Should I leave?

[AshJade]

Just a little background. I was raised in the Mormon church, but I converted to the Catholic church about 10 years ago. I fell away for a few years, but I had my marriage validated and my children baptized last summer. My husband doesn’t go to church, but my children attend CCD, and we go to Mass most Sundays.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am struggling with my faith because of some differences in opinion I have with the Catholic church. I don’t believe that contraception is wrong, unless it is used after conception. I am a social worker, so I see the suffering that so many impoverished and uneducated families go through, because they are unable to care for their large families. I also support having married and female priests. I have many gay friends, and I feel like it is unfair that they should live their lives without loving and committed relationships.
I tried to ignore my differences from the church, but since all the media attention is on it, I am struggling. I am embarrassed to admit to being Catholic among certain people, and I haven’t felt any desire to go to Mass. My parish is very large, and a majority of the members don’t speak English as a first language, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I really don’t have any Catholic friends. I feel so lost. I want to believe, but I just can’t get over those key issues. My children love CCD and Mass and I would hate to take them away from it, but I feel like a hypocrite.
What should I do?

 

[Paula_Aimee]

There is so much about the Catholic Church, or any church, that can be challenging, and perhaps discouraging when people seem not “to do the right thing”. But have a bit of courage. Perhaps you are in the parish you are for a reason. Perhaps you can help a few of the adults learn English, or perhaps you can teach, or help with a CCD class. Yu may get to know a few members or families, or friends of your children and find a new acquantaince who may become a dear friend, given time.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
P. A.

 

[JRKH]

Naturally no Catholic here at CAF wishes for you to leave the Church.

We can, many of us, understand that you are struggling with certain teachings of the Church. What we do NOT know is this…

You tell us what you don’t believe but you not tell us how you have come to the conclusions you have. The Church has a number of well written documents touching on the subjects that you mention. Have you read them? If you have, have you discussed the issues with a priest, deacon, spiritual director of some kind?

You say that you are a social worker. As a social worker you know that when people are struggling it is important that they get proper help in a timely manner. Not just superficial help, but true, deep and involved counseling if necessary.

So I guess my first question to you would be whether you have investigated the Church’s teachings on these matters so that your conscience may be properly formed by Church documents?

Peace
James

 

[Dorothy]

Just a little background. I was raised in the Mormon church, but I converted to the Catholic church about 10 years ago. I fell away for a few years, but I had my marriage validated and my children baptized last summer. My husband doesn’t go to church, but my children attend CCD, and we go to Mass most Sundays.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am struggling with my faith because of some differences in opinion I have with the Catholic church. I don’t believe that contraception is wrong, unless it is used after conception. I am a social worker, so I see the suffering that so many impoverished and uneducated families go through, because they are unable to care for their large families. I also support having married and female priests. I have many gay friends, and I feel like it is unfair that they should live their lives without loving and committed relationships.
I tried to ignore my differences from the church, but since all the media attention is on it, I am struggling. I am embarrassed to admit to being Catholic among certain people, and I haven’t felt any desire to go to Mass. My parish is very large, and a majority of the members don’t speak English as a first language, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I really don’t have any Catholic friends. I feel so lost. I want to believe, but I just can’t get over those key issues. My children love CCD and Mass and I would hate to take them away from it, but I feel like a hypocrite.
What should I do?

“AshJade”,

Perhaps if you looked in the “why” of what the Catholic Church teaches on these issues, instead of just hearing about the “what” to believe in it, that would help. There are good reasons why the Catholic Church teaches on morality the way it does.

Many people want to rationalize why something sounds so right while it is really not so. The moral teachings are there for a reason, and when we obey with the help of the grace of God He can sanctify us.

Most couples do not want to discipline themselves with regard to marital relations, and so rationalize that when one is poor they should be able to use contraception. With prayer and the Sacraments of the Church (the very Life of Christ!) all things are possible.

A married couple has a happy and holy marriage when they are both committed to Christ first. It is our relationship with him that makes all things possible, even persecution and loving the unlovable.

Some here reading this thread may be able to provide you with good reading material, on the subjects you mention, online.

Peace and Prayers,

Dorothy

 

[mariamar]

Of course not. Before thinking in leaving you should learn what the Catholic Church really teaches in these matters you have questions on.
I suggest you just go here, press the Catholic.com label, and one by one put on the Search place the words you want to get an answer, i.e., type: abortion, homosexual. They give you lots of material, including talks on the radio shows that are recorder.
And yes, talk to a priest for further explanation.
You are in our prayers.
God loves you

 

[AshJade]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

 

[PattiDay]

Dear Ash Jade,

I would like to commend you for articulating the problems you have with your Catholic faith. It takes real courage to look so deeply into one’s differences with their faith. I hear the pain you feel. You are not alone. We all struggle.

What was it that first drew you to the Catholic faith? Are those reasons you converted still important to you?

You need someone who will listen with compassion and explain to you the reasons why the Church teaches as she does and why those teachings haven’t changed to fit the style of the day. If you can understand and articulate the Truth behind the reasons we believe as we do, you will not find yourself embarrassed before others who believe diffferently. Make an appointment with your parish pastor, or a priest at another church if you don’t feel comfortable at your designated parish.

It’s difficult to make it alone without faithful, practicing friends of the same faith. I hope you will look for someone. There are plenty of Catholics around who would love to help you if they knew of your struggle. Some practical sources for answers are here at Catholic Answers, of course, and please if you haven’t already, try EWTN’s live call-in radio programs, especially those on Wednesday through Friday 3:00-5:00 PM EST. I’ve learned so much from them.

I will sign myself,

Never More Proud to Be Catholic Than Now!

 

[nodito]

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I think we underestimate the poor. NFP doesn’t have to be expensive, complicated, or time consuming. It can be as simple as noticing cervical secretions throughout the day and applying a basic rule (Two Day Method) or counting on a set of cycle beads (Standard Days Method). I prefer a different method (sympto-thermal) because I like the cross checks, have long cycles, and have the discipline to take my temperature every morning. But there are so many reliable, effective methods out there that I really believe there is a right one for every married couple who wishes to use NFP.

NFP does require self-discipline. It requires husbands to love their wives and to desire what is best for them. Certainly there are husbands who are unwilling to abstain even despite the protests of their wives. But it is not in the best interest of these poor women to simply give them contraception and tell them to accomodate their bodies to the whims of their selfish husbands. Spouses need to be encouraged to love each other more sincerely, and to be given the resources and instruction needed to live their married lives in accordance with natural law and God’s truth.

I really like this article by Janet Smith for a clear and compelling explanation of natural law and Catholic sexual ethics.

God bless, and welcome to CAF!

 

[MidnightSun12]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

Remember that the good Lord NEVER gives us more then we can handle. Remember that the work you do for these poor families truly is the work of God (He is guiding and helping these poor families through your kindness and generosity). If a family could truly only handle 3 children, then that’s all that God would give them. There will be struggles and there will be hardships, but that’s what makes us stronger people at the end of the day.

To use contraception is to remove God from the marriage. Just think about the statistics that say that families who use NFP have a 2% divorce rate… What was the divorce rate for the rest of society, again??

As for your gay friends, these people have a very heavy cross to bear, no doubt. But to give in to satan’s temptations and engage in sodomy is NEVER the answer for these people. Living this lifestyle will lead them down a dark path filled with a host of psychological and medical problems. What a gay person needs to do is to pick up his or her cross each day and live a life of chastity. This does not mean that he/she has to stay in the closet or be ashamed… in fact, just imagine how pleasing to God a gay person could be if he/she decided to become a role model for other gay youth showing them they can be themselves without having to engage in evil and self-destructive behaviour??

 

[ricofall]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

AshJade

Here is something to think about. If we handed out condoms and birth control, would that stop poor people from having children? After all, birth control has been around for over 40 years and yet to make dent in population growth.
As a culture, we keep trying to solve the symptoms of society, and not the cause. Take something you know, like welfare. We give it to the poorest of people. The single moms who really need that money. Where are the dads? If a family has both parents, how much harder is it for them to get help? I know that welfare varies by state but it as well intention as welfare is, it seems to never reward the family unit as a whole. Looking at Texas at least, I see no reward to encourage families to stay together.

Culture changes with every generation. However, the Church does not. It ‘Keeps the Faith’ so to speak. Because of this, people always think that the Church is old and outdated. Yet, she has contribute to our history and stabilization when we had no real nations we we know it. We have marriage because the Church, through Christ, has kept marriage between one male and one female.

One more thing, birth control is not evil. It is not a sin to take it. The Church teaches that ABC (artificial birth control) is a sin when it comes to marriage. It makes the marriage about sex and using each other for self pleasure, not for love. When a couple is on ABC, they fear having another child. They do not embrace life, but just self pleasure. When I was told this I first thought that it was crazy talk, now I understand. Think about when a couple has sex and at the end of the act, they find out the condom broke, or she missed the last few pills? What goes through their heads?

I hope I have helped you or anyone else.

 

[Nate13]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

You should read about Mother Teresa’s work in teaching NFP in a place with the poorest of the poor Calcutta, India and the success they have had there. It is inspiring. NFP is cheaper in the long run that other methods as well.

 

[mark_a]

Just a little background. I was raised in the Mormon church, but I converted to the Catholic church about 10 years ago. I fell away for a few years, but I had my marriage validated and my children baptized last summer. My husband doesn’t go to church, but my children attend CCD, and we go to Mass most Sundays.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am struggling with my faith because of some differences in opinion I have with the Catholic church. I don’t believe that contraception is wrong, unless it is used after conception. I am a social worker, so I see the suffering that so many impoverished and uneducated families go through, because they are unable to care for their large families. I also support having married and female priests. I have many gay friends, and I feel like it is unfair that they should live their lives without loving and committed relationships.
I tried to ignore my differences from the church, but since all the media attention is on it, I am struggling. I am embarrassed to admit to being Catholic among certain people, and I haven’t felt any desire to go to Mass. My parish is very large, and a majority of the members don’t speak English as a first language, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I really don’t have any Catholic friends. I feel so lost. I want to believe, but I just can’t get over those key issues. My children love CCD and Mass and I would hate to take them away from it, but I feel like a hypocrite.
What should I do?

Are you thinking of leaving to go back to the Mormon faith? They take a pretty dim view of all of the above except contraception, don’t they?

 

[Bezant]

Just a little background. I was raised in the Mormon church, but I converted to the Catholic church about 10 years ago. I fell away for a few years, but I had my marriage validated and my children baptized last summer. My husband doesn’t go to church, but my children attend CCD, and we go to Mass most Sundays.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am struggling with my faith because of some differences in opinion I have with the Catholic church. I don’t believe that contraception is wrong, unless it is used after conception. I am a social worker, so I see the suffering that so many impoverished and uneducated families go through, because they are unable to care for their large families. I also support having married and female priests. I have many gay friends, and I feel like it is unfair that they should live their lives without loving and committed relationships.
I tried to ignore my differences from the church, but since all the media attention is on it, I am struggling. I am embarrassed to admit to being Catholic among certain people, and I haven’t felt any desire to go to Mass. My parish is very large, and a majority of the members don’t speak English as a first language, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I really don’t have any Catholic friends. I feel so lost. I want to believe, but I just can’t get over those key issues. My children love CCD and Mass and I would hate to take them away from it, but I feel like a hypocrite.
What should I do?

I think you need to revisit the reasons that drew you to the Church in the first place, and the objections you have to Catholicism, at least for a few months, before you decide to leave.

 

[1ke]

You should talk to your priest.

 

[JRKH]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I’m glad to hear you say this.
Given the great treasure that we have in the Church, in particular the Eucharist - the summit of our faith, confession, the many great saints, writers, the many spiritualities and charisms… One should really not consider leaving until they have exhausted their research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

The issue of the poor and their struggles is something that will be with us till the lord returns. If the people that you speak of are Catholic there may be resources and outreach programs within the Church that you can refer them to. If they are not Catholic, then the Church’s position on these matters makes no difference and should not effect your acceptance of Church doctrine.
In other words YOU don’t have to reject Church teaching in order to sympathize with the plight of others. Try to keep that in mind as you look more deeply into Church teaching.

Be patient with yourself and do some more research.
A good place to start might be a careful, prayerful, and thoughtful reading of Humana Vitae.

Peace
James

 

[Nate13]

Be patient with yourself and do some more research.
A good place to start might be a careful, prayerful, and thoughtful reading of Humana Vitae.

Peace
James

I would recommend Veritatis Splendor as the next to read after that: vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_06081993_veritatis-splendor_en.html

 

[KSB]

AshJade,

Set your mind to finding out the answers to your questions. Yes, as stated earlier, talk to your priest or deacon. Don’t be afraid to do that. Get a copy of the Catholic Catechism and read it. Look up abortion and contraception and homosexuality and read about it. Listen to Catholic radio if you have it in your area, and watch EWTN. There are many great question and answer programs that answer your questions, and they’ll do it in a fair, factual way, not in a mean, nasty way.

The Church teaches us that sex is a deeply, deeply spiritual act between a married man and woman, and that God has created it that way. Emphasis on deeply, deeply spiritual. He didn’t create it for us to have fun with it and to make us feel good. He created it for us to create more children who will worship him. As you can see by turning on the TV, society does not hold the same view of sex as God does, and so many people are misled.

Us single people are not to be taking part in it because we feel the urge. That’s not our right. So, that means I, as a single woman, am committed to not partaking in it even though I would like to. And so it goes that that’s why sex between same sex people is not ok. It’s sin because they are not a married man and woman. It’s important to get that down deep. We are to respect God’s ways because they’re higher than our ways. That’s fair because that’s God’s law. He’s the lawmaker, not us.

The Church says artificial contraception is bad because it leads people to de-value life. They don’t want children, or many children, because children are kind of a burden. God does not see children as a burden, and neither should we. Human life is a gift from God, and we should thank him for it and welcome it into our lives, again, as a married man and woman of course. However, if there was sex outside of marriage and a child resulted, that child is still a precious gift from God. Once your heart gets that in a deep, deep level, your perspective may change. There are other reasons contraception is bad, and listening to Catholics speak on it will educate you.

The Church’s teaching on faith and morals is guided by the Holy Spirit. To submit to the Church is to submit to God. Please keep this in mind.

 

[Angel7]

Just a little background. I was raised in the Mormon church, but I converted to the Catholic church about 10 years ago. I fell away for a few years, but I had my marriage validated and my children baptized last summer. My husband doesn’t go to church, but my children attend CCD, and we go to Mass most Sundays.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I am struggling with my faith because of some differences in opinion I have with the Catholic church. I don’t believe that contraception is wrong, unless it is used after conception. I am a social worker, so I see the suffering that so many impoverished and uneducated families go through, because they are unable to care for their large families. I also support having married and female priests. I have many gay friends, and I feel like it is unfair that they should live their lives without loving and committed relationships.
I tried to ignore my differences from the church, but since all the media attention is on it, I am struggling. I am embarrassed to admit to being Catholic among certain people, and I haven’t felt any desire to go to Mass. My parish is very large, and a majority of the members don’t speak English as a first language, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I really don’t have any Catholic friends. I feel so lost. I want to believe, but I just can’t get over those key issues. My children love CCD and Mass and I would hate to take them away from it, but I feel like a hypocrite.
What should I do?

The Church has very good reasons for what it teaches and does. Sometimes when I wonder why the Church has a certain teaching, I look for the reasons why and accept them. Even if they don’t make sense to my finite understanding, because I know through faith In Jesus and His Church, that what the Church teaches is true. It’s coming from God. Besides, the Church has been right on everything, I haven’t yet heard of an example where Church Teaching had negative consequences (ofcourse what people see as “bad” might be subjective) (ex. The Church’s teaching on not having pre-marital sex would displease the proponents of pre-marital sex [ofcourse] but there are great, even non-religious, benefits to waiting until marriage.) Hope this helped

Don’t worry, the answers are there!

God Bless You

 

[Castello]

I’ve read some of the reasons “why”, but I should probably do more research.

I guess I feel like expecting some of the very poor to be able to have the time or the resources to be able to practice NFP is sometimes impossible. Life is so complicated, and unfortunately husbands aren’t always willing to practice self restraint.

I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest, but before I came back to church, so it really doesn’t affect me on a personal level. But I hate to see so many moms in such difficult situations.

Resources? Billings is used in the most impoverished areas of the world, the illiterate have great success with it.

billings-ovulation-method.org.au/act/reprod_health/develop.shtml

 

[AshJade]

mark a - I would never go back to the mormon church. I consider them a cult, and I honestly think my current struggles with faith stem from a lack of trust I have from being raised LDS. I have a hard time believing in anything I can’t prove.

I joined the Catholic church because the symbolism and the sense of wholeness really resonated with me. I tried to go to an Episcopalian church a few years ago, before I came back to the Catholic church, and it felt like something was missing. I wouldn’t be content with any other church, but I don’t want to be a hypocrite.