Should kids date

[Catholic90]

30 years ago when I first started dating, the goal was to get “as far” as you could with the girl with the ultimate goal for many, but not necessarily all guys was to have sex. Nothing has changed. Kids these days have this little thing that’s called “hooking up”. It’s a night or two of “using” each other then onward to the next conquest.

Your son or daughter would never do this? Don’t kid yourself! Teenage boys are driven exclusively by raging hormones that override almost every single sensible function of the brain. Depends on the boy…teach them well, and drill into their brain from an early age the consequences of premarital sex (obligation to any child, responsible if impregnated girl decides to abort YOUR baby, financial obligations for many years, disease - show them diseased organs on the web! and many (not all) WILL exercise restraint. My DH was one such teen who exercised amazing self-restraint when it came to premarital sex (we dated for 6 years and first had relations on our wedding night) . So is my son demonstrating restraint. Most young girls are naive beyond comprehension You have not been around many teen girls lately, have you. In my experience, many teen girls are amazingly pushy, aggressive, and don’t like to hear NO for an answer. My 13 year old has had girls call him and ask him if he wants to be their “boyfriend”. He is not allowed to date until 16, so he tells them he can’t. So then they call back a day or 2 later and ask if he just wants to go walk in the woods behind the school with them and “make out or something”. (and this is in a Catholic school) and are “in the game” before they even realize what has happened to them. In the blink of an eye, their virginity is gone and they think they are “in love”.

These young people have no idea what they are doing to themselves both physically as well as spiritually. It’s all so heartbreaking. If I had my way, nobody under the age of 21 would “date”… Would I let my teenage daughter visit with boys? Of course! But under close parental supervision. This used to be called “courtship” A return to “courtship” is needed. Older catechism actually have sections on this.

 

[Wirraway]

I got a question for Wirraway,
why do you think it is ok for a guy to hook up with 10 girls ?because unless I understood wrong that is what your’e saying

what do you mean by “hook up”? I need to make sure exactly what you’re talking about.

and, also to be certain, the 10-1 quote was taken from Stanley Kubrick’s black satire,* Dr. Strangelove, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb*.

 

[TLM08]

Catholic90:
I have to agree with you about a good number of these girls becoming predators. I have some thoughts on this as well.
The lines between masculine and feminine behaviour have been blurred by popular culture.

 

[Wirraway]

…it could lead to a lot of problems- like sex. I’ve seen it happen and know it’s true. We date to discern who is right for in Holy Matrimony. Why continue something that you know will inevitable end?Doing so could give the other person the wrong idea. What if they like you and you know in your heart they are not right for you? I could never date a good girl and just knowing that I will dump her for some1 else.

I don’t like to waste a girl’s time and nor do wish vice versa.

when I was a teenager I dated to have fun: football games, dances (held monthly at my Catholic high school), dinner and a movie. and now I’m happily married to a woman I met long, long after high school. I didn’t regard a date as a matrimonial interview, and you know what? at that age, the number who do is vanishingly small. if you’re as young as I think you are, you are still learning how to socially interact with the opposite sex, and marriage should be the last thing on your mind.

you need to unwind.

 

[alejandrea]

what do you mean by “hook up”? I need to make sure exactly what you’re talking about.

and, also to be certain, the 10-1 quote was taken from Stanley Kubrick’s black satire,* Dr. Strangelove, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb*.

I meant get together in a relationship …what did you mean by saying there should be 10 girls for every one boy? that’s what I was asking

 

[Feste_1242]

Your son or daughter would never do this? Don’t kid yourself! Teenage boys are driven exclusively by raging hormones that override almost every single sensible function of the brain. Most young girls are naive beyond comprehension and are “in the game” before they even realize what has happened to them. In the blink of an eye, their virginity is gone and they think they are “in love”.

These young people have no idea what they are doing to themselves both physically as well as spiritually. It’s all so heartbreaking. If I had my way, nobody under the age of 21 would “date”… Would I let my teenage daughter visit with boys? Of course! But under close parental supervision. This used to be called “courtship” A return to “courtship” is needed. Older catechism actually have sections on this.

:yup: Kids are really left to their own devices these days, it’s pretty depressing. I would love a more old fashioned style of dating. Not too old fashioned though - kids shouldn’t have to try to date with their parents staring at them. I just want dating to be a lot more dignified, responsible, and conservative.

I have to agree with you about a good number of these girls becoming predators. I have some thoughts on this as well.
The lines between masculine and feminine behaviour have been blurred by popular culture.

I totally agree. Our society has really become unhealthy, and that’s displayed most clearly in the way our young people treat eachother. Where’s the self-discipline?!

 

[mesurman]

Should kids date? It’s common to see teens date nowadays. But should they be dating? The purpose of dating is to get married but the kids are immature.

NO!

The purpose of dating/courting is to prepare for marriage. The over sexification (is that a word?) of American teens is appalling and dangerous. I told my four oldest kids that they could not date. They did not listen to my advice and found “special friends” that became dating and for the oldest two it did not turn out well.
My oldest daughter now has a baby (beautiful) and a loser ex-boyfriend. Teens are too young and immature to date. Hang out with friends, play sports, study and get good grades so you can get large amounts of scholarship money and get a well paying job and then date.

 

[stringbeanduck]

when I was a teenager I dated to have fun: football games, dances (held monthly at my Catholic high school), dinner and a movie. and now I’m happily married to a woman I met long, long after high school. I didn’t regard a date as a matrimonial interview, and you know what? at that age, the number who do is vanishingly small. ** if you’re as young as I think you are,** you are still learning how to socially interact with the opposite sex, and marriage should be the last thing on your mind.

you need to unwind.

You don’t think about that. My profile has already done that for you.

Believe me, marriage is not on my mind right now. I don’t plan on getting married until after college. I don’t want my future kids to have a father who makes $8.50 / hour at Mc Donald’s.

I have begun to pray more often for my future spouse and I have left it up to God to decide who it will be(like I have a choice )

However just because I am young and won’t be getting married in the very near future doesn’t give a free pass to date for the heck of it and be a bachelor in the meantime. I had the choice to be Mr. stud with girls calling him right and left, yet I chose not to live that life. As cool as it seems I don’t want to live that life for it is a waste. When a girl comes my way who is appears to be like me I do make an effort to date see where things go. It is rather difficult because most want Mr. stud and not me. Though I try not to let it bother me because I have many years ahead be for I marry some1.

 

[Wirraway]

…
However just because I am young and won’t be getting married in the very near future doesn’t give a free pass to date for the heck of it and be a bachelor in the meantime. …

giving that dating includes harmless activities like movies, dinner, dancing, star watching, among, maybe, a hundred thousand other opportunities where you’re expected to learn adult social skills such as small talk and the ability to listen. I just don’t see this as a mentally healthy attitude.

and since you’re in need of guidance in this way, let me make a gratuitous suggestion: whenever you’re out on a date, always act as if she were the only woman on earth.

 

[Wirraway]

I meant get together in a relationship …what did you mean by saying there should be 10 girls for every one boy? that’s what I was asking

I was quoting lines from Dr. Strangelove. that’s a movie. it was a joke.

 

[strngrnrth]

What my prying into people’s personal business has taught me as of now is that most women are happiest to have their first baby at 22-24, and to be married to a man 2-4 years older than they are, and that it’s usually around two years after the wedding that the first baby is born. My little tiny bit of knowledge of men says they prefer to be married in their 20’s sometime. Marriage at 26 for a man, 23 for a woman works out pretty well relative to other kinds of timing. Of course every life is unique. But that can be a baseline.
It takes three years to get to know a fiance/e well enough to decide, at a minimum, I think from my own life. Actually I’ve never found that anyone was worth marrying. But that’s just one person. Most of my friends seem to want to grow old with someone special. So, people seem to be happy if they get engaged at about 20 for women and 23 for men, with room to start over if you make a mistake. So women should be ready to try out their first engagement at about 19 and men at 22. It takes a few years to figure out whether you even want to be married and to explore your choices. So people should be ready for serious courtship at around 17 for girls, 20 for men. a couple of years just to learn how to date and whom you like in general, so fun dates/ double dates/ group dates should be allowed under controlled circumstances (home early, tell Mom and Dad where you’re going etc.) at about 14-15 for a girl, about 16 for a boy. Younger than that, a girl is far too naive and needs some more time to be a kid; a boy under 16 or so has nothing like the people skills nowadays to know how to choose, how to be appropriate or how to control himself. Parents should be instilling such skills in a boy fromt he start, but between natural brain-development differences and the current culture of overstimulation and isolation, it must be very hard. So that’s all the sense I can make of that topic.

 

[mrs_abbott]

Should kids date? It’s common to see teens date nowadays. But should they be dating? The purpose of dating is to get married but the kids are immature.

Dating in groups is fine as teens but one on one dating is a horrible idea because it doesn’t lead to anything good, in most cases.

 

[Feste_1242]

giving that dating includes harmless activities like movies, dinner, dancing, star watching, among, maybe, a hundred thousand other opportunities where you’re expected to learn adult social skills such as small talk and the ability to listen. I just don’t see this as a mentally healthy attitude.

coughing in an attempt to disguise laughter What lead you to believe that someone needs to date in order to achieve these “adult social skills”?

 

[Wirraway]

Dating in groups is fine as teens but one on one dating is a horrible idea because it doesn’t lead to anything good, in most cases.

so a guy and a girl to to a movie and you’re saying what is the mostly like outcome?

and are you serious?

 

[Wirraway]

coughing in an attempt to disguise laughter What lead you to believe that someone needs to date in order to achieve these “adult social skills”?

hey pal, take the high road if you’re going to stoop to ad homs. don’t try to be cute about it.

on to substance. that’s what dating does. it puts young men and women in social situations. that’s what dating is for. that’s the dating experience of 99%+ in the world. this is yet another thread where I wonder if you people are real. a kid whose first exposure to women outside the family is a wife hunt, is a kid doomed.

 

[chevalier]

There is no healthy points to kids pairing up at age 13 or similar in order to fill the position of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

This said if 13 year olds fall in love, I don’t think it’s great to prohibit them and split them up.

As for dating, I don’t have a problem with what stays within the lines of a friendly outing - dancing, seeing a film together, having a dinner, whatever, all this stays within the lines. When it gets kissy and cuddly, it doesn’t stay within the lines.

Some young boys have gone out with girls to kiss them, as a kind of scoring. Men would bed them to score, boys would get them to kiss. This is not something I would like my future son to be doing. I don’t believe in a kiss for dinner payout, either. I basically wouldn’t be worried too much about kids spending time together, but I would be worried about kids kissing, cuddling, snuggling and so on. Those things are not included within the standard definition of “friendship” or “having a good time with people of the opposite sex”.

Basically, I wouldn’t mind my future children spending time, even on a one on one basis, with kids of the opposite sex, but I would rather they kissed only when they were in love and only to express a loving feeling, not to cross a line, mark a spot, prove something, show to others etc, and I’d rather they used affectionate gesture for what it is intended, i.e. for showing affection, not for experimental interaction.

I see example and teaching as a better way to achieve this than banning, grounding and prohibiting, although a bit of the latter three may at times be necessary (everyone sometimes needs to cool down).

 

[mrs_abbott]

so a guy and a girl to to a movie and you’re saying what is the mostly like outcome?

and are you serious?

Depends on the kids. I would definitely promote either group dating or public dating. Just keep it to where they can’t be alone for more than a few minutes. Like I said, though, depends on the kids and how well you know the boy/girl your son/daughter is dating.
Yes, I’m being serious because I was not a “good” girl when left alone with a boy.

 

[Isa_Almisry]

There is a difference between courting and dating.

Courting was preparation for marriage.

Dating is training in divorce.

 

[Wirraway]

There is a difference between courting and dating.

Courting was preparation for marriage.

Dating is training in divorce.

that’s clever, kinda. for a banality.

 

[Caesar517]

hey pal, take the high road if you’re going to stoop to ad homs. don’t try to be cute about it.

That wasn’t an ad hom.

on to substance. that’s what dating does. it puts young men and women in social situations. that’s what dating is for. that’s the dating experience of 99%+ in the world. this is yet another thread where I wonder if you people are real. a kid whose first exposure to women outside the family is a wife hunt, is a kid doomed.

You are using a different definition of “dating” than most people. You seem to difeine dating as “friends hanging out”.

I define “friends hanging out” as “friends hanging out” and “dating” as “friends hanging out with a predominant element of sexual tension”.

No one ever suggested than a man shouldn’t be exposed to women outside the family before “wife hunting”. It is easily possible for friends to hang out without that element of sexual tension (i.e. not dating).