Should Churches charge for Sacraments?

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Around here, mucians are not included in the parish fees, but have to be paid separately. And that is fair and OK. The reset of the “incindentals” do NOT justify a parish charging for a wedding. Churches are built for dispensing sacraments. Why charge for this one. Yea, the parish wants to get their cut. But it is wrong.

I was on the finance committee of our parish several years ago when a new pastor came on board and cancelled all marriage fees (except for marriage preparation materials, I think $25, as that was like faith formation). But the wedding itself, he was adamant, no more charging for a sacrament. We initially gave the same arguments as you, we were wrong. Those “incidentals” occur for some level for any sacrament. But that is why there is a church building, a parish itself. Those sacraments. No parish should have a wedding fee. I know it is common, but that does not make it right.
 
Again, I was not replying to the OP, but to another person.

I understand what the OP said, but again believe the onus is on them to talk to the Pastor. All of this should have been addressed long before the actual event.
 
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Ha–all marriages at Suspicious Minds Wedding Chapel are public record!
“By the power vested in me, baby…”
 
Which is totally amazing to me since the average American does not have $500 to cover an unanticipated expense (57%). Where in the heck do people get $30,000 from? And if you had it, unless you are ultra-wealthy, why would you waste in on a wedding?
 
AHapka said:
Where in the heck do people get $30,000 from? And if you had it, unless you are ultra-wealthy,
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Its very expensive to live in the United States. My brother has two kids in college, $37,000/yr each, the two in high school are bargains at half that price.

I just bought an automobile last week $28,000 second hand.

Things are expensive and weddings here, I guess a lot of people sign a note
 
As if the diocese is some kind of commercial enterprise, or a bank.
 
In some cases, I think a fee is justifiable. I had a fee for my wedding, but it was the Oratory in Oxford, which is a pretty old, historical church. I reckoned a lot of that had to do with the priest’s time, usage of the facility and its upkeep, so I really didn’t have a problem with it. I didn’t recall the amount being unreasonable. Some other historical facilities in England have prices that are just…woof.
 
somecanadian said:
Should members of a parish be charged fees for sacraments?

I have heard the excuses: Choir fees, cost of having church open, etc. This was a summer wedding. No air conditioning in the church. It literally cost nothing to have us there except the priests time. I brought my own altar servers, the choir entirely volunteered their own time. Literally the only thing I took from the Church in this was their secretary had to fill out some paperwork and the priests time. So that particular ‘reasoning’ for the wedding fee just doesn’t sit right with me.

I also wonder about those who are not so fortunate. We actually are one of those. We strung together a wedding on a shoestring budget. We set ASIDE money for the Church because to me it was important but again it’s the fact that they’re ‘charging’ that isn’t sitting well. I always intended to give them something as I’m grateful to the priest but it just doesn’t feel right to be ‘charged’ for sacraments!
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Just a couple of thoughts…

when you were planning your wedding, did the parish mention anything to you about donations for the use of the facilities?

when you mention that the music team was all-volunteer, do you mean that none of them receive any kind of salary from the parish? (Not just for your wedding… I mean, is there any of them who work for the parish?) There’s a difference between volunteering to do something and doing something for free, and I’m trying to understand if it applies here…

was there any prep involved on the part of the parish or the priest? any clean-up afterward?

you mention that they contacted you after the wedding. Just a question here: how could they have known that you had planned to give a donation? how would it appear to them any different than folks who hadn’t planned to give?
 
AdamP88 said:
Priest told us that we would not be charged for the sacrament as we were a bit strapped for cash at the time of the wedding.
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Either the priest misspoke himself, or you misunderstood what was said. Any charge for any sacrament is strictly forbidden.
 
I come from a faith tradition where such fees did not exist for parishioners who were getting married within their own church so it’s a perception I am having trouble shaking.
 
somecanadian said:
I understand that the Church needs to be able to pay for everything and I understand most people do not pay BUT here’s the trick. Aren’t we supposed to view others with charity? Wouldn’t the charitable thing be to EXPECT people to give a donation? Not to expect them not to? And those who don’t, wouldn’t the charitable thing be to suppose they just couldn’t afford to pay? And as the representative of the Church shouldn’t the parish act with charity in all things, even, yes, weddings?
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And that’s all well and good. I think experience has taught many parishes otherwise. When you expect people to offer money without being asked, they often simply don’t offer any money.

Thinking back to my own wedding, I was so young and clueless, I’m not sure it would have occurred to me to give a stipend to the parish. Come to think of it, I cannot even recall if we gave anything extra to any of the priests who came.

In my mind, it’s no different than people paying stipends to have a Mass said for this or that intention. It’s not as though people are purchasing prayers, though I can understand how it might look that way to some people.
 
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Dacinom said:
You were blindsided after the fact, and made to feel as if in collections, not good!
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I’m wondering if perhaps the OP’s parish was simply presuming the couple would give whatever they could at the time of the wedding. And then only after the wedding when it seemed they gave nothing (because unbeknownst to the parish, they always intended to give a donation when they got back from their honeymoon), the parish secretary called about a fee.

That’s total speculation, of course.
 
Well, ours was particularly… difficult so you may be right. The priest we approached initially left the parish three months after we spoke to him. The new priest who came in came along and informed us all our paperwork had been done wrong and we had to complete this ‘course’ before we could be wed. By this point it was 5 months from the wedding. We were blamed for having done things wrong (by the secretary, not the priest, bless him), and I, in particular, was yelled at for having not ‘filled out the paperwork correctly’. Mind you, converts here.

The ‘course’ that we apparently had to finish was just a few videos with a question sheet. Took us three days across three months to complete, but we were treated as if we were ‘rushing’ things. Mind you we had approached the original priest a good 8 months before the wedding but this was ignored and we were treated as if we were somehow doing things wrong.

We wanted just us and the priest and the sacrament of marriage but were told no. Since we had to go through with a Mass we opted to invite our family and friends.

There was no discussion of fees. Just accusations of everything we’d done wrong… I’m still at a loss since we never filled out any paperwork and we came to the Church looking for guidance since neither of us had been married before and certainly not in the Catholic Church.

Once that was all filled out, two weeks before the wedding, the secretary called and told us they had to change the day and time of rehearsal, which was fine. But then she called the next day to change the time again.

The day of the wedding we did not decorate the Church. I saw no need. It’s beautiful just the way it is. After the ceremony we stayed and cleaned the Church, picking up the little bits of litter that had been left behind (small parish, it didn’t feel right to leave it for someone else) and putting things back where they belonged (chairs had been moved, etc). There is no air conditioning in the Church and no special equipment so really no extra costs to the building was incurred by us being there.

This Church has no paid music team. The choir who came that day came as a gift of love to me because of my participation in their community.

I brought my own altar servers and lectors.

The ceremony itself was beautiful and the priest is a darling. I am so appreciative to him.

We left the ceremony happy. Despite all the frustration leading up to that day we were content. We had planned all along to give the Church a gift but the tradition I came from had no such thing so I had no idea you’re supposed to hand it over the day OF the wedding. Everyone I knew and spoke to suggested sending it after the wedding. Which we planned to do.

While on our honeymoon we received the request for the wedding fee. Which was the same amount we had planned to give but came as a bit of a shock.

As tightly budgeted as we are we can no longer give a ‘gift’ but will just be providing the requested fee. Deciding to take a vacation was a heavy blow as my employer doesn’t provide vacation pay but I felt it was worth it to have time alone with my new husband.
 
I really do feel if they had said: “We ask for this because of this…” it wouldn’t come across as charging for the sacrament.

For example:

“We ask parishioners to help pay for the air conditioning or the music team or whatever… this is how much it usually costs. Are you willing to help with that cost?”

That would be fine.

It’s the ‘this is the fee for the wedding that you have to pay’ that feels wrong.

And having browsed this forum before posting I see I’m not the only one who has had these wedding fees presented as “FEES” and not something else.

When I was brought into the Church there was no fee for RCIA, no fee for confession, no fee for confirmation. I once asked to dedicate a Mass to my brother and was told I had to give $100 to do this.

At the time it felt weird to have to pay money to have prayers said for my brother but I shook it off because it was expected.

This, I think, is just one thing on top of another that has left me questioning such practices.

For a bit of perspective I come from a faith tradition where parishioners take care of parishioners and the church takes care of parishioners. A tradition where it is UNHEARD of to charge parishioners for having a wedding. IN fact, where the people of the church would have come together to do everything for the wedding so the wedding couple wouldn’t need to. It was a community that gave just as much as it took. If I had asked my old church to pray for my brother the pastor would have done it gladly, without asking for a ‘donation’. So this new Catholic community is taking some getting used to.

It is a far colder place.
 
I’m sorry you had such an experience. Indeed, perhaps the biggest issue is that your parish secretary isn’t much of “people person.” That’s always unfortunate as the parish secretary is in many ways the “front line” of the parish. I’ve always though that training in evangelization for parish secretaries would be a good idea. 🙂 It seems a lot of the negative feelings could have been avoided if she simply approached things with you from a kinder vantage point.

$100 to have a Mass said!? I know this might vary from diocese to diocese, but I’ve only ever seen the Mass stipend suggested donation as $10.
 
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Yup! I was surprised by the $100 too! Mind you that’s Canadian dollars so about $75 American. I’m not sure I understand the stipend for prayers thing, but that’s a question for another topic and I’m sure someone in these forums has asked at some point so I will read and see if I can wrap my head around why it’s necessary.
 
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