Should We Ask My In-Laws to Pay For This?

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pensmama87

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About a year ago we bought a minivan. A few months later, DH (who still was pretty inexperienced driving a vehicle that size) took a too-tight turn and crunched the handle of the sliding door on the passenger side. The automatic opener still worked and the door operated manually from the inside, so since we don’t have a lot of money lying around we elected not to get it fixed.

A few weeks ago, my FIL forced the door open using the broken handle and now the door is completely inoperable. At first I figured no big deal, but then our third child was born and it’s like Tetris trying to get all the kids in and buckled using only one side door. Add to that I threw out my back on Monday so now loading and unloading the children is a quite literally painful endeavor.

Is it appropriate to ask my in-laws to pay to fix the door? (DH would be the one doing the actual asking.)
 
No, let it go. The only reason that he broke the door was because it wasn’t in working order to begin with. You don’t leave something in a dubious state of repair and then leave the next guy who tries to operate it responsible for the repairs.
 
Appropriate? Yes, at least for part of it–it wasn’t in perfect working condition before, but you could make it work, so IMHO, asking them to pay 60-80% of the cost wouldn’t be unreasonable. (Alternately, if it’s different handle assemblies for the inside and outside, you could ask him to pay for the parts he actually broke while you pay for the ones that were broken before.)

That having been said, while I’d say it’s definitely appropriate, the question is…do you want to? How is that likely to affect your and your DH’s relationship with your in-laws? (And yes, I agree that your DH should definitely be the person who discusses this with them.) Are they likely to pay? Will they pay, but be angry and resentful about it? Or, worst-case scenario, will they both not pay and be angry and resentful that you even asked? Can you live with the consequences of asking them–i.e., if they’re the sort of people to get angry, the strained relations in the future?

These are questions that you and your DH can answer much better than we strangers on the internet, but I wanted to throw them out there for you to consider. 🙂

ETA: I’d also ask…did your FIL know it was broken but forced it anyway, or did he think it was working fine and just stuck? If you didn’t tell him it was broken in the first place, then I’d be a bit more inclined to not ask them to pay; after all, it’s not unreasonable of him to assume that a door handle would work. If, on the other hand, he knew that you needed to open it from the inside and forced it anyway, I’d be more likely to at least bring up the possibility of contributing to the repair.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
No, let it go. The only reason that he broke the door was because it wasn’t in working order to begin with. You don’t leave something in a dubious state of repair and then leave the next guy who tries to operate it responsible for the repairs.
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I agree! The REAL reason the door/handle broke was because it was in an accident that was in no way your in laws fault. They just happened to be the last ones to touch it before it fully broke. 🤷
 
Burt_Macklin said:
No, let it go. The only reason that he broke the door was because it wasn’t in working order to begin with. You don’t leave something in a dubious state of repair and then leave the next guy who tries to operate it responsible for the repairs.
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I agree with Burt.

I’m sorry your back is hurt. I hope you are able to fix the door quickly, both for your back’s sake, and because it could make getting to the kids much harder in an emergency situation, like a T-bone crash on the “good” side.
 
KnitNut said:
I agree with Burt.

I’m sorry your back is hurt. I hope you are able to fix the door quickly, both for your back’s sake, and because it could make getting to the kids much harder in an emergency situation, like a T-bone crash on the “good” side.
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Also agreed.
 
UbiCaritas said:
ETA: I’d also ask…did your FIL know it was broken but forced it anyway, or did he think it was working fine and just stuck? If you didn’t tell him it was broken in the first place, then I’d be a bit more inclined to not ask them to pay; after all, it’s not unreasonable of him to assume that a door handle would work. If, on the other hand, he knew that you needed to open it from the inside and forced it anyway, I’d be more likely to at least bring up the possibility of contributing to the repair.
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He “knew” in that we’d told him before, and the door handle was obviously broken (it was not in one piece - I have no idea how he managed to get a hold of it TBH), but he may have forgotten or just not thought about it.

Generally we get along with them very well, but we’ve never asked for money. They are not angry or resentful people.
 
KnitNut said:
I agree with Burt.

I’m sorry your back is hurt. I hope you are able to fix the door quickly, both for your back’s sake, and because it could make getting to the kids much harder in an emergency situation, like a T-bone crash on the “good” side.
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I have thought about that.

There is no extra money for us to pay it ourselves (and I mean none). My husband is paid biweekly and has a three-pay month in January, so it could be done then, or we will have some extra income once I begin babysitting again (most likely in the spring.)
 
The door was already damaged. Your FIL did not have malicious intent. Pay for the repair yourself. You have a good relationship with them, why risk screwing it up over this?
 
Maybe you could ask them to contribute, but not in a you-broke-it-you-bought-it fashion; just something like, “Money is extra tight, and we’re finding it hard to deal with this unexpected expense; would you be able to help?”
 
pensmama87 said:
I have thought about that.

There is no extra money for us to pay it ourselves (and I mean none). My husband is paid biweekly and has a three-pay month in January, so it could be done then, or we will have some extra income once I begin babysitting again (most likely in the spring.)
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Have you had an estimate (or 3) on the repair? Not necessarily for any cosmetic work, but to restore door function? Is there a vocational school nearby - depending on the state, they might do the repair work for the cost of parts only (with the instructor supervising carefully). Or perhaps mentioning it to your pastor (or someone involved in parish groups/ministries) - you may be able to find someone to donate labor in that way, too.
 
I agree that it’s not FIL’s fault. If they haven’t already offered to help pay for it, I’d assume they agree that they’re not responsible and I wouldn’t risk my relationship with them by bringing it up.

How much will it cost to repair? Will insurance cover any of it?
 
Burt_Macklin said:
No, let it go. The only reason that he broke the door was because it wasn’t in working order to begin with. You don’t leave something in a dubious state of repair and then leave the next guy who tries to operate it responsible for the repairs.
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👍 I agree.

I also ask if the door is covered by insurance?
 
I don’t necessarily think it’s inappropriate to ask for some help, as long as you don’t think they will react badly or anything. Maybe you could just ask to borrow the money. I do think, though, that they aren’t responsible for most of the cost- it was broken to begin with, even if you managed to make it work.

Personally, if it were us I would probably just have the repair put on a credit card and make whatever payments I could to get it paid off. My parents and in-laws have made dinners for us, given our baby clothes and toys, helped pay for various parts of our wedding, and so on. I would feel terrible asking them for money for anything, unless it was for a loan and we were literally going to end up on the street otherwise.
 
We do have insurance, but a very high deductible (to keep our premiums lower.) I doubt the cost is as much as the deductible, though I guess we’ll go ahead and get a few estimates. I was rear ended a few years ago and we had to wait a few months to get in at the shop anyway (vehicle was still driveable).
 
pensmama87 said:
I have thought about that.

There is no extra money for us to pay it ourselves (and I mean none). My husband is paid biweekly and has a three-pay month in January, so it could be done then, or we will have some extra income once I begin babysitting again (most likely in the spring.)
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I have been in your shoes in terms of van door handle breaking! It’s a real pain. Our van only has one side door so we removed the handle and used a stick to reach inside the mechanism to spring it open. Those things are pretty expensive to have repaired too, but the actual parts aren’t too bad. We ended up ordering it and my boys and I fixed it. Could you have your father in law do the repair himself? It’s pretty easy and doesn’t take long at all. My teens and I fixed it in less than 15 mins. We watched a couple youtube videos before we ordered the part so we knew what we needed to do already. You could also turn it in to your insurance and see if they will cover it, but depending on your deductible you might not meet it. I wouldn’t wait until January. I would most definitely ask for him to pay, and then pay him back in January if need be. It’s not just a pain but a safety issue at this point.
 
pensmama87 said:
About a year ago we bought a minivan. A few months later, DH (who still was pretty inexperienced driving a vehicle that size) took a too-tight turn and crunched the handle of the sliding door on the passenger side. The automatic opener still worked and the door operated manually from the inside, so since we don’t have a lot of money lying around we elected not to get it fixed.

A few weeks ago, my FIL forced the door open using the broken handle and now the door is completely inoperable. At first I figured no big deal, but then our third child was born and it’s like Tetris trying to get all the kids in and buckled using only one side door. Add to that I threw out my back on Monday so now loading and unloading the children is a quite literally painful endeavor.

Is it appropriate to ask my in-laws to pay to fix the door? (DH would be the one doing the actual asking.)
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If you know they have the money, maybe husband ask for it as a joint early Christmas gift? With a little soft soap from husband about how pensmama87 has put her back out and is hurting awful bad and you’d REALLY appreciate it.

I know that kind of stinks as a Christmas gift, but it could take the edge of the request. Plus, you avoid getting gifts that annoy you because you keep looking at them and thinking–I could have used this money to fix the door!!!

It also kind of stinks to have to beg for something that they ought to pay for without being begged to do it, but sometimes people just don’t think.
 
CthgeDelendaEst said:
The door was already damaged. Your FIL did not have malicious intent. Pay for the repair yourself. You have a good relationship with them, why risk screwing it up over this?
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Because they don’t have the money and they just had a new baby?
 
One other thing I just thought of–job corps center. If you have one nearby they often look for vehicles for their students to learn minor repairs on. They might be willing to do it if you are near one and call the director. My brother’s instructor would round up trucks from local farmers for them to work on.
 
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