Should I date non-Catholic women?

[1ke]

Well, my fiance is a non-practicing Catholic and is not religious. I talk about religion more with him than I do with anyone else except maybe my mother. He does attend Mass with me occasionally, and oftentimes will ask me a question regarding why we do something or what something means. He was not brought up in the faith but is curious and supportive, and I made it abundantly clear from the beginning that I was not interested in dating him if he could not be respectful of my faith.

And how do you plan to answer the question, “Mommy, why do I have to go to Church? Dad doens’t go.”

 

[Katie966]

And how do you plan to answer the question, “Mommy, why do I have to go to Church? Dad doens’t go.”

As I said in my post, he will be confirmed and attend Mass with me.

I’m not sure why you would feel the need to question my choice of a spouse?

 

[Mrs_Sally]

How does one go about finding practicing Catholics faithful to the Magisterium?

I do believe that I have narrowed my dating pool by like 90%

Lots of people identify as Catholic, but where do you find serious Catholics close to your age? Certainly not in a parish with 50-60 people with most of them being close to retirement.

Contact your diocesan young adult ministry. There are likely to be groups in urban parishes, or large suburban areas. If you close to college age (including graduate school), look up the closest Neumann center. Attend special Masses or events at other larger parishes and see who is there.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I’ve gone on maybe only one date with anyone who’s not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who’s not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I’m limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that’s very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I’m limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

If they are Christian I don’t see a problem. Just keep in mind that they may not agree with everything the church teaches in the way of contraception, abortion or divorce/annulment issues.

 

[karow]

And how do you plan to answer the question, “Mommy, why do I have to go to Church? Dad doens’t go.”

“You’re right, Johnny, he’s not coming with us this week. But, both your dad and I know it’s important for you to attend Mass with me every Sunday. Now go get your coat on because we’re going to be late.”

 

[Onedayatatime]

I dated a non-Catholic woman who was raised Anglican but went to a Catholic convent school. Her faith was stronger than mine when we met, she agreed to raise the kids Catholic and converted when our oldest was 7 years old. We have a wonderful life together but who knew what was ahead.

When you find the one God has picked for you, things have a way of being guided.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am always interested to know from those in mixed-faith or Catholic/no-faith relationships…what do you talk about? In my own relationship, conversations regarding God, prayer and faith in general represent a huge percentage of time, and I really like it this way because it helps me focus on what really matters. Do you also discuss these same things as you would with another Catholic and just come to a different conclusion, or do you forgo conversations on these topics altogether? Does this leave a void or is it acceptable?

We avoid talking about faith, mostly. Thus, we have a huge area of my life that is not shared with my husband. This is not a good thing, trust me. But when I try to share the most spiritual aspects as well as the most meaningful activities (praying at Planned Parenthood, daily Mass, confession and adoration), my husband looks bored and wants to change the subject. So I don’t bring it up, and the more devout I become, the less we have in common. Then there are things like continuing sin that I have to confess, but that he doesn’t. So we view things differently in lots of areas. I’ve thought about making an appointment to talk things over with a priest, but my husband is so cold toward the faith that I doubt he’d cooperate. We stopped going to the Christian counselor and he’s talked about a secular psychologist our son went to for 2 visits…we’ll see.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I am continually amazed at the amount of memory that can be lost/distorted with the first signs of pregnancy hormones. Seriously, your recollection of our relationship is only slightly more realistic, in comparison, to the actual events of history than say the communist propaganda of Stalin’s day.

Anyhoo, Hunny-poo why don’t you just mosey on over to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant and get me a drink. Daddy’s thirsty!

PS I don’t think I would have wanted to marry anyone else; ever. Be honest in your expectations when dating and make them clear. If it doesn’t mesh with her wishes she’ll be gone soon enough.

It is amazing how my pregnancy hormones can distort your memory.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

I am on the other side. I am a single woman wondering if I should date non-Catholic men. I would prefer to meet a nice Catholic man, but at 38 and no success I am trying to be more open. My biggest worry with this is my desire for a chaste courtship. It is challenging enough with a Catholic, I can’t imagine it with someone who is not. It is so difficult to meet people out in the real world and online it is difficult to know whether someone is truly Catholic or just by name.

There are a lot of Catholic men looking for Catholic women to date and marry.

At 38, you have the advantage of superior intra-personal skills. Put them to use.

You may find that a younger Catholic man might prove to be responsive.

 

[usagi1962]

I just came across this thread, and would like to tell my story in response.
When my husband and I started dating, not only was I not Catholic, I wasn’t even a Christian. I was a very outspoken, radical feminist and a pagan priestess. My husband won me over, first to Christ and then to the Church, not by preaching but by the example of his life. He was so gentle, so much a gentleman - and he was the first Christian I had ever met who didn’t just talk about his faith but actually did his best to live out what he believed. After 6 months of dating, I accepted Christ into my life, and shortly thereafter I started RCIA. This September, Herbie and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary - and we were engaged for two years while I worked through annulments of my two failed marriages and completed RCIA. I came into the Church at Easter 2008, and we were married in the Church on 9-20-08. And looking back, it was definitely worth the work and the wait.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I just came across this thread, and would like to tell my story in response.
When my husband and I started dating, not only was I not Catholic, I wasn’t even a Christian. I was a very outspoken, radical feminist and a pagan priestess. My husband won me over, first to Christ and then to the Church, not by preaching but by the example of his life. He was so gentle, so much a gentleman - and he was the first Christian I had ever met who didn’t just talk about his faith but actually did his best to live out what he believed. After 6 months of dating, I accepted Christ into my life, and shortly thereafter I started RCIA. This September, Herbie and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary - and we were engaged for two years while I worked through annulments of my two failed marriages and completed RCIA. I came into the Church at Easter 2008, and we were married in the Church on 9-20-08. And looking back, it was definitely worth the work and the wait.

Wow, that’s amazing! How did you even meet him, and what did he think of you when you met?

 

[happymommy]

“You’re right, Johnny, he’s not coming with us this week. But, both your dad and I know it’s important for you to attend Mass with me every Sunday. Now go get your coat on because we’re going to be late.”

“But why isn’t it important for daddy to come? Doesn’t God care about daddy? If he doesn’t have to go, why do I?”

Then wait until Johnny is 16 and you get…“I’m not going to Mass. Dad never went and he’s just fine.”

 

[lo_amo87]

And what Diocesan office do you work in? And what makes you think you can make such a sweeping statement - what are you basing your statement upon?

Personal experience and watching others go through it. Getting married in the Catholic church is not difficult anymore. My husband and I had 1 session with our priest and filled out a ridiculous bubble-test and pow we were allowed to get married (aside from all the annullment headaches). I’m sure it’s different depending on the area one lives in. But in my experience, the priest is just happy that the couple wants to get married in a catholic church.

And I must say the rolling of the eyes is a bit juvenile. I can appreciate an old fashioned debate but a patronizing attitude is not appreciated. I’ve already apologized for my poor use of words earlier and have since tried to behave in a more adult fashion. I would appreciate the same. With that, I’m bowing out of this debate because we keep going in circles and no new points have been brought up. I’d like to remain on this forum without rubbing people the wrong way and it already seems like I’ve got a few who are more than annoyed with my presense.

So I’ll agree to disagree and apologies to the OP who I have not forgotten about. I wish you the best in your search for the right lady.

 

[Kit15]

Personal experience and watching others go through it. Getting married in the Catholic church is not difficult anymore. My husband and I had 1 session with our priest and filled out a ridiculous bubble-test and pow we were allowed to get married (aside from all the annullment headaches). I’m sure it’s different depending on the area one lives in. But in my experience, the priest is just happy that the couple wants to get married in a catholic church.

Hmmm…I can confirm that for us it was quite easy as well. But I admit I haven’t watched other people go through the process. The other mixed marriages I know of in my extended family were not done in the Church.

 

[chevalier]

Mixed feelings here. I don’t like blanket exclusions. But I know where things can lead. Been there done that. I suppose the answer might be to keep it at friends level first and have some talks, give it time, maybe arguments will work. Otherwise, eh.

 

[Lauris]

We avoid talking about faith, mostly. Thus, we have a huge area of my life that is not shared with my husband. This is not a good thing, trust me. But when I try to share the most spiritual aspects as well as the most meaningful activities (praying at Planned Parenthood, daily Mass, confession and adoration), my husband looks bored and wants to change the subject. So I don’t bring it up, and the more devout I become, the less we have in common. Then there are things like continuing sin that I have to confess, but that he doesn’t. So we view things differently in lots of areas. I’ve thought about making an appointment to talk things over with a priest, but my husband is so cold toward the faith that I doubt he’d cooperate. We stopped going to the Christian counselor and he’s talked about a secular psychologist our son went to for 2 visits…we’ll see.

I can totally emphatize, my marriage is the same way… my husband is very cold towards my faith & wants no part of it. I will include your family in my prayers.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

There are a lot of Catholic men looking for Catholic women to date and marry.

At 38, you have the advantage of superior intra-personal skills. Put them to use.

You may find that a younger Catholic man might prove to be responsive.

Was at a seminar yesterday … men in the 20 - 30 year old range tend to very focused on their work. Not just trying to advance in their careers, but if they are in a techie field, the problems they have to deal with are very absorbing of their time and energy.

Not very conducive toward finding someone to marry.

There are women who are “older” in the 30 - 40 year old range who may be interested in those younger men.

However, some of those “older” women tend to be somewhat sarcastic [my observation] in their word choices and while some older men may understand what the message is intended to be, the younger men are tending toward the literal … if they are focused on some immediate issue where precision is needed, then having to interpret some sarcastic remark may require more energy and time than they have available … so they let a potential dating opportunity pass.

 

[Onedayatatime]

You are 38, there is still a long way to go, but understand you need to widen the pool of prospects. Why don’t you get involved in a ministry that excites you, one where younger Christian women may be involved, (Graduate campus ministries, social justice etc).

I don’t know your background, but you are going to have a better chance if you get involved in some new activities where your future dream girl will be participating.

 

[clab]

Hi all,

I am new this forum. I just joined yesterday. I would like to say that I agree with poster #12, Lo_Amo87, and what some others have said. I myself am a strong Prostestant believer, but I love people of all faiths and backgrounds. I am currently using this forum to find out more about being a Catholic because I love someone, and in obedience to God, I would become a Catholic if we were to get married in submission to my husband. He has no idea about this, as I just mentioned that I am exploring the Catholic faith, but I know that he has been praying for me, and God has been answering his prayers in a tremendous way.

I think in answer to the original question, it depends on the maturity of the individual involved. It requires much prayer and submission to the leading by the Holy Spirit. Both my friend and I pray a lot. If you develop your own relationship with God and ask him to guide you, he will. It is journey, so it requires much prayer, every step along the way. May God bless you and lead you to the one he has for you.

 

[Alex27]

hey i thought you guys might be interested in hearing the thoughts of a baptist teen (who’s converting to Catholicism as soon as possible ) who lives in the bible belt. i’d say there is about 1300 kids at my high school and in total i’d say about 15 teens who profess to being catholic (rounding up) and not all of them are practicing.

the main faiths at my school are
baptist
nondenominational
apparently the fad at my school is Wicca
and i know its not a religion but i have to say the liberals here are pretty aggressive. (duck and cover)

Anyways i see both sides of the argument. Unfortunately i’m learning the hard way on the consequences of it after my first long term relationship with a Baptist (on and off but together for a total of about year and three months) ended kind of badly. Definitely the one the biggest arguments we had in it was over birth control and the funny thing was actually i tried to be really reasonable about it and she still antagonized me about it. Pretty much i asked her not to use, told her i would not use it, and i said something similar to “i know its your body and i have no control over it but if you do decide to use birth control don’t tell me because i don’t want to know”. Then i explained why i believed this and the conversation led to her apparantly crying because i thought it was pretty much the same thing as murder (this whole text message topic lasted about an hour) Then the next day (talking on the phone) in a very haha im going to do it anyway tone, she goes on about how she is going to convince her parents to let her start on birth control soon.

I pretty much ignored the comment, the one thing that was on my mind was “really your going to be like that!” and i had on a This is War Face we talked a little bit more then i then i ended the conversation. She ended up breaking up with me about a month later for a guy who was “okay” with birth control how much this effected her decision i dont really know. Needless to say about four months later we dont talk as nearly as much as we used to lol.

Then again on the other side there is a nondenominational girl that im friends with whose views on sex and other morals are closer to Catholic teaching then many quote on quote “Catholics” so i guess in the end it just depends on the person.

Anyways the good news is that there is a sophomore Catholic girl at my school that i would be very interested in dating and i think she likes me too (i’m an up coming senior) so maybe if times on my side (and if God is willing) we will get together a couple weeks into the school year. I would tell the story on how i know her but i’m pretty sure you’ve heard enough of the ramblings of a teenage guy