Should I keep the baby?

[Iheartcoffee]

You are going through really hard time, and you need lots of people to support you and pray for you. I know that I will be praying for you and your baby and I know plenty of others on these boards will be doing the same as well.

Your baby needs you and you are the one and only person standing between that child’s life and death. You are the one that makes that decision and it is up to you to ensure that baby you have been entrusted with will have the best and healthiest life possible.

Do not completely rule out adoption. I know many that have been adopted and they love and admire their birth mothers for their courageous decision. I also know many that were raised by single mothers and love them for all of their sacrifices.

God will not put you in a life you cannot handle. It may be hard, but there is a reason you were given a child. Perhaps you were given a child to raise as your own? Perhaps you were given this child to raise until birth so that another couple can raise this child? Either way, you have a purpose and your baby does too. You CAN do this. You CAN be a strong mother to this child.

Please find your nearest Catholic Church and ask for help. There are actually many resources available to help you through this.

God Bless!

 

[SpeSalvi]

At one point in time, I found myself facing a situation very similar to yours (although not exact).

The pain of carrying a child I may have had to raise on my own was extremely difficult. I just kept telling myself that, if I got through the pregnancy, things would look up. Just get through this pregnancy and things will get better.

What happened to me? I’ve attached files of the “outcome” of that pregnancy. He was an absolutely beautiful baby and is still my little sweetheart boy.

Your baby is very real. And your baby will be your whole world, and possibly the only way to heal your broken heart… If you let him or her grow so they can do that for you.

I know right now your pregnancy seems to just be a huge mess, but I promise- I promise that all of it will fall away when you hear your sweet child’s first cry. Just hang in there until then. You CAN do it.

 

[Zeno11]

Honey, I know the position you are in, because I’ve been in a similar situation myself. Please forget about abortion as an option, other posters have explained very well why it is not an option. Put it out of your mind!

You are pregnant! Every child is a gift from God, and you are blessed to be an expectant mother. In a short time you will have a real, live, tiny human who will be totally dependent on your love and goodwill towards them. This is not an easy situation to be in, I know, but it is not impossible. You need to start preparing for this big event and getting as much support in place for your little family as possible. If the father doesn’t want to know, then let him go about his business, and his family along with him. They have no business calling themselves Christian if that is their attitude. You are going to have to be very strong, and very tough, to go it alone, and at the same time, you will have to provide all the love and security and gentleness your child will need.

If you really can’t see yourself doing this alone, do consider adoption; I know many adopted people, and not one of them wishes their mother had chosen an abortion. So it is there as an option. But if you decide to raise your child yourself, get organised!

I have been a single mum for over 15 years so I do know what I’m talking about. Their dad left when I was expecting our youngest son so I gave birth to him and raised him and his then 6 year old brother alone. My sons are now 15 and 22, and we are as happy a family as you could wish to find…although we have our ups and downs like everyone. I wouldn’t have missed a single moment of my life with my boys, and the love you will feel for your child goes beyond any powers of description. Life doesn’t always work out the way we hope, but we must rise to the challenges we find along our way. I wish you all the best, contact those support groups that have been recommended to you, and start thinking about the needs of your unborn baby. I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know how you are getting on.
:harp:

 

[Zeno11]

Yeah I am having pre-natal care, I’ve had one sonogram and I have another soon, although I don’t even have the strength to think about this.

He claims to be seeing a lawyer about his legal obligations this week and I just ended up telling him I don’t care, I don’t even know what I am doing yet. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, yet the truth his he has abused me psychologically (still continuing) and physically in the past, yet if I ever say this to him he tries to say I am emotionally abusing him which is typical apparently of what abusers say. I am going to the police tomorrow, I contacted them today and although I know its the right thing to do, I feel really bad about it.

I would advise you to keep as far away from this man as possible. If this is how he treats you, how is he going to treat a baby, even if he does ‘step up’ to his responsibilities? He is an abuser; think of the effect that would have on your baby!

When you become a parent, it’s no longer about you, it’s about the child. I wouldn’t even pursue this man for maintenance because he may then go on to get access rights and regularly remove your precious child to his place of abode for weekends etc. We have had had no contact or support from my ex since he walked out, and many, many people have said that the reason my boys are so well-adjusted and happy is because they never had to experience the to-ing and fro-ing between homes and loyalties that the children of many divorced people have to suffer, they have never been caught in the cross fire of arguing adults, they have always had one secure home and one secure parent. I truly believe no father is better than a bad father so really this is your call. He doesn’t sound too promising from what you are saying.

Maybe it’s better to get completely away now and start as you mean to go on. I think staying in touch with him and his family will bring you nothing but heartache. Let them go; you have more important things to do. Don’t feel bad about going to the police…it is a trick of abusers to make you feel that **you **are both the cause of the abuse and everything you do and say is wrong. Pray God to give you strength. Could you move away somewhere else where you would have support from family members or anything like that?

 

[MariaCA]

DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT! That is one of the tricks and seeds that manipulative people will plant in your mind to discourage you from sticking up for yourself in abusive situations.

While you are at it, gather as much documentation and supporting witnesses as you can to back you up.

One question that has been on my mind, if you don’t mind me asking (and feel free to refuse to answer): how old are you? Are you close to his age, or much younger, or older? I wonder if this has something to do with the situation (i.e., an older man preying on a younger woman).

I am 27, he is 35 and was in a position of authority to me when we got together.

 

[MariaCA]

I would advise you to keep as far away from this man as possible. If this is how he treats you, how is he going to treat a baby, even if he does ‘step up’ to his responsibilities? He is an abuser; think of the effect that would have on your baby!

When you become a parent, it’s no longer about you, it’s about the child. I wouldn’t even pursue this man for maintenance because he may then go on to get access rights and regularly remove your precious child to his place of abode for weekends etc. We have had had no contact or support from my ex since he walked out, and many, many people have said that the reason my boys are so well-adjusted and happy is because they never had to experience the to-ing and fro-ing between homes and loyalties that the children of many divorced people have to suffer, they have never been caught in the cross fire of arguing adults, they have always had one secure home and one secure parent. I truly believe no father is better than a bad father so really this is your call. He doesn’t sound too promising from what you are saying.

Maybe it’s better to get completely away now and start as you mean to go on. I think staying in touch with him and his family will bring you nothing but heartache. Let them go; you have more important things to do. Don’t feel bad about going to the police…it is a trick of abusers to make you feel that **you **are both the cause of the abuse and everything you do and say is wrong. Pray God to give you strength. Could you move away somewhere else where you would have support from family members or anything like that?

I am trying to keep away, I sent him an email yesterday expressing that any decision is mine, that it takes more to be a father than money and I don’t want anything from him.

So then he mails me, to ensure I get it today, a sketch that I drew for him ages ago, I then text him to ask him not to mail anything to me again and to please ask his family to not contact me again as they’ve no reason to. I then asked him to confirm he understood.

He hasn’t replied he wants to make me anxious about what he will do next. And I am very anxious about what he will do.

 

[newf]

Staying away from him means not emailing him, not responding to his emails, not having any contact with him at all.

He doesn’t need to understand anything about what you think or feel. He abandoned you, remember? He abandoned your child, too. He doesn’t get the perks of being in your life anymore.

If there is any need to contact him, it should be through your lawyer.

And hang in there, OP, you are going to get through this even though you can’t imagine how. One day at a time, trust in the Lord. He will take care of you and your baby. Really, He will.

 

[robwar]

You need to also get legal counsel in case they challenge you for the custody of the baby.
I do hope that you rethink your ideas on adoption. With many adoptions having some kind of openness, you can have contact with the baby afterwards. It’t not giving up for adoption but making a beautiful life plan that can give your baby a stable home and lots of love. It is very hard to be a single parent. You might feel you could never do this but I hope that you will speak to others who have made adoption plans for their children and don’t regret it. Again please do get good legal counsel.

 

[MariaCA]

Staying away from him means not emailing him, not responding to his emails, not having any contact with him at all.

He doesn’t need to understand anything about what you think or feel. He abandoned you, remember? He abandoned your child, too. He doesn’t get the perks of being in your life anymore.

If there is any need to contact him, it should be through your lawyer.

And hang in there, OP, you are going to get through this even though you can’t imagine how. One day at a time, trust in the Lord. He will take care of you and your baby. Really, He will.

Yes that is what I am now doing, but I wanted to make it very clear that I have asked him to stop doing certain things as then he has no excuse.

 

[MariaCA]

You need to also get legal counsel in case they challenge you for the custody of the baby.
I do hope that you rethink your ideas on adoption. With many adoptions having some kind of openness, you can have contact with the baby afterwards. It’t not giving up for adoption but making a beautiful life plan that can give your baby a stable home and lots of love. It is very hard to be a single parent. You might feel you could never do this but I hope that you will speak to others who have made adoption plans for their children and don’t regret it. Again please do get good legal counsel.

Adoption is not an option for me as if I keep the baby I will raise it myself. The problem is finding the strength to carry it not having an issue raising it.

I am going to be talking to the cops and have looked into the legal side.

 

[mt_gooseberry]

Adoption is not an option for me as if I keep the baby I will raise it myself. The problem is finding the strength to carry it not having an issue raising it.

I am going to be talking to the cops and have looked into the legal side.

May I ask why your problem is with CARRYING the baby, as opposed to RAISING it?

You will only have to carry your baby inside you for 9 short months. You are saying that you would have no problem spending the rest of your life caring for your child, but the thought of having it with you for a measly 9 months is too much?

Perhaps you are so upset with the baby’s father that you can’t stand the thought that something from him is inside of you. Women who have been abused or raped often feel this way, and it’s totally understandable! But you have to remember that it is not the baby’s fault. It has no control over who it’s parents are. It has no choice in how, and by whom, it was conceived. Your baby is a living human being, and you cannot just kill it because it is the result of deception and pain.

You just have to hold out for nine months, and it will be out. It might seem like too long to stand having it in you, but nine months goes so fast when you are pregnant! And think, only nine months of your discomfort will result in a life with unlimited potential!

Don’t think, “I can’t stand to carry this baby!” Instead think, “Just nine months and it will be done. I can do this!”

 

[MariaCA]

May I ask why your problem is with CARRYING the baby, as opposed to RAISING it?

You will only have to carry your baby inside you for 9 short months. You are saying that you would have no problem spending the rest of your life caring for your child, but the thought of having it with you for a measly 9 months is too much?

Perhaps you are so upset with the baby’s father that you can’t stand the thought that something from him is inside of you. Women who have been abused or raped often feel this way, and it’s totally understandable! But you have to remember that it is not the baby’s fault. It has no control over who it’s parents are. It has no choice in how, and by whom, it was conceived. Your baby is a living human being, and you cannot just kill it because it is the result of deception and pain.

You just have to hold out for nine months, and it will be out. It might seem like too long to stand having it in you, but nine months goes so fast when you are pregnant! And think, only nine months of your discomfort will result in a life with unlimited potential!

Don’t think, “I can’t stand to carry this baby!” Instead think, “Just nine months and it will be done. I can do this!”

Because I feel physically sick about carrying his baby, and in a lot of ways it continues to give him a “hold” on me - whether I block him or not. I never know what he may or may not do next. The only thing he hates is that legally he has no control over what I do with the pregnancy, yet that doesn’t stop the psychological abuse… I know the child has no control over his parents, but I also had no control over what he turned out to be. The end of this pregnancy feels like forever right now, even though I am in tri2. I am seeking advice from a domestic violence group over it all also. I don’t trust him, or his family, it may be over, but I am still walking on eggshells and anxious about every time the phone rings or the mail man calls.

 

[robwar]

Adoption is not an option for me as if I keep the baby I will raise it myself. The problem is finding the strength to carry it not having an issue raising it.

I am going to be talking to the cops and have looked into the legal side.

You and your baby are in my prayers.

 

[AIC]

Because I feel physically sick about carrying his baby, and in a lot of ways it continues to give him a “hold” on me - whether I block him or not. I never know what he may or may not do next. The only thing he hates is that legally he has no control over what I do with the pregnancy, yet that doesn’t stop the psychological abuse… I know the child has no control over his parents, but I also had no control over what he turned out to be. The end of this pregnancy feels like forever right now, even though I am in tri2. I am seeking advice from a domestic violence group over it all also. I don’t trust him, or his family, it may be over, but I am still walking on eggshells and anxious about every time the phone rings or the mail man calls.

Please do not make the mistake of thinking child=father. The child is entirely innocent and is a new life created by God. No matter how awful your problems, nothing justifies the murder of innocent life. You are in my prayers and I am sorry for what you are going through.

 

[robwar]

Because I feel physically sick about carrying his baby, and in a lot of ways it continues to give him a “hold” on me - whether I block him or not. I never know what he may or may not do next. The only thing he hates is that legally he has no control over what I do with the pregnancy, yet that doesn’t stop the psychological abuse… I know the child has no control over his parents, but I also had no control over what he turned out to be. The end of this pregnancy feels like forever right now, even though I am in tri2. I am seeking advice from a domestic violence group over it all also. I don’t trust him, or his family, it may be over, but I am still walking on eggshells and anxious about every time the phone rings or the mail man calls.

Have you changed your phone number, locks to the home and email? I think you already know that ending this in abortion doesn’t end the problems but only gives you a ton more.
Hopefully you can get some help from the Dr. for the sickness or look at some more natural remedies to feel better. Have you contacted Priests for Life or even Silent No More to get help with the abortion temptation and not face this alone?

 

[mt_gooseberry]

Because I feel physically sick about carrying his baby, and in a lot of ways it continues to give him a “hold” on me - whether I block him or not. I never know what he may or may not do next. The only thing he hates is that legally he has no control over what I do with the pregnancy, yet that doesn’t stop the psychological abuse… I know the child has no control over his parents, but I also had no control over what he turned out to be. The end of this pregnancy feels like forever right now, even though I am in tri2. I am seeking advice from a domestic violence group over it all also. I don’t trust him, or his family, it may be over, but I am still walking on eggshells and anxious about every time the phone rings or the mail man calls.

Oh, wow. My heart just aches for you. When we were 13, my best friend was gang raped. She ended up pregnant. She felt a lot like you did. Like the rape was still going on as long as the baby was inside of her. And in your case, you live with the constant anxiety that he or his family can still get to you.

But…you still have to remember that none of that merits DEATH. My poor friend decided not to abort, but her little daughter was born still. So she not only endured rape and pregnancy by one of the rapists at age 13, but in the end it was all for nothing. Remember her as you make your decision.

 

[MariaCA]

Have you changed your phone number, locks to the home and email? I think you already know that ending this in abortion doesn’t end the problems but only gives you a ton more.
Hopefully you can get some help from the Dr. for the sickness or look at some more natural remedies to feel better. Have you contacted Priests for Life or even Silent No More to get help with the abortion temptation and not face this alone?

Changing my phone number would have to be a very last resort and its too difficult right now, I am just going to ignore for now and see what the cops say. He has no keys to my home. I have contacted some priests and chaplains and I have spoken to pro-life people. I’ll look those which you suggest up to.

The sickness is caused by the anxiety and fear, which is causing me stress which is obviously no good for the baby either

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Maria, I read you are in the second trimester?

Here is some information about baby development in the second trimester. You really don’t have anything to decide, baby exists and is growing. Your job, your privilege is to nurture and protect this baby. God allowed you to conceive, He entrusted this baby to you. Please, don’t hurt this baby.

Growth and Development in Middle Pregnancy

Month 4 of Pregnancy
In the second trimester of pregnancy – months 4, 5, and 6 – your baby’s fingers and toes are well-defined. His eyelids, eyebrows, eyelashes, nails, and hair are formed, and teeth and bones are becoming denser. Your baby can even suck his or her thumb, yawn, stretch, and make faces.
The nervous system is starting to function at this point in pregnancy. The reproductive organs and genitalia are now fully developed, and your health care provider can see on ultrasound if you are having a boy or a girl. Your baby’s heartbeat may now be audible through an instrument called a Doppler.
By the end of the fourth month, your baby is about 6 inches long and weighs about 4 ounces.
http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/we..._and_Development_Months_4_to_6_-_16_Weeks.jpg
Month 5 of Pregnancy

Hair is beginning to grow on your baby’s head, and lanugo, a soft fine hair, covers his or her shoulders, back, and temples. This hair protects your baby and is usually shed at the end of the baby’s first week of life.
Your baby’s skin is covered with a whitish coating called vernix caseosa. This “cheesy” substance, thought to protect baby’s skin from long exposure to the amniotic fluid, is shed just before birth.
You may begin to feel your baby move, since he or she is developing muscles and exercising them. This first movement is called quickening.
By the end of the fifth month of pregnancy, your baby is about 10 inches long and weighs from 1/2 to 1 pound.
Now that you’ve read about your baby’s development in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, take this quiz to test your smarts!
http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/we...th_and_Development_Months_4_to_6_20_Weeks.jpg
Month 6 of Pregnancy

By the end of the sixth month, your baby is about 12 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds. His or her skin is reddish in color, wrinkled, and veins are visible through the baby’s translucent skin. Baby’s finger and toe prints are visible. The eyelids begin to part and the eyes open.
Your baby may respond to sounds by moving or increasing the pulse, and you may notice jerking motions if baby hiccups.
If born prematurely, your baby may survive after the 23rd week of pregnancy with intensive care.
http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/we...th_and_Development_Months_4_to_6_24_Weeks.jpg

webmd.com/baby/4to6-months

 

[benjohnson]

Maria, child of God, I pray for you.

That you are asking these questions, indicates to me that you already know the loving answer, no matter how difficult it is.

I pray that you may have the strength to persevere in this short period of difficulty in life, so that you may experience the joys and wonder of being a parent for the rest of your life.

 

[JGMendes4049]

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.