Should we continue to go to Counseling?

[M0nkey]

Me and wife have been married for a little more than a year. Just recently (about two months ago), we hit a pretty hard bump on the road and I think our religious differences are really starting to show it’s thorns. I was Baptized Catholic and she Protestant (Fundamentalist). We have been going to Counseling for the past month or so, and I see nothing’s changed in our marriage. I constantly pray for her conversion but it seems that all I get is being called a fanatic for having deep convictions in the Faith. Recently, I found out I’m not supposed to be taking the Eucharist, given that we did not have a Catholic wedding. So I called the Parish to attend a marriage class for co-validation and now she claims I’m forcing her to conversion. The other day, I attended the Holy Day of Obligation of the Assention of Our Lady, and I got acussed of worshiping Mary. It’s getting to the point where I can’t even talk freely about the Church as she immediately calls me a fanatic and a blind follower of the Pope. It seems to me we may have rushed into this marriage, without mitigating for our spiritual differences. We are already aware that the problem lies in our differences but for some reason we seem to always butt heads, without treating each other with respect first. I’m beggning to think that perhaps counseling is not the best answer for these sorts of issues, if anyone has any (name removed by moderator)ut on this please, please let me know.

We already tried talking to a Priest about this and got no response. I was hoping if we did take this marriage class, we could get to talk to a Priest and he may guide us further, but it looks like I’ll be showing up by myself for that as she won’t come.

 

[Isa_Almisry]

Me and wife have been married for a little more than a year. Just recently (about two months ago), we hit a pretty hard bump on the road and I think our religious differences are really starting to show it’s thorns. I was Baptized Catholic and she Protestant (Fundamentalist). We have been going to Counseling for the past month or so, and I see nothing’s changed in our marriage. I constantly pray for her conversion but it seems that all I get is being called a fanatic for having deep convictions in the Faith. Recently, I found out I’m not supposed to be taking the Eucharist, given that we did not have a Catholic wedding. So I called the Parish to attend a marriage class for co-validation and now she claims I’m forcing her to conversion. The other day, I attended the Holy Day of Obligation of the Assention of Our Lady, and I got acussed of worshiping Mary. It’s getting to the point where I can’t even talk freely about the Church as she immediately calls me a fanatic and a blind follower of the Pope. It seems to me we may have rushed into this marriage, without mitigating for our spiritual differences. We are already aware that the problem lies in our differences but for some reason we seem to always butt heads, without treating each other with respect first. I’m beggning to think that perhaps counseling is not the best answer for these sorts of issues, if anyone has any (name removed by moderator)ut on this please, please let me know.

We already tried talking to a Priest about this and got no response.

?

I was hoping if we did take this marriage class, we could get to talk to a Priest and he may guide us further, but it looks like I’ll be showing up by myself for that as she won’t come.

Then go anyways. Pretending this is going to go away is not going to make it.

 

[distracted]

. It’s getting to the point where I can’t even talk freely about the Church as she immediately calls me a fanatic and a blind follower of the Pope. It seems to me we may have rushed into this marriage, without mitigating for our spiritual differences. .

so were you not devoutly Catholic when you got married? Or did you go into the marriage thinking that she would change?

i know one thing: Protestants are usually raised not appreciating (to put it mildly) the Catholic faith… so it may take a long time to get her to… understand any of it.

If she were to study Church history, she would be convinced that the early Church was truly Catholic… and if she could be convinced tht there were no other Christian churches in the world until 1520s… and how Jesus is not the kind to abandon his Church… to a bunch of mere humans…

Then, on the other hand, there could be other issues in the marriage… that magnify the religious ones… (?).

I can’t give advice… never been married. But i wonder if maybe you need some time apart somehow… to just… re-coup or whatever… I mean, it always takes a toll on ME when i have to deal with people who believe differently. If i couldn’t get away by myself when i needed to… i would just… well, end up acting very un-Chistian…

I really don’t know what more to say… without further (name removed by moderator)ut… Maybe you should just try praying together - forget the “religion” problem and just pray together… You are fortunate that you b oth believe in God… Maybe you have other important beliefs in common also…

 

[M0nkey]

so were you not devoutly Catholic when you got married?

Correct. I may have posted this in the wrong section of these forums.

I walked into the Marriage without any non-negotiables, such as a Catholic wedding, and guidance by the Church. Since then my view of the faith and of the Church has changed.

My question revolves on what to do now, not on what if’s. You may be right on spending some time apart, as I feel this is really hurting my walk with the Lord. Being constantly belittled, and criticized for their religious practices doesn’t bring out the best in people.

 

[distracted]

Correct. I may have posted this in the wrong section of these forums.

I walked into the Marriage without any non-negotiables, such as a Catholic wedding, and guidance by the Church. Since then my view of the faith and of the Church has changed.

My question revolves on what to do now, not on what if’s. You may be right on spending some time apart, as I feel this is really hurting my walk with the Lord. Being constantly belittled, and criticized for their religious practices doesn’t bring out the best in people.

yeah, no kidding… i could write a book on that one…

Maybe some day you will be able to work with young people who contemplate marriage (or something)… You could be able to tell them how important religion is… & agreeing on it… People get married too quickly these days…

Anyway… if she really cares, she will work with you. It seems to me that… well, i know how religion is a very important thing to those who are religious… and know what they believe… but still… it seems that if 2 people have real love for ea. other… they will talk things out and/or pray together until… well… things get ironed out…

or maybe i am just too idealistic about romantic love… how it should be…

I am a total cynic when it comes to romantic love… been disappointed too mnay times… but one good thing about cynicism:

It keeps you out of an unhappy marriage…

Americans are spoiled and selfish… and i think they run from pain a lot … not very Catholic but then Americans aren’t very Catholic… (generally speaking)… Anyway, i am guilty of this also… running from pain and suffering… who isn’t guilty?? But one should also not just accept automatically any kind of suffering. The Bible says not to be unequally yoked with unbelivers… and to me, an unbliever is someone who is not Cahtolic… although if you both believe in the “basics”… rthat Jesus is our only way to heaven, etc… there may be good common ground… I don’t know… All i know is that i can speak for myself and say this:

I myself could NOT live with someone who was anti-Catholic… and i would not even try. I don’t believe in divorce, but i do believe in separation… and from waht i can gather, you were not married in the Catholic Church anyway, so there may be grounds for annulment if you ever thought it should go to that point (not saying it should)… If you were married in a Christian church, you may have a valid marriage, but that’s a subject for a marriage tribunal to deal with…

Anyway, i have been alone & celibate for a very long time… and sometimes i feel i cannot stand being alone any longer… However, when i see waht is “available” out there… i know that i am better off alone… and God gives me the strength to endure until the right one comes along… But actually the right one already came along… Jesus, the perfect Love…

Are you feeling guilty about thinking about separation?? Or do you feel comfortable with that??

 

[emeraldcoast]

No, it is not time to throw in the towel and to walk away. Come on, you know better then that! You all need to get yourself into a Christian Counselor that works with couples with different Christian faith backgrounds. If you want to be a Christian husband it is time to pick up your bootstraps and get to work on your marriage. Be patient with your wife and don’t expect over night success either. I hope that you are not trying to jam your new found love for the RC down her throat. Many times we can become over zealous with sharing our faith and do more harm. You both except Jesus Christ as your Savior–that is a good start. I would recommend calling your priest in the morning and asking him for guidance. I would not choose a Catholic Counselor just because you already know that she is going to dig her heals in. You want her to be open to resolving this conflict. Get back to the basics – love one another as Jesus has told you to do so. Something that may be helpful is to pick-up a Christian Couples Devotional from your local bookstore. Pray Together to Stay Together! Spiritual intimacy is so important in a marriage.

God Bless!

 

[Lil_Cat]

Hi, M0nkey’s wife here

Just know that things aren’t as they seem. I never said that you guys worship Mary (I’m not dumb enough to believe that). I said from the outside looking in it LOOKS like you guys worship Mary. It also wasn’t mentioned in the OP that I have been going to Mass (read: giving up my church) for about 7 months now, all the while being called a heretic, even though I am attending Mass every week (explain that one to me). You know, I told him after he posted this that you guys were going to bring up seperation (and divorce). Distracted, you did not disappoint

In my “heretical culture” you get ONE shot at marriage. No “annulments”, divorces, or the like. I really resent the insinuation that we should seperate. And yes, I have told him that I will go to the convalidation meeting with him tomorrow. All I am asking for is a simple thank-you. It was demanded of me, not asked of me. I have given up everything and this is the thanks and treatment I get from Catholics.

And Isa Almisry, we contacted a deacon who didn’t want to be bothered with us, not a priest. Just wanted to clarify that.

 

[distracted]

No, it is not time to throw in the towel and to walk away. Come on, you know better then that! You all need to get yourself into a Christian Counselor that works with couples with different Christian faith backgrounds. If you want to be a Christian husband it is time to pick up your bootstraps and get to work on your marriage. Be patient with your wife and don’t expect over night success either. I hope that you are not trying to jam your new found love for the RC down her throat. Many times we can become over zealous with sharing our faith and do more harm. You both except Jesus Christ as your Savior–that is a good start. I would recommend calling your priest in the morning and asking him for guidance. I would not choose a Catholic Counselor just because you already know that she is going to dig her heals in. You want her to be open to resolving this conflict. Get back to the basics – love one another as Jesus has told you to do so. Something that may be helpful is to pick-up a Christian Couples Devotional from your local bookstore. Pray Together to Stay Together! Spiritual intimacy is so important in a marriage.

God Bless!

thiss is not good advice… You are not Catholic so you have no buisness telling him such things… like don’t go to a Catholic counselor. What - is he suposed to go to a counselor who believes somethign entirely differnt??

A non-catholic like yourself does not understand this man’s devotion to his faith…

I do… because i believe & feel the same way… about its importance in one’s life…

on the lighter side…

I wish people would become Cahtolic before they go thinking they understand Catholicism…

 

[distracted]

Hi, M0nkey’s wife here

Just know that things aren’t as they seem. I never said that you guys worship Mary (I’m not dumb enough to believe that). I said from the outside looking in it LOOKS like you guys worship Mary. It also wasn’t mentioned in the OP that I have been going to Mass (read: giving up my church) for about 7 months now, all the while being called a heretic, even though I am attending Mass every week (explain that one to me). You know, I told him after he posted this that you guys were going to bring up seperation (and divorce). Distracted, you did not disappoint

In my “heretical culture” you get ONE shot at marriage. No “annulments”, divorces, or the like. I really resent the insinuation that we should seperate. And yes, I have told him that I will go to the convalidation meeting with him tomorrow. All I am asking for is a simple thank-you. It was demanded of me, not asked of me. I have given up everything and this is the thanks and treatment I get from Catholics.

And Isa Almisry, we contacted a deacon who didn’t want to be bothered with us, not a priest. Just wanted to clarify that.

i think just about everyone here is a little off…

For one thing, i didn’t know all that you say here. I based my statements on what Poster said. Also, separation is not divorce & doesn’t have to lead to divorce. i made it clearr i don’t believe in divorce… I don’t feel i said one thing wrong…

Since your husband seems dishonest…

I am wondering why YOU don’t seek a separation…

As stated, Can only speak for myself but i WOULD…

Not only am i not willing to live with someone who is not Cahtolic, i am also not willing to live with someone who is dishonest…

 

[emeraldcoast]

thiss is not good advice… You are not Catholic so you have no buisness telling him such things… like don’t go to a Catholic counselor. What - is he suposed to go to a counselor who believes somethign entirely differnt??

A non-catholic like yourself does not understand this man’s devotion to his faith…

I do… because i believe & feel the same way… about its importance in one’s life…

on the lighter side…

I wish people would become Cahtolic before they go thinking they understand Catholicism…

Throwing the red flag buddy–Your not EVEN MARRIED and your advice is to SEPARATE…Give me a break!!

 

[PaulDupre]

It seems to me we may have rushed into this marriage, without mitigating for our spiritual differences.

Ya think? Let this be an example for others who may be thinking of marrying outside the faith. DON’T!

You should cut your losses before you have children. That would make it a thousand times worse and you would be tied to her for the rest of your life.

Look into the possibility of annulment. This is not going to get better.

God love you,
Paul

 

[distracted]

Throwing the red flag buddy–Your not EVEN MARRIED and your advice is to SEPARATE…Give me a break!!

i’ve been in relationships before that were similar to marriage…

You have never been Catholic… and (devout) Catholics are as differnet from Protestants (devout or otherwise) as night and day… More so…

 

[kell0618]

Hi, M0nkey’s wife here

Just know that things aren’t as they seem. I never said that you guys worship Mary (I’m not dumb enough to believe that). I said from the outside looking in it LOOKS like you guys worship Mary. It also wasn’t mentioned in the OP that I have been going to Mass (read: giving up my church) for about 7 months now, all the while being called a heretic, even though I am attending Mass every week (explain that one to me). You know, I told him after he posted this that you guys were going to bring up seperation (and divorce). Distracted, you did not disappoint

In my “heretical culture” you get ONE shot at marriage. No “annulments”, divorces, or the like. I really resent the insinuation that we should seperate. And yes, I have told him that I will go to the convalidation meeting with him tomorrow. All I am asking for is a simple thank-you. It was demanded of me, not asked of me. I have given up everything and this is the thanks and treatment I get from Catholics.

And Isa Almisry, we contacted a deacon who didn’t want to be bothered with us, not a priest. Just wanted to clarify that.

Hi Lil_Cat

I guess I’m having trouble following the story - why have you stopped attending your church? Was this part of some sort of agreement you had? The convalidation of your marriage does not mean that you must become Catholic (I don’t know if you realize this) and when it comes to matters of faith, we shouldn’t do anything just because someone else wants us to. I’m hoping you can fill in the blanks a bit as it seems like the two of you have hit a rough patch. I’ll pray that God’s will be done.

Kelly

 

[emeraldcoast]

Ya think? Let this be an example for others who may be thinking of marrying outside the faith. DON’T!

You should cut your losses before you have children. That would make it a thousand times worse and you would be tied to her for the rest of your life.

Look into the possibility of annulment. This is not going to get better.

God love you,
Paul

You all have fallen off the boat with this advice to run from his marriage.

 

[Tonks40]

Lil_Cat & M0nkey:

Looks like what we have here is a failure to communicate!

Step back a bit - look at both of your posts here on this thread, and think about what’s going on here. Already both of you are approaching this with really strong biases and opinions, and when there is no agreement, the next “best” thing to do is to react and find fault with each other, even with the smallest little thing.

A little understanding with each other goes a very long way. Get off the forum for a bit, sit down, and just talk to each other. Better to air your grievances in person than on a forum like this.

I’ll be praying for both of you.

 

[distracted]

Hi Lil_Cat

I guess I’m having trouble following the story - why have you stopped attending your church? Was this part of some sort of agreement you had? The convalidation of your marriage does not mean that you must become Catholic (I don’t know if you realize this) and when it comes to matters of faith, we shouldn’t do anything just because someone else wants us to. I’m hoping you can fill in the blanks a bit as it seems like the two of you have hit a rough patch. I’ll pray that God’s will be done.

Kelly

don’t insult people’s intelligence. Of course she isn’t going to become Catholic just to please her husband… That may enter into the picture but it is very rarely, if ever, the dominating reason…

And if she is interested in becoming totally Catholic, why would she want to continue going to her past church… except to keep in touch with friends or whaatever… and she can do that without going to hteir churhc…

 

[emeraldcoast]

i’ve been in relationships before that were similar to marriage…

You have never been Catholic… and (devout) Catholics are as differnet from Protestants (devout or otherwise) as night and day… More so…

You have got to be kidding me! I have been married for 18 YEARS! It is not the same as being in a relationship–I am sure that the Catholic Church would agree with me on this one.

 

[M0nkey]

Apart from being called a fanatic I am now accused of being a liar.

My wife’s only intention in going to Church with me is to be a decoy, to question everything I do there, and to mock me. She thinks I have a dual personality because I bow down when I hear the name Jesus, and I get really upset when she blatanly attacks the Church, even thou I’ve asked her repeately not to do so. She also brings up random topics about religion, and get upset because according to her, the only thing I talk about is religion. Even thou I’ve asked her that we should never talk about religion and just goto different churches.

I fear that my soul is in danger as I don’t really know what to do.

 

[distracted]

You all have fallen off the boat with this advice to run from his marriage.

might not be a valid marriage…

 

[distracted]

You have got to be kidding me! I have been married for 18 YEARS! It is not the same as being in a relationship–I am sure that the Catholic Church would agree with me on this one.

its more like marriage than Protestantism is like Catholicism…

And that is an understatement!!!