Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide

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You can’t kick Catholicism out of a Catholic Funeral.

It is unjust to demand a priest to be reprimanded or removed for speaking the truth.

They family hated it…that’s fine. The family demands blood…not okay.
 
I’m glad the priest told the family and those gathered the bare bones truth.
 
I didn’t have a problem with that myself, I think it’s often better to confront an issue head one. I wonder if the people at the service wanted to pretend that it wasn’t a suicide.
 
Eh, to me it’s better to get this message across at a less personal time such as All Souls’ Day, rather than implying at a funeral that someone’s dearly departed parent or child might be in Hell right this minute or suffering in Purgatory. Many people, even nonpracticing Catholics or non-Catholics, are already worried enough about the ultimate fate of their loved one (is he saved, is he suffering in Purgatory or Hell, did he just disappear into nothingness, etc.) and are seeking some kind of reassurance from the priest, not an amplification of their fears.

At the very least it could be framed as a message of Christian hope and trust in Jesus’ mercy, not “None of us are assured we will be in Heaven and we don’t know if the deceased is there either.”
 
Beryllos said:
Wow! At the moment, I cannot imagine a more comforting and hope-filled homily for the funeral of a person who took his own life.
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Um…it would be comforting and hope-filled for a family who had come to grips with the fact that their loved one committed suicide and were coming at it from a position of saying, “Father, our son committed suicide. We are very worried he has gone to Hell for this.” At which point the priest says, “Don’t worry. God can have mercy even on those who commit suicide.”

It would not be comforting for a family who asked the priest to please focus on the son’s life and not on his death. Who were looking for a “celebration of life” type homily. Yes, I know (as I already said above) that Catholic church funerals aren’t meant to be a “celebration of life”, they are focused on what happens after death, but they also are meant to comfort the mourners.

Theologically, the homily is fine, as we’ve already discussed. From a “know your audience” perspective, this family simply wasn’t ready for the type of homily the priest gave, which basically says, “The deceased committed a big terrible sin but we have great hope Jesus forgave him.”

The priest could have said much the same thing leaving out the specific discussion of suicide and its being a big sin.
 
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People wanting Catholic services that aren’t too Catholic is a problem in general
 
I’m not judging them.

I am saying what they are doing is objectively wrong regardless of their emotional state.

I have made no comment on if they committed a sin or if they are good or bad people. That would be judging them.

Good, decent people still do wrong things now and then. I can call the action wrong without judging the person.

But in this day and age people would be perfectly happy to sacrifice the priest who did no wrong, just to appease the emotional family. We do not serve the family by allowing that to happen. We serve the family by saying I know you are hurting, but what you are demanding really isn’t going to make you feel better. Let us help you.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Their kid just killed himself.
They are upset, looking for people to blame for what happened, perhaps not fully rational.
Let’s not judge them.
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Prayers.
I also pray for what happens when their (perhaps unrighteous) anger dies and they are left with nothing but an unjust lashing towards the priest.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Theologically, the homily is fine, as we’ve already discussed. From a “know your audience” perspective, this family simply wasn’t ready for the type of homily the priest gave, which basically says, “The deceased committed a big terrible sin but we have great hope Jesus forgave him.”
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I agree.

While theologically sound, the homily was tone deaf considering where this family was in their grief process. As the priest conducting this mass, he should have been aware of that.

It is a gift to know when to exercise prudence in matters such as these. I pray Father grows in that virtue.

I do think the parents are going too far in calling for his firing. He was perhaps a bit insensitive, but he was not in error. At a different time and place, that homily would have been absolutely beautiful. He has a gift.
 
“People” do not get to make the decision about what happens to the priest. This isn’t an election. The priest will likely carry on business as usual except no funerals and somebody will double check his homilies till this all blows over.

The church has to deal with national PR in the United States from this incident. It was front page news on just about every news outlet. This is not the time for the Archdiocese to say , “Sorry, grieving family, but you’re wrong.” That would just make it worse and get twice as many headlines. Archdiocese will express sympathy for the family, take some steps for damage control, and move on.

The Archdiocese is not going to laicize the priest either, obviously. They will keep an eye on him the same way a business keeps an eye on any hard-to-replace employee who just got the company front page bad PR in the national news. If necessary, they will transfer him. Dozens of other priests and seminarians, having read this story, will hopefully learn from the mistake made and frame their homilies in a way so as to avoid it.
 
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westie said:
The factor missing in the priest’s assessment of the salvation of this young man is the knowledge of knowing whether the boy’s action was mortal sin or not, and the outcome of his Particular Judgment, which will only be known by God.

If he took his life because of mental and emotional issues, he was incapable of committing mortal sin.

Sure, suicide is certainly grave matter, and he may even have known the act was wrong (full knowledge), but because of his emotional state willful consent may have been missing.
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^^^This.

My understanding is that the consent for the commission of a mortal sin requires the full consent of a rational mind. One of the descriptions of suicide is that it is the ultimate act of irrationality, which would seem to me to take it out of the realm of mortal sin in many cases.

D
 
Thanks, @Tis_Bearself, @13pollitos, and @mrsdizzyd, for those perspectives. I am beginning to understand the family’s response.
 
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vz71 said:
I also pray for what happens when their (perhaps unrighteous) anger dies and they are left with nothing but an unjust lashing towards the priest.
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I don’t believe it was entirely unjust. One can balance truth with consideration for the feelings of the family.
 
This is a funeral for their son, no doubt there will be powerful emotions at play for this family.

We can see the homily and understand that it is theologically correct. We have the luxury to approach this from a purely intellectual and theoretical standpoint. We have this luxury because we are not the ones at the moment who will have to bury a loved one lost under especially tragic circumstances.

Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail and the family and the priest can come to terms.
 
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I read the homily. I find nothing theologically objectionable. I think it makes for a fine written reflection, but pastorally, it was very unwise to deliver at the funeral mass. Given how raw people’s emotions are immediately following the death of someone so young, and under these particular circumstances, I’m not surprised at the reaction.

I do hope the family can come to a place of forgiveness. I don’t think Fr. Lacuesta had any ill intent, just poor judgment. I think we should pray for all involved.
 
I agree with the idea that, at best, this priest is completely out of touch with what people needed from his homily. The death of an 18-year-old is nothing but tragic. That the death wasn’t due to an illness or accident, but by his own hand makes it worse. I know that when a friend of some friends of mine committed suicide, they were caught up in grief, anger at the person who died – why had she done this? why hadn’t she let them know how bad things were? why had she left them to pick up the pieces? – and guilt in wondering if they could have done something to prevent it. Add to that idea that this is a Catholic family who had to be thinking about the unforgivable sin, and what they needed at that funeral was hope. I imagine that if the Pope had given the homily, the text would have been much like his comments during the year of mercy. Trust in God’s love and mercy for the son and have hope that just as we joined in Christ’s life at baptism, we will join him in eternal life.

And just an aside, I read the homily text at the link posted earlier in this thread, but I don’t know where the text came from or what editing of the homily may have taken place before it was made public.
 
I don’t think he understands suicide very well. At most, remind those gathered that this young man needs what we all need, which is prayers after we die, for completion of the work of making us into saints. For those who wondered what he might have needed that he did not have, depend on mercy and concentrate instead on what those still around us in this vale of tears might be needing.
 
I think the priest was probably in the wrong. If the family takes offense, then it’s probably worth understanding the family’s view.

However, I don’t really understand why this is a national headline. I’ve seen it on CNN and NYTimes as well.

Would this story be highlighted if it was a Methodist or Baptist preacher?
 
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