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megangamble
Guest
Thank you so much Marie. Your kind words got me a little choked up.
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megangamble
Guest
Your reply made me giggle a bit myself lol. Ya know, it is so true about what you said about my aunt just finding something else to to pick me apart with if it isn’t the veil. The reason I suppose I care so much about her gossipping about this certain thing is because it is the most important thing in my life…my faith. When it’s something that personal and close to my heart, I guess I care a bit more ya know? But I also think it was good advice about how you said to prepare myself to be asked questions. I have read 1 Corinthians 11:5 and I think it has prepared me better for the possibility of being questioned about my reasoning for the veil. That’s what The Bible is for anyway right? Well again, I’ve said many thank-you’s in this thread but I mean every one of them. I truly appreciate everyone who responds positively or negatively because it has helped in my decision making. Praise God for leading me to this website because it and the people who “talk” here have given me much peace! Once again, Thank you all!I couldn’t help but giggle to myself when I read this b/c it reminded me somewhat of my own family. Everybody talks about everybody, but of course would never say any of it to your face. It also doesn’t mean that they love each other any less either. I have no idea why it’s like that, except for the fact that we are all crazy! :whacky: Every family has their own particular brand of crazy. Based upon what you said about this aunt, it sounds like she’ll probably find something else to say about you and anyone else, so whether or not you wear the veil doesn’t matter.
Anyway, to answer your original questions, I want to encourage you to do what God is asking of you. I started wearing the veil a couple of years ago. God “bugged” me about it for a few years prior to that, but I was like, “You have GOT to be kidding!” It took a lot of time for me to work up the guts to do it, but I finally did FOR HIM. It also took some time to not be self-conscious about it. I was afraid of someone approaching me about it either in a positive or negative manner. You just have to make sure that you are prepared to answer questions - BTW, pretty much no one has ever said anything to me about it, and I have visited numerous churches where I was the only woman wearing one. Be ready to explain it to someone, just in case they ask you about it, though. That will help you too.
You’ll eventually get to the point where you don’t even think about it. A lot of people say that you shouldn’t wear one based upon the fact that others will view you as holier than thou, and you may cause scandal or whatever.I am sorry, I don’t judge them for not wearing one - I don’t know their soul; I simply ask that they show the same courtesy and not decide that I am a judgmental holier than though show-off just because I am doing what God has asked of me. But really, I don’t care what others think because again, I’m doing it for HIM. And seriously, after you get used to wearing a veil, hat, or whatever headcovering you choose, you won’t even think about it.
Sorry this is so long!
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ASimpleSinner
Guest
With all due respect, I am not sure where your questions to me ended and where your pontifications began.
If you are wanting to know my mind when I wrote “By all means, seek piety, but do your best not to be entangled in scandal or cause problems for others in this matter.” Maybe it is best just to ask “What do you mean?” Rather than give me YOUR multiple choices for what you think I may have meant.
What do I mean? My point is simple. When the OP is asking for advice I am offering this much - that outward signs of piet are good and wholeseome things in and of themselves, but when it leads to family problems, sometimes it might be better to “tone it down”.
When I was about 16 I decided that if I wanted to be a REAL Catholic I should wear my scapular(s) (and I had them all) outside of my clothes with a miraculous medal and a chotki around my wrist…
My mother and I fought about some of these things and some of my outward signs and devotions to the point where I was not living a piety but acting as a zealot. These pious devotions were not wrong, but my attitude and application was not right.
My advice is simply this - if this outward sign causes difficulty in a family, act prudentially.
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catholicrocks
Guest
Megan, I think this is good advice too. When I say to prepare for questions, I also mean to be prepared to share why you, personally, have made the decision to wear the veil. I mean, I wanted to have as much info. as possible b/c “God told me to” is THE reason, but does not really explain it to someone. What if you are approached by someone who is in the same boat you are now? Thinking about it…being called…questioning…wouldn’t it be great to be able to give good, solid encouragement to that person? I’m not saying that you need to tell a complete stranger all your business, but - you get what I’m saying?
I also understand your concern about your aunt “discussing” your faith. I was nervous about wearing the veil to my niece’s (and goddaughter) baptism. That was the first time I’d be wearing it in front of the whole family, so I KNEW there would be looks and commentary. But, it was fine. They may or may not have said something among themselves, but again, I don’t care. I do understand though that it’s super hard to be the ONLY ONE!
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PatienceAndLove
Guest
Since you mentioned that the women in your parish do not traditionally veil, it may be prudent to wear a chapel cap, or smaller veil. Halo-Works offers some lovely ones!
Whisper is mostly sheer with gold flecks
The Petite Voile is much more pronounced and lacey, but smaller than a veil
The Scallop and Esther veils are larger versions of the Petite Voile
Headcoverings by Devorah has some different options for coverings. My sister (a non-veiler) likes the Tiechel style, because it isn’t covered in lace, and the Snoods because they can be worn in different ways.
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lizaanne
Guest
Just a little story about yesterday.
I attended a funeral for the mother of a co-worker. It was a Catholic funeral, the mother was a very devout woman. The parish was more “modern” and basic, and of the approximately 80 people there, only three of us knew the order of the Mass (when to sit, stand, kneel, what to say when…) though most of them were Catholic.
I struggled all the way there - a two hour drive for me - on whether or not I was going to cover my head as I usually do when I’m in Church. I had no idea what to expect, I had not been to the Church before, I knew only my co-worker, the daughter of the deceased. Also, I knew that another co-worker (an Evangelical guy) was going to meet me there and would be sitting with me.
The deceased was lying in state for one hour prior to Mass, in the Church. I decided that I would not cover my head until Mass started - a happy medium I suppose.
Well - I was a nervous wreck about it (and I really have no idea why!!). NO ONE there had their head covered, and I wear a long mantilla, black with light gray lace on the edge. It is long because my hair is long, and I prefer to cover my hair. So I discreetly pulled it over my head (I was sitting about in the middle of the Church), then slipped it off after we exited the Church at the end of Mass.
I did get a couple of looks - nothing nasty though, and no one said a word to me.
Then we got to the cemetery. The husband of my co-worker came up to me and just about gushed over me - it was a bit embarrassing actually. He was so impressed to see a woman covering her head, and that he never sees that ever. I told him that about 10% of the women at my parish cover their heads, it is not uncommon at our Detroit parish. He was astounded, and really enjoyed seeing it done.
So - all the panic and grief I put myself through on that two hour drive was for nothing.
I covered my head and felt good doing it, because for ME it was the right thing to do. Next time I won’t even think twice.
~Liza
I attended a funeral for the mother of a co-worker. It was a Catholic funeral, the mother was a very devout woman. The parish was more “modern” and basic, and of the approximately 80 people there, only three of us knew the order of the Mass (when to sit, stand, kneel, what to say when…) though most of them were Catholic.
I struggled all the way there - a two hour drive for me - on whether or not I was going to cover my head as I usually do when I’m in Church. I had no idea what to expect, I had not been to the Church before, I knew only my co-worker, the daughter of the deceased. Also, I knew that another co-worker (an Evangelical guy) was going to meet me there and would be sitting with me.
The deceased was lying in state for one hour prior to Mass, in the Church. I decided that I would not cover my head until Mass started - a happy medium I suppose.
Well - I was a nervous wreck about it (and I really have no idea why!!). NO ONE there had their head covered, and I wear a long mantilla, black with light gray lace on the edge. It is long because my hair is long, and I prefer to cover my hair. So I discreetly pulled it over my head (I was sitting about in the middle of the Church), then slipped it off after we exited the Church at the end of Mass.
I did get a couple of looks - nothing nasty though, and no one said a word to me.
Then we got to the cemetery. The husband of my co-worker came up to me and just about gushed over me - it was a bit embarrassing actually. He was so impressed to see a woman covering her head, and that he never sees that ever. I told him that about 10% of the women at my parish cover their heads, it is not uncommon at our Detroit parish. He was astounded, and really enjoyed seeing it done.
So - all the panic and grief I put myself through on that two hour drive was for nothing.
I covered my head and felt good doing it, because for ME it was the right thing to do. Next time I won’t even think twice.~Liza
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PatienceAndLove
Guest
That’s what I do
Except my daughter plays with it and puts the edges on her head. She has been taking her chapel cap off, but likes sharing my mantilla with me
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jabelltulsa
Guest
I haven’t read the posts since this one, so I apologize if I am restating someone, here.
You need to look at yourself closer. I think everyone here agrees that you are giving this serious thought, and that you don’t take these things lightly.
You need to have some confidence in yourself in this situation. It is time for you to shed this worry. I’m not speaking specifically about the veil situation, but rather the conflict you have, I speculate, in most situations with your family.
I have a big family (well, medium size), and I have some pretty strong opinions in matters of faith to contend with. I am also a people pleaser, so that makes for a lot of submission on my part.
Lately, though, I don’t feel as submissive. I can’t. I am starting a family, and I am going to have to start making my own stands on things for me and my soon to be wife (and God willing, our children). I have in some cases as of late, and you know what? It is working out for me. I have found a sense of renewed faith, a maturity of faith, and knowledge of my faith - on my own terms. It is a beautiful feeling, because now, God is MY GOD.
I liken this to your situation in my mind. In reading your posts, I have found that you have some opinions of your own. Go with that. Don’t be concerned with how people will think of you. They may need your example to change their lives, in fact.
Also, it’s fun to see people raise an eyebrow every now and then. Find the fun in it.
The bottom line, at the end of your life, it is just you and God. Those opinions of others won’t be there to defend you for the choices you make. Make YOUR choices. I believe your ideas are best for you, given what I have read from you. God Bless you!
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megangamble
Guest
In reading all these replies I saw something about the scapulars. I was never told that I needed to wear that at all times. Should I be doing that and is it a sin not to? The only time I was ever told to wear it was in like second grade when I received it for my First Communion. Is this strange? My church is kind of laid back and maybe it was never stressed to me. ehhh??
Help? lol
Help? lol
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ASimpleSinner
Guest
Easy! You are not in any trouble!In reading all these replies I saw something about the scapulars. I was never told that I needed to wear that at all times. Should I be doing that and is it a sin not to? The only time I was ever told to wear it was in like second grade when I received it for my First Communion. Is this strange? My church is kind of laid back and maybe it was never stressed to me. ehhh??
Help? lol
You ask: “Should I be doing that and is it a sin not
to?” To answer the second part NO, you are not incurring any sin.
Should you be? That is up to you. But I think it is a wonderful thing to do, you may want to think about it.
Scapulars do not HAVE to be worn - they are a pious sign of devotion and you are not obligated to wear one, so there is no sin at all if you do not.
If you are looking to adhere to the traditional practice of the scapular, you would wear it at all times (usually underneath the clothes) except when bathing… But this is totally voluntary as you are, I presume, not a nun who happens to be part of a relgious order that is obligated to wear this as
part of the habit.
To read up more on it:
fisheaters.com/scapulars.html
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ncjohn
Guest
What a beautiful reminder that the right thing done for the wrong reason can still be the wrong thing for that person or circumstance. The end does not justify the means.
This particular issue can be a beautiful sign of piety and humility, but there can also be a great temptation to become proud of one’s humility–which I can recognize, having experienced it in other areas–so we should constantly be examining our motivations when it comes to religious practice so as to keep them pure before God and not create a stumbling block to our fellow man (or woman).
Peace,
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latinmasslover
Guest
Absolutely you should wear one. When I started a couple of years ago I got weird looks from people, but I was encouraged when at one of the Masses I saw a young woman wearing one regularly. Some people are nervous about doing it and just waiting for somebody else to do it first. At the Novus Ordo Masses my brother and I started genuflecting before receiving Holy Communion, since the priest has openly forbidden kneeling, and pretty soon a few other people were doing it also. On that point, I did wait for my brother to start it. Some people think it’s a thing of the past, it’s stupid to continue, but those people are putting themselves in line with the Devil who wants as little reverence as possible before God. Anyway, pray for the strength to follow through with the inspiration the Holy Ghost has given you.Hi!!! I’m a 20 y/o college student. I go to a private Catholic University and it’s brought me MUCH closer to Christ. I was wandering around some forums and I’m just kind of curious what people think about women wearing veils to Mass. NO ONE at my church wears veils…especially not the young women my age. I also read that I should wear one every time I pray?! I think it’s very respectful if I did wear one to Mass…and I’m trying to decide if I am going to, I’m going to feel a little strange at first, but I think it’s kind of…beautiful? That probably sounds weird but I think there is something to say for a young woman who has that deep respect for her Creator. Anyways, just kinda curious as to who thinks I should and who thinks I shouldn’t and also if I should wear one EVERY time I pray?
Thanks a bunch!
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ASimpleSinner
Guest
Actually right there you NAILED it and summed up what I was trying to say far better than I was doing.
In my outward acts of piety I was becoming proud. The more my mother implored me to perhaps consider toning it down (“Maybe wear your 5-fold scapular underneath your dress shirt…”) The more defensive I became that what I was doing was THE pious thing to do, and the more I began to suspect that maybe it was HER who did not value her faith very much…
Years later, seeing her deal with her cancer I came to see how very wrong I really was.
So my caveat is simple - if this good thing leads to scandal and possibly pride, a via media might be considered…
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DebCWil
Guest
When I was young, no female dared enter a Catholic Church without some type of headcover. This might mean using a bobby pin to attach the handkerchief in my pocket to my head.
Wearing a hat to Church was one of the things that differentiated Catholics from other denominations. At the time, I was unfamiliar with predominantly Black Southern Churches in which the women wear hats.
In reading the Vatican II documents, I do not recall any mention of proper attire for Mass. I know simply that the rules relaxed in the late sixties. Culturally women stopped wearing white gloves and hats. If you watch movies from earlier decades, women always wear a hat in a court of law.This cultural change was also reflected in Church attire. In some ways, this change was good. There was less emphasis on wearing the latest style and increased focus on actual worship. Besides, it was hard to find a hat that actually looked good on me.
This post is not about wearing a hat. It is about wearing a veil or mantilla. It is not about wearing the latest fashion but an exterior sign of a person’s interior spirit. For some women, it is an attachment to cultural roots (Latino, for example). Again, as I read this thread, the emphasis is not on fashion. It is about worship. In this sense, unlike hats from earlier decades, the veil becomes a sacramental.
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dixieagle
Guest
I am reverent in my own way (dressing decently for Mass, bowing before receiving Communion…in the hand!) and I take real exception to the implication that those of us who aren’t as “traditional” as you are are “putting ourselves in line with the devil.” That’s a pretty damning statement.
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daughterofmary
Guest
The post says those that think it is stupid to continue and who think it is wrong to wear the veil are wrong.
I’m sure, even though you don’t wear it, you do not find it stupid?
If you choose not to do it but yet do not find the practice stupid then the post you quoted is not speaking to you. It is speaking to those who condemn the veil, not those who choose not to wear it.
This thread was not written to put others down. It was written to seek advice on wearing the veil. No one here has said that those who do not wear it are in some way imitating the devil. I don’t believe anyone holds that view at all anyway.
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latinmasslover
Guest
First of all, to touch the sacred vessels is a privilige of the ordained, as Pope John Paul II even said. Lay people are not the ordained, and the Eucharist is more sacred than the vessels that He’s in. Second, I wasn’t implying that women who do not wear a veil (or anyone taking the Eucharist in the hand for that matter) are in line with the Devil, at least intentionally. I was saying that to oppose it as being stupid or a thing of the past is the attitude of the Fallen One.
A final note, since it became a semi-issue, communion in the hand was an abuse bishops allowed even though Pope Paul VI said to stop. The bishops continued to disobey, and the abuse was finally given into. That tradition was begun by the Devil through M. Luther in order to rid the faithful of belief in the True Presence. Like I said, it’s not done intentionally by people, but it is approved of by the Wicked One. I myself used to receive Holy Communion in the hand, and it was done with much love and reverence for God, and it did not phase my faith, but then again, I was studying Catholicism with a passion. I’m saying that both of these issues, among others, lead in the wrong direction, even if it’s not done intentionally by some individuals.
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dixieagle
Guest
forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon1.gif
Well, I think it pretty clear that you and I are not ever going to agree; your clear implication that those of us who don’t cover our heads and receive the Eucharist in the hand are unwitting accomplices of “the Wicked One” is most offensive.
Peace!
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Philothea53
Guest
LatinMassLover said, “…to oppose it as being stupid or a thing of the past is the attitude of the Fallen One.”
I don’t see that as saying if you don’t cover your head or if you receive in the hand.
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Jean_Anthony
Guest
Please refrain from posting personal comments and stick to the topic. Thank you.
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