Sexual abuse?

[nana3]

**Nana3
thanks for the kind words…What is the new wife like of your ex brother in law? I would have her investigated if your sister can afford it.

If the kids are angry at her or God perhaps she should start getting them together for a nightly prayers or rosary. Do you think your neice and nephew are keeping things from her? I would tell your sister that she needs to have a talk and let them know they have to tell the truth about what is going on no matter what it is and that she will love them no matter what truth is.

I think that is why many children who are abused don’t come forward is because they think (in the cases where it is a family member) that they may lose their parents love. **

This new wife is a very angry person and is also a sheriff’s deputy. She is mean to the children when the dad is not around and nice when he is, but that was at the beginning of their relationship. SHe is mean to him now too. When you meet her she comes across real nice and friendly. Her own daughters and my niece and nephew say other wise. Her 13 yr. old daughter has tried to commit suicide three times and failed. She is the one closest to my niece and a bad influence on her. We just found out today that my niece and this girl spend a lot of time together behind closed doors and according to my nephew on the computer. He doesn’t know what they are doing though. This new wife is also on her third marriage but not the third man she has lived with. Her marriages last only about an average of 2 to 3 years. She doesn’t know who the father of her 13 yr. old is. One day at a restaurant, my sister found out that her waitress use to work for the sheriff’s office and she asked her if she new this woman. She did and had only bad things to say about her, but that she was mostly know to break up marriages. SHe checked out when I checked her out. No criminal background, but I didn’t think I was going to found any for she is a cop. SHe use to be a school teacher and had a daycare many years ago.

 

[nana3]

Can your sister move out of state with the children?

She can not move out of state presently. Her attorney said not to do this.

My niece went to the doctors today and my sister expressed her concerns to the doctor. She told him of all her symptoms and anxiety. He agreed that something is not right and said that she needs to see a specialist in sexual abuse and gave her the number. She will call tomorrow to set up an appointment. Her son went today to the doctors for headaches every day. The doctor said they were tension headaches due to excessive stress and he believes it comes from the dad’s house. He wrote all this down, but is not going to report any of this to CPS. He did advise my sister not to report anything yet, until she sees this specialist and it should be the specialist to report it to CPS due to the complexity of her case. She is already portrayed as an overprotective mother.

 

[nana3]

a suspected abuser runs a day care? I would have cops and CPS on this so fast it would make your head spin.

I have wanted to call this in too, but again there is no proof. They will need evidence of criminal activities for I did call one time and didn’t give my name and they wanted proof. They knew that the daycare was ran by cops because the name they chose for the daycare. That is how they get so many children for they advertise that they are cops. These cops do not have any criminal background. There is no proof again of his excessive anger problem either. I know he left two police dept. but do not know if he was fired or he quit. I don’t think they will give out that information.

 

[SavedByHim]

My niece went to the doctors today and my sister expressed her concerns to the doctor. She told him of all her symptoms and anxiety. He agreed that something is not right and said that she needs to see a specialist in sexual abuse and gave her the number. She will call tomorrow to set up an appointment. Her son went today to the doctors for headaches every day. The doctor said they were tension headaches due to excessive stress and he believes it comes from the dad’s house. He wrote all this down, but is not going to report any of this to CPS. He did advise my sister not to report anything yet, until she sees this specialist and it should be the specialist to report it to CPS due to the complexity of her case. She is already portrayed as an overprotective mother.

Good! I am glad she will be seeing a specialist!! I’ve been reading this thread alot but refraining from posting too much just because it’s an emotionally difficult thing for me to see someone else going through this.

Anyways, again, as one poster mentioned, there may or may not be physical signs of abuse depending on the extent of it, but at least this creates a “trail” and puts the situation into the hands of people who are experienced in this type of thing. Hopefully they will provide your sister with guidance of what to do next if they aren’t able to “see” anything physically.

God’s blessings to you all.

 

[raggakitten]

Wow, I’m so glad that she’ll be seeing a specialist!
I hope that noone’s abusing her sexually, and I will DEFINITELY pray for the kids to get out of that painful situation! They seem to be in a lot of pain…

Please keep updating nana! hugs

 

[nana3]

Wow, I’m so glad that she’ll be seeing a specialist!
I hope that noone’s abusing her sexually, and I will DEFINITELY pray for the kids to get out of that painful situation! They seem to be in a lot of pain…

Please keep updating nana! hugs

They are in so much need of counseling and my sister’s attorney has given the other side plenty of time to respond about that, but it is time to go to the judge. They little boy today, again broke out crying and angry and ran to his room yelling at his mom, “I need to tell you what is going on, I need to tell you…” My sister just punished him by taking away basketball for his behavior and he freaked out. He said his dad takes everything away from him. He told his mother today that his dad and his new wife put their faces up to his face and they are face to face when they yelled at the top of their lungs at him. He said it bothers him so much. This is reflected in his behavior when he comes back from a weekend from his dad and in school the first two days, Mon and Tues. He gets bad behaviors those days after his father’s weekend.

My sister has tried to talk to her ex about yelling at him and his answer was, “I am their father and will discipline as I want to!” I told her that this needs to get reported to CPS, but again, it all was and it was all downplayed by the dad who is a cop. WE need counselors appointed soon for both my niece and nephew. My niece did admit to me yesterday what she did to my daughter. I asked her why did she lie for so long and she said she did not want to get yelled at. I did ask what does she do with the 13 yr. old behind closed doors and she said, “She always has her door closed to keep her mother out. All we do is draw.” She denies being on the computer, but she has a problem with lying. She use to hate this 13 yr. old and now they are best friends. I asked her why doesn’t she play with the girl who is her age the 9 yr. old and she said she is so immature. My sister is still going with the specialist before they have to go to the dad’s again which is next weekend. WE NEED A MIRACLE. If there is not sexual abuse, we still need to get these kids out of their dad’s house. Please, pray for these little children. My sister cries when she sees the damage her ex is doing to these kids emotionally. She has tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t believe in psychologist and says he doesn’t need anyone telling him how to raise his kids. My nephew this morning recalled in his crying the fact that his dad left his sister home alone. This bothers him that his dad lied about that situation.

My niece said something horrible to her brother, any maybe those of you with more than one child, can tell me if this is abnormal. I have 4 sisters and we became jealous but never said anything like this. She told her mother and her brother that she wished that he was never born. My sister is concern and wants to get them in therapy yesterday. She can’t until the judge takes that responsibility, that he gave to the dad away from him.

 

[Norseman82]

They little boy today, again broke out crying and angry and ran to his room yelling at his mom, “I need to tell you what is going on, I need to tell you…” My sister just punished him by taking away basketball for his behavior and he freaked out.

Wait a second…the boy was going to open up and he was punished for it? If that is the case, no wonder children will keep silent about abuse…

The kids that don’t say anything about sexual abuse feel ashamed, or fearful of being punished or rejected. Because they feel they’re somewhat “different” from the rest, they know that other kids aren’t going through the same… It’s a confusing feeling.
And it’s less likely she’ll ever say anything about what’s going on if she fears her dad (or whoever the abuser is), or she’ll be more likely to change the story later, whether it is because of fear or because she thinks it’s wrong to get her dad (or the abuser) in trouble.

These are true words. Children are often conditioned by their abusers to think that the abuse is discipline and that it is the child’s fault or a parent’s priviledge, and that it is normal and it happens to everyone and that other parents are even tougher. Often abusers will twist religion in an effort to scare someone into silence (“Jesus didn’t complain about His abuse…you’re a bad Christian if you don’t turn the other cheek and offer it up…it’s just your cross…”), or they may take advantage of a child because the children hear this at church and gamble that the child wll be silent because of it. And as a result, children will feel ashamed to report abuse because now they are conditioned think that there is a failing on their part. This applies to any abuse, whether physical, emotional, or sexual.

I’m only posting this to let people know another reason why children keep silent and to be further on guard.

On the positive side, it’s good to see that there is an attorney who is aggressive, because when you are up against LEOs, you need it, due to “professional courtesy” that sometimes goes too far (I don’t mean to offend any good LEOs out there).

You mentioned that the ex-husband has not paid child support. Is he still a LEO? The reason I ask is that there may be a way to garnish his wages to pay child support, and it would be a way for whatever police department to have it on record, and maybe the department brass may finally get involved to get him to shape up, because the only thing that seems to gets them to modify their behavior is when the legal system comes down on them. Also, if he is in the military reserves, failure to pay child support is considered financial irresponsibility, which is an offense according to the Uniform Code of Military Justice and contacting his commander could be another way of exering pressure.

But make sure that the judge knows about failure to pay child support.

 

[nana3]

Let me clarify something. My sister’s son, my nephew, was misbehaving and talking back. That is when my sister punished him and told him that he will not be going to his basketball game. Then he broke out crying to his room that he had to tell his mother what was going on at his dad. The taking away the basketball game triggered something in him and it turns out that his dad “takes everything away” from him at his house. My sister NEVER will punish her children for telling of verbal abuse or any other abuse. She would be a horrible mother then. The abuse is going on at the dads.

I do want to thank you for the angle of them using religion. They are not very religious at all and only go to Mass when they want and not every Sunday. I know the new wife makes little comments about God that doens’t make sense. She is home injuried now and she said that this is God’s way of telling her for sure to open the Daycare business, which they did this Monday.

As far as the child support, the wages were garnished when he worked as a cop. He quit his jobs and has been self employed for about 6 months now. There is no way to garnish those for he doesn’t report any of his income and in fact tells my sister he doesn’t have any income. He has a daycare during the week at his home until this Monday. On the weekend he has a lawn cutting business in which he forces the children to wake up with him at 5 am. They arrive to school on Mondays totally exhausted. They are always hungry after a weekend with their dad too, for they are responsible for feeding themselves breakfast and lunch. The dad doesn’t even pack their lunch for school on Monday mornings. My nephew did not stay in school on Monday after his dad dropped him off for he was sick and when my sister checked his lunch box, he had two juices and two liquid yogurts for lunch. That is not enough. My sister will always buy their lunch the week after the ex’s weekend for this way they will eat at school.

 

[Norseman82]

Let me clarify something. My sister’s son, my nephew, was misbehaving and talking back. That is when my sister punished him and told him that he will not be going to his basketball game. Then he broke out crying to his room that he had to tell his mother what was going on at his dad. The taking away the basketball game triggered something in him and it turns out that his dad “takes everything away” from him at his house. My sister NEVER will punish her children for telling of verbal abuse or any other abuse. She would be a horrible mother then. The abuse is going on at the dads.

I do want to thank you for the angle of them using religion. They are not very religious at all and only go to Mass when they want and not every Sunday. I know the new wife makes little comments about God that doens’t make sense. She is home injuried now and she said that this is God’s way of telling her for sure to open the Daycare business, which they did this Monday.

As far as the child support, the wages were garnished when he worked as a cop. He quit his jobs and has been self employed for about 6 months now. There is no way to garnish those for he doesn’t report any of his income and in fact tells my sister he doesn’t have any income. He has a daycare during the week at his home until this Monday. On the weekend he has a lawn cutting business in which he forces the children to wake up with him at 5 am. They arrive to school on Mondays totally exhausted. They are always hungry after a weekend with their dad too, for they are responsible for feeding themselves breakfast and lunch. The dad doesn’t even pack their lunch for school on Monday mornings. My nephew did not stay in school on Monday after his dad dropped him off for he was sick and when my sister checked his lunch box, he had two juices and two liquid yogurts for lunch. That is not enough. My sister will always buy their lunch the week after the ex’s weekend for this way they will eat at school.

Thanks for the clarification. It appears that you have your bases covered on this one. I don’t know if the fact that it took punishment for an unrelated matter for the boy to open up reveals a “trigger” or if it is manipulative behavior, and whether it may have been learned at his dad’s. Just be very observant.

One other thing: if he doesn’t report income, that could not only be a violation of child support, but could also land him in trouble with the IRS. That’s another thing you could use as leverage.

 

[nana3]

My sister heard from her attorney today and this has to go to court. They are going to court to get counseling for the children immediately. The delay is that the ex’s attorney are ignoring my sister’s attorney.

My sister did speak to a counselor specialist in sexual abuse and after talking to her did not think my niece is abused of sexually and didn’t want to put her through a examination. My niece is really having some emotional problems. SHe is now waking up at night talking in her sleep. My sister said she mentioned her dad one night and said she didn’t understand why her dad insist on having them every other weekend for he doesn’t spend time with them at all. Something else she revealed was that her dad is drinking alcohol a lot also. He never had a drink at all while married to my sister for the 15 years. He didn’t even drink at their wedding, but he got drunk at his second wedding. My niece said she sees her dad drink a lot more now. He stopped drinking for he was an alcoholic according to him, but I wonder if he has returned to the drinking and that would explain some of his moodiness. I don’t know and it will be hard to prove also.

My niece doesn’t seem to be sexually abused, but is very emotionally and verbally abused by her dad and his new wife.