Sexual past

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soccerchick33

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My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
 
Don’t regret it - you are blest. It is those others who will in time have the regret.
 
That’s not very nice for your friends to say. I think it’s a blessing to be someone’s first and only. My husband and I are each other’s first and only. We’ve never even kissed anyone other than each other. (Didn’t deliberately save our first kiss for the one we married, just worked out that way.) I don’t see how anyone can say you missed out by not sleeping with other people.
 
soccerchick33 said:
My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
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No, you certainly did not miss out.

There are books full of the stories of women and men who regret horribly having not waited for their spouse. You are blessed to be among those who were able to give their virginity to the love of their life, rather than the quarterback of that freshman highschool team.
 
soccerchick33 said:
My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
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I slept with one other before my husband-to-be, and the experience was so bad I vowed not to have sex again until I was married, even though I didn’t know at the time if I would be married someday or not. And don’t get me wrong, the sex itself wasn’t “so bad,” but the feeling of having been used or of having missed out on forming a deeper connection with someone (whether the guy I was sleeping with or someone else) sucked. And it kept me hanging around that guy long after I would have severed ties if we hadn’t been having sex.

Here’s the thing: when you wait for the one God means for you to be with, you spend your courtship doing all the foundation-building things you should be doing, and then when you have sex, not only is it Sacramental, it’s with your very best friend in the entire world (and what could be better than that?).

When you don’t wait, the following scenarios happen:
  1. You have sex with someone who doesn’t wind up being your spouse, and you feel used.
  2. You have sex with someone who doesn’t wind up being your spouse, and you become jaded to feeling used, because you begin to numb yourself to the emotional connection that’s supposed to happen during sex, and that’s arguably much worse than feeling used.
  3. You have sex with someone who does become your spouse, and, if you’re serious about your faith or become serious about it later, you regret not waiting (if I had a nickel for every married couple who’s expressed this regret, I’d be reasonably wealthy and have extremely heavy pockets).
We live in a consumer culture that consumes people as well as things. This idea that you “missed out” by not using or allowing yourself to be used by some more socially acceptable number of other people is ridiculous. Having used and been used by one person apart from my husband, I can tell you that I’d rather have sacramental sex with this one man I love and trust for the rest of my life (even if it’s not always wild or long-lasting or extremely enthusiastic) than have wild, crazy sex with any number of other men who don’t love me the way my future husband does.

Neither of us are virgins, by the way, but we’ve abstained throughout the course of our relationship. He has just a little bit more experience than I do, but his was as empty and unfulfilling in the long run as mine was. So waiting has been relatively easy, especially since we are best friends who can do pretty much anything together and enjoy it (including, but not limited to, making up epic ballads about his dog). We do struggle, don’t get me wrong, but we know what sex is like on the other side of the fence, and we’d like to stay where it actually is green, healthy, and holy.

Ignore those folks. THEY have no idea what THEY’RE missing. I wish I’ve saved my virginity for my fiance, and he wishes he’d saved his for me.
 
Both my husband and I had “history” although he was a virgin. I was not. Our “history” was not nearly as complicated as it is for many people today, and it’s still had some really awful effects on our relationship.

I have never asked him specifically about how he feels about his past (a matter of not necessarily wanting the answer), but I know that I have lots of regret, and I’ve also had a lot of anger that the painful parts of my past are dismissed as “not a big deal” by others. They are absolutely a big deal.
 
This thread has the potential to go in so many directions…

🍿
 
soccerchick33 said:
My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
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I don’t think everyone with a “sexual past” has deep, lifelong pangs of regret. There is such a thing as forgiveness. If you accept God’s forgiveness, you should forgive yourself, but you might occasionally wonder how things might have been different.

There is certainly no reason to regret not having sex prior to marriage. You made the best choice. God Bless you!
 
Beryllos said:
I don’t think everyone with a “sexual past” has deep, lifelong pangs of regret. There is such a thing as forgiveness. If you accept God’s forgiveness, you should forgive yourself, but you might occasionally wonder how things might have been different.

There is certainly no reason to regret not having sex prior to marriage. You made the best choice. God Bless you!
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👍
 
I have a history, my husband had no history at all when we met. I don’t regret anything and we have never had an issue in our relationship pertaining to my past or his lack of one.
 
soccerchick33 said:
My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
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I also have my husband as my first and only. I used to think I missed out on something by not playing the field, but one of my extremely “active” female friends told me that she was jealous of me having only one partner because of the heartache her long search for a partner caused her.

In short, I missed out on a lot, but not on anything desirable.
 
Those people who say that you missed by not being with other people in my opinion are idiots. When you have sex with a lot of people your at risk of being infected, theirs no need to be ashamed nor to doubting, man, I should of slept with more men or women. Remember just b/c society says its ok, doesn’t necessarily mean that its right.
 
Beryllos said:
I don’t think everyone with a “sexual past” has deep, lifelong pangs of regret. There is such a thing as forgiveness. If you accept God’s forgiveness, you should forgive yourself, but you might occasionally wonder how things might have been different.
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For those who believe in the sacramental nature of marriage, it sometimes becomes evident only upon going through the sacrament, what it means to their life and relationships. There are many Catholics unfortunately who have a less ‘catholic’ view of marriage and the value of virginity escapes them. Thats not to say that someone who has surrendered their virginity prior to marriage is forever ‘marked’ with it. Think of how someone who has had a fight with someone in their family and that person dies with that fracture of relationship still there. The living party is more impelled by the desire to mend that in other ways such as praying more fervently for the soul of the deceased or perhaps carrying on some legacy for the deceased person. Remorse is something the Lord loves in man. It’s a sign of a deep connection with Him. Unless remorse and forgiveness produce some real effects in the life of the parties, they are really only platitudes designed to avoid any real change.
 
I have a pretty colorful past. Believe me I regret it all. The best, most fulfilling, and pleasurable sex is the married kind. All sex outside of marriage is impulse driven and shallow. You didn’t miss anything. Get new friends.

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android
 
LilyRose_8891 said:
That’s not very nice for your friends to say.
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A lot of my friends and associates made similar comments. However, I don’t regret for a second that my wife was my first. I wasn’t hers and we still struggle with a lot of the pain and mistreatment she went through before we met. As for my friends who think I was silly for not sleeping around, I have several friends who either sprung herpes on their spouses after they were married, or had it sprung on them. I’ve had friends go through HIV/AIDS scares, some on more than one occasion. I have friends whose illegitimate children showed up on the doorstep one day, having been kicked out by their mothers; in one case the guy never knew the kid existed until that day. Others who have to deal with juggling visitation with multiple exes with family vacations and other occasions. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that I missed out on all the wonderful experiences my wiser, more knowledgeable friends got to go through.
 
My first thought when I read this was “troll”. But I shouldn’t judge, so here are my :twocents:.
soccerchick33 said:
My husband was my first and only. If you have a sexual past do you regret it? My friends often tell me I “missed out” on sleeping with other men. :confused:
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A way of saying “I regret being faithful the the One who died for me on the Cross, my God”. Being in a state where one wishes to do evil or to have done evil is certainly not a state of grace, but a wish to please the devil and hurt your soul. So, basically, your friends wish to please Satan.
 
soccerchick33 said:
If you have a sexual past do you regret it?
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I’m not sure what you mean be sexual past. If you mean premartial sex, then I’m guilty. My first sexual experience was simply wasted on someone I didn’t even really care for.

That said, it’s in the past. The best than can be done with mistakes in the past is to learn from them and not repeat them. I don’t dwell on such mistakes since it serves no purpose and cannot be undone.
 
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