Should Catholics date Non-Catholics, or should you date someone outside of your race?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mannyfit75
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mannyfit75

Guest
Should Catholic date Non-Catholic Christians?

Hello, Happy Corpus Christi Sunday.

As you all know I am a cradle Catholic and I came from the Philippines and came to the United States in March 1984. As you all know I am discerning the priesthood, so it is unlikely I will be dating during my discernment process.

However, a few years ago. My parents, and my sisters had a discussion. It was about dating someone who is not Catholic. My brother in law’s brother who is Catholic just married someone who was not a Catholic after a few years of marriage, they are divorced, my brother in law’s brother did not want a divorce but his wife wanted it.

After that happened, both my parents and my sisters told me not to marry any white person especially if they are not Catholic.

I told him I disagree (at the time I was not discerning priesthood). I ask them what if questions.

My questions were the following.
  1. What if she was white Catholic who practice her faith, or black and practicing, and Chinese and practicing Catholic? They still disagree.
I told them if I find a woman, it doesn’t matter what the race of her skin is. I would prefer if she was Catholic, and if she is Non-Catholic Christians, I do hope she understand I take my faith seriously and want the children to be raised Catholic.

Anyways, do you think it? This poll deals both ethncity and religion.

My parents conservative views that I should marry someone who is a Filipino is rather bias. They assumed that white people or non-Filipinos are the types who want divorces, especially if they are Protestants.
 
I can see your parents’ point. I would rather my children marry a Catholic. And it helps if you come from a common background. There is enough that interferes with relationships being successful without adding bigotry from other people or different social or religious perspectives too.

But marrying a Catholic is no guarantee things will work. And many millions have been happy in mixed marriages, which can bring some new people into the church.

It’s a hard choice that has to be made on a case by case basis.
I know people from other religions with whom I have more in common spiritually than with a “Catholic” who disagrees with the pope on important teachings.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
But marrying a Catholic is no guarantee things will work.
Click to expand...
Marrying a Catholic who is faithful to the magisterium is in fact effectively a guarantee against divorce. A survey done found that Catholics who did not live together before marriage and didn’t use artificial contraception had a divorce rate that was to all intents and purposes zero. The isolated cases would turn out to be sham marriages for the puurpose of evading immigration controls, sham divorces to protect assets, and the like.

A ref:
[1] Among married couples who practice NFP, divorce is rare. Josef Rötzer, M. D., author of a sympto-thermal method, reports not a single divorce or abortion among 1,400 married couples who used NFP
 
I voted for the first option…here’s my explanation.

Devout Catholics should marry other devout Catholics. It doesn’t matter the skin color/race/ethnicity. My fiance is a quarter Iranian…but he’s the most devout Catholic man I’ve met. It makes for some interesting stories and ethnic mixing 🙂
 
I voted for #1 as well, I’m Catholic and would date only Catholics if I were single. Race/ethnicity doesn’t matter at all to me, as long as we’re both devout Catholics.

That said, when I first started dating my husband, he was Catholic but I was “nothing.” One of the reasons I dated him was because he was Catholic and I had a strong interest in joining the Church, anyway. We did not become engaged until well after my conversion.
 
My somewhat prejudice MIL asked me once if I would mind if any of my kids married someone of another race. I said, “no, as long as he/she was Catholic.”

MIL was shocked.
 
When my children get to the dating age, I will advise them to only date Catholics. I think that sharing a faith is a sufficiently common denominator that it compensates for cultural differences. My dh is latin american, I’m a mix of northern european descent. Both of our belief systems were formed primarily by our faith in the church – so we automatically agreed on all the big issues and had very common perspectives on almost everything of importance. His ethnicity adds flavor and richness to our family, but our shared faith is the core of our family life.
 
I think a Catholic marrying a Catholic is ideal and optimal.

But, I am in no way against a Catholic marrying a devout Protestant Christian as long as:
  1. The Protestant Christian agrees to let the children be raised Catholic.
  2. The Protestant Christian does not put down the Catholic’s Faith. It’s even better if the Protestant Christian supports and encourages the Catholic in practicing their Catholic Faith.
My husband is a Protestant Christian. He not only doesn’t put down my Catholic Faith, he supports and encourages me in practicing and living out my Catholic Faith. My husband takes me to mass each Sunday. He attends with me, though he doesn’t participate. He contributes financially to the Catholic Church by giving me offeratory money from his salary. He also takes me to confession and encourages me to go if it has been a while. He always tells me the latest Catholic news from newspapers and news stations. He loves me for being a Catholic. He sees me as a Christian and an equal, not inferior to his faith at all. I have found more support, encouragement and love in him than in a lot of the Catholic men I talked to. He knows our kids will be raised Catholic. He’s fine with that.

However, I would never recommend a Catholic (my child or otherwise) to marry a non-catholic non-Christian. It is difficult enough to not share aspects of the Catholic Faith with your spouse, but to not share Christ is nearly impossible…though all things are possible with God. 👍
 
I was a non-Catholic that married a Catholic, but now I’m Catholic. My kids - I would rather they marry Catholics, race doesn’t matter. But I will not object if they date or marry evangelicals as long as they continue to attend Mass and are married in the Church. - As to dating/marriage of other other non-Catholics - I would discourage it -
 
It is most preferable for a Catholic to marry a Catholic. But it is not a sin for a Catholic to marry a Jewish person or a Muslim person, or one of any other religion or no religion at all. And it’s completely fine to date outside one’s race.
 
I voted for #1, because I wouldn’t advise someone to date non-Catholics without knowing how secure their own faith is.

The second-to-last guy I dated was Catholic. Even sang in the choir. He was also Filipino, but that honestly didn’t even cross my mind as an issue. What a slimy, immoral jerk!

The last guy I dated was a solid Christian. We met at a “nondenominational” (read: everyone is ok, except Catholics, who can expect to become targets) Bible study. We finally got to a point where I told him that I did not believe in mixed marriages because they send a very confusing message to the kids which will increase the likelihood of them dropping out of Christianity entirely. We toyed briefly with the “compromise” of being Episcopalian. (yes, I know more about the Episcopalians’ troubles now and would no longer see them as a compromise between Catholic and Protestant)

Finally, I put my foot down and said, “No. This is what I believe to be true. If it is true it is more important than you or anybody else. If you do not want to convert, then we have no future and should break this off immediately.”

To make the long story short, after more thought and prayer, he converted, we got married, he became an enthusiastic reader of apologetics, and we have two children and one more waiting to come home from China. All three are transracial adoptions.

Our theory is that the important thing is the Catholic tie; we celebrate African saints, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and Slovak holiday traditions. As practicing Catholics, you probably have more in common with someone from the other side of the planet than you do with the atheist next door! I would be somewhat worried if my kids grew up and dated non-Catholics (or bad Catholics, for that matter). It wouldn’t bother me one bit if they date outside their race.
 
Gardening_Mommy said:
Finally, I put my foot down and said, “No. This is what I believe to be true. If it is true it is more important than you or anybody else. If you do not want to convert, then we have no future and should break this off immediately.”
Click to expand...
WOW! Very admirable!
 
Marrying a Catholic who is faithful to the magisterium is in fact effectively a guarantee against divorce. A survey done found that Catholics who did not live together before marriage and didn’t use artificial contraception had a divorce rate that was to all intents and purposes zero. The isolated cases would turn out to be sham marriages for the puurpose of evading immigration controls, sham divorces to protect assets, and the like.
Click to expand...
A ref:
[1] Among married couples who practice NFP, divorce is rare. Josef Rötzer, M. D., author of a sympto-thermal method, reports not a single divorce or abortion among 1,400 married couples who used NFP
Click to expand...
Well, he didn’t talk to me! Mine was a sham marriage, apparently. But not because of immigration or assets. We didn’t live together or practise anything but NFP. I feel so special now! I’m a rarity! 👍
 
I voted as a Catholic I believe we should date whomever we want. I only wish it would have been worded better. We should only date who God wants us to date. During my dating years the few Catholics I dated were the worst of the lot. The were nominal Catholics or in name only. They were just not good people. It had nothing to do with them being Catholic. However, I gave them more leeway than I should have because I really wanted to be with a Catholic. God won in the end. My DH was not Catholic when I met him and I was prepared to handle the struggle that brings. But he had always wanted to be Catholic so he converted. (YAY God!)

I think the “marrying outside of the race” is a non-issue. What is really being addressed is marrying outside of ones culture. Race is usually only skin deep. Culture flows deeper. Often they do go hand in hand but not always. I find I have more troubles with my marriage based on our different cultures (upbringing.) We are the same race. My sister’s husband is a different race yet they were raised in nearly identical cultures.

So my final answer is Religion is HUGE and should be carefully considered. Race is only important in how it applies to culture and upbringing.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
I think a Catholic marrying a Catholic is ideal and optimal.

But, I am in no way against a Catholic marrying a devout Protestant Christian as long as:
  1. The Protestant Christian agrees to let the children be raised Catholic.
  2. The Protestant Christian does not put down the Catholic’s Faith. It’s even better if the Protestant Christian supports and encourages the Catholic in practicing their Catholic Faith.
My husband is a Protestant Christian. He not only doesn’t put down my Catholic Faith, he supports and encourages me in practicing and living out my Catholic Faith. My husband takes me to mass each Sunday. He attends with me, though he doesn’t participate. He contributes financially to the Catholic Church by giving me offeratory money from his salary. He also takes me to confession and encourages me to go if it has been a while. He always tells me the latest Catholic news from newspapers and news stations. He loves me for being a Catholic. He sees me as a Christian and an equal, not inferior to his faith at all. I have found more support, encouragement and love in him than in a lot of the Catholic men I talked to. He knows our kids will be raised Catholic. He’s fine with that.

However, I would never recommend a Catholic (my child or otherwise) to marry a non-catholic non-Christian. It is difficult enough to not share aspects of the Catholic Faith with your spouse, but to not share Christ is nearly impossible…though all things are possible with God. 👍
Click to expand...
Did you know that in families where only the mother practices Catholicism statistically less than 20% of the children grow up to practice?
 
I dont think it should matter what race or religion your partner is. after all, your marrying them, not their skin colour, although i can see where the whole religion matter would enter the situation.
i think true love is true love regardless of things like gender, race or religion, although some believe contrary.
any who, thats just my 1/50 of a dollar.
Cya,
Wammy
 
Truly_Beloved said:
WOW! Very admirable!
Click to expand...
Yeah, well it didn’t feel admirable; it just felt horribly difficult. In the end, though, he said my determination in insisting some church really did have the Truth (and not the Protestant line of, "Well, we all have maybe 80-90% of this right… so your denomination doesn’t really matter) was part of what gave him the final push into the Church.
 
leonie said:
Did you know that in families where only the mother practices Catholicism statistically less than 20% of the children grow up to practice?
Click to expand...
raising hand That’s how I grew up. My dad was a non-active Protestant. (Although, he became Catholic when I was 13…but other than going to mass every week, you wouldn’t really know it.) So, I didn’t get a very good religious upbringing. (But I got a good, up-close look at what religious differences can do to a marriage!!) 😦

And after growing up this way, I absolutely don’t want to marry a non-Catholic.
Tif =8-)
 
Race doesn’t matter. Faith does. Even if you seem to get along with someone of another faith, if you have children there will be disputes. I know this, because when my husband and I first married, he was a non-practicing Catholic and I was a non-practicing protestant. We did ok, until our son was born. He and his family wanted him baptized, I thought that was crazy. In my faith, only adults, or children who were close to being teenagers got baptized. Big arguments, and our son ended up not going to church, just like us. It wasn’t until I converted when he was 4yrs old that he finally got baptized. And if I hadn’t converted, he still wouldn’t be. Those are the kinds of things you need to think about, and why I think it is very important to only date other Catholics.
 
After having an absolute horrible divorce from a Catholic turned pagan priest, I knew that if I ever remarried it would have to be to a very devout Catholic. When I met my dh he was a Lutheran. I think I mentioned that I would never marry a non-Catholic on our first or second date…hoping to chase him off. I even gave him a great reason why… Because my faith is a big part of my life and I couldn’t imagine sharing my life with someone that I couldn’t share this big part with. Obviously, it didn’t work, he still came around. I never pushed him to convert but if he wanted to spend time with me at mass he was welcome to come with. After a few months he came to mass every week with us, and even brought his daughter. He said it was very similar to his Lutheran Church (MO Synod). After about a year and a half of discerning he entered RCIA. After he was received into the church he worked on his annulment and I mine (yes I know, wrong order, but I didn’t know better at the time) Anyway, about 1.5-2 yrs after that he proposed.

I would do it all again!!! My dh is a very wonderful Catholic husband and father.

About your other question… about race. I don’t think it is so much about race as it is about culture. I can certainly understand that! I am sure you were raised with certain ideals and customs that are unique to the Philippines. Pride in your heritage is not a bad thing, in fact, in most cultures national pride is associated with pride in your religion. Nothing wrong with that, but I wouldn’t let it blind you from God’s will for you… he might just want a good Polish girl to marry a good Philippino boy. Or an Italian boy to marry an Irish gal…etc. These are just examples, I know you are discerning a priestly vocation. But I am willing to bet it is more about culture than it is about race for your parents. Most of us that were born and raised in the US don’t see too much difficulty in interracial or inter-cultural marriages, but they can be difficult if the customs and traditions are totally different.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top