Should I date non-Catholic women?

[lo_amo87]

It is not an *opinion *that the Church expressly prohibits mixed marriages. Permission from the bishop is required. In the case of disparity of cult, it is actually a diriment impediment to valid marriage requiring a dispensation.

Papal documents are also not opinions, they are authoritative teaching documents.

Touche. However, even though it take’s the bishop’s permission, it is still done quite often and fairly easily (certainly easier than getting an annulment, which was a painful process for my husband before we got married). I still maintain that while it’s great if that special person is already catholic, one shouldn’t lock out people of other faiths, unless of course one simply cannot imagine a life partner who is non-catholic.

 

[agapewolf]

Touche. However, even though it take’s the bishop’s permission, it is still done quite often and fairly easily (certainly easier than getting an annulment, which was a painful process for my husband before we got married). I still maintain that while it’s great if that special person is already catholic, one shouldn’t lock out people of other faiths, unless of course one simply cannot imagine a life partner who is non-catholic.

What you are saying is that your filter includes a person that must love pets.

But you don’t think that the reason for our very existence, the fullness of the truth and faith in the sacraments, the graces that come with receiving those sacraments, and agreement in how to practice the faith and sacraments, and the sharing of the truth, and having the utmost consideration for the destination of eternity is important enough.

but they have to be a pet lover.

That is certainly skewed priorities.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Touche. However, even though it take’s the bishop’s permission,** it is still done quite often and fairly easily (certainly easier than getting an annulment, **which was a painful process for my husband before we got married). I still maintain that while it’s great if that special person is already catholic, one shouldn’t lock out people of other faiths, unless of course one simply cannot imagine a life partner who is non-catholic.

And what Diocesan office do you work in? And what makes you think you can make such a sweeping statement - what are you basing your statement upon?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

What you are saying is that your filter includes a person that must love pets.

But you don’t think that the reason for our very existence, the fullness of the truth and faith in the sacraments, the graces that come with receiving those sacraments, and agreement in how to practice the faith and sacraments, and the sharing of the truth, and having the utmost consideration for the destination of eternity is important enough.

but they have to be a pet lover.

That is certainly skewed priorities.

Another post of the day!!!

:clapping::yeah_me:

 

[kildare]

If you are confident in your faith then yes, but with one proviso : you make it clear that your religion is the most important thing about you.
Show the person your love for your faith, and if they are turned off then let them go.

If they stay with you they must submit (if they wont convert) that your faith is the rock of the relationship. If you are shakey in this then I would actually avoid it and stay in the Catholic fold.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

I guess if there are really very few Catholic women around, then on the first viable date with a non-Catholic girl, the religion issue has to be discussed.

Maybe if they have responsible jobs?

Would that be a criteria for a viable non-Catholic date? Used to travel a lot. Managers of car rental offices seemed to be viable. Good personality skills: Have to deal with cranky tired members of the public; Financially dependable: responsible for high dollar inventory of complex potentially dangerous products.

So hang out in places where viable girls work.

Meeting girls in bars seems to be an automatic non-viable screening technique.

a viable date in one in which the woman is actually marriageable. Thinking of women who have never married but have three kids by three guys and who suffer from several communicable diseases, smoke a lot, and spend all their time on the cell phones discussing where to score some drugs. Not marriageable. Darlaks. Was channel surfing and there was this really pretty girl … she was crying … was going to have to spend the night in jail … her 25th arrest … mostly DUI … was being unsuccessful at getting “bonded out” … but very pretty … had incredibly manicured nails … high maintenance. ]

 

[Kit15]

I’m also in a mixed marriage. In spite of my own happiness I actually don’t encourage it either. It’s just way too risky. I don’t think you *should *seek out a non-Catholic spouse or put yourself out there to non-Catholics. But if a non-Catholic pops into your life (in my case it was an old high school friend that wanted to get back in touch) that you think *may *be marriage material…yeah you can explore that possibility but do so with caution.

Part of it is my husband’s positive attitude towards Catholicism and his very Catholic view of human sexuality. But truthfully the other part of it is…me. I don’t have problems with the Magisterium and I enjoy discussing the faith with my husband on an intellectual level (he does ask questions). But I wasn’t raised with the “optional” devotionals…family rosary and all that. Prayer was something I did on my own and it’s almost always extemporaneous. So the lack of family prayer outside of Sunday Mass is not something I miss. I never really had it in the first place. But I can certainly see how someone who does have a very devotional life would be very unhappy with a husband like mine. That’s why I could never recommend it.

In other words…stick to your guns and don’t re-evaluate your priorities unless that girl is really reeeeeeally something special. We are talking about your future wife here.

Don’t missionary date. You’re setting yourself for major disappointment if you’re thinking that someday you can eventually love her our of whatever flaw you see now.

But also don’t adopt the laid back attitude that “we don’t let our religious difference get in the way”. You can’t sweep this stuff under a rug because it will always be there no matter how many times you deny it. You have to develop the spine to get it in the open even if things may turn ugly. And there is no shame in breaking up with someone because of those difference. It hurts but not nearly as bad as a lifetime of a bad marriage.

 

[Honus]

It really depends on one question.

How hot are the non-Catholics that you’re thinking about dating?

 

[Redratfish]

You will not find a solid answer here as you have seen. There are various arguments in favor of, and also against it. It is a matter of personal choice. that said, you should never be required to change on your beliefs.

But, I do not buy the argument that some are saying that “If he wasn’t Catholic, we wouldn’t have lasted.” Do you have any proof of this? That was the ONLY reason? If you marry someone ONLY because of religion, you are marrying for the wrong reasons. A relationship should also be based on trust, and understanding, acceptance of differences, and the ability to agree to disagree. If religion is the ONLY reason you have a relationship, why wouldn’t you choose the priesthood, or a convent? Obviously other factors played a part.

I CAN say however, that*** I ***would not be here if my mother had not dated a non Catholic. So of course I am biased to say go with what feels right.

 

[Mimi]

To be honest, I would never date a smoker, either. My logic is that if someone is capable of doing that kind of damage to his/her own body willingly, then that person would be more willing to do that same kind of damage to others. Of course, there’s second-hand smoke (to children), potential illnesses like ephysema, lung cancer, etc. No, I would never date a smoker, regardless of whether she’s a nice person or not, just like I would not date a nice person who’s not a Christian.

Ha! When we got married, both I & dh were smokers! It took a few yrs, but we both eventually quit. Having children helped me with getting more deeply rooted in the faith. For a while I was in the Charismatic movement. In the beginning, dh did not attend Mass with us (raised in a Bible church, non-denom), but eventually converted after 24 yrs. Praise the Lord!

Oldest son (married 1 yr 4 mos now), fell away from the Church; came back & brought in his wife! They really want kids. Middle son fell away, married 4 yrs, is still a non-church-goer, but a good man; no kids yet. Youngest son still attends Mass regularly (yay!), is thru college (yay!), has a steady job (yay!), and is involved with a Lutheran girl - but they discuss religion & really think about the consequences of what that might mean long-term. I told them I am impressed they even talk about religion. Her mother doesn’t like that she is dating a Catholic, so my son is new to dealing with that. Also, her dad is a fallen-away Catholic (but good Lutheran from what she tells me).

I believe in the power of prayer & that God does help us in many ways we won’t ever know about this side of Heaven. That said, I think it is wise to be choosy. When you are a young adult, it is good to think about what kind of spouse this person would make right from the get-go.

Mimi

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It really depends on one question.

How hot are the non-Catholics that you’re thinking about dating?

a little humor on threads like these is always welcome, even if it’s irreverent.

 

[RedSoxFan]

I’ve married a non-Catholic girl and it has worked out well for us.

Then again I did walk into the relationship like John Wayne and laid down the rules that we were going to abide by. She’s followed me ever since, so I guess that approach was what was needed.

We haven’t really looked back since.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I’ve married a non-Catholic girl and it has worked out well for us.

Then again I did walk into the relationship like John Wayne and laid down the rules that we were going to abide by. She’s followed me ever since, so I guess that approach was what was needed.

We haven’t really looked back since.

“Laid down the rules”… I’m not sure me saying “as long as we go to Church regularly, I’m okay with attending a Catholic Church is ‘laying down the rules.’” Dork. People are going to think your serious. Why don’t you mosey back over to apologetics sweetie.



Although I imagine you’ll get some fun responses here too.

 

[RedSoxFan]

“Laid down the rules”… I’m not sure me saying “as long as we go to Church regularly, I’m okay with attending a Catholic Church is ‘laying down the rules.’” Dork. People are going to think your serious. Why don’t you mosey back over to apologetics sweetie.



Although I imagine you’ll get some fun responses here too.

I am continually amazed at the amount of memory that can be lost/distorted with the first signs of pregnancy hormones. Seriously, your recollection of our relationship is only slightly more realistic, in comparison, to the actual events of history than say the communist propaganda of Stalin’s day.

Anyhoo, Hunny-poo why don’t you just mosey on over to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant and get me a drink. Daddy’s thirsty!

PS I don’t think I would have wanted to marry anyone else; ever. Be honest in your expectations when dating and make them clear. If it doesn’t mesh with her wishes she’ll be gone soon enough.

 

[Kit15]

Awwww. You two are adorable!

 

[Lauris]

I don’t think you should date a non-catholic women. I married a non-catholic men, and the longer we are married, and as our family has expanded-- it no longer is a simple matter but rather a very complicated one. I have been married for 15 yrs at first our different faith was not an issue I practiced my faith, he never went to any church, however things began to change when our family began to grow. As kids started to come along and we got older the differences became an issue. So please think in “future” terms when you date. You should ask what do I want for my family, how are we brining up our family etc. Time changes things and kids usually broaden the spectrum, once kids come things that may have worked out well in terms of faith may not work out as well post kids.:tsktsk::doh2:

 

[azgirl]

I am on the other side. I am a single woman wondering if I should date non-Catholic men. I would prefer to meet a nice Catholic man, but at 38 and no success I am trying to be more open. My biggest worry with this is my desire for a chaste courtship. It is challenging enough with a Catholic, I can’t imagine it with someone who is not. It is so difficult to meet people out in the real world and online it is difficult to know whether someone is truly Catholic or just by name.

 

[ChiRho]

I am on the other side. I am a single woman wondering if I should date non-Catholic men. I would prefer to meet a nice Catholic man, but at 38 and no success I am trying to be more open. My biggest worry with this is my desire for a chaste courtship. It is challenging enough with a Catholic, I can’t imagine it with someone who is not. It is so difficult to meet people out in the real world and online it is difficult to know whether someone is truly Catholic or just by name.

This is somewhat off topic, but have you tried Catholic dating sites? I had success on one (CatholicMatch), it might be worth a shot

 

[ChiRho]

Here is the way I view it: your faith should be the most important thing in your life, bar none. Doesn’t it make sense that your spouse would hold the same beliefs about what is most important in life? It is a huge amount of stress to put yourself through to have to divvy up how the eventual children will be taught, and you will never experience the sort of emotional closeness those of the same faith experience.

I realize mixed faith relationships CAN work, they just typically work less frequently than same faith ones. If I were a betting man (and if I had money to bet!) I’d always bet on same faith marriages, statistics seem to indicate what we know instinctively, that when there are disagreements on major issues, relationships suffer. I say this as the product of a fallen away Catholic married to a Protestant (now Catholic and devout), and converted along with the family as a small child. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, and good things can come out of less than ideal situations, but to play it safe, same faith relationships are the way to go.

I am always interested to know from those in mixed-faith or Catholic/no-faith relationships…what do you talk about? In my own relationship, conversations regarding God, prayer and faith in general represent a huge percentage of time, and I really like it this way because it helps me focus on what really matters. Do you also discuss these same things as you would with another Catholic and just come to a different conclusion, or do you forgo conversations on these topics altogether? Does this leave a void or is it acceptable?

 

[Katie966]

I am always interested to know from those in mixed-faith or Catholic/no-faith relationships…what do you talk about? In my own relationship, conversations regarding God, prayer and faith in general represent a huge percentage of time, and I really like it this way because it helps me focus on what really matters. Do you also discuss these same things as you would with another Catholic and just come to a different conclusion, or do you forgo conversations on these topics altogether? Does this leave a void or is it acceptable?

Well, my fiance is a non-practicing Catholic and is not religious. I talk about religion more with him than I do with anyone else except maybe my mother. He does attend Mass with me occasionally, and oftentimes will ask me a question regarding why we do something or what something means. He was not brought up in the faith but is curious and supportive, and I made it abundantly clear from the beginning that I was not interested in dating him if he could not be respectful of my faith.

I guess maybe because I don’t have many conversations about faith to begin with, with other people, I don’t really notice any kind of void. I have actually learned a lot of things I never knew, despite Catholic schooling, as a result of our conversations. No, we don’t always agree, but we both have discovered that he has many of the same misconceptions about the Catholic faith that are so commonplace in the rest of the population. This frustrates me sometimes, but honestly I have heard many of the same things from practicing Catholics. He is also willing to be confirmed and attend Mass with me all the time when we are married.

To the OP- I would say be very careful. Seek a Catholic person who has the same values as you- but if someone who isn’t a Catholic or doesn’t understand the faith comes into your life, you don’t need to dismiss her solely for that reason. If she is a really exceptional person- who is supportive of your faith, willing to learn more about it and have conversations about it with you, and understanding that it will be intrinsic to your marital life, then it might be worth seeing where it goes.