Should We Ask My In-Laws to Pay For This?

[CthgeDelendaEst]

Because they don’t have the money and they just had a new baby?

Completely irrelevant. They are either responsible for the repair, or they are not. It is highly unlikely this case would win in small claims court. The OP can get creative to raise the funds if necessary. Have a garage sale. Sell or pawn something. If it absolutely can’t wait a few months until their situation improves, I suppose they could ask the in-laws for a loan (or someone else for that matter). The in-laws may take pity on them and just give them the money.

 

[Allegra]

I don’t really think it would be appropriate to ask FIL to pay for it unless he had already been told it was broken to begin with and he was messing with it anyway.

 

[slh3016]

I’m so sorry about this situation for you.

Could your DH call up his parents and say something like this?

“Hey Mom and Dad, you know how you guys always want ideas for Christmas presents for pensmama and me? We’re having an issue with the van where the door is not working properly and pensmama is having a hard time getting the kids in an out and has really wrenched her back and is having a hard time managing the kids. I’d love to surprise her and be able to get this repaired for her soon…would you all be opposed to this being our Christmas gift this year? Would you be opposed to me going ahead and arranging for the repair in the next couple of weeks?”

It sounds as if your generous in-laws would be very concerned about your back, the kiddos, etc., that they’d be thrilled to be able to do something nice for you and that it’s something you actually NEED and not some ugly sweater that ends up in the top of the closet and never worn.

That’s how I’d be with my kids anyway once they are grown

 

[pensmama87]

I’m so sorry about this situation for you.

Could your DH call up his parents and say something like this?

“Hey Mom and Dad, you know how you guys always want ideas for Christmas presents for pensmama and me? We’re having an issue with the van where the door is not working properly and pensmama is having a hard time getting the kids in an out and has really wrenched her back and is having a hard time managing the kids. I’d love to surprise her and be able to get this repaired for her soon…would you all be opposed to this being our Christmas gift this year? Would you be opposed to me going ahead and arranging for the repair in the next couple of weeks?”

It sounds as if your generous in-laws would be very concerned about your back, the kiddos, etc., that they’d be thrilled to be able to do something nice for you and that it’s something you actually NEED and not some ugly sweater that ends up in the top of the closet and never worn.

That’s how I’d be with my kids anyway once they are grown

Ha! I like this.

That’s how I’d like to be too.

 

[CthgeDelendaEst]

He said “sorry,” but it was late and we were trying to leave to get the kids to bed. Nothing was said about any repair at the time, and hasn’t been said since.

That was really what my question was about - the door was broken (by DH), but operable, then my FIL’s action made the door inoperable. I’m not trying to be a selfish freeloader. I just don’t know the etiquette for these types of situations. Apparently it’s a “no,” because it was already broken. Fine.

I guess the question is answered, then.

So let’s ask a new one: if someone (let’s say anyone besides my in-laws, though it is my in-laws) is asking what you want for Christmas, are you allowed to ask for cash to put toward a financial need you have?

Instead of outright asking for cash, you could ask for a prepaid Visa. It would be gauche to ask for something like that completely unbidden, but if others are point blank asking you what you could use, a prepaid card feels a little less uncomfortable to ask for than straight up cash.

 

[Allegra]

PS- This thread reminds me that I need to get one of my doors fixed. It opens and closes, but it doesn’t lock. I’m going to have a baby in a few weeks and I remember how anxious I was the last time that someone was going to come up to my car at a stop light and try to steal the baby out of the back seat. (Yes. I realize this isn’t a rational concern, but post partum hormones make insane fears seem real and legit.)

 

[pensmama87]

PS- This thread reminds me that I need to get one of my doors fixed. It opens and closes, but it doesn’t lock. I’m going to have a baby in a few weeks and I remember how anxious I was the last time that someone was going to come up to my car at a stop light and try to steal the baby out of the back seat. (Yes. I realize this isn’t a rational concern, but post partum hormones make insane fears seem real and legit.)

Yeah. Our broken door doesn’t lock, either. It doesn’t matter because it can’t open anyway, but it still bothers me every time I notice it’s unlocked.

I am going to have DH call to schedule estimates when he gets home (because I don’t know when his important work meetings are, and anyway I’m trying to avoid moving as much as possible. Thank God, truly, for good friends who cook dinner for you! )

 

[fencersmother]

Your oldest child is not yet 5 and is in school? Surely you are paying for this. Drop the school and invite a friend over to play twice a week. Now if your child is in school (as you’ve said) find a nice new mommy and one day a week you pack up the kids after taking dad to work, and have a Mom’s morning at her house, with coffee and cakes. next week, she comes with her kids to your house.

As for the necessity of having a car - it’s amazing the things you can do without. I did without a washer or dryer or even a stove for a year. And horrors! Lived in a house without central heat! And even worse! No air conditioning (in western Nebraska!).

I’m going to have to bow out of this discussion since I’m so obviously not on the same wavelength. But I do pray you get your van fixed and you get back to where you want to be soon.

Peace out

 

[UbiCaritas]

Your oldest child is not yet 5 and is in school? Surely you are paying for this. Drop the school and invite a friend over to play twice a week. Now if your child is in school (as you’ve said) find a nice new mommy and one day a week you pack up the kids after taking dad to work, and have a Mom’s morning at her house, with coffee and cakes. next week, she comes with her kids to your house.

As for the necessity of having a car - it’s amazing the things you can do without. I did without a washer or dryer or even a stove for a year. And horrors! Lived in a house without central heat! And even worse! No air conditioning (in western Nebraska!).

I’m going to have to bow out of this discussion since I’m so obviously not on the same wavelength. But I do pray you get your van fixed and you get back to where you want to be soon.

Peace out

Actually, preschool is free in many areas of the US. In those areas where kindergarten admission is highly competitive, it’s pretty much essential if you’re going to get your kid into a good school.

Leaving aside anything else, I can assure you that not having heat or a way to cook food will get your kids picked up by CPS pretty darn quickly if they hear about it.

Furthermore, losing a car would also mean losing significant income from babysitting, as she uses the car to pick her charges (when she’s babysitting) up from school and drive them home.

 

[pensmama87]

Your oldest child is not yet 5 and is in school? Surely you are paying for this. Drop the school and invite a friend over to play twice a week. Now if your child is in school (as you’ve said) find a nice new mommy and one day a week you pack up the kids after taking dad to work, and have a Mom’s morning at her house, with coffee and cakes. next week, she comes with her kids to your house.

As for the necessity of having a car - it’s amazing the things you can do without. I did without a washer or dryer or even a stove for a year. And horrors! Lived in a house without central heat! And even worse! No air conditioning (in western Nebraska!).

I’m going to have to bow out of this discussion since I’m so obviously not on the same wavelength. But I do pray you get your van fixed and you get back to where you want to be soon.

Peace out

So it occurs to you to think, “Well, she’s just not trying hard enough,” but not that it may have been paid for already and not even necessarily by us?

Thanks. You really know how to kick a person when she’s down.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I don’t really think it would be appropriate to ask FIL to pay for it unless he had already been told it was broken to begin with and he was messing with it anyway.

I wouldn’t ask, since it was already broken, and the damage that could result from hurt feelings or an affront will last longer than the pains from a broken handle.

But you could pull up in their driveway with the door wide open, and a child (your oldest of course, don’t be crazy) hanging out the door inches from the ground, but secure (obviously). When you stop, have them drop out of the car onto the driveway in a prone position, then jump up, dust themselves off and calmly walk into the house.

Yeah, that’s what I’d do.

 

[pensmama87]

Actually, preschool is free in many areas of the US. In those areas where kindergarten admission is highly competitive, it’s pretty much essential if you’re going to get your kid into a good school.

Leaving aside anything else, I can assure you that not having heat or a way to cook food will get your kids picked up by CPS pretty darn quickly if they hear about it.

Furthermore, losing a car would also mean losing significant income from babysitting, as she uses the car to pick her charges (when she’s babysitting) up from school and drive them home.

A few years ago our range did die and all our meals were cooked in the crockpot for…a long time.

We found a deeply discounted one at the scratch and dent store a few months later, and paid for it with our Christmas money. But maybe that was wasteful, I don’t know.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Your oldest child is not yet 5 and is in school? Surely you are paying for this. Drop the school and invite a friend over to play twice a week. Now if your child is in school (as you’ve said) find a nice new mommy and one day a week you pack up the kids after taking dad to work, and have a Mom’s morning at her house, with coffee and cakes. next week, she comes with her kids to your house.

As for the necessity of having a car - it’s amazing the things you can do without. I did without a washer or dryer or even a stove for a year. And horrors! Lived in a house without central heat! And even worse! No air conditioning (in western Nebraska!).

I’m going to have to bow out of this discussion since I’m so obviously not on the same wavelength. But I do pray you get your van fixed and you get back to where you want to be soon.

Peace out

Bye bye! We won’t miss your uncharitable posts!

 

[UbiCaritas]

A few years ago our range did die and all our meals were cooked in the crockpot for…a long time.

We found a deeply discounted one at the scratch and dent store a few months later, and paid for it with our Christmas money. But maybe that was wasteful, I don’t know.

Don’t you realize that if you’d invested that $10 wisely, you’d have been able to buy a brand-new minivan with a bumper-to-bumper warranty covering even silly mistakes by spouses by now?! :tsktsk:

 

[maryjk]

Bye bye! We won’t miss your uncharitable posts!

Ouch.

Talk about uncharitable.

 

[nodito]

But you could pull up in their driveway with the door wide open, and a child (your oldest of course, don’t be crazy) hanging out the door inches from the ground, but secure (obviously). When you stop, have them drop out of the car onto the driveway in a prone position, then jump up, dust themselves off and calmly walk into the house.

This is hilarious.

 

[bitterhope]

Bye bye! We won’t miss your uncharitable posts!

That’s not right. You know, lots of people have been in situations that make perspectives different and have tons of insight that could be helpful to others if people took the time to consider it instead of automatically dismissing those ideas because they are unconventional. Some posters here seem to have a huge chip on their shoulders and play the offended party no matter what is said unless it corresponds to their preconceived notion of how things should be. Hand holding and coddling are not ways to help people grow. Life isn’t always pretty and sometimes you need to be unconventional. Life is full of choices. Some we do the best we can and deal with the consequences. There are many times I feel like I live in a different universe than the rest of you all do because in my world, a van with a broken door wouldn’t even be considered an issue. Most families have one decent vehicle (and we are not walking distance to anything). The thought of losing a side door as being a fast track to depression makes no sense to me. I truly can’t figure out why so many people are finding this to be such a hardship. Preschool does cost money–tuition and gas–unless it is a free program. Free programs offer bus service. Either way, stopping transport to/from school will save at least gas money so there is spare money if you want to get technical about it. I don’t think it needs to happen, but the points made are legitimate and should be offered for consideration. There are choices being made that might need reconsideration if the family is in such a bad spot financially. Many, many, many people deal with this stuff and far worse without crumbling. It is wise to take their experiences into consideration instead of constantly viewing them as uncharitable.

 

[silver_moon]

Instead of outright asking for cash, you could ask for a prepaid Visa. It would be gauche to ask for something like that completely unbidden, but if others are point blank asking you what you could use, a prepaid card feels a little less uncomfortable to ask for than straight up cash.

I like this idea. Also, does your community do online yard sales? Our local community and our county have Facebook groups that allow people to post items for sale, at yard sale prices. They need to include a picture. No returns/refunds are allowed due to the low sale prices; buyers need to make sure they are satisfied before they pay.

I’m thinking about listing several items, such as a few items of clothing and a walker I needed a couple years back after breaking my ankle. It’s as much to declutter the house as anything.

 

[pensmama87]

I like this idea. Also, does your community do online yard sales? Our local community and our county have Facebook groups that allow people to post items for sale, at yard sale prices. They need to include a picture. No returns/refunds are allowed due to the low sale prices; buyers need to make sure they are satisfied before they pay.

I’m thinking about listing several items, such as a few items of clothing and a walker I needed a couple years back after breaking my ankle. It’s as much to declutter the house as anything.

Yep. I’ve sold pretty much everything except the kitchen sink (well, excepting things that are broken or in such bad condition they deserve the trash.) If we use it, it’s probably going to get used until it needs the trash (after multiple repairs).

 

[Convert_in_99]

Ouch.

Talk about uncharitable.

Ok maybe it was over the top and I’m truly sorry for that.

But Pensmama already addressed this once that those comments hurt rather than help and they continued to post more advice that might indeed hurt more than help. They need to take the hint the first time.