Should I feel guilty about my vasectomy forever?

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Baho

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Hey folks. I had a vasectomy before my conversion and I’ve brought it up in almost every confession that I’ve ever had, hoping that a priest will just tell me to get it reversed or to stop feeling guilty about it already. Its been years and it was before the conversion but its not something that I’m proud of or appreciative of anymore. I don’t think we need more kids, financially we are right where we should be and we are really very happy, but I do think if we had another I’d be happy and love it and be unable to imagine not having it. I dont want to reverse it because of the cost and the stress on my wife (she’s terrified of having another, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t love it or she’d support a vasectomy now that we’ve converted but I get the vibe that she’d like it to stay in place now that it’s already here). I would, if I was told to though or I should, I guess. I do pray for it to fail or reverse on its own if its God’s will. But mostly I just don’t like feeling guilty for having a normal sex life with my wife and she doesn’t deserve to hear me feeling guilty all the time either, because that definitely doesn’t make her feel good or anything.

Thoughts?
 
Don’t worry about it and there’s no need to confess it again. I also had one years before I converted, confessed it once and done. God is merciful and loves you. Trust that He forgives you! He is probably more saddened by your not trusting Him!
 
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Your conscience feel not right because you know that you take some advantage of some past wrongs.

You have no obligation to do so, but maybe think of speaking to your wife and also to look to your finances.
 
Baho said:
I try to explain what I just did and how I’m feeling and they usually nod and seem understanding but then it’s just an Our Father or a scripture reading assigned and that’s it.
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That’s normal and typical for Confession. It sounds like you expect counseling, which priests sometimes provide at Confession, but it might be better to have counseling in a separate session.

I’m sorry to hear that your feelings of regret or remorse are spilling over to your marriage and your wife. You really should come to terms with this and find peace so that your lovemaking and your marriage can be more joyful.

Consider praying about this. Pray for your spiritual needs, pray in gratitude for God’s mercy, pray for peace in your heart, and pray for your marriage and your wife, and thank God for her!
 
You went to confession and confessed it and were forgiven. That’s all there is to it.

You do not need to get it reversed, you do not need to feel guilty or burdening yourself or your wife with your anxiety. Let it go and be at peace.

You do not need to keep confessing it either, there is no reason to do so.
 
Besides being costly to reverse a vasectomy, if it’s been years since you had it, the chance of success isn’t great. Obviously, if you had become catholic before getting cut, you wouldn’t have done it. But you did. It seems that God has forgiven you but you haven’t forgiven yourself.

Trust God.
 
You’ve received good advice from other posters, so I’d just like to add one thing.
As you cannot have more children, perhaps you could sponsor a child from a poor country? I’m sure you’ve seen ads for the same either on TV or even in parish newsletters?
 
Baho said:
Thanks for the reply friend. Its never been addressed honestly. I try to explain what I just did and how I’m feeling and they usually nod and seem understanding but then it’s just an Our Father or a scripture reading assigned and that’s it.
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Do you mention that you’ve confessed it many times before? If you did, one of the priests might tell you to let it go already, which is what you seem to need to hear.

Regardless, it’s over and done with. You’ve confessed it, you’ve done penance. You don’t have to be dogged by guilt everytime you and your wife have sex. Let it go.

I will say, it seems like what you’re looking for is spiritual counseling. That doesn’t typically take place in the confessional. Confession is just confession. If you really want to hash this out with a priest, you probably want to make an appointment.
 
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redcatholic said:
You should feel sad forever.
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Yeah, your post isn’t really helpful…

There’s no reason to be sad FOREVER. It’s been forgiven and he’s repented. There’s always the option of a reversal but it’s not mandatory.
redcatholic said:
I can’t imagine being happy about it.
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I don’t think that the OP is rejoicing over their vasectomy. As stated by others, there are many options available for someone in this situation. There’s absolutely no reason to beat oneself up over this.
 
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redcatholic said:
I can’t imagine being happy about it.
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Haven’t we all done things that we regret and can’t undo? Many sins are like that. Vasectomy is not really a special case among sins.
redcatholic said:
You should feel sad forever.
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Not “should” and certainly not “forever.”

Jesus said things like “Go and sin no more,” and “I did not come to condemn the world but to save the world.” In heaven, there will be no sadness. Ask for God’s mercy, accept forgiveness, and receive peace.
 
We should always mourn our mistakes. Should the op cry about it 50 years later. Perhaps not. But the mutilation of ones reproductive system, the offense to God, the loss of potential life, the realization that holiness was gone from the marital act for years. All of that cumulates and should cumulate. If people don’t like the word sad. Fine. Regret and loss can be used. It doesn’t and shouldn’t go away. It does become something that is in the background later and not something that one dwells on daily. But it should be there. That truly shows repentance and amend.
 
redcatholic said:
I think it’s not helpful to minimize that with a “there there” and a lollipop.
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I think you should refrain from saying anything more. You’re being uncharitable and apparently don’t understand Church teaching on this matter.
 
If I’m being uncharitable I’m sorry. I don’t wish to be. Just trying to express my views. I’m quite capable of understanding church teaching. I edited that out.
 
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So forget that his sins are forgiven? How is his sin worse than anyone else’s that he should feel sad and other people should just get on with their lives. Please, tell us where you are getting this notion that he is supposed to feel sad? Because it is not Church teaching.
 
You have brought up some good points. I think we are not so much admonishing the idea of remorse as trying to turn the OP away from guilty thoughts that are perhaps obsessive and may be holding him back or distracting him on his journey of faith, hope, and love.
 
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Beryllos said:
You have brought up some good points. I think we are not so much admonishing the idea of remorse as trying to turn the OP away from guilty thoughts that are perhaps obsessive and may be holding him back or distracting him on his journey of faith, hope, and love.
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Yes. I agree with this.
 
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