Should I Run from this Relationship

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snowman10

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I have been dating a girl seriously for about six months. I previously posted that she was engaged but unhappy. She then met me and broke it off with him. Now six months later she has become somewhat distant (she was not like this before) and has told me the following:

“I am sick of having to answer to people. My mom, dad, and you.”

“I love you but it doesn’t mean I want to be with you.”

my reaction to this was…:confused::confused::confused:

I have given this girl everything under the sun. We have taken trips and gone to concerts, etc. Always having a good time. And I am always there for her. Granted I am busy with school and work a lot but I always make time for her. I am not really sure what is going on here. Part of me thinks this is going to end but the other part thinks she is going through a phase and I should tough it out. What am I to do?

dxu
 
Apparently, she needs time and distance. Just from relationships…not you particularly. So if God has meant for you to be together, you will be. Say a novena for her and for your self. Give her distance, but leave the door open for her, letting her know that. And take that break. However, do yourself a favor and don’t jump into another relationship for a bit. Gives this one time to heal. See what happened when she didn’t.
 
YES
She needs time to grow up, find her self, discern her vocation, etc. It is obvious that she is giving clear signs of not being ready for marriage. The BEST thing you can do is to end the relationship and commit to not becoming involved with her again for at least another 6 months. (she may regret that she has ended this relationship with you immediately after and want to get back together, although you should give it at least 6 months of no or VERY limited contact to give her the time and space she needs to do the above).
 
Yeah, unfortunately this is what girls do when they do not know what they want. I’ve been there. It’s really not so bad though, its worse to get married to the wrong person.

I think you’ll probably have to break it off. I’m sorry.
 
If she broke it off with someone she is engaged to, it’s not surprising that she broke it off with you. It seems to me she has a problem with committment or staying in a long-term relationship, so I would not be surpriused if she has done this with boyfriends prior to her ex-fiancee and I predict she will do this to future boyfriends.

By the way, how old is she and how old are you?
 
I am 22 and she is 23. But I have always been the one that acts like I am 40. That may be why at work and home I am not highly regarded. I work in EMS (current paramedic student) and they are all immature. My family is nothing but liberal protestants who aren’t mature enough to listen to anyone else’s ideas.

But back on topic…yes, I am afraid I may have to break this off. I won’t burn bridges but I won’t wait around either.
 
snowman10 said:
I am 22 and she is 23. But I have always been the one that acts like I am 40. That may be why at work and home I am not highly regarded. I work in EMS (current paramedic student) and they are all immature. My family is nothing but liberal protestants who aren’t mature enough to listen to anyone else’s ideas.

But back on topic…yes, I am afraid I may have to break this off. I won’t burn bridges but I won’t wait around either.
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If you do break it off, PLEASE seriously consider a time period of like 3 or 6 months with no or VERY little contact. I have seen SOOO many young people get in this vicious cycle of “on again off again relationships”. Rarely do those turn out for the best of both involved.
 
None of us can know for certain what is going on with this girl.

But the big red flag for me is that she jumped directly from one relationship to another. I’m always suspicious of anyone who moves quickly from one relationship to another without some kind of mourning or ‘soul-searching’ period in between.

Rebound relationships are often more about getting over the first person than they are about establishing a new relationship. It sounds to me like she needs some time to be alone to figure out who she is, what she wants, and where, if anywhere, you fit in.

And if this relationship does end you would do well to make sure that you don’t jump too quickly into a new serious relationship like she did.
 
I second the advice to pray for her - you can’t go wrong with that. However, it’s possible she needs to do a lot of growing up yet. This said, is there any chance that you might really have been controlling? Is it possible that it might have felt to her as if you are in charge and she answers to you? If yes, then maybe you’ll be able to work it out. If not, then she has issues and maybe you’ll be able to work it out… but not without time or effort.

If possible, allow her to break up with you rather than breaking up with her yourself. Women take it worse than we do. We regret the relationship lost and our ego gets over it after a while. Women are generally more wounded if they are scorned in such a way.
 
chevalier said:
I second the advice to pray for her - you can’t go wrong with that. However, it’s possible she needs to do a lot of growing up yet. This said, is there any chance that you might really have been controlling? Is it possible that it might have felt to her as if you are in charge and she answers to you? If yes, then maybe you’ll be able to work it out. If not, then she has issues and maybe you’ll be able to work it out… but not without time or effort.

If possible, allow her to break up with you rather than breaking up with her yourself. Women take it worse than we do. We regret the relationship lost and our ego gets over it after a while. Women are generally more wounded if they are scorned in such a way.
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Actually I am not controlling at all. I don’t really care what she does as long as it is not endangering our relationship. I trust her very much. But part of me is thinking that may be unwise…

And I think I will just back off and let her do her thing and see where it lands me in a month or so.

dxu
 
snowman10 said:
Actually I am not controlling at all. I don’t really care what she does as long as it is not endangering our relationship. I trust her very much. But part of me is thinking that may be unwise…
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Possible. I think lack of care may just be a longer leash, but still a leash. I think it would be better if you cared, but if you both respected each other. It’s not really so much about tolerance. Charity is more important than that. If there’s not enough charity, compassion, respect, no amount of tolerance or freedom will do.

And has she done anything to endanger your relationship? I’m sensing something in your words…
And I think I will just back off and let her do her thing and see where it lands me in a month or so.

dxu
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Good idea.
 
chevalier said:
Possible. I think lack of care may just be a longer leash, but still a leash. I think it would be better if you cared, but if you both respected each other. It’s not really so much about tolerance. Charity is more important than that. If there’s not enough charity, compassion, respect, no amount of tolerance or freedom will do.

And has she done anything to endanger your relationship? I’m sensing something in your words…

Good idea.
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Well I care and she knows that but i’m fairly liberal with what I care about. I just want her to be careful.

I worry that someone else may be involved because her being distant and confused is a red flag for that behavior. I am just going to wait this out and let her call the shots. But in a month she may be back to her normal self and I may say nevermind.

dxu
 
stbruno said:
Apparently, she needs time and distance. Just from relationships…not you particularly. So if God has meant for you to be together, you will be. Say a novena for her and for your self. Give her distance, but leave the door open for her, letting her know that. And take that break. However, do yourself a favor and don’t jump into another relationship for a bit. Gives this one time to heal. See what happened when she didn’t.
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:eek: I have never had someone give the exact advice I was thinking of giving!

I agree with stbruno.:yup:
 
snowman10 said:
Actually I am not controlling at all. I don’t really care what she does as long as it is not endangering our relationship. I trust her very much. But part of me is thinking that may be unwise…

And I think I will just back off and let her do her thing and see where it lands me in a month or so.

dxu
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I will add also though, that she didn’t ‘heal’ from breaking off her engagement. Really, people shouldn’t jump from one relationship to the next…without giving pause to some healing time. That is truly what she needs, but it’s coming out a little differently. I would just give her some space…my only question is…do you think she wants to date others? If that’s the case, it might change the landscape a bit. Meaning, I wouldn’t sit by the phone, if she is thinking of dating others…but, I would ask her specifically what she is thinking, because it will at least make things clear on where you and she stand for now. If it is God’s will…it will all fall into place.🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
I will add also though, that she didn’t ‘heal’ from breaking off her engagement. Really, people shouldn’t jump from one relationship to the next…without giving pause to some healing time. That is truly what she needs, but it’s coming out a little differently. I would just give her some space…my only question is…do you think she wants to date others? If that’s the case, it might change the landscape a bit. Meaning, I wouldn’t sit by the phone, if she is thinking of dating others…but, I would ask her specifically what she is thinking, because it will at least make things clear on where you and she stand for now. If it is God’s will…it will all fall into place.🙂
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I am unsure if she wants to date others. She said we have different educations and goals. For example I am planning on attending medical school to be a physician while she doesn’t know what she wants to do. I think the best idea for me is to just let her do what she needs to and she can make contact with me when she is ready. The best I can do is tell her the door is open.

dxu
 
snowman10 said:
I am unsure if she wants to date others. She said we have different educations and goals. For example I am planning on attending medical school to be a physician while she doesn’t know what she wants to do. I think the best idea for me is to just let her do what she needs to and she can make contact with me when she is ready. The best I can do is tell her the door is open.

dxu
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I agree. I will keep you in my prayers…and her.🙂
 
snowman10 said:
I am unsure if she wants to date others. She said we have different educations and goals. For example I am planning on attending medical school to be a physician while she doesn’t know what she wants to do. I think the best idea for me is to just let her do what she needs to and she can make contact with me when she is ready. The best I can do is tell her the door is open.

dxu
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Smart idea.

As bad as this sounds it may be a “Its not you but her” sitaution. Seriously it sounds like she needs to heal and grow and find herself.
 
snowman10 said:
Well I care and she knows that but i’m fairly liberal with what I care about. I just want her to be careful.
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Are you? Or are you decided to put up with things for the sake of not losing her? What are your true feelings? Are you offended or hurt by some things she enjoys doing or are you not?
I worry that someone else may be involved because her being distant and confused is a red flag for that behavior. I am just going to wait this out and let her call the shots. But in a month she may be back to her normal self and I may say nevermind.
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Such things with girls may mean a third person is involved, but they don’t have to. I honestly don’t know the proportion, but it just seems to me it isn’t always the case. At any rate, do you really want a relationship in which she’ll fly off the handle and then after a month come to her normal self? Is her normal self really normal? Or is it a self you can only put up with if you become sufficiently liberal to ignore things which hurt you?

Sorry to hear about your pain, once again. Been there too.
 
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