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billsannie
Guest
A Methodist or Baptist preacher could make this mistake, and I’m sure some have, but it’s much more unlikely because they receive more pastoral training and especially, training in public speaking.
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Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide
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RealisticCatholic
Guest
I’m not sure if that’s true.
But it’s not really the point.
But it’s not really the point.
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KathleenT
Guest
The fact it -is- national news is the “people” serving this priest up as a scapegoat. A Catholic priest giving that homily should not be news.
We obviously don’t agree. That’s fine.
It is worth noting the homily is up to Father. Complaining about the homily is the second most popular Catholic past time after complaining about the music.
We obviously don’t agree. That’s fine.
It is worth noting the homily is up to Father. Complaining about the homily is the second most popular Catholic past time after complaining about the music.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
The Church is everyone’s favorite punching bag. We do not get a say in what becomes “news” in the USA.A Catholic priest giving that homily should not be news.
Not entirely any more, because the diocese has announced that he will no longer be handling funerals (so no more funeral homilies) and his homilies will be reviewed by someone else for a period of time.It is worth noting the homily is up to Father.
It seems like the diocese agrees this was a pretty serious matter.
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KathleenT
Guest
Or the diocese is doing damage control like you said.
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Augustinian
Guest
The diocese really doesn’t want to discourage people from having funeral Masses. People read this story, maybe they don’t see all the details and they remember it. So when they are discussing Uncle Caleb’s funeral arrangements with the local mortician, this kind of story could stop them from booking a Mass for him.Or the diocese is doing damage control like you said.
Damage control is a message not just to this family, but to the rest of the mourning public not to be concerned.
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
As a priest, I wish to say that I am horrified by the text of this homily. It is astonishing for its insensitivity. If I were not retired from the formation work I did over the decades, I would use it as an example of precisely what not to do inn a homily for a funeral. It fails in multiple points of modern homiletics as well as pastoral theology.
I think the public statement of this priest’s archdiocese states well and succinctly the failure of this priest as well as the archdiocese’s effort to at least try in some way to ameliorate this tragic failure in pastoral care:
Since the Archbishop – whom I remember as a very good Bishop – will be meeting with the family, one hopes and prays that he can bring them some degree of the pastoral care and assistance which this priest utterly failed to give them. Under the circumstances, however, it is a very great challenge for His Excellency indeed.
I think the public statement of this priest’s archdiocese states well and succinctly the failure of this priest as well as the archdiocese’s effort to at least try in some way to ameliorate this tragic failure in pastoral care:
I would simply add that the loved ones of the deceased are more than justified in their outrage. This is a situation that should elicit outrage and I am glad the Archbishop is intervening decisively…for this family and also through remanding the priest for remedial help by professionals.Father LaCuesta agrees that the family was not served as they should have been served. For the foreseeable future, he will not be preaching at funerals and he will have all other homilies reviewed by a priest mentor. In addition, he has agreed to pursue the assistance he needs in order to become a more effective minister in these difficult situations. This assistance will involve getting help from professionals – on human, spiritual and pastoral levels – to probe how and why he failed to effectively address the grief of the family in crisis.
Father LaCuesta also expressed his regret in a message to parishioners following Masses at Our Lady of Mount Carmel this weekend.
In a continuing effort to offer comfort, the family has received calls from our Vicar for Clergy and the Auxiliary Bishop for the downriver region. In addition, Archbishop Vigneron spoke with the family to apologize and to offer an in-person meeting in the near future. They have accepted his offer.
We ask all to please join in praying for the family.
Since the Archbishop – whom I remember as a very good Bishop – will be meeting with the family, one hopes and prays that he can bring them some degree of the pastoral care and assistance which this priest utterly failed to give them. Under the circumstances, however, it is a very great challenge for His Excellency indeed.
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SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
Don Ruggero, it’s great to see you back. Your insights are always appreciated.
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DeniseNY
Guest
It’s wonderful to have you back!
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
Well, I’m not really back. But thank you.It’s wonderful to have you back!
I’ve just stopped by. I’m just so astonished by this priest’s actions, which have reached across the sea. I wanted to comment about it on an American forum.
It is very sad. I truly hope the Archbishop, along with his curia, are able to help the family – who have had insult added to injury – and that he can somehow help this priest, who will be remanded to the care of professionals.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
Glad to see you, Don Ruggero, and good to hear your insights on homiletics.
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
It is not just “any more”…but it is and has been “always.” The old “simplex priests” of days long past were not given the faculty to preach. Every cleric requires the faculty to preach, a faculty which can be restricted or removed by competent Ecclesiastical authority.Not entirely any more, because the diocese has announced that he will no longer be handling funerals (so no more funeral homilies) and his homilies will be reviewed by someone else for a period of time.
It seems like the diocese agrees this was a pretty serious matter.
The Bishop of the diocese is the supreme teacher of the flock entrusted to his care, under the Pope; the cleric’s use of the faculty to preach must reflect the voice and the mind of the diocese’s shepherd. Sadly, that was very far from so in this case.
Can. 763 Bishops have the right to preach the word of God everywhere, including in churches and oratories of religious institutes of pontifical right, unless the local bishop has expressly forbidden it in particular cases.
Can. 764 Without prejudice to the prescript of can. 765, presbyters and deacons possess the faculty of preaching everywhere; this faculty is to be exercised with at least the presumed consent of the rector of the church, unless the competent ordinary has restricted or taken away the faculty or particular law requires express permission.
Can. 765 Preaching to religious in their churches or oratories requires the permission of the superior competent according to the norm of the constitutions.
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dixieagle
Guest
I think that there is a far greater chance that members of the congregation would be horrified and scandalized by the astonishingly insensitive homily than that they would “think twice” about committing suicide. It is mind-boggling to me that any priest would think that this was a good idea. How cruel.On the other hand, even though it may have rubbed salt in wounds and words could have been chosen better, if talking about the subject in the homily led someone there to not go through with a future suicide attempt by making them think twice before going through with it, I think it is worth it.
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
I am not picking on you @Tis_Bearself but this passage you wrote is such a welcome invitation to be able to answer points by several in this thread.It would not be comforting for a family who asked the priest to please focus on the son’s life and not on his death. Who were looking for a “celebration of life” type homily. Yes, I know (as I already said above) that Catholic church funerals aren’t meant to be a “celebration of life”, they are focused on what happens after death, but they also are meant to comfort the mourners.
In many ways, the funeral Mass is, in a manner of speaking, very much a “celebration of life” as it is the consummating event of a person’s life…one wishes after a long and full and fruitful life.
The funerals I remember most vividly are those of the Popes of my lifetime and then of Bishops and Priests; in those, the whole thrust is a celebration in remembrance of decades of service to the Lord and His Church with Bishops and Priests coming from far and wide to concelebrate the Mass and normally present before and after the liturgy precisely as part of remembrance.
The family did ask to focus on their son’s life and not his death – and this is absolutely normal in a funeral homily. You specifically want to touch on the person’s life and who they were in their life so that the homily is personal…not something generic…even as you explicate the readings from Sacred Scripture and the text of the prayers of the rite.
The only times I ever mention the moment of death at the funeral is when, for example, the person squeezed my hand and the reference would be to show they were cognizant of my presence and of the Church’s last sacraments they were receiving. The moment of death is so vivid that it does not need to be recalled in the homily. What does need to be recalled are memories of other times in the person’s life from which comfort and consolation can be derived by those left behind to mourn.
The following is from the liturgical directives of the Archdiocese of Detroit…the priest should have implemented it to allow the family and friends to add their own words of remembrance and to make the liturgy more personal and less remote.
Can we have a eulogy?
A eulogy is not allowed during the Funeral Liturgy. Family or friends may be invited to share such a testimony at the Vigil or at the memorial luncheon or reception that often follows the funeral. The OCF does allow for a family member or friend to “speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins” ( OCF 170 ), however those words should not be a eulogy.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
No problem using my post.
With respect to the term “Celebration of Life”, in USA that term has become sort of a buzzword for a secular or mostly secular memorial service that’s an alternative to a traditional funeral and I don’t usually see the term used to describe Catholic church funerals. This article from Our Sunday Visitor says,
As for the eulogy you mention, the articles have reported that the family had planned with the priest that the boy’s father would give one near the end of the funeral, but the priest apparently nearly skipped over that part and motioned for the casket to be wheeled out and the organist to play, and the father had to get up and stop the organist himself in order to do the eulogy, which further incensed the family.
With respect to the term “Celebration of Life”, in USA that term has become sort of a buzzword for a secular or mostly secular memorial service that’s an alternative to a traditional funeral and I don’t usually see the term used to describe Catholic church funerals. This article from Our Sunday Visitor says,
Apart from this terminology issue, all the Catholic funerals I’ve been to had homilies where the priest talked at least a little bit about the life of the deceased, and talked a lot about comfort for those who grieve. I have never heard any Catholic priest (or deacon in the case of a memorial at the funeral home) bring up the actual death of the person, much less speculate on the state of the deceased person’s soul or whether or not they were saved.But the most important aspect about Catholic funerals is that they express the Christian hope in eternal life and the resurrection of the body on the last day. Every component of the Catholic funeral rites should express these fundamental beliefs and hopes. Our funeral rites are not “a celebration of life,” as they are referred to sometimes, but a privileged opportunity to return to God the gift of the deceased, hoping to usher them into paradise with the aid of our prayers. Our love for the departed is expressed after death, above all else, in our prayer for them.
As for the eulogy you mention, the articles have reported that the family had planned with the priest that the boy’s father would give one near the end of the funeral, but the priest apparently nearly skipped over that part and motioned for the casket to be wheeled out and the organist to play, and the father had to get up and stop the organist himself in order to do the eulogy, which further incensed the family.
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13pollitos
Guest
I posted this on the other thread on this topic but thought I would share it here as well.
The priest that buried my brother handled his funeral beautifully. My brother did not died from suicide but it was from a very preventable cause. We were afraid of an experience like this family had, but the priest was an amazing blessing instead. He told us,
“Kind words about the loved one who has passed are always appropriate. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or making comments that might unintentionally diminish the importance of the loss. Save the theology for a more appropriate time. That is how I handle all funerals no matter who they were or the circumstances of their death.”
At the time it seemed common sense. Now I see it was actually a gift. I find it hard to believe others don’t recognize that.
The priest that buried my brother handled his funeral beautifully. My brother did not died from suicide but it was from a very preventable cause. We were afraid of an experience like this family had, but the priest was an amazing blessing instead. He told us,
“Kind words about the loved one who has passed are always appropriate. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or making comments that might unintentionally diminish the importance of the loss. Save the theology for a more appropriate time. That is how I handle all funerals no matter who they were or the circumstances of their death.”
At the time it seemed common sense. Now I see it was actually a gift. I find it hard to believe others don’t recognize that.
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bear06
Guest
The main purpose of the funeral is to pray for a person to get to heaven! Is this totally missed??? If I’m the one in purgatory, you can bet I’d not want people to wait until All Souls Day for people to pray for me to be released from there!!! This is the problem! People don’t understand what’s at stake because they can’t see it. The afterlife is real and so are the consequences of this life.
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13pollitos
Guest
I seriously doubt any Catholic sitting in a funeral Mass for a loved one will forget to pray for their soul. Prayers should be coming from a place of love, not out of fear. Most people having a Mass said for their loved one most certainly understands that or they would not feel the need to have that Mass. The Mass itself is a prayer, and a very powerful one! Most Catholics also are going to be having rosaries said for their loved one as well.
I am so glad most people on this forum are not priests. It seems compassion and understanding the grieving process, especially in horrible circumstances, is missing here. These parents most likely already had his Christmas gifts wrapped and ready to be placed under the tree. His five siblings may also have been preparing their gifts as well. Every Christmas they will have to relive this. Their suffering is also a prayer.
I am so glad most people on this forum are not priests. It seems compassion and understanding the grieving process, especially in horrible circumstances, is missing here. These parents most likely already had his Christmas gifts wrapped and ready to be placed under the tree. His five siblings may also have been preparing their gifts as well. Every Christmas they will have to relive this. Their suffering is also a prayer.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
No one is waiting till All Souls Day to pray for the deceased young man.
The people who are participating in his funeral Mass are praying for him just by being there.
And many if not most good Catholics pray for the holy souls in purgatory frequently, or at least for the deceased souls they knew on earth.
My point is that the funeral Mass is not the place to suggest in the homily that the deceased may be in Purgatory, even as motivation to pray. Or worse yet, to raise the possibility that he went to Hell, in which case prayers won’t help him.
The people who are participating in his funeral Mass are praying for him just by being there.
And many if not most good Catholics pray for the holy souls in purgatory frequently, or at least for the deceased souls they knew on earth.
My point is that the funeral Mass is not the place to suggest in the homily that the deceased may be in Purgatory, even as motivation to pray. Or worse yet, to raise the possibility that he went to Hell, in which case prayers won’t help him.
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