Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide

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Precisely why so many of us are familiar with the phrase, “there’s a time and a place…” Suicide shouldn’t be a topic to avoid at all costs, but the timing here was not appropriate.
 
If the priest wanted to be tough and uncompromising, I think it would have been acceptable for him to say that the young man’s soul may be in need of grace and that all mourners should pray for him. The same could (and should) be said at any funeral. Leave it in Jesus’ hands rather than speculate on the young man’s eternal fate. The funeral is about faith, hope, and love.
 
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We can speculate on anyone’s death and their salvation, the Catechism states that someone committing suicide is not necessarily prevented from entering heaven. Why speculate publicly and bring pain to the mourners in that fashion.

Priests are men and men are not perfect, this much we do know.

May this poor soul rest in peace.
🙏
 
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I was going to post this in News but didn’t have time this morning.

Of course it wasn’t prudent for the priest to focus on what he did, at least not in the US. His superior is no doubt facepalming right now.

The priest appears to be possibly from a different culture (Filipino, maybe?) and I know in some other cultures there would have been more emphasis on the potential sin and going to hell, etc. than there is in a Western funeral. I also suspect that with the priest shortage, this priest may have not had the best oversight or training.

On top of that, there is another article in Detroit Free Press discussing that the kid was allegedly bullied by the football coach (who from his Facebook page doesn’t seem to be the most politically correct guy if you know what I mean) and the family told the coach not to come to the funeral. The coach came anyway, the family told him to leave and he went home and posted some snarky remark on his Facebook and was subsequently fired by the school. Apparently he had a really good win record and some of his players are not happy about this.

It’s just a mess all around. I am glad the diocese was quick with the damage control and stated that the priest would be sent to sensitivity training and that all his future homilies would be reviewed.

P.S. I will be praying for the soul of the young man, for his family, and for the priest (and even for the coach). I invite anyone concerned by this story to do the same.
 
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Certainly it would have been appropriate to ask everyone to pray for the soul of the young man and for his grieving family…without needing to talk about how the young man died or speculate where his soul might be.

I think, when in any doubt, a homily focusing on Jesus’ mercy is the best bet. 18-year-olds do not always make the best decisions and they aren’t always totally using their free will to choose. Jesus understands all of this and more.
 
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There you go again, restoring my respect for Catholics!

I have known a small number of people who suicided. In one case I am sure that the thought of hell after death would simply have seemed to him to be a confirmation of his worthlessness and encouraged him, rather than prevented the act. He was an atheist.

This is in my view largely and area of mental health rather than spirituality. It would be interesting to see a study in which psychologists searched for actual evidence that fear of hell led to similar people not suiciding in greater numbers than those who did not believe in hell. I suspect the evidence would be hard to find because once in that state of mind people’s pain is so great it can overcome any belief.

I have (incidentally)y known one person who suicided while in good mental health - she had chronic physical issues and decided to end her life after carefully making sure that her body would be found by a person aware of her plans and who could handle the situation without personal shock or harm. (Not me). Had she believed in hell I guess that might have dissuaded her but I would not be sure. She might have regarded hell as an injustice and her own decision as reasonable and charitable to her family. Although in that case, Catholics, she might have been ok?
 
I know a young man who killed himself before his 23rd birthday.

Before that he was diagnosed with a mental illness and was put on some powerful psychiatric drugs.

He left work one afternoon and bought a bottle of vodka and sleeping pills.

I prayed for him after I heard of his death and I prayed that God’s mercy finds him.
 
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It is extremely difficult for us to discern whether an apparent suicide acted with completely free will. Usually they are under stress, and they may be in some other condition (such as being a teenager, being under the influence of some substance, having a mental or physical illness) that affects their free will.

Also, a lot of people who survived an attempt have expressed that the minute they jumped off the bridge or whatever, they wanted to take it back. A friend of mine killed himself 2 years ago by throwing himself in a river (he announced to his family he was going to go do this and then went and did it) and was last seen yelling for help but the rescue attempts were not successful. Even back in a previous century when most priests and Catholics weren’t so enlightened about suicide, St. John Vianney told a woman whose husband had died by suicide that her husband had actually repented at the last moment before death and was saved. (He had a special charism to know these things.)

It’s also really hard to tell sometimes when a suicide attempt was serious and when it was just a cry for help that went too far, or something not intended seriously. When I was young I was stressed out and faking hanging myself in front of somebody and I passed out and almost hung myself for real. I came to on the floor because the chain broke, fortunately I was not injured, just real shook up. The other person thought I was play acting and hadn’t lifted a finger to help me or gotten up from where they were sitting. It only takes a minute or two to make a fatal mistake, and that no doubt would have been reported as “College student commits suicide in dorm room” but I didn’t intend to actually die.

So, overall, it’s better to trust in God’s mercy and hope for the best and pray for the person.
 
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The factor missing in the priest’s assessment of the salvation of this young man is the knowledge of knowing whether the boy’s action was mortal sin or not, and the outcome of his Particular Judgment, which will only be known by God.

If he took his life because of mental and emotional issues, he was incapable of committing mortal sin.

Sure, suicide is certainly grave matter, and he may even have known the act was wrong (full knowledge), but because of his emotional state willful consent may have been missing.

At his time of death, in meeting the Jesus, he may have approached the Lord like the returning prodigal son, and hopefully embraced by Jesus as the returning son was embraced by his father.

I would like to think he is wearing a new robe, a ring, and feasting with friends on a sumptuous meal of the fatted calf.

Rejoice in the Lord always!
 
Sarcelle said:
I think of the prayer said while praying the rosary about Jesus forgiving our sins and leading us to heaven especially those most in need of His mercy.
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That’s a good one.
Also the end of the prayer of St. Faustina that goes,

“And we expect to receive everything promised to us in spite of all our wretchedness, for Jesus is our hope; through His merciful heart, as through an open gate, we pass through to Heaven.”
 
I think the Church didn’t do funerals for suicides just out of some simplicity of thinking. A funeral Mass does not push anybody into heaven. I think it was a form of punishment, at least for the survivors, indirectly. I don’t know why. The Church does not ever proclaim anyone to be in hell.

I have suffered from depression when I was a teen. That is now perceived as a disease (thank God it’s not perceived as normal). As an EMT I had to deal with someone who was suicidal and it’s clear to me that suicidal ideation is surely an acute mental disease.

A landmark study in sociology was Emile Durkheim’s study of suicide which identified anomie - alienation – as the key factor. I read that so long ago. I wonder if professional thinking still believes that or whether there’s something newer. Certainly (?) the epidemic of opioid deaths sounds like accidental or unintentional suicides. The bid story is that someone has died. I don’t know if it’s worth the time or money to test their blood to see how much they had in them, suggesting more or less likelihood of accidental overdosage.
 
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Comforting the sorrowful is a spiritual work of mercy. Not optional.

If you read the article (for what it’s worth) people are scandalized toward the Catholic faith due to the priest’s words. Causing scandal is a sin. I dunno, wasn’t there but seems to cross the line.
 
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I think the Church at that time thought of suicide as being a willful act. Mental illness and mental stress were not very well understood.

I am also sure that in some individual cases, if there was any way for a priest to form a presumption that the death was accidental instead, he would run with that presumption out of kindness to the family.
 
I found an interesting comment in the article. The family wants the priest removed because – as the Catholic Church is known to do – he’ll just be moved to another parish where he can do this again. What a sad reputation we’ve established.
 
That’s actually not completely true, there were rules about burying people that committed suicide in sacred spaces, but there were in fact Masses offered for those that committed suicide. I believe the Eastern Orthodox Church has some issues with having Divine Liturgies offered for suicides though.
 
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Now, I don’t know why this individual committed suicide. I do know, that in most instances, the suicides are committed by people that are not mentally well. As I have stated numerous times, I have had a suicide in my own family. Instead of saying that, what he should have said was that we should pray for their soul and hope in God’s mercy. I also think it’s possible that he misspoke. I mean, what he said isn’t technically wrong, but it’s not technically right either.
 
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SuscipeMeDomine said:
I found an interesting comment in the article. The family wants the priest removed because – as the Catholic Church is known to do – he’ll just be moved to another parish where he can do this again. What a sad reputation we’ve established.
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That stood out to me as well. It is sad.

What also stood out to me was that the family wants nothing short of this priest being sacked. I think this misses the mark. He can be advised and mentored and educated to a better understanding of suicide.
 
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