Should I feel guilty about my vasectomy forever?

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The sin is forgiven. The moment it is confessed. The regret cannot be erased. That’s not what gets erased in confession.
 
You can say that for yourself, but you can’t apply that to everyone else. You can not tell other people what they should be feeling.
 
redcatholic said:
Why is the idea of remorse so admonished here?
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Remorse is great if it spurs one to repentance. But the thing is, he’s already repented. He recognizes his mistake and has confessed it. Continuing to beat himself up over it serves no purpose. At this point, it’s probably impeding his spiritual progress to continue to ruminate on this sin that he’s already been absolved of.
 
Which is the right answer for you, but you have to remember that people’s lives are complex and there are many factors that go into any particular decision.

God doesn’t mandate we “feel” any certain way. He calls us step out in faith and trust, but we don’t have to feel any type of way when we do that.

Conversion doesn’t consist in us changing our feelings, it consists in us changing our minds and behaviors.
 
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I know getting a vasectomy is wrong but I don’t think you’re obliged to undo it to be forgiven for the sin. You can be intimate with your wife without feeling guilty. Perhaps if this feeling persists, speak to a trusted priest.

Also be aware that the Devil can use past sins against you, in order to make you feel bad or drive a wedge between you and your wife. Pray that you may stop feeling this unnecessary guilt.
 
I do think we have to feel remorse.
I think if you replaced vasectomy with murder then we stated that after confession The penitent doesn’t have to feel regret later I think that’s not quite understanding what repentance is.
Like I said. It’s forgiven, it is to be learned from, it doesn’t have to be reversed but regret is an important thing. 20 years after a vasectomy a person should think” man, I regret that choice, I regret it’s consequences”. And yes, move on. But sin is death, and death should be mourned. Especially when the consequences are physical. There is a distinction that should be stressed that forgiveness does not change the past or the hurt caused. God does mandate we feel at certain times. That is evident in the act of contrition. A feeling of detesting. A feeling of sorrow, guilt. Etc. I’m sorry and sad for all my past sins. Each one. Even though I’m in a state of grace and forgiven.
 
I kind of agree with you. Confession doesn’t remove the consequences of sin, but it is supposed to free us. Personally, I think regret is pointless. Guilt and shame have a purpose, and that is to move us toward repentance, but I think regret is on the unhealthy side of those things. We should be able to learn from past sins without carrying a feeling of regret around with us our whole lives. Otherwise, we’re not really free, and still in the hold of sin to an extent. It’s fine to say “I regret that bad decision” but that shouldn’t mean you go around in your everyday life constantly feeling remorseful.
 
redcatholic said:
God does mandate we feel at certain times. That is evident in the act of contrition. A feeling of detesting. A feeling of sorrow, guilt. Etc. I’m sorry and sad for all my past sins. Each one. Even though I’m in a state of grace and forgiven.
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The act of contrition is an act of the will. It doesn’t depend on your subjective feelings. You can’t will yourself to feel a certain way.

But anyway, I don’t think anyone is saying he shouldn’t look back on this decision with some degree of regret. But OP seems to be taking it to an unhealthy extreme and letting it consume his life.
 
Would you accept St. Paul’s thinking on things that you did before your conversion?

“. . . forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

D
 
Scruples are the devils way of keeping you in a state of worry so you continue to focus inwardly on yourself and not on God. If you’ve confessed and you were given absolution, do not confess the sin again. A good confessor will tell you that if you continually confess the same sin (not a repeated sin, but one that was previously absolved), you need to confess the sin of scrupulosity in its place.

You say it’s not something you’re proud of, but in a sense, when you continue to bring it up time and time again, it can almost be perceived as almost “bragging” or a vanity, wanting to hear different advise on the same sin over and over again because vanity will not let you humble yourself to disregard it so easily as it has been by the priests and by God. It is a potential sin of pride that makes you hold yourself above the God given absolution of a Priest. Who are you to decide if a sacrament is valid? You accept it. And in the end, if that Priest was truly wrong, HE answers to God for it - not you. If you go in good conscious, and confess truthfully, and fulfill your penance, YOU are forgiven by God. The technicalities are not up to you.

If it continues to weigh on you, schedule a time to talk to a Priest or Catholic counselor, because it may either be scruples, a different sin manifesting itself as guilt for a previous one, or potentially maybe a physiological deficit that isn’t allowing you to move on from this point in your life. God bless.
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
But anyway, I don’t think anyone is saying he shouldn’t look back on this decision with some degree of regret. But OP seems to be taking it to an unhealthy extreme and letting it consume his life.
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Some may be leaning that way. I also may be in the weeds. The OP keeps going to confession about it which is wrong. He wants the priest to tell him to get it reversed which he won’t. Hers the thing. Catholic teaching is crystal clear here. Confess it ONCE and be done with it. Never mention it again. Catholic teaching on the reversal is clear too. It is virtuous to reverse it. It is not mandatory. It’s telling on a few levels tat the OP wants to be told to reverse it. Maybe he should. Maybe he also is putting too much of his responsibility if his conscience on the priest. It’s easy to say you don’t have to have it reversed. And that’s true. And the op said that his wife would freak out because she is scared. That is a conversation they should be having together. I’m reminded of something I heard Patrick coffin said once, he may have gotten it from someone else. “ those who seek birth control will have neither births or control”. The OP does not have peace in the unitive act in his marriage because something was done to disfigure and warp the act. That something has permanent and lasting consequences.
To sum up. Teaching on confession is clear. Teaching on vasectomy reversal is clear. Both those things can be cited. But the OPs way of dealing with guilt is not health, and his marriage may need help and medically he may want to investigate reversing the procedure. But this is a conscience and marriage issue. He should be talking with a priest, a doctor, and his wife.
 
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I would tend to agree. We know that reversal is not “required”. But the OP’s focus on it may be something that is deeper than just wanting to not feel bad about the sin.

Perhaps this is what he wants on some deep level and it would be easier to say “the priest suggested this” than broach the topic with his wife.

But if it’s something you keep revisiting then maybe you should have the conversation with your wife. One thing is for sure, it’s not good or healthy to keep focusing on this and you need to find some way to move on from it.
 
There’s a lot of speculation in here so to chime in and clear it up, I’m not confessing to the vasectomy itself continuously. I’m confessing to feeling like I’m misusing sexuality because I know that it’s unlikely or impossible for us to have kids right now. Its a result of the vasectomy, and so it comes up. I certainly don’t want the priest to tell me to reverse it because that would be inconvenient for a lot of reasons (although I would if I was told to) but I do think I want some sort of indication that what I’m confessing is or isn’t a valid thing to worry about. Something like a “yeah, not a sin” would be cool, just once. I probably do need to set up a counseling appointment so that I can just hear it directly from a priest that I personally, based on their judgment, do not need to do any sort of a reversal, because no priest has actually told me that in person. So far they’ve just heard my confession and absolved it which to my overanalyzing mind feels like a confirmation of the sinfulness of my basically recreational sex life.

I feel fine about it, now. Sometimes I don’t though. I do almost certainly struggle with scruples from time to time, which is honestly probably what led to my conversion. I couldn’t feel forgiven praying for forgiveness on my own and I thought the priest on the other hand providing a confirmation of sorts would help. That opened the door, at least. I did my homework afterward and genuinely believe the church is where we should all be of course. Additionally I’ve been specifically determined to suffer from scrupulosity by someone otherwise, so. I dont struggle with it too badly anymore and most days I’m normal and fine. Its just sometimes, eh.

Alright, getting too personal for my taste now to be totally honest. I appreciate the feedback here. I just finished up my novena for the Assumption of Mary and I’m feeling great right now. I dont plan on feeling guilty about it again and your feedback helped with that so thanks for that. Have a great next week and I appreciate your time and efforts.
 
Baho said:
I’m not confessing to the vasectomy itself continuously. I’m confessing to feeling like I’m misusing sexuality because I know that it’s unlikely or impossible for us to have kids right now.
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Maybe it would help if you and your wife acted as if the vasectomy hadn’t happened (i.e. determine when she is fertile and abstain during those times).
 
Baho said:
feeling like I’m misusing sexuality because I know that it’s unlikely or impossible for us to have kids
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Couples who are infertile for medical or age-related reasons are not misusing sexuality. Somewhere in the Catechism I read that sex ideally is both unitive and procreative. When procreation is impossible, it is still good and proper for it to be unitive.
 
I had a vasectomy while Catholic. It was choice given by my parents between that or living on the streets when my wife and I separated and I needed somewhere to live. I certainly didn’t want to live on the street, so I went ahead with the vasectomy.

It wasn’t a choice I would have made on my own, that’s for sure. Their reasoning was I already have seven kids and didn’t need anymore.

Before I left the Catholic Church, about a year before, I went and confessed it. Was told that because I wouldn’t have chosen it and was coerced into it, I was forgiven and was under no obligation to reverse it.

Know that you have been forgiven and enjoy your sex life with your wife!
 
You may want to call around about getting it reversed. For example, maybe a doctor would be willing to do it for you at a reduced expense. You wont know unless you try. Making amends is part of the act of contrition. “And avoid whatever leads me into sin.”

. . . .
 
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The reason the priest isn’t telling him he has to have it reversed is because the Church doesn’t require it. Certainly, that’s an option for him if he wants to, but he’s not required. You’re incorrect.
 
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