Should I go to a sleepover with guys and girls?

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I’ve been invited to a sleepover with some of my friends who are not Catholic and we are all in our early twenties. There will be both guys and girls sleeping over. I am worried that the guys will be more than usually tempted during a sleepover with girls, and I don’t want to be the direct or indirect cause of any sins being committed, such as impure thoughts or desires. But I really want to go on the sleepover. Should I?
 
jill316 said:
I’ve been invited to a sleepover with some of my friends who are not Catholic and we are all in our early twenties. There will be both guys and girls sleeping over. I am worried that the guys will be more than usually tempted during a sleepover with girls, and I don’t want to be the direct or indirect cause of any sins being committed, such as impure thoughts or desires. But I really want to go on the sleepover. Should I?
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I am not a native-English speaker but I try to make out.
I do not know what a sleepover is: is it just sleep+over? Or a party? Or are you doing university research papers?
If it is for a party, it depends on the party.
If it is for academic research I do not see any problem.
If it is just to sleep+over, I think that I know where that all ends. Unless my mind is bring dirty, which could be the case.
Anyhow, my English as a second language betrays me many times…
 
Pfaffenhoffen said:
I am not a native-English speaker but I try to make out.
I do not know what a sleepover is: is it just sleep+over? Or a party? Or are you doing university research papers?
If it is for a party, it depends on the party.
If it is for academic research I do not see any problem.
If it is just to sleep+over, I think that I know where that all ends. Unless my mind is bring dirty, which could be the case.
Anyhow, my English as a second language betrays me many times…
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A sleep over, as in everyone brings over sleeping bags, watch scary movies as a group and talk endlessly for hours, spin the bottle, if it is mostly or all girls toss in at least one pillow fight.
🤷
 
Sleepovers are for children, supervised by adults so they do not get in trouble. I cannot believe people in their 20’s are doing this nonsense, a recipe for disaster and also totally silly. Once you are old enough to have sex physically and legally, you are old enough to stay home and sleep in your own bed. Grow up and forget sleepovers. You know darn well there is one thing and one thing only on the mind of men that age sleeping next to young females, which is simply nature taking its course. If it turns into an orgy, you are merely normal. Stay home and be an adult.
 
Ancient1 said:
Sleepovers are for children, supervised by adults so they do not get in trouble. I cannot believe people in their 20’s are doing this nonsense, a recipe for disaster and also totally silly. Once you are old enough to have sex physically and legally, you are old enough to stay home and sleep in your own bed. Grow up and forget sleepovers. You know darn well there is one thing and one thing only on the mind of men that age sleeping next to young females, which is simply nature taking its course. If it turns into an orgy, you are merely normal. Stay home and be an adult.
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I agree with Ancient1, though without being quite as “to-the-point.” 😉
Stay home. 👍
 
Ancient1 said:
Sleepovers are for children, supervised by adults so they do not get in trouble. I cannot believe people in their 20’s are doing this nonsense, a recipe for disaster and also totally silly. Once you are old enough to have sex physically and legally, you are old enough to stay home and sleep in your own bed. Grow up and forget sleepovers. You know darn well there is one thing and one thing only on the mind of men that age sleeping next to young females, which is simply nature taking its course. If it turns into an orgy, you are merely normal. Stay home and be an adult.
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Yeah, and some of the girls ain’t so chaste, either!
 
I really wouldn’t go. I only realised when I met my husband how lucky I had been not to have been exposed to risk and temptation before hand.
 
Like most things, this is an area of prudential judgment. There is nothing inherently immoral about a group of men and a group of women sleeping in the same house.

But, prudential judgment might lead you to the conclusion that a particular sleepover is unwise and likely to result in poor judgment, bad behavior, etc.

Factors to consider include the purpose of the sleeping arrangements-- i.e., could you go home to your own place as the night wears on? Why would adults be sleeping over when they are in their own town with access to their own homes? Is the purpose of the sleepover due to alcohol and not wanting to drive? (there is a clue that it is headed in an immoral direction-- planned drinking til drunk)

Or is this a camping trip or a trip to the lakehouse, etc, where a group of people are spending a weekend many hours from home?

I think people on this site are either overly scrupulous or overly lax. Really, this is one that could be perfectly fine or it could be trouble with a capital T. Only you know the people involved, the situation, how people will be segregated for sleeping, etc. There isn’t anything wrong with men and women going in groups to do things like camping, retreats, lake house or beach house rental for a weekend, ski trip, etc. But, again, it is all in knowing that the people are of good character and plan appropriate sleeping arrangements.

So, form your conscience and use prudence.
 
jill316 said:
I’ve been invited to a sleepover with some of my friends who are not Catholic and we are all in our early twenties. There will be both guys and girls sleeping over. I am worried that the guys will be more than usually tempted during a sleepover with girls, and I don’t want to be the direct or indirect cause of any sins being committed, such as impure thoughts or desires. But I really want to go on the sleepover. Should I?
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Would not…
 
1ke said:
Like most things, this is an area of prudential judgment. There is nothing inherently immoral about a group of men and a group of women sleeping in the same house.
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I’d agree with this.

My son travels to a family’s cabin every summer with about 8-10 other young people his age (currently 20). He’s done this for several years. The parents arrange the sleeping quarters so females are in one area and males are in another. They are all really good friends, none are in any relationships with each other, and all are great people. Many of them go to Catholic colleges or universities. So this New Years Eve, several of them got together to celebrate, since they all go to different colleges now and rarely see each other anymore. They decided ahead of time to stay the night due to the dangers of driving after midnight (snow was forecast to start at 9 pm - it started about 7 pm - and we all know about drunk drivers on NYE) and since they are all on “college time”, the party never even got going until about 10-11 pm! They’ve stayed the night at my house when movies ran later than planned, because they did not get started when planned because they were busy talking or playing video games, and the guys sleep in one room, and the girls sleep in another. Nothing nefarious ever happens.
 
Ancient1 said:
Sleepovers are for children, supervised by adults so they do not get in trouble. I cannot believe people in their 20’s are doing this nonsense, a recipe for disaster and also totally silly. Once you are old enough to have sex physically and legally, you are old enough to stay home and sleep in your own bed. Grow up and forget sleepovers. You know darn well there is one thing and one thing only on the mind of men that age sleeping next to young females, which is simply nature taking its course. If it turns into an orgy, you are merely normal. Stay home and be an adult.
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Ancient, you sound a bit hostile.

There are a lot of reasons, other than wild sex orgies, that a group of people may arrange a sleep over.
  1. Bad weather.
  2. Plans the next morning
  3. Movie nights (like a movie marathon)
  4. Computer parties
  5. When plans will likely leave one too tired to travel immediately home.
  6. Out of town guests are in town.
  7. When one is out of town
1ke said:
**Like most things, this is an area of prudential judgment. There is nothing inherently immoral about a group of men and a group of women sleeping in the same house.

But, prudential judgment might lead you to the conclusion that a particular sleepover is unwise and likely to result in poor judgment, bad behavior, etc.**
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(Bold mine)

I agree with this completely.

If you’re not sure, perhaps a wise thing to do would be sure to have transportation so you can decide to leave if you do feel uncomfortable.
 
This could be rather harmless…if it’s a bunch of college kids getting together for some fun (clean fun, mind you).

My thoughts? Stay sober and give yourself and “out” if you feel uncomfortable.
 
Kelfa28 said:
This could be rather harmless…if it’s a bunch of college kids getting together for some fun (clean fun, mind you).

My thoughts? Stay sober and give yourself and “out” if you feel uncomfortable.
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When we went to pilgrimages in my youth we would sleep anywhere and with our head in the legs of the other, be it boy or girl.
But those were other times.
So, I think the OP judgement is right: his statement, “I am worried that the guys will be more than usually tempted during a sleepover with girls” is more than enough for him to do a good decision without my advice.
I think actually, that my first advice was too strict and too moralizing. Many times we think that others may think worse than we, what is not Christian.
I think the OP has got all the tools to make a good decision.
sorry, If I moralized too much !!!
 
philial said:
Yeah, and some of the girls ain’t so chaste, either!
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Which is why it is often so hard for young men like myself to behave themselves (especially when the girls are obvious about their ease of virtue), let alone not experience feelings of lust!
 
No. All I ever hear about these things is that couples pair off, go into a room and have sex. It might not happen right away, but in the wee hours, it happens. There can be drinking and/or drugs too.

I mean, seriously, what group of 20 somethings gets together for a “sleepover?” You KNOW the end game is sex!

🤷
 
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