Should I give up on God?

[AmberDale]

That is such good news! Praise Jesus!

 

[Metaron]

Where do I start? I will try and make this short so I do not bore anyone.

2 years ago I was a devout Catholic. God had really gifted me with faith. I was so very close to Jesus that I could really feel His presence next to me in everything I did. I shared everything with Him, He was like my best friend. However, last year after a series of trials and physical suffering I had lost my faith.

Like I have ssa (But I like girls aswell) and is really destroying my ability to make strong friendships with other males. It is so unfair, and not being able to devlop good friendships is really tormenting me. I also feel depressed and lonely quite often, and have begged Jesus to give me good friends (And I really lost most of my friends when I chose to reject worldly things)- but He hasn’t, and I feel that He just wants to keep me to Himself. I have a thousand of other heavy crosses, that I feel is really crushing me.

It pains me so so much when other people (Esp. those that call themselves Christian) do not have any sufferings or burdens in their life. Why does God rebuke me, when other so called Christians are freely allowed to disobey Him?

I’m just so tired and weary of praying. Every time I do, things just get worse, and It’s been so very long that God has answered a prayer (I only ever pray for spiritual things, for myself and for others). I also had a very special and close relationship to the Blessed Mother. She always loved, cared, guided, protected and taught me as a mother would. However, If I try praying to her now it just feels empty - like she and Jesus have just up and left me.
Sometimes it feels as if they don’t care enough.

I thought what I once had was an unshakable faith. These days I really doubt God’s existence because It feels like He has abondoned me.

My strongest desire now is to have Joy and purpose to be put back into my spirit. I’m in the middle of praying the novena to Saint Jude (I haven’t really found any other saints to be of any help), and I really hope my prayers get answered - otherwise I really don’t know what else to do.

First of all, I know how you feel and I will pray for you. I also have SSA (as well as OSA) and fully understand what you’re going through. Trust me, you sound just like me a year or two ago. These crosses we bear, including SSA, are very, very heavy.

I know exactly what you feel like when you are trying to make friends, and it is hard, because you cannot connect on a purly friendship level with most males due to SSA. But, please, hang in their. I think you are going through what St.John of the Cross calls “the dark night of the soul” when the consolations of God’s grace are temporarily withdrawn in order for you to become even more spiritually attuned. I know this sounds like I’m whitewashing your experience, but please hang in their buddy. I know everything you’ve felt. Jesus-- All his friends abandoned him and fled away. But He perservered, to the pillar of flagellation, through the mocking crowd, all the way to the Summit of Calvary, to the Cross. Everyone but his own mother and his friend John had abandoned him. So he knows how you feel when there are no friends around. But he will never leave or forsake you.

I will pray for you, buddy. Keep believing. Pray the rosary, pray the divine mercy chaplet, take a retreat. Above all, remember that Christ’s friends abandoned him too.

(P.S., you may want to read The Dark Night of the Soul, by St.Jonh of the Cross.)

May God bless you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Your friend, Metaron