Should an infidel husband sleep on the couch?

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Corinne isn’t just trying to figure out her economic situation. She is fighting to preserve her FAMILY. I’m sure that she does NOT want a divorce or a separation, she wants her home and her family to remain intact.

I can easily understand why she may have had a few false starts, then stepped back …
when an entire family is at risk of breaking up it’s hard to know what to do.

I hope this family remains intact, but before anything else, I hope that Corinne goes to the doctor and has herself checked out for any STDs.

I totally sympathize with Corinne’s situation. And Corinne, if you need to write on all the boards about your marriage go right ahead, one thing the Church seems big on is marriage.

You can write to me privately also. I haven’t been thru what you’re going thru but I understand the push me-pull you aspects of your emotions because I have been thru that.

I pray that this family remains intact, the children deserve it.
 
Thank you so much Jade:

I suppose many on here are so very different than me, and that is OK.

All my friends, even my Christian-and Catholic ones have said to me, “what the hell are you waiting for? divorce the *******”. This has not been my thinking, and never was,and never will be. Thank you for being so understanding. I realize I am often times called/thought a fool, its obvious even on here even, but I don’t care. I take the positive advice and leave the negative.

Yep, I have tried for the life of me to restore my marriage. Nearly killing me in the process, emotionally and physically. It is only in God;s hands now. And I am ready to move on without my husband, who continues to be adulterous, if need be. This hurts me more than anyone here can fathom. I have adored my h for 20 years. He was everything to me, and I never wanted to be another divorce statistic. Like so many. But I trust in Jesus. Just to get me through today and do what I must do.

Thank you friend for your kindness.

Love,
Corinne:)
 
Corinne3 said:
Thank you so much MonicaCatholic! This is excellent and well thought out and specific info I need as a Catholic. The only thing is, he this time is refusing to move out! The other 4 times, he wasn’t refusing. Plus back to the money situation. It won’t be like this forever I know it! Thanks again!
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Can you please save this thread and everything you wrote to me, because I may want to refer to it again, and I cannot see how to save it, thank you. If it had a post # it would be most helpful.

It has much great advice in it. As far as Canon Law and everything. Thank you for providing it.

Question: Since we are suspending conjugal relations now, does Canon Law state that within 6 months from now then, I need to separate or resume the marriage? I am confused. Does this mean, if things do not change by Jan. we have to separate? Should separate or divorce? etc? I don’t understand.
 

All my friends, even my Christian-and Catholic ones have said to me, “what the hell are you waiting for? divorce the *******”. This has not been my thinking, and never was,and never will be. Thank you for being so understanding. I realize I am often times called/thought a fool, its obvious even on here even, but I don’t care. I take the positive advice and leave the negative.​

A-you are welcome.
B-I’m sure that you will be able to proceed with your life and even find a lot of joy, but right now, it’s tearing you up inside. My problem when stressfilled events occur in my life is that
INTELLECTUALLY I can understand and even agree with certain types of advice, however,
EMOTIONALLY I just can’t make the grade until my emotions catch up with my intellect.

C-I have found comfort in weekend retreats, one on one quiet retreats with just me and the Lord. I hope that you have such programs in your area, they’re the best way that I’ve found
to deal with spiritual conflicts.

Please pray for me and I’ll pray for you.
 
Corinne3 said:
Question: Since we are suspending conjugal relations now, does Canon Law state that within 6 months from now then, I need to separate or resume the marriage? I am confused. Does this mean, if things do not change by Jan. we have to separate? Should separate or divorce? etc? I don’t understand.
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Talk to your priest about this. It seems like six months is an awfully short time to make such a permanent decision, regardless of which way you decide.
 
JadeStarr said:
All my friends, even my Christian-and Catholic ones have said to me, “what the hell are you waiting for? divorce the *******”. This has not been my thinking, and never was,and never will be. Thank you for being so understanding. I realize I am often times called/thought a fool, its obvious even on here even, but I don’t care. I take the positive advice and leave the negative.

Please pray for me and I’ll pray for you.
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The approach you’re taking is a good one at heart! For better or for worse! You’re doing what you can! I’ll pray for you to be guided to make the right decisions!

Bear the cross with Christ!

May you do what ever is best for the long and short term I pray! Whatever that may be! May God’s will be done!
 
Corinne3 said:
Dear Friends:

You know my story and saga, but I really would like your replies specifically to my particular question. Thank you so much here.

I have 2 threads going, but at this point I really would like your Catholic-Christian thoughts too.

Should a husband that is continuing to choose infidelity and ongoing nude lap dances be banned to sleeping on the couch/or am I the one who is wrong in insisting this? Thank you.

FYI, anyone reading this for the first time: here’s the situation:

Hubby going to nude strip joints endlessly, not thinking there is anything wrong with it, etc., etc…separated 4 times in past 2 years over it. Hubby non-repentant/non-remorseful, still choosing to engage in it, etc.

As a faithful Catholic, is it wrong to shut my husband out sexually, and out of our bedroom because of his behavior? I feel I have my boundaries here, but I’d like to find out the right and Godly thing to do, regardless of what I want. I want to do what God wants.

Thoughts? I simply hate him for his infidelity, FYI.

Thank you all.
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Not married here but from a practical point I would be worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease from him and that would be reason enough in my book. Not to mention that the minute he entered one of those places I would consider he emotionally already left me. I will offer up prayers for you.
 

Not married here but from a practical point I would be worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease from him and that would be reason enough in my book. Not to mention that the minute he entered one of those places I would consider he emotionally already left me. I will offer up prayers for you.​

I agree a hundred percent with the first part of your response, however I don’t agree with the second part, the husband in this marriage may be emotionally immature and he may think that if it’s ONLY intimacy without love or conversation, that he’s NOT being unfaithful.
I know that some men condone their behavior by saying “well, it was ONLY sex”…as though that would hurt their spouse less, as he grows he, hopefully, will come to an awareness that if Corinne did unto him as he is doing unto her that he wouldn’t like that idea very much.
I also believe that a separation does not have to lead to a divorce, it may bring him to his senses about what he wants, if he doesn’t miss his family then you could be right and he may have emotionally already left. In that case, he will stay away and be done with his marriage, or possibly, he’ll learn to fall in love all over again with the mother of his children.
 
JadeStarr said:

Not married here but from a practical point I would be worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease from him and that would be reason enough in my book. Not to mention that the minute he entered one of those places I would consider he emotionally already left me. I will offer up prayers for you.​

I also believe that a separation does not have to lead to a divorce, it may bring him to his senses about what he wants, if he doesn’t miss his family then you could be right and he may have emotionally already left. In that case, he will stay away and be done with his marriage, or possibly, he’ll learn to fall in love all over again with the mother of his children.
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You have more faith in men then I do. But as they say once bitten twice shy or something to that affect. 👍
 
Jade:
“Corinne isn’t just trying to figure out her economic situation. She is fighting to preserve her FAMILY.”

Her husband has his girlfriend. He couldn’t care less about “HIS FAMILY”. She is wasting energy/time fighting for something that dissolved long ago. She needs to spend her time preserving her emotional health and the health of her children and getting her ducks in a row.

As far as her economic situation goes—she has had at least 5 yrs worth of a warning— How much have you saved in that 5 yrs Corinne to help secure the future for you and your kids? What classes have you taken to make yourself marketable when the proverbial **** hits the fan and you know it will—it’s just a matter of time.

Have you had a complete exam specifically targeting sexually transmitted diseases??

“I’m sure that she does NOT want a divorce or a separation, she wants her home and her family to remain intact.”

Of course she does not want a divorce or separation but unfortunately her husband has already told her he doesn’t want to be married to her any longer. I know, change can be tough—one actually has to get a job, maybe even two or three to survive. Some women would rather put up with abuse of all sorts. “How do you keep someone that won’t stay and how do you get rid of someone that won’t go?”(War of the Roses) A terribly sad movie but the quote is one to ponder.

“one thing the Church seems big on is marriage.”

Have you not paid attention? This is no marriage—he has defiled the marriage bed for at least the last 4 years and has put his wife at risk of a multitude of sexually transmitted diseases—aids being the biggie. The money is going to the stripper and the strip clubs. He has told her point blank he does not want to be married to her anymore.

“I pray that this family remains intact, the children deserve it.”

The children deserve:

a mother that is not finding solace at the bottom of a bottle.

a mother that will not rest on false hope.

a mother that can read the writing on the wall and be prepared to act on it for her future and the future of her children.

a mother that expects and insures that she is treated with respect by her husband.

a father that does not bring porn into the home.

a father that does not spend the family money on strippers and strip clubs.

a father that is a good role model.

a father that does not slap his wife and flip her off.

Just what is it about dysfunctional that you do not understand???
 
I do not understand what the latest posters are saying. \

I read it but I do not get it.

Sorry.:confused:
 
Hello horse lover:

I just got it…sorry your words are in the red. I did not understand.

I have no answer for you, except to say, I have tried my hardest to preserve my marriage and family. I’m sorry you cannot understand my doing this, but this is what I have done for the past couple years now… Call me an idiot. I can take it I guess.:confused::mad::mad::(:(😦
I don’t really feel sorry for doing it cuz I know in my heart, I tried everything, and was a good and faithful and loving wife, more than any man could ask for. I also know it was not my fault him loving strip clubs and commiting adultery.

I hope anyone reading this may be able to relate and pray for me. Thank you so much.

👍
 
horselvr said:
Jade:
“Corinne isn’t just trying to figure out her economic situation. She is fighting to preserve her FAMILY.”

Her husband has his girlfriend. He couldn’t care less about “HIS FAMILY”. She is wasting energy/time fighting for something that dissolved long ago. She needs to spend her time preserving her emotional health and the health of her children and getting her ducks in a row.

As far as her economic situation goes—she has had at least 5 yrs worth of a warning— How much have you saved in that 5 yrs Corinne to help secure the future for you and your kids? What classes have you taken to make yourself marketable when the proverbial **** hits the fan and you know it will—it’s just a matter of time.

Have you had a complete exam specifically targeting sexually transmitted diseases??

“I’m sure that she does NOT want a divorce or a separation, she wants her home and her family to remain intact.”

Of course she does not want a divorce or separation but unfortunately her husband has already told her he doesn’t want to be married to her any longer. I know, change can be tough—one actually has to get a job, maybe even two or three to survive. Some women would rather put up with abuse of all sorts. “How do you keep someone that won’t stay and how do you get rid of someone that won’t go?”(War of the Roses) A terribly sad movie but the quote is one to ponder.

“one thing the Church seems big on is marriage.”

Have you not paid attention? This is no marriage—he has defiled the marriage bed for at least the last 4 years and has put his wife at risk of a multitude of sexually transmitted diseases—aids being the biggie. The money is going to the stripper and the strip clubs. He has told her point blank he does not want to be married to her anymore.I pray that this family remains intact, the children deserve it.”
The children deserve:
a mother that is not finding solace at the bottom of a bottle.
a mother that will not rest on false hope.
a mother that can read the writing on the wall and be prepared to act on it for her future and the future of her children.
a mother that expects and insures that she is treated with respect by her husband.
a father that does not bring porn into the home.
a father that does not spend the family money on strippers and strip clubs.
a father that is a good role model.
a father that does not slap his wife and flip her off.
Just what is it about dysfunctional that you do not understand???

Thank you! Now hopefully that if my assistance goes through, I c an insist he leave the home.

WOW thank you for laying it all out so succinty. Please pray all goes through!

You are great!

Love,
Corinne:thumbsup:
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Corinne3 said:
All my friends, even my Christian-and Catholic ones have said to me, “what the hell are you waiting for? divorce the *******”. This has not been my thinking, and never was,and never will be. Thank you for being so understanding. I realize I am often times called/thought a fool, its obvious even on here even, but I don’t care. I take the positive advice and leave the negative.

Yep, I have tried for the life of me to restore my marriage. Nearly killing me in the process, emotionally and physically. It is only in God;s hands now. And I am ready to move on without my husband, who continues to be adulterous, if need be. This hurts me more than anyone here can fathom. I have adored my h for 20 years. He was everything to me, and I never wanted to be another divorce statistic. Like so many. But I trust in Jesus. Just to get me through today and do what I must do.
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Corinne3 said:
.
I have no answer for you, except to say, I have tried my hardest to preserve my marriage and family. I’m sorry you cannot understand my doing this, but this is what I have done for the past couple years now… Call me an idiot. I can take it I guess.:confused::mad::mad::(:(😦
I don’t really feel sorry for doing it cuz I know in my heart, I tried everything, and was a good and faithful and loving wife, more than any man could ask for. I also know it was not my fault him loving strip clubs and commiting adultery.
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Just in case you haven’t thought of this already…You don’t have to be considering divorce right at this moment. A seperation would give you the distance/space that you need and your husband will get the message that this is serious and you are, finally, not going to put up with it anymore. The canon law that has been quoted is clear that you **do not **have to continue having relations with your husband, or live with him as his wife, when he is being openly adulterous as he is. Also it would give you a chance to live independently and get steady and strong on your own two feet, so to speak.

It is just hard for some of us posters here to hear you say that you aren’t going to leave or kick him out, you are going to try to hang onto your marriage for all these romantic-sounding reasons…but then every other post is you going on about how absolutely hopeless and miserable and tortured you are by this situation, how you can’t take it anymore, etc. The inconsistency is troubling to anyone who has sympathy or empathy for you. 😦 I just hope you can see that and don’t just think of it as you’re being attacked or people think you’re an idiot or don’t understand the strength of your hope, etc.
 
Corinne3 said:
Dear Friends:

Should a husband that is continuing to choose infidelity and ongoing nude lap dances be banned to sleeping on the couch/or am I the one who is wrong in insisting this? Thank you.
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If I were you, I’d make him sleep on a bed of nails outside on the porch.

I haven’t read all the previous replies to your plea for help, but something is doggone seriously wrong with this guy. After giving him four “one more chances” I’d start to think that you’re being a chump by even letting him set foot on the property, much less in the front door. And to him, your bedroom door should be locked like a bank vault…

Corrinne it’s probably time to face the facts, isn’t it? Pack his (cheap paper) bags and leave them outside the locked front door. Don’t you have a burly big brother?
 
Hello to Pony Guy:

Your reply made me chuckle but I loved it. NO I do not have a burly big brother or even one brother of any assistance, or any family of assistance whatsoever. I sure wish I did though. Sad, I know. Man when I am old, and have any money, I will surely help my family, unlike how my family does not help me…This is a huge lesson to me. I may not have learned it had I not gone through such struggles. I praise God for them IF it can make a diffrerence for a soul in heaven…This is my prayer today. Thank U for hearing it.

👍👍👍
 
Ponyguy said:
If I were you, I’d make him sleep on a bed of nails outside on the porch.

I haven’t read all the previous replies to your plea for help, but something is doggone seriously wrong with this guy. After giving him four “one more chances” I’d start to think that you’re being a chump by even letting him set foot on the property, much less in the front door. And to him, your bedroom door should be locked like a bank vault…

Corrinne it’s probably time to face the facts, isn’t it? Pack his (cheap paper) bags and leave them outside the locked front door. Don’t you have a burly big brother?
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That is so funny you said this, because just today, when I was waking up, I said, to him on the couch, “how did you sleep”? And I said “you should be sleeping on a bed of nails, your adultery bed”. HA~ 😊 NO response mind you. 😦 He’s completely un-feeling and completely oblivious to anything.:eek::cool::mad::(:eek:
 
Mind you all, My husband does have a mild brain injury from an accident 10 years ago now. He was hit on his bike by a car, and has a rt.frontal lobe injury which affects, judgment, impulse control, emotion, short term memory, etc…I thought I mentioned it way back when, but it still does not make his car drive to the strip club. STILL it is something I have faced for 10 years now, and lived with, and it is not easy.

Please don’t say, “ah this explains everything because it doesn’t” He has enough sense to know what he is doing. I know this. He still has chosen this behavior.

:rolleyes:

Yes, he is on meds, yes he has seen his psychiatrist, yes we have seen a counselor, etc., so please do not go there with me, thank you. This suggestion is moot.
 
Corinne3 said:
All my friends, even my Christian-and Catholic ones have said to me, “what the hell are you waiting for? divorce the *******”. This has not been my thinking, and never was,and never will be. Thank you for being so understanding. I realize I am often times called/thought a fool, its obvious even on here even, but I don’t care. I take the positive advice and leave the negative.
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It is good that divorce or separation never crossed your mind; in that, there is still hope then. I think it is best to know what is causing this–it didn’t happen overnight that your husband goes to a club and started looking at other women. Perhaps he is going through some rough time himself, and couldn’t open up to you for one reason or another. He then looks for an outlet, and it so happens he went looking the wrong way. I think it is best to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to listen, give him time. But it is good you are also laying down an ultimatum at him; hopefully that will make him realize and finally tell you what’s bothering him.
 
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