Should i have kept quiet?

[lak611]

If you are one of the parishioners who uses the envelope when you attend mass [and in which you faithfully put your support check/cash for the benefit of the parish] then the business manager might have a good idea of the faithfulness of your mass attendance…probably not the priest

The business manager probably would not always know. I worked as a volunteer at my parish back when I was a teenager. My job was to help keep track of the envelopes, to mark off how much was donated and put them in numerical order. Many parishoners donate once or twice a month, based on the paychecks or pension checks. They may go to Mass 4 Sundays a month (every Sunday of a particular month), but they donate $100 once a month or $50 twice a month, instead of $25 every week, for example.

Also, sometimes people forget their envelope. I am an EMHC, and I’ve forgotten my envelope on days when I was definitely there because I was serving. Then I’ll remember it the following week when I’m not serving and have 2 envelopes that week.

 

[Katie1723]

Since when do you HAVE to use an envelope?
Kathy

 

[debraran]

You don’t have to use envelopes, but it’s helpful if you still have sacraments to receive. If you don’t belong to a church it’s harder to have a baptism, wedding, etc. and envelopes help establish that. I lot of people don’t want a running tab of their donations or think it’s a bother and don’t get them. When I joined a new parish, she asked me twice if I was sure I wanted them…I suppose they have to pay for them and then someone has to log them in, all extra work. It’s really up to you. I didn’t use them for years and then I started when I had to “prove” we belonged to a parish to get a discount on their catholic school.

 

[stewandbrew777]

I believe you have done what every Catholic should do. We should be supportive and this to a degree is evangelizing. I can’t think of any other response at this time, other than you simply showed concern for a brother and his family.

 

[maria29]

Does anyone else think that it is creepy that a brother in the Lord would be keeping track of another brother in the Lord like this?

Does that sound better?

I also sit up front and it is hard to miss me. But if someone that was not a friend, but a “brother in the Lord,” came up to me and asked why I had missed mass, I would wonder why they didn’t have something better to do with their time. If a friend did it, I would explain that I was sick or on vacation or whatever.

I too find it a little creepy especially since you’re spying on them through a window. If it had been a single woman would you have done the same? Actually be glad it wasn’t the case, because if you’d had something like that to me, and I knew that you’d only be able to tell that by watching me, I’d of proably called the police.
It’s great and all that you’re fired up about your faith, and you’re right you do need to learn tact.

 

[ArAnMike]

I too find it a little creepy especially since you’re spying on them through a window. If it had been a single woman would you have done the same? Actually be glad it wasn’t the case, because if you’d had something like that to me, and I knew that you’d only be able to tell that by watching me, I’d of proably called the police.
It’s great and all that you’re fired up about your faith, and you’re right you do need to learn tact.

Who said he was peeking in a window. He saw him in the hallway at his condo complex and did not see him at Mass. Granted that a little bit more charity could possibly be used. Let us also not forget that the couple that he confronted help out during Mass, one is an EMHC. Maybe we all should be more concerned with our brothers and sisters that willfully do not attend Mass, which is a grave sin.

Joesph, I am behind you all the way. Work on your tact and bring more people to Mass that are falling away.

 

[ltbpoe43]

Answer - Yes.

I’m not sure its ever appropriate to bring up since you yourself mention you are gone for months at a time. How does the saying go about trying to remove a speck in someone’s eye when you have a log sticking out of your own?

There are many masses at many parishes and they may be attending at several places and times completely unknown to you. If they are volunteering their time and effort and talent as a reader and EMOHC, it sounds like their faith is important to them and a good reflection on their daughter and it seems difficult to presume otherwise.

Pray for us all to live better and more faith filled lives. But based on your own words and struggles, let’s start on ourselves first. Good luck.

 

[rwoehmke]

You might consider getting a new hobby. Peeping Toms are very annoying!

Yeah, my impression from your profile and post is that you need something productive to keep you busy. On the other hand maybe you are handicapped or something at 53 years old. You see we are all busy bodies at heart. I certainly laud that fact that you attend daily Mass. That is wonderful.

 

[maria29]

Who said he was peeking in a window. He saw him in the hallway at his condo complex and did not see him at Mass. Granted that a little bit more charity could possibly be used. Let us also not forget that the couple that he confronted help out during Mass, one is an EMHC. Maybe we all should be more concerned with our brothers and sisters that willfully do not attend Mass, which is a grave sin.

Joesph, I am behind you all the way. Work on your tact and bring more people to Mass that are falling away.

Yes he spoke to them in the hall but in his OP he says that notices that they’re not going to mass, which implies he’s watching to see if they go or not.

If he was truly concerned he should of talked with his parish priest who could then use his discrection whether or not to approach them.

 

[ArAnMike]

he says that notices that they’re not going to mass, which implies he’s watching to see if they go or not.

Maybe I have not communicated a very specific point clearly. The two people that he questioned stand up in front of the rest of the laity and help perform certain functions during Mass. This couple chose to stand out like a sore thumb, and I can assure you that they are watched not only by the original poster but also a lot more of the congregation.

The only issue I can see with the original poster is that he could have been more friendly when he approached the husband. The response, if he communicated it correctly, can be implied that the couple had been missing Mass.

There are some fallen away Catholics that complain that they do not feel loved at the Church. The original poster went out of his way to show a bit of concern, although it could have been more friendly. We, myself included, could do a better job of loving one another and showing concern for those that do not attend Mass regularly.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

The OP may not have handled things in the most diplomatic way, but I think his intentions were good.

One of the things that sometimes bothers me about Catholic parishes is the lack of community they exhibit. Parishes tend to be rather large and people don’t always know each other well. Someone could miss Mass for an extended period of time because they’re seriously ill, and no one would notice or care. As someone said above, they didn’t go to Mass for years and no one noticed or contacted them.

One advantage of being involved in parish activities is that you are known to a group of people who are concerned about you and would notice if you weren’t around.

In the case of the OP, I think it would have been much better to say something like “I haven’t seen you at Mass lately. Is everything OK?” Then it’s not accusatory, it’s caring. I think the basic idea of caring about your fellow parishioners is a good thing.

 

[lak611]

The OP may not have handled things in the most diplomatic way, but I think his intentions were good.

One of the things that sometimes bothers me about Catholic parishes is the lack of community they exhibit. Parishes tend to be rather large and people don’t always know each other well. Someone could miss Mass for an extended period of time because they’re seriously ill, and no one would notice or care. As someone said above, they didn’t go to Mass for years and no one noticed or contacted them.

One advantage of being involved in parish activities is that you are known to a group of people who are concerned about you and would notice if you weren’t around.

In the case of the OP, I think it would have been much better to say something like “I haven’t seen you at Mass lately. Is everything OK?” Then it’s not accusatory, it’s caring. I think the basic idea of caring about your fellow parishioners is a good thing.

I agree with you. I am on the Evangelization Committee at my parish. We have a Catholics Returning Home program periodically. Many people who have been away from the Church say that they probably would have come back sooner if somebody only asked them.

 

[maria29]

Maybe I have not communicated a very specific point clearly. The two people that he questioned stand up in front of the rest of the laity and help perform certain functions during Mass. This couple chose to stand out like a sore thumb, and I can assure you that they are watched not only by the original poster but also a lot more of the congregation.

The only issue I can see with the original poster is that he could have been more friendly when he approached the husband. The response, if he communicated it correctly, can be implied that the couple had been missing Mass.

There are some fallen away Catholics that complain that they do not feel loved at the Church. The original poster went out of his way to show a bit of concern, although it could have been more friendly. We, myself included, could do a better job of loving one another and showing concern for those that do not attend Mass regularly.

No I understood just fine, which is why if he felt the need to say something he should of brought it up with his parish priest (who is trained to handle these matters with tact), or perhaps could of told him what to say if the priest felt it was okay for him to say something to the person which really we’re particpating in gossip since we don’t really know if this person is attending another Church, etc.

And again, since this person is involved in the Church even more reason for it to be the priest to talk with them. We attend our Church maybe once or twice a month, and then we go to a Bzyantine Catholic Church the others, but its not always the same days etc. His neighbor owes him no explantion if he decides to attend another Church etc.

 

[BillP]

The OP may benefit from the experience of Marshal Petain when he was asked during a government persecution the names of his officers who attended Mass:

“**Impossible, Sir, since I always sit in the front row, and I am polite and never turn around

**It is rude, presumptuous, and uncharitable to attempt to hold other people accountable without proper authority.

 

[ArAnMike]

It is rude, presumptuous, and uncharitable to attempt to hold other people accountable without proper authority.

Matthew 25: 14-46.

It seems that we have the authority.

 

[Sheeniac]

I was listening to an MP3 of Mother Angelica last night. She referred to something called ‘do-drops’ and said it was very helpful to her. Whenever she realized that she MIGHT have behaved incorrectly, she gave it to Jesus, asked his for forgiveness and the better judgment to do the right thing the next time.

The she DROPPED it.

I think the OP needs to do the same, and should ignore the uncharitable remarks about stalking or peeping toms. Some people notice things more easily and more quickly. I do not. But nothing escapes the sight of my SO.

So, OP, you must be quite the same. If you feel a need for closure with this person, perhaps you can mention that you always find his presence at Mass to be very comforting (or some other word) - that you feel part of the community. By now, he has forgotten it. You however, are still living it. Our own faux pas tends to linger longer in our minds than in the minds of others.

 

[Altesse]

debraran,
You have some good points. We have 4 Masses - 5:15 pm Saturday, 9 am & 11 am Sunday and 7 pm Sunday. I go to the 5:15 pm Saturday and 9 am Sunday every week. The 11 am Sunday is mostly Pilipino; they even sing the Lord’s prayer in Tagalog. The 7 pm on Sunday is very youth oriented - mostly college and just about that age group. I only attended the 11 am & 7 pm Masses a couple of times and never saw them there. My friend suggested that they might have been attending another church on the weeks they were not doing readings and Eucharistic ministering.

**I just felt if there was an explanation they would have offered it. **

Maybe it was none of your business. -

I admit I am touchy about stuff like this. We (me too) spend far to much time judging others for their behavior when we should be concentrating on our own. Each person is responsible to their own life.

Now i feel bad i ever brought it up to my neighbor. But i did feel that God was prompting me to encourage them.

If the way you ‘encouraged’ them sounded anything like the post telling about it, I am afraid it may have been received badly.

I did pray the rosary for them yesterday. I will continue to pray for them.

Prayer is the best thing you could do for them.

---

Katie1723.
I go for grace to live and to worship God. That is why i go every day. I have been an awful sinner in my past life and i need the graces to avoid the sins i was involved in.

 

[Listener]

Is there a commandment somewhere that says, “Thou shalt be responsible to make sure that thy neighbor keeps holy the Lord’s Day?”

It’s funny - I must have missed out on that one!

 

[elijahson]

debraran:

You shouldn’t judge what someone might be doing, just in case you are wrong.

Why is questioning with the an intent of good “judging”? We have gone too far with the notion of “judging” labeling every good question asked, or comment made by this term. Have we in reality given ourselves and our interpretation of the Faith over to religious and moral relativism? He did not accuse the gentleman or his spouse of immorality did he? He merely MENTIONED that he did not see them at mass…why do we read this as judgement rather than concern? Right or wrong at least the guy was being honest with a motive for his brother and sister’s welfare…we need to stop being religious wimps afraid of our own shadows.

 

[Fitz]

Maybe you should have kept quiet, however you can’t take it back. WE have all done something similare if we are faithful Catholics. I read a great book on a Catholic coming back to the church (Jeff Cavins book). I mentioned to my very good friend that I would love to pass it along to her. She is currently attending Protestant churches. She was very offended and told me that she would never accept the book from me. Could I have handled it differently? Yes, maybe. I think we do test out the waters and sometimes we fall in. If God is nudging us, then maybe He could do a better job helping us find the right words! Just kidding. We have all spoken out of turn. I feel the embarrassment of the OP, and I have been there done that. Haven’t we all?

My suggestion? Be nice to your neighbor, and act natural. It will all be forgotten and the awkwardness will go away. God knows you tried and now so do we!