Should i get married

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mariajose31

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Hello. Im new to catholic answers. I am in need of advice. Me and my fiancé have been dating for 3 years. He proposed to me about a few months ago. I am 18. He is only a year older. I really want to marry him and I pray to God for us. well we finally told my parents and they dont like him so they said no and that we should wait until Im 26. Ive talked to many priest but my parents keep saying no. I need more people’s opinions. thank you. God bless
 
You have to make this decision on your own. Waiting for some arbitrary age is absurd, but you should definitely consider your parents’ advice and opinion. You don’t have to follow their advice, but do give it due consideration.

Some 18 year olds are ready for marriage. Some are not. Pray, seek advice, make the best choice you can, and if you choose marriage then put all of your heart into it.
 
Only you can decide. 18 does seem a little young for marriage and in my experience people are together 5-6 years before marriage. I would say give it a few more years and if you still feel the same way i’d say he’s a keeper and go for it. It’s easy to be swept up in young love i just wouldn’t want you to rush into a lifetime. Hope this helps. God bless.
 
If you already talked to many priests, you don’t need more opinions.

Although some people do make successful, lifelong marriages at 18, most people in this day and age are not ready to make a lifetime commitment or choose a life partner at 18.

The fact that you are seeking a whole bunch of opinions rather than just making this decision yourself suggests to me that you are not ready to make the commitment yet. When my husband and I decided to marry (at an age considerably older than 18), we did not need to take a poll of opinions, talk to many priests, or ask our parents. We just decided to get engaged and then called up our families and told them the good news.

If your boyfriend is pushing you to marry and you’re not certain, I think it’s best to wait a few more years.
 
At 18, you are of legal age. Are you living on your own, away from your parents, and supporting yourself?

Is your boyfriend, at age 19, living away from his parents and supporting himself? Does he have a good job, one that will provide basic living expenses (housing, food, transportation, insurance, health care)?

Are either of you in college or trade school, and if so, are you doing well (making good grades, enjoying the classes) in a major that will lead to a good job that pays a living wage? Who (or what–grant/scholarship) is paying for the college?

If you and/or your boyfriend are still dependent on your parents, you are NOT ready for marriage. You must be ready to live and support yourselves as adults.

The exception to this would be if your culture encourages young married couples to live with their parents and extended family–I know that there are cultures like this. Is your culture like this? Do you like this type of culture, or do you prefer a culture in which married couples live independently of their parents?

Finally (and you don’t have to answer here), are you having sex, or doing a lot of pre-sexual acts (petting, French kissing), etc. that are clouding your judgment and giving you the “feeling” that you are in love and ready for marriage (because you want to go all the way, if you haven’t already). Everyone who is married on CAF will tell you that good sex is not enough to keep a marriage strong–there has to be a good job and wage from at least one of the marriage partners so that married life can be safe (insurance, enough to cover expenses) and comfortable.

Think about these things.
 
The human cerebral cortex does not fully develop until about age 26. Your attitudes and feelings will shift between now and then. Maybe a lot. Something to consider.
 
they dont like him because hes in the military and my parents relate military to violence.
 
the preist said to go for it. thats what theyve been saying but i guess i just feel a little upset because i really want my parents support and I want them to come since they said they wouldn’t come if i did get married.
 
Important question.

Are the parents reasonable people and have legitimate concerns? I’d listen to what those concerns are.

I think that they are really young.

Marriage is forever. I see no harm waiting.

Especially if the parents are opposed.
 
mariajose31 said:
they dont like him because hes in the military and my parents relate military to violence.
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I see. I don’t think you should get married right now.

First, you’re really young. You’re barely out of high school. Yes, there are couples who get married super young and make it work, but they’re the exception, not the norm. Second, if he’s 19 I’m guessing he’s been in the military for at most a year. It is really common for people in the military to rush into marriage way too quickly at a young age. The divorce rates of these marriages are astronomical. There are very few 19 year olds ready for marriage, let alone marriages with all the unique demands of military service.

Believe me. I’ve been in the military for a good while now and this is a very common story that almost never ends well.
 
This is a part of growing up: learning not to be your parents’ child anymore. It can be very hard!

The Church teaches that parents are not to interfere in your adult choices, such as choice of vocation or whom to marry. However, they can offer advice, and the adult children should consider the advice.

If you have thought this over very seriously, if you two have a good relationship, if you two are able to take care of yourselves financially, etc., and what you want to do is to form a family for the rest of your life with him, then you are absolutely free to do so, even if your parents disagree.

These are questions to consider: Does he plan to make the military his career? Are you two in the US? If not, what is a customary age to marry in your country?

What will you be doing? Will you learn something so that you can support yourself or your family if necessary?

Have you spoken to any military wives to find out what it is like? Some women do not like it, and one part to consider is that military wives frequently have to live without their husbands for long periods of time.

None of these things means it can’t work out, just things to consider–not even to answer on this board.

To me, the most important thing is the quality of your relationship–are you two able to talk about your individual problems and your shared problems? Do you each regularly support the other in stressful situations? Do you two get along with each other’s friends or have you been hanging out on your own? How is he with his family and with children? Does he show interest in children by talking and maybe even playing with them? Does he get along well and have a close relationship with his parents and siblings?

And finally, why do you two want to marry now? Waiting is definitely an option, not waiting because you want your parents to come around before you marry, but waiting because you two are young and will make mistakes and need to learn to function in the adult world as adults.

All these are just questions which might or might not be good for you to think about, not necessarily to answer online.
 
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In order for a marriage to be successful, you as a couple need to be in a position to provide for yourselves. One or you both should be mature in your careers, and be financially and emotionally read to care for any kids that come about.

You have not provided information that indicates this. You and your fiancee need to discern if you are ready. Many people are not truly ready until their mid-twenties, so I suspect this is why your parent’s advised you to wait until your 26.
 
You’re an adult and legally do not need your parents permission to make this decision if you have the means to get married.
On the other hand, you are still young. When I was 18 I was going out with a girl I thought I wanted to marry. Cut to 14 years later and we’re not even in contact anymore. In hindsight I realise it wouldn’t have been a good match at all.
I know it sounds like a cliché but most people are completely different at 30 than they are at 18.

I didn’t meet the woman I married until I was 26 but it was worth it because she was better than anything I could have imagined.

Bottom line…it’s ultimately your decision but you are young. Also your parents may see something negative in your boyfriend that you have not noticed.
 
I say yes marry him. If you love him and this is your discerned vocation then waiting is a waste of time.
 
Why would a young woman who is still supported by her family not be ready for marriage?
 
There are 7 sacraments. Marriage is one of them in the Catholic Church. It is an indissoluble bond between man and woman.

1664 Unity, indissolubility, and openness to fertility are essential to marriage. Polygamy is incompatible with the unity of marriage; divorce separates what God has joined together; the refusal of fertility turns married life away from its “supreme gift,” the child ( GS 50 § 1).
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm

Any priest saying’ go for it ’ should be offering a very well grounded marriage preparation.
 
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redcatholic said:
If you love him and this is your discerned vocation then waiting is a waste of time.
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The issue is whether she’s mature enough at 18 to discern whether this is the right guy for her. Given that he’s a 19 year old in the military, this has “impulse marriage to get out of the barracks” written all over it.
 
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