Should I even be trying to date right now?

[OLHope]

I’d say wait. Fill out your applications first. “First things first.”

And while you may be thinking “short term,” everyone else is thinking “long term.” Which is what I think you might consider doing. You’re already thinking long term with your education.

I wouldn’t rush it. When I was in my early 30’s I was so desperate and lonely. Someone posed the question to me, “If you found the absolutely RIGHT man, and you didn’t find him until you were 50, but your time with him was beyond anything you imagined, would it be worth it?” I thought about that. Yes. It would be.

When I was ready, truly ready, God put someone in my life. I prayed for the man I am with now. And he tells me he prayed for me too.

There’s no rush. Really.

Aw, such a sweet story! And true!

 

[Island_Oak]

BWAHAHAHA…YOU THINK YOU’RE BUSY NOW??? Just wait until that first job my friend. You have no idea how ugly 80 hour work weeks can be until they’re stacked up one against the next so you can’t even remember the last time your read the Sun paper, had a real meal (that wasn’t out of a microwave or on an airplane), or a good night’s sleep–much less a date!!!

Pace yourself on those apps…and date while you DO still have the time, energy and interest! (OH yeah…welcome to higher ed.!)

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

BWAHAHAHA…YOU THINK YOU’RE BUSY NOW??? Just wait until that first job my friend. You have no idea how ugly 80 hour work weeks can be until they’re stacked up one against the next so you can’t even remember the last time your read the Sun paper, had a real meal (that wasn’t out of a microwave or on an airplane), or a good night’s sleep–much less a date!!!

Pace yourself on those apps…and date while you DO still have the time, energy and interest! (OH yeah…welcome to higher ed.!)

Well, I already have a Master’s in engineering, so I know how demanding grad school can be. Like you said, when I was in grad school, I hardly had any time for anything else. Fortunately, I’m not planning to go into IB or PE, so my work week will be a bit shorter, I hope. I think the important thing is that I will be doing something that I enjoy.

A friend of mine is kind of in that boat right now. He’s now working for a consulting firm after getting his PhD, and I hardly ever hear from him anymore. Well, he still complains that he hardly hears from me when he calls, but that’s another story.

 

[luminoushope]

I just started the process of applying to business schools for next fall.

Where are these business schools to which you are applying? Are they in different states/different locations? Is this a situation where you don’t know where you will be located? If so, and because next fall isn’t that far away, I would consider not dating until you get settled somewhere. However, this is really between you and God, of course, and He will guide you. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”–was a favorite Scripture verse when I was single. I hope it isn’t different in the Catholic Bible–I was a Protestant for 27 years. Back to the subject at hand, I found that marriage was worth waiting for.

Grace and peace to you,

Luminous Hope (a 59-year-old woman married 25 years)

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Where are these business schools to which you are applying? Are they in different states/different locations? Is this a situation where you don’t know where you will be located? If so, and because next fall isn’t that far away, I would consider not dating until you get settled somewhere. However, this is really between you and God, of course, and He will guide you. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”–was a favorite Scripture verse when I was single. I hope it isn’t different in the Catholic Bible–I was a Protestant for 27 years. Back to the subject at hand, I found that marriage was worth waiting for.

Grace and peace to you,

Luminous Hope (a 59-year-old woman married 25 years)

I’m applying to at least 5 schools. Out of those 5, 2 are local; 1 is 6 hours away; the other 2 are 1000+ miles away. So yea, I really don’t know where I’m going to end up.

 

[GodIsGracious]

I’m applying to at least 5 schools. Out of those 5, 2 are local; 1 is 6 hours away; the other 2 are 1000+ miles away. So yea, I really don’t know where I’m going to end up.

Yeah, I’d say hold off until you’re at your new school. Use this time to develop interests, study up, do refresher material for school, grow your faith …

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Yeah, I’d say hold off until you’re at your new school. Use this time to develop interests, study up, do refresher material for school, grow your faith …

That’s what I was afraid of. OK, let’s say that if I were to date despite all this, do you think it would be fair to the girl? I guess it depends on what her expectations are, but I’m thinking that most good Catholic girls are thinking long-term, as in marriage?

 

[GodIsGracious]

That’s what I was afraid of. OK, let’s say that if I were to date despite all this, do you think it would be fair to the girl? I guess it depends on what her expectations are, but I’m thinking that most good Catholic girls are thinking long-term, as in marriage?

Personally, I don’t think it would be fair to the girl.

Unless.

UNLESS.

You let her know UPFRONT, “Hey, I’m applying to grad schools and so I may be leaving town by end of summer. I’d still like to go out with you if you’re interested.”

Let her know UPFRONT whether you’re open to long distance relationships should you end up leaving town. Let her know UPFRONT if you’re NOT open to long distance relationships.

I’m of the opinion that if you’re going to do something, at least be HONEST about it.

It wouldn’t be fair to her if you didn’t let her know your plans. Let her know your plans, whether LD relationships are possible, etc. etc. That gives her a chance to see all the cards upfront and decide if she wishes to play the dealt hand.

Be prepared for her to “fold.” Ok, enough with the poker analogy. You get my meaning.

 

[luminoushope]

Personally, I don’t think it would be fair to the girl.

Unless.

UNLESS.

You let her know UPFRONT, “Hey, I’m applying to grad schools and so I may be leaving town by end of summer. I’d still like to go out with you if you’re interested.”

I respectfully disagree. The instruction I have heard, both from Protestant and Catholic sources is that one should only date someone who is a potential marriage partner. Holding to this standard brought peace to my life as I pray it might to yours.

 

[GodIsGracious]

I respectfully disagree. The instruction I have heard, both from Protestant and Catholic sources is that one should only date someone who is a potential marriage partner. Holding to this standard brought peace to my life as I pray it might to yours.

LOL. Thanks. But I’ve already found someone.

ETA:
I suspect if a woman is looking to settle down, she is most likely going to turn someone down with these “terms” on the table. My point was to be honest. If he’s not honest, that’s worse. What if they go out and hit it off and decide to pursue a long distance relationship? You never know what may come of things.

Also, next time, try quoting the whole post for context. You’ve taken my first line out of context.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Personally, I don’t think it would be fair to the girl.

Unless.

UNLESS.

You let her know UPFRONT, “Hey, I’m applying to grad schools and so I may be leaving town by end of summer. I’d still like to go out with you if you’re interested.”

Let her know UPFRONT whether you’re open to long distance relationships should you end up leaving town. Let her know UPFRONT if you’re NOT open to long distance relationships.

I’m of the opinion that if you’re going to do something, at least be HONEST about it.

It wouldn’t be fair to her if you didn’t let her know your plans. Let her know your plans, whether LD relationships are possible, etc. etc. That gives her a chance to see all the cards upfront and decide if she wishes to play the dealt hand.

Be prepared for her to “fold.” Ok, enough with the poker analogy. You get my meaning.

Well, that’s somewhat of a tall order. It’s not exactly a very easy conversation to have with a girl on a first date (or even before). How can I tell her that I would or wouldn’t be open to a LDR if there isn’t even a relationship to speak of? My friend seems to prefer the cross-that-bridge-when-you-come-to-it approach, and I’m actually inclined to agree with him. Though it may not be 100% fair to the girl, I think it would be the best approach under the circumstances, at least until I know for certain whether I’ll be moving.

In poker terms, I don’t want her to call my bluff, but I don’t want to do a string bet to string her along, either.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Well, that’s somewhat of a tall order. It’s not exactly a very easy conversation to have with a girl on a first date (or even before). How can I tell her that I would or wouldn’t be open to a LDR if there isn’t even a relationship to speak of? My friend seems to prefer the cross-that-bridge-when-you-come-to-it approach, and I’m actually inclined to agree with him. Though it may not be 100% fair to the girl, I think it would be the best approach under the circumstances, at least until I know for certain whether I’ll be moving.

In poker terms, I don’t want her to call my bluff, but I don’t want to do a string bet to string her along, either.

ah… well then, consider if you’re up to playing the game then.

Seriously though. Think about it. What if you do meet someone? You’re going along great, you find that you are staying locally, start to spend sometime, then she springs it on you that she’s going to be moving 6 hours away and she’s been thinking about this since before she met you? I know I wouldn’t appreciate it.

And when I said to “possibly be open to a LD relationship,” that leaves you the opportunity to say yes or no. You may be open now for one. But not with her. Or, you may be open for one now, but not later. An adult is allowed to change his/her mind.

My point is that it starts a relationship off on an honest foot.You’d be surprised at how many women may say they’d like to go out with you because you were honest upfront. If you’re honest with this, you’re more likely to be honest with other things as well. People appreciate honesty and like knowing where they stand, and where you stand as well.

It was just a suggestion as this is what I would do. I’ve personally found that if I’m honest and straight forward upfront people 1) appreciate that, and 2) become honest and straight forward with me. Those are the people that are more in my life than others. You’ll also sift out those who are weak and cannot handle honesty.

As someone else said with what they do, I practice this and have found much peace.

Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do. Me, I’m inclined to not even start dating (and I’ve been there in the past and have practiced this) until I know where I will be.

I’ll be praying for you. :yup:

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

ah… well then, consider if you’re up to playing the game then.

Seriously though. Think about it. What if you do meet someone? You’re going along great, you find that you are staying locally, start to spend sometime, then she springs it on you that she’s going to be moving 6 hours away and she’s been thinking about this since before she met you? I know I wouldn’t appreciate it.

And when I said to “possibly be open to a LD relationship,” that leaves you the opportunity to say yes or no. You may be open now for one. But not with her. Or, you may be open for one now, but not later. An adult is allowed to change his/her mind.

My point is that it starts a relationship off on an honest foot.You’d be surprised at how many women may say they’d like to go out with you because you were honest upfront. If you’re honest with this, you’re more likely to be honest with other things as well. People appreciate honesty and like knowing where they stand, and where you stand as well.

It was just a suggestion as this is what I would do. I’ve personally found that if I’m honest and straight forward upfront people 1) appreciate that, and 2) become honest and straight forward with me. Those are the people that are more in my life than others. You’ll also sift out those who are weak and cannot handle honesty.

As someone else said with what they do, I practice this and have found much peace.

Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do. Me, I’m inclined to not even start dating (and I’ve been there in the past and have practiced this) until I know where I will be.

I’ll be praying for you. :yup:

I agree with you, but it’s really hard to make that determination about an LDR without getting to know her better first. But if I tell her about possibly moving away, I may not even get that chance. It’s bit of a Catch-22, I’m afraid.