Should I attend this marriage?

  • Thread starter Thread starter mattheus09
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

mattheus09

Guest
I’m a bit confused. A close family member (who is Catholic) is being married to a non-Catholic (we are not sure if he is baptized). This close family member IS NOT being married in the Catholic Church. She has asked our family to participate in the wedding. I have asked my priest, and he said it was okay to attend. But while I was looking on EWTN, a priest said it was not ok to attend. I am rather confused. Should our family attend or not? If we can attend should we participate?
 
The first question is…did your relative get a dispensation to not be married in the Church? If she did, go and enjoy. If she did not, then I would say do not go. If you go, you will appear to be supporting this marriage, and, as a loyal Catholic, you can’t do that. It’s a difficult choice.

Peace,
Linda
 
A few years ago, my sister, who is Catholic, decided to marry a non-Catholic christian man. They decided to go to Las Vegas to get married, and since my dad has passed away before this, she asked if I would come to the wedding, and give her away. I just couldn’t do it. She was once married in the Catholic Church, and never got that marriage anulled. So I didn’t even go to her latest wedding.

Unless your parish priest tells you to do something that is clearly wrong, I would suggest that you accept his authority, and attend, unless there is some real reason not to, such as I had with my sister.
 
Attend. It is an honor to be asked to participate in a wedding. Obviously, this person thinks alot of you and your family. Its a celebration, go and celebrate. To do otherwise would probably hurt this person’s feelings and you may hurt your relationship.
 
mattheus09 said:
I’m a bit confused. A close family member (who is Catholic) is being married to a non-Catholic (we are not sure if he is baptized). This close family member IS NOT being married in the Catholic Church. She has asked our family to participate in the wedding. I have asked my priest, and he said it was okay to attend. But while I was looking on EWTN, a priest said it was not ok to attend. I am rather confused. Should our family attend or not? If we can attend should we participate?
Click to expand...
Your priest said it was Ok to attend, he didn’t say it was ok to participate.

If they had obtained the Bishops permission or a Dispensation they would know for sure f he was or was not Baptized. Because his Baptism determines exactly what needs to be asked for from the Bishop. So I would venture a guess that they have NOT completed the necessary Marriage preparation or even spoken with her pastor. My opinion is not to attend but to make sure she knows why.
 
mikew262 said:
Attend. It is an honor to be asked to participate in a wedding. Obviously, this person thinks alot of you and your family. Its a celebration, go and celebrate. To do otherwise would probably hurt this person’s feelings and you may hurt your relationship.
Click to expand...
I wholeheartedly agree

Kathy
 
I really think that you should attend. Whether it is a Catholic marriage or not, I think it would make your family member very happy if you did attend. Family is always the closest thing you’ll have to a true sincere relationship. Just tell this family member that you wish someday they’ll be married in the CC.

I married outside the CC to a non-Catholic (he was baptized and confirmed as a child but never knew our faith). It saddens me a lot, but if my cousin, sister, uncle, or any other family member didn’t attend because it wasn’t a Church wedding, my feelings would’ve been extremely hurt.

I am trying to correct the fact that it wasn’t a Church wedding, so maybe you family member will do the same in a near future. Put yourself in his/her position, you’d want him/her to be there for you as well.

Attend and pray so they marry in the CC one day.
 
If it was as close as a brother or sister or even a grandchild, I would attend but would surely make my reservations very plain and that I am only attending because I love you and not because I approve in any way. Cousins, aunts, uncles forget it and stay away.
 
I agree with Mike and Katie and your priest. Go, enjoy; you’ll be glad you did.

John
 
John_Higgins said:
I agree with Mike and Katie and your priest. Go, enjoy; you’ll be glad you did.

John
Click to expand...
But what are they saying by attending, or more accurate what are they teaching these young people?

Oh, forget about the Catholic Church and all their silly little rules! What matters is what makes you happy, right here, right now.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
But what are they saying by attending, or more accurate what are they teaching these young people?

Oh, forget about the Catholic Church and all their silly little rules! What matters is what makes you happy, right here, right now.
Click to expand...
I would ask if they got the dispensation - unless you have specifically asked about the baptism issue, (and asked the right person) it’s a stretch to assume the dispensations have not been given - so ask the question If they have - no problem.

If the dispensations have not been given, then I think you should go back to your priest. The general rule is to not attend for the reasons suggested in the posts above. That rule is designed specifically to help lead the erring person back to the faith and not let their error appear to be approved thereby causing “scandal” i.e., a situation where others are led to error. That being said, the usual response would be not to attend. However, I can certainly understand situations where no scandal would be entailed and a refusal to attend could work to harden someone in their error - thereby undermining the very intent of the rule against attendance. The application of charity - a love of God and man that overrides general rules of this sort - is never easy or clear. That’s why I would recommend a detailed discussion with your priest. I would obey the priest if he says don’t go - as that is the general rule. If he recommends you do go - I would also carefully pray and think about it and then do what you think is best under the circumstances.
 
I doubt if the average busy priest of today has time to give a dispensation for every little matter like this. What about using common sense? If this family member has left the Church then they have no obligation to live under it’s rules. Just because someone was raised Catholic doesn’t mean that they continue practicing all their lives and it seems perfectly obvious that the person in question is non-practicing.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
But what are they saying by attending, or more accurate what are they teaching these young people?

Oh, forget about the Catholic Church and all their silly little rules! What matters is what makes you happy, right here, right now.
Click to expand...
They are saying, I love and respect this person getting married and he loves and respects me. I’m honored to be asked to participate. Nothing wrong with any of that. I can’t imagine God disapproving.

Sometimes you have to just follow your conscience. Even the Church approves of that.
 
WenckebachCath said:
I doubt if the average busy priest of today has time to give a dispensation for every little matter like this. What about using common sense? If this family member has left the Church then they have no obligation to live under it’s rules. Just because someone was raised Catholic doesn’t mean that they continue practicing all their lives and it seems perfectly obvious that the person in question is non-practicing.
Click to expand...
👍
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
But what are they saying by attending, or more accurate what are they teaching these young people?

Oh, forget about the Catholic Church and all their silly little rules! What matters is what makes you happy, right here, right now.
Click to expand...
Agree here - I would lovingly offer to assist with requesting a dispensation, and if the disp. were not granted - I would not attend.
 
mikew262 said:
They are saying, I love and respect this person getting married and he loves and respects me. I’m honored to be asked to participate. Nothing wrong with any of that. **I can’t imagine God disapproving. **

Sometimes you have to just follow your conscience. Even the Church approves of that.
Click to expand...
You can’t imagine God disapproving of a person who has willfully chosen to remove themselves from the authority of the Catholic Church which Christ placed over them?

Or God disapproving of a person whose actions endorse this person’s defiance of the authority God placed over them?

I can imagine many reasons that God may disapprove and saying otherwise is rather disingenuous.

That said, the Authority over the OP said he could ATTEND the wedding.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top