Sexual Morality "Opt-out"

[bquinnan]

Parents are part of the Church.

Primary educators and one with the Church (hopefully).

As both a confirmation catechist and a parent, I believe this is an important point. It is primarily the responsibility of the parents to see that their children are formed properly in the faith. It is my job as a catechist to provide a resource to assist parents in doing this. If they have concerns about what I am teaching, or if they feel that their teen needs something different, I respect their right to make that decision. Whether or not the diocese will be willing to administer the sacrament of Confirmation in such cases is not my call.

 

[Daisy]

There isn’t a Bishop alive that would hesitate in the slightest about throwing her under the bus.

This guy’s a troll…

Don’t feed em

 

[AndrewAxland]

What if the catechist was teaching from Theology of the Body? Would that upset you?

If they were teaching ANYTHING related to sex or sexuality from ANY sources against my clear instruction not to, you bet I would be upset.

It’s not the material I would object to. It’s the usurping of my role and responsibility as a parent that I would not tolerate.

The OP’s bishop apparently agrees, which is why parent’s were explicitly instructed that they have the right to opt out if they so choose. I pretty sure the bishop would not be happy either if some lowly parish catechist dared not to respect that choice.

 

[CaptainPrudeman]

We did not “ask permission”. We sent out our monthly newsletter with the reading assignments for the next class in their text book. All of the “opt outs” have come from the parents themselves, we did not plant this seed.

Try again, @AndrewAxland

 

[AndrewAxland]

bquinnan, you are a parent’s, and a risk management attorney’s. dream come true. If everyone did as you say, it would go a long way towards regaining for the Church all the trust that has been lost.

 

[bquinnan]

I don’t have children, so I don’t think I may understand.

If you are going to raise your children to be Catholic, why would you not want the church to teach them about all aspects of the faith?

As a parent, my biggest concern would be that some catechists might not believe or teach what the church teaches. There really is no litmus test for catechists, and I have encountered a few over the course of my life who were either unable to articulate or did not agree with the Church’s teachings on matters of human sexuality.

 

[AndrewAxland]

All of the “opt outs” have come from the parents themselves, we did not plant this seed.

And exactly how does this diminish your obligation to abide by their decision? No means no, and you were clearly told “no way, Jose”. Don’t go where you are clearly not welcome. What don’t you understand about that?

 

[CaptainPrudeman]

You said that the bishop told them they could. I was just correcting you.

If the parents don’t want their kids to be taught about an essential part of Catholicism, fine. They should be informed that they won’t be confirmed.

 

[Pup7]

As a parent, my biggest concern would be that some catechists might not believe or teach what the church teaches. There really is no litmus test for catechists, and I have encountered a few over the course of my life who were either unable to articulate or did not agree with the Church’s teachings on matters of human sexuality.

Then you caught that the parents had the entire curriculum reviewed with them ahead of time.

 

[AndrewAxland]

They should be informed that they won’t be confirmed.

That’s the Bishop’s call. and any informing should be done by him, not the catechist.

I do think that the OP is aggrandizing her role and authority. For God’s sake, you’re merely a parochial catechist, the lowest peg on the totem pole in this situation. Your opinion counts for nothing compared to that of the parents and the Bishop. If the Bishop has any problem with the parents decision, he’s a big boy, and he can take care of the matter himself without your help, thank you. Mind your own business, and don’t go where you are not welcome. read bqinnann’s post, memorize it, and live it.

 

[Pup7]

And exactly how does this diminish your obligation to abide by their decision? No means no, and you were clearly told “no way, Jose”. Don’t go where you are clearly not welcome. What don’t you understand about that?

I do think that the OP is aggrandizing her role and authority. For God’s sake, you’re merely a parochial catechist, the lowest peg on the totem pole in this situation. Your opinion counts for nothing compared to that of the parents and the Bishop. If the Bishop has any problem with the parents decision, he’s a big boy, and he can take care of the matter himself without your help, thank you. Mind your own business, and don’t go where you are not welcome. read bqinnann’s post, memorize it, and live it.

Exactly what are you so angry about?

You joined the forum three hours ago and this is your first set of posts. You’re snapping off heads and lecturing away. What happened?

 

[1ke]

If the parents don’t want their kids to be taught about an essential part of Catholicism, fine

The parents don’t want the topic discussed in class with other kids. That doesn’t mean they won’t discuss it at home.

If some families are in irregular situations or have family members in such situation including SSA, they may prefer to teach their children at home where they can keep family business private, not make their kids feel awkward in class, and where they can be sensitive to their own children’s needs. While parents have been given the curriculum outline, you cannot control comments made or questions in class, particularly by other students.

They should be informed that they won’t be confirmed.

We must always be careful that we are not putting a burden on a young person seeking the sacraments that the Church actually does not place.

Service hours, attending certain classes, doing retreats, etc., are paths of formation but they are not the only paths and they cannot be “required” in the sense that children or adults who are suitably instructed, properly disposed and ask for the sacrament are refused the sacrament based solely on the fact they have not had catechesis or formation in a specific way. Parents can suitably instruct, indeed the canons state this explicitly.

 

[Paul71]

If you have never heard of a topic by the time you are confirmed, where are you going to hear it? If it is not appropriate for small children, it can hardly be talked about in a homily.

As a catechist, I used to worry a lot about this too – feeling like I have to teach everything about the faith before Confirmation, because they won’t learn it later.

I no longer feel quite the same way. I have come to realize that as a catechist, I can only do so much. I think it is more important to teach them how to learn about their faith, where to find solid answers, and get them interested in continuing to learn, rather than trying to cover everything they will ever need to know.

No, the bishop has to take the trouble to make sure the person to be confirmed is prepared, which includes suitable instruction. The pastor is normally the person who vouches for the preparedness of each candidate.

Here is what the code of canon law says about those to be confirmed: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P33.HTM

One of the requirements is that the person be “suitably instructed,” and it says that “Parents and pastors of souls, especially pastors of parishes, are to take care that the faithful are properly instructed to receive the sacrament and come to it at the appropriate time.” So you are right about the responsibility of the bishop or pastor, but I would still emphasize the role of parents, since the church elsewhere says that parents are the primary educators of their children.

Canon law also says: “The sacrament of confirmation is to be conferred on the faithful at about the age of discretion unless the conference of bishops has determined another age, or there is danger of death, or in the judgment of the minister a grave cause suggests otherwise.”

In other words, the norm is for Confirmation to be conferred around seven years old. (However, this is not the norm in the United States, with the exception of a few dioceses – for example, see this article). So I think there could be some question whether “suitably instructed” must include teaching about sexual morality, since that instruction would not be suitable in the case of a seven-year-old being confirmed.

In conclusion, I would question the idea that a Confirmation candidate must “receive the rudiments of instruction that are necessary to practice the faith in adulthood,” as you stated earlier. This statement seems to imply that Confirmation is like a graduation from learning about the faith. I think that a better approach is to find ways to keep teens and young adults learning after Confirmation, rather than trying to cram in everything they need to know by the end of 8th or 9th grade.

But I am in favor of teaching Catholic sexual morality. I am a catechist for teenage students, and I teach Catholic sexual morality to these students.

 

[Pup7]

If some families are in irregular situations or have family members in such situation including SSA, they may prefer to teach their children at home where they can keep family business private, not make their kids feel awkward in class, and where they can be sensitive to their own children’s needs. While parents have been given the curriculum outline, you cannot control comments made or questions in class, particularly by other students.

Fair observation.

 

[bquinnan]

If the parents don’t want their kids to be taught about an essential part of Catholicism, fine. They should be informed that they won’t be confirmed.

What if the parents do want their kids taught about this, but don’t believe that the program being offered is the right way? Canon 1136 states that “parents have the most grave duty and the primary right to take care as best they can for the physical, social, cultural, moral, and religious education of their offspring.” Canon 843 states that “sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.”

What if parents discern that the best way to teach their child about God’s plan for human sexuality is outside of a given Confirmation class?

 

[CilladeRoma]

It’s not me, or any other catechist that is imposing anything on these kids or their parents. I have been charged by my Bishop and administrator to teach a pre-approved curriculum. That is what I am doing.
The Bishop wants us to work this out in house. They can learn at home, but must pass a proficiency test. If they don’t complete the process, Confirmation can be delayed. The parents don’t like it.
The kids are caught in the middle.
This has zero to do with me and what I want or my ego.

 

[Pup7]

I’m seeing this a bit differently, though.

We were told there are kids with irregular situations.

Kids, I think we will all agree, can be cruel (sometimes without meaning to be) and can also be nosy.

If I were divorced and remarried without an annulment (on either side), I wouldn’t want my kid told that her/his parents were living in sin and mostly I wouldn’t want my kid to be the target of other kids. Mostly because my marital situation honestly isn’t anyone else’s business.

There’s another aspect to this I think some of us have missed here.

 

[Pup7]

They can learn at home, but must pass a proficiency test.

Can you test each one separately or does it have to be in a group setting?

And can you find a way to not do a written test, but an agreement? Would the parents be open to that? Or is the bishop not willing to budge on the test part? Or vice versa?

I’m now focusing on the kiddos here.

 

[1ke]

It’s not me, or any other catechist that is imposing anything on these kids or their parents

I didn’t say you were. I was responding to the person who stated that if the parents didn’t want their kids in the class then they should be told they cannot be confirmed. That wasn’t you, that was another poster.

I have been charged by my Bishop and administrator to teach a pre-approved curriculum. That is what I am doing.

Right. Teach it to the 20 whose parents are Ok with you doing that. Don’t teach it to the 10 whose parents aren’t. You’re still teaching it. Just not to 10 of the students.

The Bishop wants us to work this out in house.

That’s fine. 20 go to the class and 10 don’t.

They can learn at home, but must pass a proficiency test

Then give the lessons to the parents of the 10.

If they don’t complete the process, Confirmation can be delayed.

A pastoral decision between the confirmand, their parents, and the pastor.

The parents don’t like it.

There is no canonical requirement for a “proficiency test” so I can see why they don’t like it.

The kids are caught in the middle.

“For those of you who will not be in class next week, I suggest you study pages XX-YY of the catechism to prepare for the proficiency test. Talk to your parents about doing so. Here’s your catechism, take it home with you.”

 

[SuperLuigi]

But at some point, you have to take a stand.