Should our daughter be an altar girl??

[Logan]

Our 11 year old daughter wants to be an altar girl, I am against it. I guess I’m “old school”, I think it should only be for boys and young men. She has a classmate (also an eleven year old), her best friend who serves at Mass. I’m not sure if our daughter wants to serve Mass because her friend is doing it or because she really wants to. What do you think?

 

[PoliSciProf]

I would let her do it. I think it is very important in our secular toxic culture for children to be as actively engaged with the Faith as possible. Altar girls are permitted so let her do it. It is another anchor point to the Church and there cannot be too many of these linkages.

 

[muffinmojo]

As the poster aboe said, it is good for young people to be involved in any way possible; however if you do object to her being an altar girl(which is understandable, I would too) then perhaps you should suggest something else she could do to help instead; such as helping with the flower arrangement, helping the altar ladies set everything up, etc. Or perhaps just take the time to talk with her about the homily at sunday lunch; to let her know that you aren’t keeping her from being an altar server because you don’t think she’s ‘grown up’ enough to understand religious things, but simply because you think it should be reserved for boys.

 

[Lepanto]

It’s wonderful for a girl to be interested in developing her spiritual life, but there are other ways to do that than by being an altar server. I vote no for the reasons you mentioned, plus others.

There are numerous other ways for girls to grow spiritually. You can find a number of programs here:

missionnetwork.com/programs

 

[CreatioNova]

I had exactly the same issue when my 11 year old daughter wanted to serve.
The majority of the opinion expressed was against it, but I’m beyond proud that of her own volition she wanted to be involved this way, and totally supported her. Some said it puts boys off serving, some said she was taking the place of a boy alter server, it was implied that she may be depriving the church of a future priest. To which I say Pah !!! I simply dont buy it. She is not doing any of those things, but she is strengthening and deepening her faith, meeting some great people, and lets face it, it beats watching tv, messing with makeup and drooling over pop idols ( though she does that anyhow to a degree )

Support her all the way

 

[jmcrae]

The Church permits it, and it will help her to hang on to her faith during the turbulent teen years, by providing her with a source of identity, purpose, and service.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Our 11 year old daughter wants to be an altar girl, I am against it. I guess I’m “old school”, I think it should only be for boys and young men. She has a classmate (also an eleven year old), her best friend who serves at Mass. I’m not sure if our daughter wants to serve Mass because her friend is doing it or because she really wants to. What do you think?

I would let her do it, she will grow in her faith.

 

[otjm]

Last sunday our parish was graced with the presence of a young woman who has committed her life to a community and is now serving in central America as a missionary; sorry but I do not know the order she joined.

She served Mass as a young lady.

The Church permits it.

The Church doesn’t require it.

There are numerous reasons that we are short on vocations; much is made about the fact that vocations to the priesthood have declined since girls became altar servers - without the attendant information being given that vocations were already declining before that happened.

That is a bit bordering on post hoc, ergo propter hoc - and if you don’t know Latin, it is presuming that because something occured after something else, therefore it occured because of the something else.

The fact that altar girls started serving and vocations went down after that is established. What is not established, but is presumed, is that they went down because girls got to serve (and therefore, supposedly chased boys off the altar, who would have had a vocation but for the fact they didn’t/couldn’t serve).

I have yet to see any survey establishing any connection between girls serving and boys not entering the seminary. That is not to say that there is no connection, but the connection is presumed simply because one thing occured after the other.

Unless and until someone can show by actual research that there is a connection between the two, it is simply conjecture.

But the point of my first comment is that we have one young lady who found a vocation to religious life after serving. Did she do so because of serving? I’ll have to ask, as I would not presume that it had any impact; it may have, or something else may have.

 

[ProVobis]

The Church has become too feminized already. In my experiences, your daughter will either become bored of it or be disappointed when she’s told she can’t move on to a higher state. In my opinion, neither will be good for her “spirituality.” Surely there must be better ways for her to become part of the Catholic community and grow in faith for the rest of her life.

 

[Lepanto]

Yes, the Church permits it…but does that make it a good idea? Should we do anything just because it is permitted? There may be many good reasons NOT to do something that is permitted.

Some citations from the Congregation for Divine Worship’s Letter on Altar Servers:*

…may not, in any way, exclude men or, in particular, boys from service at the altar, nor require that priests of the diocese would make use of female altar servers, since “it will always be very appropriate to follow the noble tradition of having boys serve at the altar” (Circular Letter to the Presidents of Episcopal Conference, March 15, 1994, no. 2). Indeed, the obligation to support groups of altar boys will always remain, not least of all due to the well known assistance that such programs have provided since time immemorial in encouraging future priestly vocations (cf. ibid.)

With respect to whether the practice of women serving at the altar would truly be of pastoral advantage in the local pastoral situation, it is perhaps helpful to recall that the non-ordained faithful do not have a right to service at the altar…

Therefore, in the event that Your Excellency found it opportune to authorize service of women at the altar, it would remain important to explain clearly to the faithful the nature of this innovation, lest confusion might be introduced, thereby hampering the development of priestly vocations.
*

full document:
adoremus.org/CDW-AltarServers.html

You’ll note that from the letter that “…no priest is obliged to have female servers, even in dioceses where this is permitted. The letter stressed that no one has a “right” to serve at the altar, and also strongly reaffirmed that altar boys should be encouraged.”

 

[otjm]

The Church has become too feminized already. In my experiences, your daughter will either become bored of it or be disappointed when she’s told she can’t move on to a higher state. In my opinion, neither will be good for her “spirituality.” Surely there are better ways for her to become part of the Catholic community and grow in faith.

Since the Church is referred to as the bride of Christ, one might think thet feminization - true feminization - would not be a bad thing, wouldn’t one?

In my experience, both boys and girls become bored with it; boredom afflicts all. And in most situations, most kids - boys or girls - in the parishes I have seen, serve through grade school; once they enter high school, they are no longer serving. Besides, boredom is good for kids to experience. When mine told me they were bored with something, they found out I had no sympathy. The problem is not with the child being bored; it is with the parent thinking they have to remedy that.

She can’t move to a higher state? If you mean she can’t be ordained, that is correct. If you mean that she cannot do something in her life to serve her Lord, I disagree with you strongly.

 

[Lepanto]

She can’t move to a higher state? If you mean she can’t be ordained, that is correct. If you mean that she cannot do something in her life to serve her Lord, I disagree with you strongly.

What if, after serving at the altar for some time, a girl thinks that she is inspired to become a priest?

 

[Lepanto]

Since the Church is referred to as the bride of Christ, one might think thet feminization - true feminization - would not be a bad thing, wouldn’t one?

An overly feminized Church is not a good thing (cf. the Anglican Communion).

This book does a masterful job explaining the dangers of an effeminate Church:

“The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity”

amazon.com/Church-Impotent-Feminization-Christianity/dp/1890626198/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217295340&sr=8-2

 

[jmcrae]

What if, after serving at the altar for some time, a girl thinks that she is inspired to become a priest?

Actually, this is less likely to happen to a girl who has been working in person with her priest (and being taught the teachings of the Church from him) than a girl who is not permitted to serve in the Church at all (and thus, has nothing but her fantasies about it to inform her), due to having being born a girl.

The second is the one more likely to become a feminist - the first has learned her place and how to keep it, by being taught in person.

 

[otjm]

Yes, the Church permits it…but does that make it a good idea? Should we do anything just because it is permitted? There may be many good reasons NOT to do something that is permitted.

That gets into the area of personal opinion, and most personal opinions seem to be based not on facts, but on prejudices.

The Church permits it, and that does not make it a bad idea.

I was an altar boy, and I wanted to go to the seminary in high school. My parents’ pastor said over his dead body (thank God for his wisdom). I hung on to the idea and went in college; and found what I had was a very romantic idea of hwere I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.

Did I want to go because of my service? Perhaps it was enhanced by being a server, but I think I would ahve wanted to go anyway.

And as to the issue of boys not wanting to serve if there is a girl there; that is a parenting problem. One that is easily solved by the parent being a parent, not a pleaser.

 

[Lepanto]

In Sept. 2006, Fr. Greg J. Markey, the pastor of St. Mary’s Church in Norwalk, CT changed his policy to male-only altar servers. (This was back when there was only the Ordinary Form of the Mass!) He wrote a letter to his parishioners, which I thought was so well articulated, that I would post it here as well. He had taken a lot of heat for his decision when announced but not so much anymore. Please pray for brave priests like him!

Here is his letter;
stmarynorwalk.net/faqbox.html

Q: “Why does St. Mary’s reserve altar serving to boys alone?”

.
by Fr. Greg J. Markey
"Perhaps the most serious practical problem facing the Catholic Church in the United States today is the lack of priestly vocations. Without priests we do not have the Sacraments, and without the Sacraments, our salvation is in jeopardy.

It is God who mysteriously calls young men to be priests, and then the surrounding culture, most specifically good Catholic families, bring that seed to fruition. Outside of the family, one of the most important cultural influences that promotes priestly vocations is to serve as an altar boy.

For thousands of years serving as an altar boy has been an apprenticeship for priesthood, even before the Church had seminaries. Boys were taught the details of the Mass, why the priest does what he does, and a fraternal bond of trust grew between the boys and the priest. The result was that many a priest discovered his calling while serving as an altar boy.

[Edited]

 

[CreatioNova]

The second is the one more likely to become a feminist - the first has learned her place and how to keep it, by being taught in person.

That’s very well put. And I totally agree with you.

 

[otjm]

What if, after serving at the altar for some time, a girl thinks that she is inspired to become a priest?

I would not be the least surprised if that happened. Neither would I be the least surprised if a girl who had not served wanted to be a priest.

It is very simple. It is an opportunity to catechize. Take it and speak the truth in charity.

Hardly an issue to stop a girl from serving.

 

[Just_Lurking]

Experience has shown that women generally do not need as much encouragement to be involved in the Church. All you have to do is look at Sunday Mass attendance, the religious education teachers, or parish volunteers, and one will easily notice that the majority of people active in parish life are women.

So basically, this is just Affirmative Action (EOE/AA) for boys. Boys are being treated as a disadvantaged group compared to girls as far as being involved in Church, and they need preferential treatment over girls in order to level the playing field.

Universities do the same thing in the admission of disadvantaged minorities, so I understand the concept. What doesn’t make sense to me is why 100% of the slots need to be reserved for the disadvantaged group? No university on the planet reserves all their admissions slots for minorities.

Wouldn’t it be possible to reserve, say 75% of the slots for boys, and still leave some for girls? Isn’t that enough to guarantee involvement by boys?

 

[aurora77]

If you’re uncomfortable with your daughter being an altar server, don’t permit her to do that. I would put together the reasons why you’re telling her no to this and relay it to her in a way she’ll understand. Then, find other ways for her to serve within your church.