Sexually explicit discussion on a Catholic forum

[aboverubies]

Gee - I haven’t seen any threads like the ones spoken of here. I must be hanging out in the wrong forums! Maybe I’m just not drawn to their titles and pass over them? Don’t know! But as others have stated that there are many such threads…that seems to indicate a need for more info on the topic. I’ve managed to avoid such discussions so far - and I haven’t even been trying too!! Why can’t those who wish to avoid a sexually explicit discussion simply pass over it? I’m not keen on arguments ‘ooops’ debates between Protestants and Catholics so I simply don’t go to the apologetics forum. Easy!

 

[Chancellare]

Good point Liza. I think you brought up a subject worth discussing. I’m almost 50 and I remember the days when you didn’t hear about the presidents escapades on the nightly news in lurid detail. I remember when women’s magazines didn’t have the word ‘sex’ included in every one of their headliners, and I remember a time when you wouldn’t have seen ‘oral sex’ mentioned in a Catholic magazine.(We didn’t have the internet in those days).

My point being, our society has a tasteless preoccupation with sex and has been desensitized to the point where uncouth subject matter is even acceptable on a religious forum. It seems as if nothing is sacred or private anymore. I wouldn’t mind the pendulum swinging back to a little more decoum.

It is exactly when people with the right understanding of ‘life according to the spirit’ should start shutting their mouth about sex that those with ‘tasteless preoccupation of sex’ will dominate the postings in this forum. When that happens, shall we just then easily conclude that we were right all along about those ‘uncouth’ people and fold our arms in disgust? Or isn’t it that we are all called to defend our faith on the same ground where and when it is challenged?

JPII in fact stated that Purity is NOT prudishness. How so?

The reason is this: To the degree that we live the redemption of our bodies we realize that sexual purity is not simply repressing sexual attraction and desire such that we cut our sexuality altogether.

Avoiding occasion of sin by eliminating the discussion of sex altogether is an option to those who can only survive by evasion. This is ok but it is only a necessary first step, a “negative purity” as JPII coined it. For those who are supposed to grow in virtue, much is expected to defend his faith against the onslaught of perversion. The expectation is that one who grows in virtue should also experience “positive” or “mature” purity. In mature purity, we are taught that man enjoys the fruits of his victory won over lust. And this is not going to happen if we simply bury our slender heads into the sands…

 

[lizaanne]

And this is not going to happen if we simply bury our slender heads into the sands…

So are you suggesting that I engage in something that makes me uncomfortable and that I find inappropriate, just so I’m not burying my slender head in the sand, as you say?

~Liza

 

[Karin]

So are you suggesting that I engage in something that makes me uncomfortable and that I find inappropriate, just so I’m not burying my slender head in the sand, as you say?

~Liza

you know if these types of threads bother you so much dont visit them …why is this such a big issue?
I have yet to see a thread that is so “out there” and grpahic in nature on these forums.
I mean are folks posting pics of sexual acts on here? Are they describign in detail certain sexual acts?
I really have not see these things here…thank God!

 

[jmcrae]

I think that what everyone is forgetting is that we are not all adults here. Children read these forums, too, which is why I am proposing that explicit discussions about sex be put in a private forum that would not be accessible by accident, or through random Googling.

 

[WenckebachCath]

I, for one, am no prude, but I also highly value good taste. I find titles of threads with “oral sex” in them to be in violation of that maxim. I also think that suggesting that the OP has a “slender head” for bringing this up for discussion is insulting to her.

The OP has been very courteous and has discussed this valid question intelligently and respectfully.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I think that what everyone is forgetting is that we are not all adults here. Children read these forums, too,…

Yes, Catholic Answers Forums passes most filters. I remember that children might read these forums, which is why I have mixed feelings on this topic. I think about children reading threads about Santa too.

As a parent, I hope children *aren’t *reading discussions of a sexual nature on the internet. But if they do, I hope the discussions include the teachings of the Catholic Church clearly presented to distinguish right from wrong. As a parent, I also know that sometimes grown ups need to discuss grown up matters that children might overhear. Children with unsupervised access to the internet are in far graver danger from things beyond Catholic Answers threads.

WenckebachCath, I agree with what you wrote about thread titles. If the question is of a sexual nature, I prefer when the original poster selects a title that vaguely alludes to the question.

 

[Chancellare]

So are you suggesting that I engage in something that makes me uncomfortable and that I find inappropriate, just so I’m not burying my slender head in the sand, as you say?

~Liza

Liza,
If my choice of expression was offensive to you (and to others similarly affected), I apologize sincerely.Though unintentional, I’d rather be proven wrong than to slight others.:banghead:

 

[distracted]

What do you think about it? Is it really that helpful? Or just voyeuristic discussion disguised as “help”?

Ok - I’m a prude, I’ll admit it. But I just don’t understand why someone, especially a Catholic who is supposed to hold the marriage act as sacred and sacramental, would want to share the most intimate and personal sexual practices of their marriage on the Internet for everyone in the world to see?

Is it possible to discuss such topics as we see here without being explicit? Do we really even need to talk about them? What in the world did people do before the Internet?

I’m sorry, but I’m just flabbergasted and shocked at some of the discussion I see in some of the threads here. I’ve learned quickly which discussions to just stay out of. But it does bring up the question - are we providing an occasion for sin by supplying such explicit discussions? Is that possibility outweighed by any chance of value?

I honestly don’t know the answer. So - what do you all think?

~Liza

 

[distracted]

distracted:
You have said exactly what i have been feeling, deep inside, but somehow couldn’t “dredge up” from that inner place 4 some reason… Well, actually, i did say something similar, but probably not as well as you have…

I definitely think sex should be kept private at all times. I guess i am a prude 2 - I don’t believe in reading anything about sex. I hate all those how-to books/articles. They are repugnant to me…
i sometimes feel cheapened by answering some of the posts on this subject… (the explicit ones). In fact, earlier today, i got to thinking… & made up my mind to stay away from them entirely. I sometimes wonder if some of the people who post them are certifiable perverts… &/or trying to mess with us Catholics or whatever… Thanks.

 

[Penny_Plain]

I sometimes feel cheapened by answering some of the posts on this subject… (the explicit ones). In fact, earlier today, i got to thinking… & made up my mind to stay away from them entirely.

That is a very healthy approach. If you don’t like it, if it bothers you, if it adds nothing to your life, then DON’T READ IT. This is supposed to be educational and fun, not a miserable burden.

The problem comes when we try to make rules for everyone based on what we ourselves do not like.

I sometimes wonder if some of the people who post them are certifiable perverts.

What? HERE?

Perish the thought.

 

[Sandi]

**I don’t believe in reading anything about sex. **

Good lord. I’m glad you’re not a doctor. What are you doing here?

 

[StephanieC]

Here’s what’s been percolating in my mind for a while, ever since this thread was posted. (It’s just taken me a few days to get it together)

Imagine this:
You’re happily married and thinking oneself a faithful Catholic. Then one day, a friend of yours makes a joking reference to, say, a news article about some aspect of Catholic moral teaching.

You want to speak up in defense of the Church, but you’re just an average Joe/Jane Catholic, who doesn’t have the CCC memorized, was poorly catechized, and is just glad to get to a reverent Mass each Sunday.

So you google some of the terms, find a link to Vatican documents, and–cue harp music–a tiny corner of your brain becomes enlightened by one of the truths of Catholic Moral Teaching.

But the more you search, the more info comes up! Soon you are surfing through the web, reading plenty of myths for every Truth! Who can you trust? Now you are starting to have doubts about some of the very practices that you’ve always done without a moment’s hesitation in your marriage!

Who can you ask about this & be absolutely rock-solid sure that their answer is correct? Your priest? Well, not face to face, surely! Okay, so in the confessional? You try that, but he isn’t as specific as you were hoping, and you’re not going to keep pestering him about it, for goodness’ sake!

So you try an anonymous Catholic internet forum. It’s run by a reputable organization, and you know from lurking there that people will usually cite references with their answers, so at least you can do your own homework.

Sure enough, you get a bunch of replies. Although they vary, the majority agree that what you describe is not a sin. Most of them point you toward a particular church document. A few of them actually take the time to walk you through the reasoning process. So you breath a sigh of relief, you’ve gotten a little catechesis, and you’ve found a new reference source for future wiscracks from your friend.

Is that so bad?

 

[Chancellare]

Here’s what’s been percolating in my mind for a while, ever since this thread was posted. (It’s just taken me a few days to get it together)

Imagine this:
You’re happily married and thinking oneself a faithful Catholic. Then one day, a friend of yours makes a joking reference to, say, a news article about some aspect of Catholic moral teaching.

You want to speak up in defense of the Church, but you’re just an average Joe/Jane Catholic, who doesn’t have the CCC memorized, was poorly catechized, and is just glad to get to a reverent Mass each Sunday.

So you google some of the terms, find a link to Vatican documents, and–cue harp music–a tiny corner of your brain becomes enlightened by one of the truths of Catholic Moral Teaching.

But the more you search, the more info comes up! Soon you are surfing through the web, reading plenty of myths for every Truth! Who can you trust? Now you are starting to have doubts about some of the very practices that you’ve always done without a moment’s hesitation in your marriage!

Who can you ask about this & be absolutely rock-solid sure that their answer is correct? Your priest? Well, not face to face, surely! Okay, so in the confessional? You try that, but he isn’t as specific as you were hoping, and you’re not going to keep pestering him about it, for goodness’ sake!

So you try an anonymous Catholic internet forum. It’s run by a reputable organization, and you know from lurking there that people will usually cite references with their answers, so at least you can do your own homework.

Sure enough, you get a bunch of replies. Although they vary, the majority agree that what you describe is not a sin. Most of them point you toward a particular church document. A few of them actually take the time to walk you through the reasoning process. So you breath a sigh of relief, you’ve gotten a little catechesis, and you’ve found a new reference source for future wiscracks from your friend.

Is that so bad?

This is exactly what I was trying to say. All my posts on this subject were culled from John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. I may be ignoarant on many points but I’m pretty sure I was not drawing water from a polluted source.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Here’s what’s been percolating in my mind for a while, ever since this thread was posted. (It’s just taken me a few days to get it together)…

I just have to chime in and say that was a lovely post. I agree whole-heartedly.

Asking an anonymous question on this forum a year ago may have saved my life. Granted, it wasn’t about sexuality, but it gave me so much relief to know the answer to my problem. I thank God for this resource and I hope that people will continue to use it to spread the truth, whether it regards sex or any other subject.

 

[kellie]

Here’s what’s been percolating in my mind for a while, ever since this thread was posted. (It’s just taken me a few days to get it together)

Imagine this:
You’re happily married and thinking oneself a faithful Catholic. Then one day, a friend of yours makes a joking reference to, say, a news article about some aspect of Catholic moral teaching.

You want to speak up in defense of the Church, but you’re just an average Joe/Jane Catholic, who doesn’t have the CCC memorized, was poorly catechized, and is just glad to get to a reverent Mass each Sunday.

So you google some of the terms, find a link to Vatican documents, and–cue harp music–a tiny corner of your brain becomes enlightened by one of the truths of Catholic Moral Teaching.

But the more you search, the more info comes up! Soon you are surfing through the web, reading plenty of myths for every Truth! Who can you trust? Now you are starting to have doubts about some of the very practices that you’ve always done without a moment’s hesitation in your marriage!

Who can you ask about this & be absolutely rock-solid sure that their answer is correct? Your priest? Well, not face to face, surely! Okay, so in the confessional? You try that, but he isn’t as specific as you were hoping, and you’re not going to keep pestering him about it, for goodness’ sake!

So you try an anonymous Catholic internet forum. It’s run by a reputable organization, and you know from lurking there that people will usually cite references with their answers, so at least you can do your own homework.

Sure enough, you get a bunch of replies. Although they vary, the majority agree that what you describe is not a sin. Most of them point you toward a particular church document. A few of them actually take the time to walk you through the reasoning process. So you breath a sigh of relief, you’ve gotten a little catechesis, and you’ve found a new reference source for future wiscracks from your friend.

Is that so bad?

Well said!

Exactly why I like reading threads in this section of CAF.

It helps me too, to be relieved at the past, and also to take wisdom into my future.

 

[Polish]

What language? Most boards have extensive filtering of all the common “bad words”… , but banning or locking down sexually related questions is a “knee jerk” reaction. Every single living thing on this rock reproduces.

We as mammals reproduce by a physical connection between the male & female of the species. The engorged male penis is inserted into the female’s vaginal canal. Due to stimulation the male then expels seminal fluid into the vaginal canal. By flagellating action (tail thrashing) the sperm travels upwards towards the …

Was that an offensive description of sex?? If you can’t handle that, then I wouldn’t want to be around you with a lay-term description…

This area (or a to be created specific forum) is needed. Frankly, just by reading some of the posts & questions I’m astounded that some of these people can have intercourse, let alone reproduce at all…

“Is it OK if we…”
“Will I go to Hell if I…”
“Can I touch my wife/husband’s…”
“What if I… and didn’t… and we…”
“Am I committing a sin by…”
The lists go on & on.

They are so intimidated or frightened by the Catholic “rules of engorgement” that having sex with their spouse becomes a moral, theological & physical checklist.

Sex with your spouse is MUCH more than the previous “technical assessment”. It’s the actions that lead up to the technical act where there is so much confusion.

Having an area to post delicate questions anonymously, within a group like-minded people, and getting solid reference material direction or answers is a much needed service. The OP can then dissect the replies to relate to his/her own situation or comfort level, and proceed with their own lives.

You have just stated of what your comfort level is, or your choices are. That is your privilege. I’ll state this:
I don’t think you are more healthy or normal than me. That is my privilege. Our views are different.

And it may not be the same as others… hence the conundrum… and the reply “Just don’t look/open” the sexually related posts.

“If you don’t like the program, change the channel”.

Yes Jay, your post was offensive. Thank God our views are different.

Meanwhile, for those interested in JPII’s discourses on this subject, check out: theologyofthebody.net/
They also have a forum there.

 

[lizaanne]

But your example does not say that the average Joe/Jane person is having questions about oral sex or how they stimulate each other during sex! It says they have “questions” - and I totally 110% support CA and the other legitimate and Faithful Catholic message boards for being there to help someone in that position.

The ONLY thing I have issue with (as stated quite well in the OP and by other here) is the subject matter of SOME of the discussions here, and that they are openly available for children and voyeurs. That’s it.

And in some area of the forum, I can’t recall where I read it, but someone was asking about how they go about talking about such a sensitive subject, and their advice was to use the same sort of language you would feel comfortable using with your children or in public. Well, I don’t think I would be talking with my children or with people on the bus about how my husband and I perform in the bedroom, so how can you EVER use appropriate language given those parameters?

I am only saying that I think these discussions should be in their own area, and not accessible by those who register as children. Yep, we never know how old someone is, but we still need to be responsible adults. Regardless of how devious some kids might be.

And there are clearly some adults on this forum who would prefer to read about their Faith and not have to wade through topics about masturbation and oral sex.

~Liza

 

[contramundum7]

Sorry…but if they where (that) explicit the Mod’s would not allow it.
Are they going into details, showing pics etc.? Or speaking in general terms?
Also perhaps folks share what they share here on an annonymous forum for that reason they are annoymous and perhaps this is easier for them then going to a doctor or whatever for advice/insight or whatever.

i can somewhat understand these points, but i don’t understand the guy who wanted to know if it was OK to please his wife in her non-fertile time. to me, this was not such an important issue that he had to “go into detail” on the internet about the so-called problem. For one thing, many of us have no outlet for our “needs” & have a hard time sympathizing with someone who can’t even wait a week or two… But i guess that’s a little bit beside the point. It offended me mainly because it was too explicit for my taste. Frankly, i can’t understand it - why someone would put their private business out there in the public like that… I think he should have gone to a priest in confession. Actually, i don’t even think that would be all that appropriate since, as mentioned, its not like it was some super important thing… It seemed the main issue was he couldn’t live without sex… that’s what he should take up with a priest. I think that was the greater problem…

 

[Sixtus]

What do you think about it? Is it really that helpful? Or just voyeuristic discussion disguised as “help”?

Ok - I’m a prude, I’ll admit it. But I just don’t understand why someone, especially a Catholic who is supposed to hold the marriage act as sacred and sacramental, would want to share the most intimate and personal sexual practices of their marriage on the Internet for everyone in the world to see?

Agree it may be tough but then so is the truth.

This forum apart from being a really great way to spend one’s free time [spend most of mine here], is also very enlightening. We are one big family. Just like any family, folk do not always agree but that is how it is.

Yes, some are painfully explicit but then maybe some folk are just trying very hard to tease out the truth