She's an atheist, should I break up with her?

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I’ve recently started dating a girl with whom I’d been working and just a few days ago I found out she’s an atheist. Now what should I do? Should I break up with her or should I try to convert her? You see, I used to consider myself an atheist too, until I became interested in religions and started reading lots of philosophy and apologetics. I eventually came to embrace the Catholic faith that my parents had taught me but that I’d always dismissed as a lie. (I used to be a Richard Dawkins fanboy… it gives me shivers just to think about it). Anyway, she reads a lot of philosophy too and she’s a pretty smart girl, so I think that if I show her all the good reasons there are to be a Christian, I could eventually convince her, but I’m also afraid that I’d just be wasting my time.

So what’s your advice on this? What do you think I should do?

(I’m sorry if my english is a little bad, I’m from Argentina)
 
I pray that by your example and how you interact and talk with her that you can bring her into the faith…
 
First off what kind of atheist is she?

The kind that acts like atheists should act and keeps their lack of belief to themselves out of respect for people who actually have faith in organized religion.

Or the more common smarter-than-though “I find religious people to be stupid/ignorant compared to atheists such as myself” “I think organized religion is evil/the root of all wars” kind of anti-theist?
 
Uriah_Betrayed said:
First off what kind of atheist is she?

The kind that acts like atheists should act and keeps their lack of belief to themselves out of respect for people who actually have faith in organized religion.

Or the more common smarter-than-though “I find religious people to be stupid/ignorant compared to atheists such as myself” “I think organized religion is evil/the root of all wars” kind of anti-theist?
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Thankfully, she’s the first kind. I found out about her atheism because she saw me wearing a cross and said “Oh, I didn’t know you were religious” so I asked her if she wasn’t.
 
Uriah_Betrayed said:
First off what kind of atheist is she?

The kind that acts like atheists should act and keeps their lack of belief to themselves out of respect for people who actually have faith in organized religion.

Or the more common smarter-than-though “I find religious people to be stupid/ignorant compared to atheists such as myself” “I think organized religion is evil/the root of all wars” kind of anti-theist?
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These caricatures of unbelievers will not help decide a real issue. Most unbelievers find some religious beliefs perfectly understandable, and in fact many of us consider that we probably evolved the (general not specific) tendency to believe as an adaptive advantage. an example of such a perfectly understandable belief would be the idea of the existence of a God. Other beliefs many of us find very hard to explain indeed. An example would be the simultaenous belief in a loving God who is also responsible for the creation of non-human beings in their billions destined to suffer enormous pain. The OPs girlfriend will be much more sophisticated than your descriptions. My advice: be young, have fun, hope for love, see what happens.🙂
 
Well if that’s the case it makes things a lot less clear cut. If you intend to continue this relationship I wouldn’t recommend going out of the way to convert her, it is those actions that seem to turn even the most respectable atheist into the boorish militant sort. The reason is simply because no matter how much respect they give to people of religious belief, in the end you have to remember that they find your beliefs illogical; the more militant just take it a step further and claim that lack of logic is also dangerous.

If you continue the relationship it would be a good opportunity for her to see the good of Catholicism through the works of its followers (you). If you continue I would recommend that you do become weaker in your faith and duties to the Church, because if an atheist senses doubt there is little reason for them not to attempt to convert you to atheism simply because they think you’d be happier that way. (Not trying to make it sound sinister, just giving you an atheist perspective gathered from my own moments of weakness)

Finally the biggest problem is if you ever get engaged with this woman and married it will be troubling raising children under that kind of household. There will always be doubt in a child’s faith when they see one parent who never goes to Church with the other and from what I’ve seen it tends to cause problems in marriages. Heck even Catholics marrying Protestants causes problems so its just the same for atheists.
Most unbelievers find some religious beliefs perfectly understandable, and in fact many of us consider that we probably evolved the (general not specific) tendency to believe as an adaptive advantage.
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I’ve heard the less tact way of putting that, essentially saying that religious people are how they are because of what amounts to a psychological block while atheists are superior for having been able to surpass such “primitive tendencies”.
 
My advice would be not to continue dating this girl, but instead to find a good Catholic girl who is as enthusiastic about the Catholic faith as you are.

Yes, it is possible that the atheist girl will convert, but it is far from a guarantee. And if she remains an atheist, then you face some very serious potential conflicts if you eventually get married – such as deciding whether to raise your kids Catholic, deciding how many children you are open to having, using natural family planning (NFP) vs. contraception or sterilization, etc. Even before you marry, if you are following the Catholic faith, then you must abstain from sexual intimacy before marriage. But she may see no reason to abstain, thus providing both a conflict and a serious temptation for you.

Having said that, I see no major harm in seeing this girl occasionally on a non-romantic basis, and showing her the things you have learned about the Catholic faith. Who knows, maybe she would convert, and then you could re-evaluate the situation a few years from now. But for now, I would advise against getting involved romantically.

That is my advice, but you should also pray about the situation and see what God is telling you. And if you do continue dating this girl, please go slowly and cautiously. Also, if you continue dating, then I think the two of you should discuss the serious conflicts that are likely to arise between a Catholic and an atheist who are dating or who marry. (I mentioned some of them above, and there are probably more.)
 
Well from my own experience I would advise you to break up with her but still be friends.
 
nicoarg said:
I’ve recently started dating a girl with whom I’d been working and just a few days ago I found out she’s an atheist. Now what should I do? Should I break up with her or should I try to convert her? You see, I used to consider myself an atheist too, until I became interested in religions and started reading lots of philosophy and apologetics. I eventually came to embrace the Catholic faith that my parents had taught me but that I’d always dismissed as a lie. (I used to be a Richard Dawkins fanboy… it gives me shivers just to think about it). Anyway, she reads a lot of philosophy too and she’s a pretty smart girl, so I think that if I show her all the good reasons there are to be a Christian, I could eventually convince her, but I’m also afraid that I’d just be wasting my time.

So what’s your advice on this? What do you think I should do?

(I’m sorry if my english is a little bad, I’m from Argentina)
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A marriage between a believer and non-believer will not work very well. Go to CatholicMatch.com to find women for whom their faith is a very important part of their lives.
 
Uriah_Betrayed said:
First off what kind of atheist is she?

The kind that acts like atheists should act and keeps their lack of belief to themselves out of respect for people who actually have faith in organized religion.

Or the more common smarter-than-though “I find religious people to be stupid/ignorant compared to atheists such as myself” “I think organized religion is evil/the root of all wars” kind of anti-theist?
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I certainly don’t keep my lack of belief to myself out of respect for believers. If they have a problem with my atheism that is completely their problem. I also wouldn’t expect a Muslim to keep their belief to themselves to avoid offending me, or expect a Hindu to keep quiet out of respect for a Christian. But I don’t hold myself as being above or smarter than believers, and I do understand and respect religious beliefs. I guess that makes me a semi-militant weekend warrior type?🤷

All that aside, break up with the girl! You have many irreconcilable differences that will make a life together all but impossible. Do not get in to a relationship hoping to change the fundamentals of who she is as a person. She deserves someone who can love and commit to her as-is. Besides, in all likelihood you will end up disappointed and resentful.

Besides the issue of having kids (which is the biggest issue) there are so many other huge issues. You will not be able to grieve with each other, you won’t have the same idea of gender roles in marriage, you won’t agree on many basic ethical things.

Just don’t go there. It won’t be fair to either of you.
 
no one should answer this question for you because only you two will know what holds for you now.

as she knows you are religious, she will gradually learn how committed you are and between you that will help you both work out the answer.

I am actually impressed to read an opinion from an atheist here too. they will know the conflict and hurt of a non believer watching a believer.( we only know about believing and watching a non believer.)a bit better than we do. we might think it don’t matter but we don’t know how it feels not to totally believe there isn’t a God.
 
I think there are several questions you must ask yourself at this stage:
  1. Why am I dating? What is the purpose of dating?
  2. Am I living up to my Catholic faith in why I am dating?
  3. Is this particular person the one whom I can do that with?
Only you can answer those questions. Dating seems to be a way to get intimate with people in today’s society. That is really not what it is about for Catholics. For us, it’s finding a future spouse. Otherwise we can just remain good friends with them. Is this person the ‘one’ so to speak? The one you love so much you are considering marriage? Marriage between two people of different faiths is very difficult, doable, but difficult. Determine why you are dating her, for what purpose, and then go from there.
 
First of all, why do you have to “break up with” a girl you have just begun to date? Can’t you just stop dating her? You haven’t got any commitment to her at this point. You can tell her why you think dating is not a great idea. You may like her, she may like you, no harm done, you can still be friends. If you go further into the relationship, you may have to really “break up,” and there can be hard feelings.

Second, “missionary dating,” dating in order to convert someone, is a REALLY BAD IDEA. Possibly the worst reason for dating someone that exists. No, you should not keep dating her in order to help her convert. It’s not your job. The Holy Spirit does that job.

Does an atheist have any reason not to enjoy sex within a dating relationship? Not usually. How about using artificial birth control? No reason not to. Will she get her feelings hurt when you put attending church on Sunday ahead of any plans with her? Of course she won’t be interested in going to Mass with you…

Next time, before you ask a girl to go out, spend some time just chatting with her and find a way to bring religion into the conversation. If she’s an atheist, chalk it up and just be friendly, and don’t ask her out.
 
It would be very problematic to continue building a romantic relationship with an atheist. The purpose of dating is discernment of marriage. And a Catholic-Atheist marriage is not something you want to embark upon, you must think of future children and their spiritual upbringing.

Also, what is called “missionary dating” is also a bad idea and disrespectful of the other preson. “Missionary dating” is dating someone with the intent of converting them to your faith/beliefs. It puts them at an unfair disadvantage.

So, build a friendship rather than a dating relationship with her, if you want to discuss religion and evangelize her in the faith.
 
nicoarg said:
I’ve recently started dating a girl with whom I’d been working and just a few days ago I found out she’s an atheist. Now what should I do? Should I break up with her or should I try to convert her? You see, I used to consider myself an atheist too, until I became interested in religions and started reading lots of philosophy and apologetics. I eventually came to embrace the Catholic faith that my parents had taught me but that I’d always dismissed as a lie. (I used to be a Richard Dawkins fanboy… it gives me shivers just to think about it). Anyway, she reads a lot of philosophy too and she’s a pretty smart girl, so I think that if I show her all the good reasons there are to be a Christian, I could eventually convince her, but I’m also afraid that I’d just be wasting my time.

So what’s your advice on this? What do you think I should do?

(I’m sorry if my english is a little bad, I’m from Argentina)
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I think you have gotten some good advice from the Catholics on this thread, but I just wanted to say that while I was reading what you wrote, it did not occur to me that English is not your native language! I speak truly terrible Spanish and very rusty French, and have worked with people writing textbooks for some other languages, so I have a little experience 😉 You have obviously done well with your English studies!
 
nicoarg said:
I’ve recently started dating a girl with whom I’d been working and just a few days ago I found out she’s an atheist. Now what should I do? Should I break up with her or should I try to convert her? You see, I used to consider myself an atheist too, until I became interested in religions and started reading lots of philosophy and apologetics. I eventually came to embrace the Catholic faith that my parents had taught me but that I’d always dismissed as a lie. (I used to be a Richard Dawkins fanboy… it gives me shivers just to think about it). Anyway, she reads a lot of philosophy too and she’s a pretty smart girl, so I think that if I show her all the good reasons there are to be a Christian, I could eventually convince her, but I’m also afraid that I’d just be wasting my time.

So what’s your advice on this? What do you think I should do?

(I’m sorry if my english is a little bad, I’m from Argentina)
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I don’t know how serious you want to get with this girl, but you should bear in mind that you marry a girl you date; you don’t marry one you haven’t.
 
Let me put it this way. If you are on the 10th floor while writing your posts - and the atheist in question is in the room next to you - jump out the window now and make good your escape! ;)😃
 
I wouldn’t waste my time. Speaking from experience. I’m sure she is nice and all, but…
 
Wow, that sounds quite imbalanced.
Atheists should keep their lack of belief to themselves…yet Christians should evangelize?
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There is a middle ground to those two extremes, you know. There are atheists who respectfully explain and discuss their beliefs.
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Wow talk about “Having one’s cake and eat it”! I thought the one thing atheists agreed upon is that atheism “wasn’t a religion” or even a issue of faith. If you honestly don’t believe in God then why try and spread this word other than you resent that others hold a theistic faith? A Christian can at least state that they are concerned with the soul of the non-Christian for their reason for evangelizing. An atheist has absolutely NO reason to evangelize other than self-centered desire to prove people right.

When this comes up this is when atheist tend to say “Because Christianity gives people an excuse to break human rights (which for an atheist means Tolerating Homosexuality, claiming Christians endorsed slavery, ect.)” which only shows that in the end all they really do care about is feeling they’re right and thus superior to others.
 
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