Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide

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Roguish said:
Perhaps someone should explain to these people that priesthood isn’t a job you can get fired from. Furthermore, Mr. Hullibarger’s insinuation that the Church is in the habit of relocating priests to accomodate whatever “nasty habits” they have, is in terribly bad taste.
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Perhaps “these people” should be given some leeway considering the tremendous grief they are suffering. First their son’s suicide, then the inappropriate remarks by the priest at his funeral.
 
“They” didn’t “kick out” the bully coach - the school district did, and apparently there had been other complaints about this coach.
 
I did kind of wonder why if the coach was such a bully, the parents allowed not just one, but four, of their sons to play for him over time. One would think the parents would put their foot down at some point and not let additional sons be exposed to this after the behavior became apparent with the first one, as it sounded like it had been going on for some time and many people including all the sons had complained.

On the other hand, the coach took the team to the playoffs 8 times and had a winning record 10 out of 11 seasons, and the son who died was apparently a star of the team, so maybe the kids wanted to be part of that and thought it would help them get to college, and the parents went along with it. In any event, the coach posting a nasty remark on social media was totally out of line, regardless of how he went about his coaching.
 
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The coach’s technique for coaching could be a demanding but fair treatment of his players or he really could be a bully.

His posting of the negative comment on social media did not help his case.
 
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Jerzy said:
Does anyone have an actual copy of this homily?
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I don’t think anyone does. If the man had been speaking from a prepared text, he would have most likely realized that the message was inappropriate for the mourners when he reviewed it and said something else.

Its seems most likely that he delivered the homily in a “stream of consciousness” method.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I did kind of wonder why if the coach was such a bully, the parents allowed not just one, but four, of their sons to play for him over time. One would think the parents would put their foot down at some point and not let additional sons be exposed to this after the behavior became apparent with the first one, as it sounded like it had been going on for some time and many people including all the sons had complained.
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We had an abusive couch at my school. Parents kept signing up their kids because they thought their kids could handle a tough coach. All the other kids had survived relatively unscathed.

Our couch was only removed after he was caught cursing out a kid in front of district officials. He moved to another school.
 
Maybe the priest thought of scaring off suicide other depressive members present there. But that is just plain wrong because someone who gets to the point where death is like the only option already perceives life as hell. So how can you scare someone in that state of mind? Plus bullying someone who is already upset can only convince them that they are trully misplaced in this world and they are better of it.
“Tough love” imho is just an excuse made out by people unwilling to show love in certain situations, so they don’t feel guilty over their abusive behavior and they can feel better about themselves while they show no actual act of kindness through their actions. Sometimes silence is prefered than this twisted gift of trying to bully people into making them happy.
 
I think the majority of people who commit suicide do not want to die, rather they want the pain to stop. But they don’t know how to stop the pain whether it is mental or physical pain.
 
If this is the whole story and what really happened (always a big “if” in such stories), not only was it imprudent on the part of the priest to say this, but also theologically incorrect, I believe.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
Here is the transcript of the sermon…
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Wow! At the moment, I cannot imagine a more comforting and hope-filled homily for the funeral of a person who took his own life.

Also I cannot quite reconcile the original news story with this transcript. How could the family and friends hear that homily and, far from being comforted, be outraged?
 
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Theologically, I agree with it 100%. He wasn’t being malicious or mean.

Nevertheless, that wasn’t the time or the place for a Theology lesson. Once again, Good Intentions but Poor Expression
 
He said Suicide 4 times and that was enough to trigger their emotions. They really didn’t understand what he was expressing after that.

Had he changed a few words I doubt anyone would have blinked.
 
Maybe it’s the place I am at emotionally right now, but I couldn’t disagree more. I lost my mom yesterday in much better circumstances than this poor family list their son. I had difficulty reading past this section:

“Having said that, I think that we must not call what is bad good, what is wrong right. Because we are Christians, we must say what we know is the truth – that taking your own life is against God who made us and against everyone who loves us. Our lives are not our own. They are not ours to do with as we please. God gave us life, and we are to be good stewards of that gift for as long as God permits.”

And it seemed to get harder for me after that. It must have been heartbreaking for those in his family and close circle of friends.

This was not the time or the place for that. At all. I’m so furious I’m shaking right now. And no, my mom did not die of suicide.

All I can think of is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. Someone should read it to those who don’t understand why this was wrong.
 
He was attacked for that? That was a beautiful homily and a hope-filled one. Far more compassionate than I was expecting reading the article.

It does sound as though the family understands little of the Funeral Rite. I have never had a priest not mention the hope the deceased as attained heaven in a homily at a funeral. Wouldn’t he be neglecting his duty to encourage us to pray for the dead?

I understand grief. I have lost a lot of family members. But you cannot get so lost in your grief you attack people around you unjustly. That poor priest. He obviously put a lot of thought and effort into that homily.
 
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother as well.

But the part you shared is the truth. Why is that inspiring anger? We are not our own. We belong to God. We do have a duty to use and treat His gifts to us well. That’s the message of almost every saint.

God is merciful. He knows we aren’t perfect. He knows we all will squandered some/most of our gifts p, especially without His grace. But it doesn’t changed the fact we are to be good as good of stewards as we can be in this life.
 
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I will pray for your mother, and for you and all who are grieving.
 
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