Should I say something?

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Uknowhoo

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Yesterday at our Christmas Eve dinner, I saw my uncle (who was also my first communion sponsor) with a woman (who quite honestly looked like a prostitute). I asked my cousins who she was and they told me she was his new girlfriend!!! I couldn’t believe it since he is already married and through the Catholic Church! His wife, however, does not live in the US but he often travels to visit her.

The rest of my family was pretty uncomfortable but didnt dare to say anything. When I asked my mom if she would like me to speak to him (my uncle is my mom’s brother) she said no and that it wasn’t any of my business to be saying anything. While that is true, I don’t want my aunt- his wife- to be hurt (she doesn’t know anything).

I personally know how much it hurts: my father cheated on my mother for almost 7 years and we didn’t find out till very recent. I dont’ want that to happen to my aunt. But like i mentioned, everyone tells me not to say anything.

Now I’m asking you: What is the right thing to do? I feel angry that my uncle, once a good practicing Catholic, is committing one of the worst sins…

… any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless.
 
I can imagine how dismayed and distressed you feel.

Scripture does back up in charity approaching someone to correct them but if you decided to do that it would be important not to make a big issue of it and also to be very respectful. You wouldn’t show your anger or express judgement…to do so isn’t your place. Your uncle knows what he’s doing is intrinsically wrong but obviously he’s tied into this relationship due to emotional reasons with which you don’t wish to engage. Certainly he is lonely without his wife.

I’m not saying you should speak to him though if you did so kindly, simply, and respectfully without engaging further, that’s up to you. There are many reasons why it isn’t humanly wise to do so. His spiritual well-being as your brother’s keeper would be your only reason for doing so.

As this man is your mother’s brother and she has advised that you don’t speak to him about this, you may be dealing with another issue of conscience here…to honour your mother. There isn’t a commandment to advise others of their spiritual danger, but there is one which tells us to honour our mothers.

However there is one certainty…to pray for him, and for your aunt.

I’m sad for the pain to your family and to your aunt, as well as to you in the disillusionment and sadness you feel.

I ask the Lord to give you peace…and to help your family through this issue. I ask Him to heal your uncle and aunt’s marriage.
 
Ok, so your married uncle shows up at Christmas Eve dinner with his girlfriend that is dressed like a prostitute?? :ouch:

I don’t know about y’all, but I hada say *sumptin, * “Dang uncle you’re awesome bringing your girlfriend over for Christmas Eve Supper.”
 
Everything hinges on having correctly asessed the nature of the relationship between your uncle and this woman. Better to have your uncle identify the woman as his “girlfriend” himself before proceeding any further.
 
Other_Eric said:
Everything hinges on having correctly asessed the nature of the relationship between your uncle and this woman. Better to have your uncle identify the woman as his “girlfriend” himself before proceeding any further.
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I dunno Eric, if* your *uncle shows up at Christmas Eve diner with strange woman dressed like a prostitute, how would YOU assess the situation?? LOL

If one of my uncles is thinking about doin that next year I hope he tips me off so I can be sure be there.
 
How does a married man get away with bringing a woman who is not his wife to a family gathering and no one says anything to him?

Wow! I can’t say I’m shocked, because people, these days,seem willing to accept all kinds of violations against the sanctity of marriage as though they, themselves have no responsiblity of fraternal correction.

Maybe you can speak to him, maybe your words would do no good at all(pearls to the pigs if you know what I mean), that’s your call. At the very least, I hope your relatives inquired about his poor wife in the presence of this woman who is not his wife.
I feel for your predicament.:confused:
 
BamaRider said:
I dunno Eric, if* your *uncle shows up at Christmas Eve diner with strange woman dressed like a prostitute, how would YOU assess the situation?? LOL

If one of my uncles is thinking about doin that next year I hope he tips me off so I can be sure be there.
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Given the current trends in women’s fashion today, I would say that a woman dressed like a prostitute could very likely mean anything. Supposition is a poor substitute for fact. I therefore repeat my suggestion that the OP get his uncle’s assessment of the relationship as it is that which governs the morality at issue here.
 
BamaRider said:
Ok, so your married uncle shows up at Christmas Eve dinner with his girlfriend that is dressed like a prostitute?? :ouch:

I don’t know about y’all, but I hada say *sumptin, *“Dang uncle you’re awesome bringing your girlfriend over for Christmas Eve Supper.”
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Yeh, that’s a head scratcher.

If the OP is over 18 and has his/ her own place to live, I’d go ahead and risk it. But if I had to live with Mom still, and this was her older brother, for the sake of having a roof over my head, I’d shut it.
 
BamaRider said:
Ok, so your married uncle shows up at Christmas Eve dinner with his girlfriend that is dressed like a prostitute?? :ouch:

I don’t know about y’all, but I hada say *sumptin, * “Dang uncle you’re awesome bringing your girlfriend over for Christmas Eve Supper.”
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But I would be sure to add, “Does Auntie like her as much as you do?”
 
Trishie said:
I can imagine how dismayed and distressed you feel.

Scripture does back up in charity approaching someone to correct them but if you decided to do that it would be important not to make a big issue of it and also to be very respectful. You wouldn’t show your anger or express judgement…to do so isn’t your place. Your uncle knows what he’s doing is intrinsically wrong but obviously he’s tied into this relationship due to emotional reasons with which you don’t wish to engage. Certainly he is lonely without his wife.

I’m not saying you should speak to him though if you did so kindly, simply, and respectfully without engaging further, that’s up to you. There are many reasons why it isn’t humanly wise to do so. His spiritual well-being as your brother’s keeper would be your only reason for doing so.

As this man is your mother’s brother and she has advised that you don’t speak to him about this, you may be dealing with another issue of conscience here…to honour your mother. There isn’t a commandment to advise others of their spiritual danger, but there is one which tells us to honour our mothers.

However there is one certainty…to pray for him, and for your aunt.

I’m sad for the pain to your family and to your aunt, as well as to you in the disillusionment and sadness you feel.

I ask the Lord to give you peace…and to help your family through this issue. I ask Him to heal your uncle and aunt’s marriage.
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I agree with this. I do believe, however, that the family is doing a spiritual disservice to your uncle by behaving as if it is acceptable instead of the spectacle it is. By publicly condoning, we sometimes reinforce the sinner into thinking his sins are okay.

In a perfect world, you would not have to say anything because family members that are senior to you already would have.

I can’t say what you should do. In your shoes, I might ask him, “Explain to me who your friend was? I am confused.” At the very least, he’ll get the picture, and you might find out some things you don’t know that give you a different perspective.
 
That is a very difficult thing to find out and deal with, I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you and I am sure for your family as well…

I have heard and read that some men once they hit a certain age they tend to “stray” if the moment opens itself, or the opportunity opens itself…As if they need to relive moments they were never able to before with a new partner… My bfs dad is my dad’s age, he’s a very kind man and very sweet, he loves his wife but he has on occasions said that if he could he would love to get with a woman like Shania Twain, that she’s perfect and drop dead gorgeous and she would make him very happy!!! Now I am sure he’s joking and doesn’t really mean it… BUT it kind of makes me think things when he says that about his sons, since they grew up with such talks every once in a while about beautiful women… I mean their father strayed once, and their mother strayed once when they were barely tiny tots… Does this influence them, according to my db no because he feels that marriage and love is with one life partner, and he is proud that his parents are still together just like he’s proud that mine are as well…

But perhaps your uncle feels that he needs to do this, and it’s hard for anyone to really do much about it…

I know that if I were to ever catch my father or uncle doing things like this I would talk to them first and let them know that if he doesn’t tell and talk to his wife I would… It isn’t my business but I would appreciate it and be thankful if someone saw my husband doing something or with someone and would tell me… I know I wouldn’t want to be played the fool over and over again!!!

There was this family that we lived by, when I was little, and they were seemingly happy. He was an older man, and she was around his age group… She was a doctor and he was a laborer… Well she was health conscious, etc, and he wanted to party. So eventuallly he fell in love with the bartender in the town that we lived in and started having an affair of many years… While his family adored his wife, his mother and her were bffs, his wife worked 24/7 and the little time she had she wanted to be with him but he was “too busy.” The bar tender was a lot younger than he was and she was wild and free spirited… I saw them together once walking into one of the shops and was like wait a minute?? But I was just a kid you know?! I didn’t really think anything was going on since he had invited her in all kinds of family occasions including his anniversary celebration, everyone they knew was there… 🤷 His wife got pg and he decided to confess to her about his affair and whom he really loved… His wife was over worked, etc, so she wasn’t all that healthy even for being a doctor, she didn’t really take all that good care of her… that woman barely slept… 😦 They did this for everyone to be there, my parents were there we were there it was supposed to be this great “YOU’RE GONNA B A DADDY” THING… He shows up with his lover, everyone was like SURPRISE!!! And he was like UHM? :eek: His lover was like maybe some other time??? And he was like no this is a good time as any, I mean they gotta see us right?

Well the same day she found out she was pg she quit being the 24/7 doctor and decided to just work in the clinic, she was ready to slow things down, spend more time with her hubby and the new coming baby… All the while he was suffocated that his wife was no fun at all after being married for many years…She felt that he wanted his space and never talked to her about the things he wanted to do with her so she left him to do what he wanted, all the while she craved to be part of his world…

Well he announced that he was divorcing her and that he didn’t love her any more and hadn’t for many years, that most of the people there knew about his affair and they accepted it… She just passed out right there and then… This was going to be their first baby… HIS mother almost killed him… She started throwing everything she could at him and at the other woman! She couldn’t believe nor accept. She told so many people off for being hypocrites etc, and couldn’t believe how many knew about them and didn’t say a single thing…While his father was like well it’s your choice I guess, his mother didn’t accept it…

She took to his exwife and the unborn child and since she was too weak after that terrible blow she lost the baby and she passed away…

His mother didn’t let him go near either one of them, she was 4 months pg…

He ran away and didn’t return for about 3 years…then he came back begged for forgiveness and wanted to live in his old house… Well her parents sold their house, since after he left his exwife’s parents took it over as the beneficiary of the house since he cheated on her, and he was heart broken… His mother started talking to him now, and has barely accepted him and his new woman, they got back together…and are expecting their first baby he’s pretty close to 50… but she is a lot younger than him…

My mom says she sees them once in a while…

I think the best thing is to pray for him and his wife… If his kids accept it then I guess it’s no one else’s business but their own… BUT if you have a chance get to talk to him about it and remind him that he has a responsibility I mean if he no longer loves his wife he needs to let her go before hurting her more…

My exhusband’s grandfather had several affairs and soooo many children from those affairs, when his wife found out she went psycho on everyone…especially everyone that knew about it, but by the time she found out all of his other children were all grown up, and he wasn’t having any affairs any more. He told his sons after they asked him why, he said I went hand my fun and got back home to my wife…:eek:

So maybe the best thing to do is just pray for him!!!
 
Given the current trends in women’s fashion today, I would say that a woman dressed like a prostitute could very likely mean anything. Supposition is a poor substitute for fact. I therefore repeat my suggestion that the OP get his uncle’s assessment of the relationship as it is that which governs the morality at issue here.
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We have a sayin around here in Alabama-if it walks like a duck, acts like a duck, talks like a duck, guess what?.

I’d just asked him at supper when every one was gathered around, “So how’d you meet your lady friend uncle?” I figure if he’s got the audacity to bring her to Christmas Eve family dinner, he won’t mind a few questions LOL. Noway I let him outta the house till find out what the story is, just cause I’m the nosey type.

Still heckuva story.
 
BamaRider said:
We have a sayin around here in Alabama-if it walks like a duck, acts like a duck, talks like a duck, guess what?.

I’d just asked him at supper when every one was gathered around, “So how’d you meet your lady friend uncle?” I figure if he’s got the audacity to bring her to Christmas Eve family dinner, he won’t mind a few questions LOL. Noway I let him outta the house till find out what the story is, just cause I’m the nosey type.

Still heckuva story.
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You are right, usually when family members bring new partners or friends they should be able to make conversations with them… that sounds like a good way to break the ice!!!
 
I don’t know, relatives could get touchy when you try to talk to them about moral issues. After dealing with some rather nasty (“Catholic”) relatives who think I’m some Catholic nut, I tend not to say anything anymore. It’s not my soul that’s in danger.

Whatever you do, pray that he doesn’t spend too much time in purgatory (if that’s where he’ll end up eventually).
 
JPUSC said:
I don’t know, relatives could get touchy when you try to talk to them about moral issues. After dealing with some rather nasty (“Catholic”) relatives who think I’m some Catholic nut, I tend not to say anything anymore. It’s not my soul that’s in danger.

Whatever you do, pray that he doesn’t spend too much time in purgatory (if that’s where he’ll end up eventually).
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LOL I wouldn’t make any judgements, I’d just wanna know how he met her. LOL
 
Perhaps you can ask you uncle specifically who this woman is, and then exclaim, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that something happened to aunt xx!” I would be interested to hear his response
 
Hi everybody, thank you for your responses.

I definitely agree that my mother should have at least said something. However, I asked her to talk to him and she said it wasn’t any of her business either! AGH! By the way, I am 18 but still living with my parents. I still don’t know how to handle this situation. I might see him for New Year’s but I don’t know how I should react. Im almost sure he’ll bring his prostitute friend along. I certainly don’t want him to think I’m okay with what he’s doing but I don’t want to say/ do something disrespectful.

I mean, on Christmas Eve, I admit I wasn’t behaving Catholic-like at all 😦 And that was nothing compared to what I was thinking of doing! Any advice?

And just to add to this insanity, one of my aunts (my mom’s cousin, so she’s kind of distant) is becoming a Jehovah’s Witness! :eek: Her daughter- who’s about 7 or so- is going to CCD for her first communion. According to my other aunt, she’s okay with her daughter receiving her first communion because she sees that her daughter likes going to the Catholic Church. Unfortunately, I only see this aunt about once a year and as far as I know, she moved a while ago so I have no idea where she lives!

I don’t know why, but I feel a responsibility to my relatives. I just don’t know how I can help. However, I do ask you guys for prayers. Please pray as much as you can for us, I will be eternally grateful!

God bless 🙂
& Thank you!
 
However, I do ask you guys for prayers. Please pray as much as you can for us, I will be eternally grateful!
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You know we will sweetie, but you gotta promise to come back here and tell us what happened New Year’s.

Just call him off to the side, “hey what’s goin on? Folks wanna know where Aunt so and so is. Or is it a secret?” The way I look at it, all bets were off when he showed up Christmas Eve Supper with her. I mean if a guy is willing to do that, ya gotta assume he’s ready to take a few arrows.
 
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