Sexual Morality "Opt-out"

[Pup7]

When you sign your kid up for boxing lessons, you have to realize that the kid will have to learn to throw a jab and duck a punch. When you sign your kid up for swim lessons, you have to resign yourself to the fact that he/she will get wet and you will have to dry out the swimwear. Similarly, parents should realize that when they put their children in Catholic school and sacramental preparation, they will be taught Catholic values. Now, it’s one thing if the Catholic program is teaching something questionable, heretical, or age-inappropriate (one poster mentioned the controversy over Christopher West), but anything else is delusional on the part of parents and I agree with the posters who say that if they don’t want their children exposed to true Catholic teaching, why are they putting their children in Catholic schools and sacramental programs in the first place?

That is 100% true, BUT…

…perhaps I would want more for my kid than the limits of my own mistakes.
…perhaps my kid doesn’t know my whole story, and now I’ve been confronted with a now or never time frame in which to come clean.
…maybe I am the jerk going through the motions, and I’m wrong to do that.
…maybe I know my kid knows the truth, has never asked about it, and I’d rather they ask me than in an open class.
…maybe I just want to handle it myself, and not have it discussed.
…maybe my husband’s sister is gay and we really haven’t addressed that like we should’ve.
…maybe with all the crap kids hear these days, I’ve decided I’d rather address this myself, so my shy kid won’t feel odd asking questions in front of others, or so I can make sure my kid asks questions.

There could be a million reasons.

Pope Francis recently pointed out to a grieving little boy whose dad had died an atheist that his dad may have been an unbeliever, but he had his children baptized Catholic - and surely that meant he wanted more for them. Surely that counted.

Couldn’t this be a similar situation?

The bottom line is we don’t know what the parental motives or situations actually ARE. We’re all assuming or just going off what they told the OP (and that’s not her fault). As an RN, I can tell you what patients tell me, what they tell the doctor, and what’s really going on can be three different stories with a single unifying thread in them, and I don’t see why this can’t be any different.

 

[QwertyGirl]

This is why I took the bull by the horns and started “early” but with age appropriate materials, because I wanted my kiddo to get facts in a way that she could understand them and it grew from there into an open relationship where any and all questions can be asked and answered.

I agree that some are confusing sex ed with the Church’s teaching on sexual morality.

I did the same thing with my daughter and would recommend that approach, too. I think some of the problem may be that it is difficult to teach sexual morality when the kid doesn’t have a foundation of accurate information regarding the things taught in sex ed. I don’t know how you talk about the church’s view on homosexuality when a kid doesn’t really understand what homosexuality is or the challenges it can present in today’s world. Same thing with things like birth control. I don’t know how you discuss why it is wrong if the kid doesn’t have some understanding of what it is an the mechanics of how it works.

I guess what I am saying is you can’t raise your kid to confirmation age with no direct sex education, and then expect a course in sexual morality is going to go well.

Good on you for teaching your kid. You did the right thing. Other parents sometimes, not so much (as least not when it comes to sex education).

 

[QwertyGirl]

I don’t have children, so I don’t think I may understand.

If you are going to raise your children to be Catholic, why would you not want the church to teach them about all aspects of the faith?

We are all human. Human spin is something even the most careful person sometimes does without even knowing it. Look at CAF. So many good Catholics, but boy all you have to do is have one of them create a thread about human sexuality and Church teaching and you have all kinds of opinions coming out of the woodwork. And most all of them from people we believe they are good catholics (I have no reason to believe they aren’t) but who have different ideas, because they don’t all live the same life. So if even mature Catholics, steeped in the faith, aren’t able to agree on a lot of these issues, how do we expect teachers to teach this important stuff in the way we would to our own kids, reflecting our understanding of the Church?

I think that is why a lot of people may not want their kids to attend. So while at home, the lesson may be “Aunt Sally and Aunt Mary may not be married in the Catholic church, but we still show respect to them and their relationship. They are good people and good parents, and their family is every bit as valuable as ours.”, the parents may be afraid the message will be delivered as “Homosexual behavior is disordered and anyone who participates in is committing a mortal sin”. Maybe that is the Catholic teaching, but maybe the parents don’t want it delivered that way to their kids.

I am not surprised at all this is an issue. Furthermore, how many posters here would be the first to opt their kids out of gender education in the public schools? Maybe the bishop understands that to expect the option of opting out in one school, but not another, isn’t exactly the example he wants to set.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Excellent post.

The lack of empathy here is sometimes astounding.

 

[QwertyGirl]

What would happen if someone wanted to opt out about a session about welcoming the stranger or helping the poor?

Are you implying these issues are equivalent with sexual morality? Welcoming strangers and helping the poor are things that take place outside of our own bodies. Sexual morality deals with issues that take place inside our bodies. It isn’t the same thing at all.

 

[Ann_Stanton]

Just have them sign a waiver that they will never complain that they were not taught properly. Then it is up to the parents and the individual seeking confirmation to follow accepted practice.

 

[CilladeRoma]

That is brilliant.
Sad, and disheartening, but brilliant!

 

[HolySpirit]

Excellent post.

The lack of empathy here is sometimes astounding.

It is nice to live in a world where the feelings of a family are considered. However, in many cases, it will just postpone the problem. Hopefully, the families will take their obligation to prepare their children well for the questions the world will raise. Because the world can be a mean place for people who are different.

There are times when having no children is a blessing. I can think of a lot of awkward talks that I don’t have to have.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’m saying that we need people who want to be Catholic to accept all of the Church’s teachings. Being Catholic does not come with cafeteria options.

I mentioned those examples because I would bet real money there’d be more outrage in those instances for obvious reasons, not of which are good.

 

[QwertyGirl]

As an old school guy, I have no problem with the Church’s fire and primstone sex talk—you know, “you will burn in Hell if you . . .”. Let’s scare them a little, it could cut down on them fooling around for another year or two!

So unhealthy on so many levels. I am glad we live in a time where this isn’t the approach most educated people take.

Teaching by fear may get you the immediate results you want, but it can have a way of setting a person up for a lifetime of suffering in ways you may not consider. It generally isn’t a kind way to treat anybody, regardless of one’s motive.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Glad to hear you were joking. I was in Catholic highschool in the late 70s and even there a few of the nuns would joke about masturbation making one crazy. However, the message ultimately delivered that sex was wrong, wrong, wrong unless you were married and looking for babies.

I remember one movie that was shown and it was from the 50’s. The kids dad was lecturing him that if he didn’t “change his ways, he would lose his eyesight.” I think we were watching it in religion class as a legit movie (LOL). The nun cut off the projector and flipped on the lights and said, “We all have to have a good laugh right about now” and that is exactly what the whole class did. She was a kind, young nun.

 

[TheOldColonel]

This matter can only be resolved by clear policy and firm leadership.

 

[CaptainPrudeman]

It’s important to teach everything as “This is how you get closer to God” not “This is how you will BURN!” Not only do kids respond to that better, it helps them understand real Church theology and emphasizes God’s love.

 

[PetraG]

Are you implying these issues are equivalent with sexual morality? Welcoming strangers and helping the poor are things that take place outside of our own bodies. Sexual morality deals with issues that take place inside our bodies. It isn’t the same thing at all.

Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body. 1 Cor. 6:18-20

 

[PetraG]

The parents don’t want the topic discussed in class with other kids. That doesn’t mean they won’t discuss it at home.

You’ve been making the point that the parents ought to be able to do this instruction themselves; I agree with this entirely. There are ways for the candidates to show that they did cover the material. I would say if that is a concern, but I think the policy needs to be in place where that judgement is not made. Just have the show they covered the material by a test or a filled-out worksheet or whatever, and that is enough. Telling families it is up to them if they want to opt out of certain parts of the Catechism is a bad road to go down (and as I am sure you know suitable instruction is included in canon law concerning preparation for confirmation).

 

[I_trust]

We have a new (great) DRE.

As part of the Confirmation program a parent and Confirmation candidate group meeting was scheduled.

It was so cool, no one knew it was coming…
She showed 2 videos on chastity and the Church’s teaching.
One from Fr Mike Schmitz
And one from Jason and Crystalina Evert.

Shocked, stunned parents.
They dared to say contraception was sinful. They said chastity was beautiful.
They presented the Church’s teaching.

No opt out if you don’t know it is coming!

GREAT video, here is a link…
https://shop.chastityproject.com/dvds/love-or-lust-dvd.html

I loved it.

 

[QwertyGirl]

I am sure a lot of people left that meeting feeling violated. It is why I don’t go to meetings of any kind unless I have an agenda beforehand.

Anyhow, if families don’t want their kids to have this kind of training for the reasons most people believe (here), then it means they already aren’t one hundred percent “in” on their faith. I think it isn’t exactly smart to use tactics like that. You most likely will drive them further away. I don’t think Jesus treated people that way, honestly.

But I am agnostic. So that is just me.

 

[I_trust]

Oh, I do think Jesus shocked people.
He did not shy away from confronting sin.

And all the videos did was present the clear teaching of the Church, no scare tactics, no guilt trips.
Parents were then free to discuss it at home.
They agreed to allow the Church to teach their children.
If the parents are not living the Church’s teachings, too bad.
No one is violated by hearing the truth presented in a positive, faithful way.
The nuts and bolts of biology are not discussed.
It was a brilliant idea , and very much needed to teach the kids the truth since many, many of the parents are not following the teachings.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Exactly what value is talking about birth control, in the moral sense, if the kid doesn’t have a proper understanding of what the different methods are and how they work? Seems like a huge waste of time.

I don’t think Jesus shocked and stunned people because he was trying to barrel through with his own agenda come hell or highwater. That would have been out of character for him.

You can keep on keeping on. Just don’t be surprised when people just walk away. I think a little empathy can go a long way in these types of situations.

 

[I_trust]

Exactly what value is talking about birth control, in the moral sense, if the kid doesn’t have a proper understanding of what the different methods are and how they work? Seems like a huge waste of time.

It is of enormous value.
You don’t have to explain the different methods to kill a person in order to discuss the morality of murder.

The beauty of chastity, the incredible value of living a morally upright life, the spectacular gift of waiting for one person to give yourself completely to…for the rest of your life. These are but a few of the treasures gleaned from the Church’s wonderful teachings.