you were a school teacher and heard this story, you would have a legal obligation to report it.
This little girl is crying for help. It may or may not be sexual abuse, but it is something and she needs help. If it is sexual abuse, it needs to be stopped now.
Do NOT allow your daughter to be alone with her from this point forward. Your daughter HAS been sexually abused. That is one thing from your story we know happened. Don’t let it happen again.
Peace
Tim
You need to contact child protective services or what ever they are called in your area and tell them this story. They will investigate and if anything is going on, they will deal with it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have enough evidence. If you were a school teacher and heard this story, you would have a legal obligation to report it.
This little girl is crying for help. It may or may not be sexual abuse, but it is something and she needs help. If it is sexual abuse, it needs to be stopped now.
Do NOT allow your daughter to be alone with her from this point forward. Your daughter HAS been sexually abused. That is one thing from your story we know happened. Don’t let it happen again.
Peace
Tim
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Brenda_V
Guest
Stop trying to figure out if you should report it, just do it. I found this childabuse.org/report%20abuse.html with phone numbers for Colorado, they also had the national hotline number - 1-800-4-A-CHILD®.
Please don’t hesitate to call and get more information from the experts. Stop asking your niece if she is being abused or if she has done xyz, let an expert take care of it so she really does get the proper care and the law can help her.
Brenda V.
Please don’t hesitate to call and get more information from the experts. Stop asking your niece if she is being abused or if she has done xyz, let an expert take care of it so she really does get the proper care and the law can help her.
Brenda V.
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puzzleannie
Guest
this is the hallmark symptom. If this child came to my attention in our program I would have already reported. since you ask outright, IMO you must report to Child Protective Services. period.. The reason I say this is because she is now knows about sex and has mentioned it to my 7 yr. old daughter. .
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maria29
Guest
**Could someone at school or someone she knows have brought porngrahpy were she could of gotten those kind of ideas? She is 10 years old and I do know some 10 year olds who know quite a bit about sex.continued:
She has had cuts and bruises, but they were accidents at her dad’s. I know she lied about how she got a cut and a swollen ankle one time. SHe told us her dad pushed her off the boat and she injured herself on the propellers. Her father denied it and when I confronted her and told her she needs to tell the truth, she said it was that she paniced and hit her leg on the propellers and cut herself. She said she lied for her father did push her into the lake one time when she did not want to go into the lake and was angry at him still. She hates her father, but sometimes feels sorry for the way his new wife treats him. She has a love hate relationship with him. I know she doesn’t say much of what goes on at her dad’s anymore for she said they, her dad and his wife, have threatened her to keep quiet all that goes on at their house.
I don’t know what to think. She is very afraid of her dad and more afraid of his new wife. She hates the new wife. Her dad keeps telling her that she is her new mother and this angers her for she already has a mother.
I hope that I am not making to much of this, but I would feel terrible if something is going on and did nothing. If there is something going on at the dad’s, I think that it would be one of the teens doing something to her but it could be the dad too.
What can I do, she denies anything? I wonder if this is common for them to deny any wrong doing.
Before you call family services I would tell your (sister?) to have a meeting with her husband, and let him know what is going on. She needs to let him know that forcing her to call his new wife mommy isn’t helping…Is this things that your neice told you and her mom? Has her dad verified it?
BTW I am not saying there may not be sexual abuse here but just to be cautious when one involves FS.**
L
LynnieLew
Guest
Anonymously report it. A third party should get involved and pretty quickly.
That way you wont have the burden of taking it all upon yourself.
And, pray, pray, pray for St. Michael to protect this dear child!
That way you wont have the burden of taking it all upon yourself.
And, pray, pray, pray for St. Michael to protect this dear child!
K
kage_ar
Guest
Please, let your daughter know you always believe her if she confides in you, and get her to someone who is trained in this sort of thing!Do NOT allow your daughter to be alone with her from this point forward. Your daughter HAS been sexually abused. That is one thing from your story we know happened. Don’t let it happen again.
Peace
Tim
Prayers.
B
bunnynessuk
Guest
Hi
Upon re-reading your post I would say you have serious reasons for concern - her stepmother and father are threatening her? She needs to accept this woman as her new mother? She should be kept well away from these people because regardless of sexual abuse (although this would seem likely) she is suffering emotional abuse and possibly physical abuse - I have been through all of this (10 years in care!) she needs help and if I were you I would keep close eye on your daughter when she is near to this girl - she may unknowingly abuse your child or give her information a 7 year old should not have. You need to have a serious discussion with your sister and with social services.
God Bless
J
Upon re-reading your post I would say you have serious reasons for concern - her stepmother and father are threatening her? She needs to accept this woman as her new mother? She should be kept well away from these people because regardless of sexual abuse (although this would seem likely) she is suffering emotional abuse and possibly physical abuse - I have been through all of this (10 years in care!) she needs help and if I were you I would keep close eye on your daughter when she is near to this girl - she may unknowingly abuse your child or give her information a 7 year old should not have. You need to have a serious discussion with your sister and with social services.
God Bless
J
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Brenda_V
Guest
There are very telling signs here. I see so much of the “head in the sand” (not just this post btw) but the “I want to be more sure” and “talk to the parents about it” kind of attitude that it just sickens me. If any of the posters who have said this have taken any of the “sexual abuse awareness” type classes you would not hesitate to call child protection services or at least the hot-line I gave (here it is again 1-800-4-A-CHILD®) to get the courage to call the right agency.**Could someone at school or someone she knows have brought porngrahpy were she could of gotten those kind of ideas? She is 10 years old and I do know some 10 year olds who know quite a bit about sex.
Before you call family services I would tell your (sister?) to have a meeting with her husband, and let him know what is going on. She needs to let him know that forcing her to call his new wife mommy isn’t helping…Is this things that your neice told you and her mom? Has her dad verified it?
BTW I am not saying there may not be sexual abuse here but just to be cautious when one involves FS.**
I have a friend who used to do the intake calls and I have to tell you it is not wrong to call, let an expert assess the situation. They have a way of red-flagging certain situations and know how to ask you for informaton so they won’t just run in and take the child away! This can be done anonymously - as in you may have to tell the person on the other end of the line who you are but if you ask to remain anonymous they can not tell the people who are suspectsd who called. Let the expert talk to the child - the person will not ask leading questions which is so important in finding out what is going on!
Like Puzzleannie, I would probably have done the calling myself and then called my DRE unless I only had the name of the child to go with - then I would go to my DRE with the information I had and either stood there while she/he called so she could give the authorities the identifying information and then talked myself to give what I was told so they could make a better assessment of what needed to be done.
Brenda V.
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