Should I tell my friends I am against Gay Marriage?

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A few years ago, two of my friends and I were having a good time fishing at the river. We laughed, talked about video games, about our future college life, et cetera. One of my friends is irreligious and is somewhat of a “New Age” agnostic and my other friend is a “Capital A” Atheist who absolutely hates the mere mention of religion or anyone acting religiously (He even makes mention of how a Fundamentalist Christian friend of his tried to proselytize him and how he never talked to him again). Back then (I probably still am) I was a very liberal Catholic still trying to find purpose and direction, which is why my Atheist friend is fine with my presence.

Eventually, our conversation took a rather serious turn. We were talking about upcoming movies and my atheist friend started criticizing Chuck Norris for not wanting profanity to be in the script for the movie “The Expendables 2.” I remember him saying, in a derisive and sarcastic tone. “he acts like a good Christian boy.” I was a liberal Catholic, but I still took offense to that and started to defend Chuck Norris. This was where we started to talk about religious issues.

I can not remember what led up to the Gay Marriage topic, but, because I was liberal (I was somewhat supportive of Gay Marriage then) and feared to be rejected by my friends, I said that I did support Gay Marriage. My friends were in approval. And, I can not remember why, I also mentioned I was against fornication. My friends were somewhat ok with this. (It should be noted that I was principally arguing with my Atheist friend. My Agnostic friend, quite stereotypically, tried to stay in the middle of things).

To this day, we still all hang out and play airsoft and video games with each other. We are also all in college. Also today, I still consider myself to be very liberal and ignorant in respect to true Catholic values, but I do now believe Gay Marriage to be a sinful act that ruins relationships among men and women and perverts the meaning of true love. However, ever since that fishing day, I was in a dilemma of whether I should tell my friends that I am now against Gay Marriage and am trying to be what God wants all of us to be: a good Catholic.

At first, I thought that I should. After all, I have wronged them by being a poor example of a Catholic and by saying that Gay Marriage is good. But then, I thought to myself “Do I know enough about my Faith to defend my position? Am I trained well enough to properly evangelize them if need be? Should I just wait until the issue of Gay Marriage is brought up again before restating my beliefs? Am I even a good enough example of a Catholic to not seem hypocritical in sharing my values? Am I just being scrupulous as always?”

My friends, I trust that all of you will give me some sincere advice on this issue. God bless and thank you in advance.
 
I voted yes. However, I would probably wait until the topic came up rather than simply announcing it apropos of nothing. 🙂
 
To grasscutter

Indeed, that’s what I was thinking, too. I do not want to be in a situation in which we were talking about video games and movies and then I suddenly bring up Gay Marriage. I am not saying that I would be ashamed. I am saying that it would just seem out of place and random. The awkwardness alone could cause them to not take me seriously. Thank you for your advice by the way.
 
ScrupulousMonk, the degree of your knowledge or ignorance of Catholic values and your ability to evangelize your friends and acquaintances is totally controllable by you. If you truly want to be knowledgeable and able to answer questions and respond to comments, there is a plethora of resources on this website to help you.

Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope,
but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. 1 Peter 3:15-16

Good luck on your spiritual journey.
 
I have chosen to :

Let my actions speak for me but if someone makes a comment or statement that is against the faith then the advice offered in 2 Tim pretty much tells us how to proceed:

Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.

Never, ever let something wrong be said that you do not state your beliefs. That you do not change their minds is not the issue. That you stand up for your beliefs is. But do it with gentleness and patience ( sometimes so very, very hard to do.)
 
I don’t know that I would bother starting a discussion on the subject just so you can express a changed position.

If the matter does arise in discussion, then of course, tell them how you now see it.

I must admit, my primary “anti” position on gay marriage is not explicitly religious, but relies on the reasons for the State to take an interest in unions at all. In aeons past, the State (supported by the majority of the people), saw merit in recognising (heterosexual) unions in light of the society building potential they represented. The State to this day continues this practice, and every individual may have a union of this kind so recognised by the state.

Same sex unions are of a different character. They are not society building, and I struggle to see the purpose of State recognition, let alone in the same form as marriage.

I understand the desire of same sex couples to have their union seen as the same as marriage in the State’s eyes, though plainly it is not. The recognition afforded by civil marriage is not simply a public pronouncement of “love”, with a celebratory party afterwards, though this thinking does appear to be gaining currency. The gay marriage lobby would wish it to be seen as just that, but if that is the sum total of it, why ought the State to take any interest at all?
 
i also said yes but agree with everyone else. don’t just drop it from out of nowhere.

i have to say this though. the more you try to be a better cahtolic, the greater risk you’ll have of losing your atheistic friend. just so you know.
 
A “Don’t ask, don’t tell” approach is generally a more tactful approach in secular society, and one less likely to cause tension while not compromising your own beliefs.

I wouldn’t say what I think about SSM, and I’d carefully try to avoid offering my thoughts on such a topic unless asked directly.
 
To angell1

I know this. However, I hope that our friendship lasts for a long time. Hopefully, it will last long enough so that he would one day find the Truth and ask me if I would be his confirmation sponsor. That is the day that I dream for all of my friends.

To Rau

That is also one of the many reasons why I now accept the Church’s teaching on homosexual marriage. Such a union does not really make sense! Finding out about the logical fallacies of SSM and many other secular values I once held dear helped me to open my eyes to the Truth as taught by Jesus Christ and the Church.

TO ALL

Thank you for your advice so far. I am still open to more if you have any.
 
Scrupulous Monk,

It is sometimes scary and uncomfortable going against the status quo. Lately, that seems to be the gay marriage issue. What helps me, when I’m asked for my opinion, is to keep my facial expression neutral and my voice normal and matter-of-fact. I’ve found that people are more likely to listen to someone who sounds reasonable than someone who sounds all strident and shrill. (I’m not saying that you would be - I just assume you feel the same way when on the receiving end of other’s communication styles.)

Anyway, I will keep you in my prayers because I know how difficult these kind of situations are. Shakespeare did have it right, though, when he said “to thine own self be true”.

Best wishes.
 
grasscutter said:
I voted yes. However, I would probably wait until the topic came up rather than simply announcing it apropos of nothing. 🙂
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This, and I would also mention 1 Corinthians 7

I believe the intent with staying single, even when a man has feelings for another man, would lean towards a potential for being called to a vocation, if they are able to learn to properly control their impulses… in other words, giving that Gift of the Spirit, over to God, The Father.

Brother should have each others Backs, not back to the front 😉
 
ScrupulousMonk said:
I was in a dilemma of whether I should tell my friends that I am now against Gay Marriage and am trying to be what God wants all of us to be: a good Catholic.

At first, I thought that I should. After all, I have wronged them by being a poor example of a Catholic and by saying that Gay Marriage is good. But then, I thought to myself “Do I know enough about my Faith to defend my position? Am I trained well enough to properly evangelize them if need be? Should I just wait until the issue of Gay Marriage is brought up again before restating my beliefs? Am I even a good enough example of a Catholic to not seem hypocritical in sharing my values? Am I just being scrupulous as always?”
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I would tell your friend, but I would let the issue come up organically. If reasonable people opposed to same-sex marriage don’t speak up, people will be begin to believe that the only people who do oppose same-sex marriage are Westboro Basptist-style haters. When kind, thoughtful people oppose gay marriage (especially when its clear that their position does not come from fear or hate) it forces people to re-evaluate their appraisal of traditional marriage advocates.
 
Lynxdk said:
I believe the intent with staying single, even when a man has feelings for another man, would lean towards a potential for being called to a vocation, if they are able to learn to properly control their impulses…
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I remember hearing this back when I was at university years ago, but didn’t Benedict make a statement that homosexual urges clouded the sense of possessing a vocation?

The fact he tightened the regulations regarding letting homosexuals into the clergy would suggests homosexuals are very unlikely to have a calling.
 
Viewer said:
I remember hearing this back when I was at university years ago, but didn’t Benedict make a statement that homosexual urges clouded the sense of possessing a vocation?

The fact he tightened the regulations regarding letting homosexuals into the clergy would suggests homosexuals are very unlikely to have a calling.
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Well, it’s understandable, given what he had to deal with cleaning out of the church =( Better safe than sorry… but that’s why I said “properly” as well. I think a qualified Catholic Therapist would be a lot better at helping people deal with such things, than a more worldly sort, if you know what I mean…
 
Should you tell your friends that you are against evil? Um. yes.
Do you know that many many people have lost their lives and become saints for speaking the Gospel. Even today people are being killed because they spread the word. And you are worried about how a friend may react?

If the atheist friend never talks to you again because you do not think Gays should “marry” what kind of friend is this person really?
 
Educate yourself so that you may have a gentle answer for anyone who asks, but do not go rushing around looking to stir up atheists with a hatred for the Church. (File that under the caution to avoid tossing pearls before swine, lest they stomp the pearls underfoot and turn on you.)

If the topic comes up, however, do have an answer that is suitable to your audience. A decidedly secular person ought to be given secular reasons, rather than having the issue explained exclusively in religious terms that they will reject from the outset.
 
Lynxdk said:
Well, it’s understandable, given what he had to deal with cleaning out of the church =( Better safe than sorry… but that’s why I said “properly” as well. I think a qualified Catholic Therapist would be a lot better at helping people deal with such things, than a more worldly sort, if you know what I mean…
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I want to add a little more of what I’m trying to say, clearer. I’m transgendered. I have issues that I can’t really… “fix”… but I’m not changing my body to “suit a lifestyle” I do wear clothing that I like and nail polish, but most people just look at it as “punk”, and since I’m a rocker 😉 that works for me. I have no desire to be with men, but that might be because of my experiences involving a couple of pedophiles when I was a kid, hence, issues I can’t “get over”… I also don’t like to be physically touched, but that might be because I have “Aspergers” (High Functioning Autism).

I also promised my daughter I would always be her Dad, so that’s another factor in my “staying male on the outside”, I don’t “dress like a girl”, and I don’t even like makeup on women, so nail polish is fun and makes me happy, and it’s also therapeutic, as well. Accepting myself the way God made me, regardless of what others might think, looking at me from the outside.

I also Trust My Lord. I have Faith and Hope, possibly in part due to all the things I have survived, and I’m still here, and I still have my family =)

So maybe that’s the sort of thing people lack, that they can learn, even if they start with just a little bit of Faith 😉
 
Lynxdk said:
I want to add a little more of what I’m trying to say, clearer. I’m transgendered. I have issues that I can’t really… “fix”… but I’m not changing my body to “suit a lifestyle” I do wear clothing that I like and nail polish, but most people just look at it as “punk”, and since I’m a rocker 😉 that works for me. I have no desire to be with men, but that might be because of my experiences involving a couple of pedophiles when I was a kid, hence, issues I can’t “get over”… I also don’t like to be physically touched, but that might be because I have “Aspergers” (High Functioning Autism).

I also promised my daughter I would always be her Dad, so that’s another factor in my “staying male on the outside”, I don’t “dress like a girl”, and I don’t even like makeup on women, so nail polish is fun and makes me happy, and it’s also therapeutic, as well. Accepting myself the way God made me, regardless of what others might think, looking at me from the outside.

I also Trust My Lord. I have Faith and Hope, possibly in part due to all the things I have survived, and I’m still here, and I still have my family =)

So maybe that’s the sort of thing people lack, that they can learn, even if they start with just a little bit of Faith 😉
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It sounds to me as if you are doing your best to accept the limitations life has put on you without giving up the joys life allows you, and that you are doing your best to please God and be at the loving service of others without confusing that goal with pleasing the arbitrary expectations that some people have. Kudos to you on that!

Still, we can never know what other people have in them or how much they have or have not availed themselves of available grace. I echo you that a therapist is a good place to start. What is in the power of others, though, we don’t know. We have to advocate in favor of what is right, but for those who don’t do it, we have to hope they’re doing their best.
 
As the topic comes up regarding ‘gay’ marriage, I would be Defending Godly man/woman marriage Because God made us as men and women for a Reason. To come together in a Natural way to have a chance as married people to conceive a child together. And God’s Word Does teach against men being sexual with other men and women acting that way with other women. But – depending on the situation of the conversation – the last sentence might not be needed.
 
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