This morning I spent some time with three Protestant girlfriends doing a Bible study. These ladies are on fire for the Lord and have such passion for Christ’s role in their families’ lives. It is a passion and commitment I have rarely seen among my Catholic acquaintances (although I am sure some of you here are that way!) These are all very happily married women with fantastic husbands and kids, and all of them have used contraception and one’s husband had a vasectomy after their third child. They seem totally happy and guilt-free about it?
It’s hard for me to reconcile it being “so bad” for marriages and “evil” when I see very happy couples with strong marriages, who love the Lord, enjoying the benefits and safety of contraception to plan their families. They all know what my faith teaches and think it’s bizarre and controlling. We had a nice long chat about it and while I explained my perspective, their perspectives really made so much sense to me.
I am still not sure what I am going to do. I do love my Church and my faith. I want to obey, but I just can’t bring myself to do something that I think is going to put my life at increased risk, or harm my marriage. I have been open to life. I brought forth life from my body. I continue to try to raise holy, good children with my wonderful, supportive husband. I will continue to pray about this.
I understand very much what you mean. I know a lot of people who are very prayerful and love the Lord with all their hearts and strive to follow Him, and disagree a lot with Church teachings. That is why I am Catholic, though. I figure if God is a God of truth and wants us to know truth, there must be some deposit of faith so we can find truth. So many people disagree on pretty much any issue, I can’t believe that finding what is true and right is about feeling like the Holy Spirit is telling you things are ok. (I don’t mean “you” specifically, I mean it generally.)
As far as your friends being happy and guilt-free, it’s because they do not believe it is wrong. But on some level you do, or at least you wonder. Because you DO love your Church and your faith. You might not find yourself so guilt-free. You might be interested to know, though, that I know of non-Catholics who agree with the Church on birth control. In fact, I know some who think NFP is wrong, that it all needs to be left to God completely.
I think the thing with birth control is this: God’s laws are about who we are as a fallen people. Look what has happened with birth control.First, sexual activity outside of or in addition to marriage had gotten much worse, because of the reduced risk of pregnancy. I remember growing up as “the pill” was becoming more popular, and the increasing pressure on me as a female. Guys did not want to date someone who wouldn’t be sexually active with him. Earlier on they were at least willing to wait a bit; after awhile men expected it after a date or two.
When my daughter was in fourth grade, they taught about sex. She and I had already had “the talk” and she mentioned that sex was supposed to be within a marriage. Almost all of her friends came from divorced homes, and they told her she was wrong. Sex was something you do after a date.
Then there is the whole abortion thing. About half (I think that was the statistic) of abortions come from folks using birth control that failed. In general, though, birth control gives us a different mindset, that we ought to be able to have sexual activity without the consequence of pregnancy, so if it does happen, just abort the “clump of cells.”
Maybe artificial contraception or sterilization for a non-fallen people would not have been a big deal. I don’t know. As a woman, I do know how it affected my dating life back in the day. This is important because it shows that sex became a bigger thing than people, that we have become so fixated on sexual pleasure that woman are “objects” in a big way. Just watch a little tv or look at ads, or see the porn addiction, you’ll see what I mean. I do know it has contributed as well to the willingness of woman to convince themselves that abortion is ok, too.
Of course, for some folks, none of this would happen as a result. But God’s laws are for all of us, not just some. He knows our fallen nature and has given us a Church to guide us, so we don’t just rely on our individuality (whether or not we think we can personally handle something) or rely on our feelings.
Having said all of that, if I or my daughter were in a place where to have a child would risk our lives…would I be able to be strong and/or encourage her to be and to live our Church teachings? I just don’t know. I want to say a resounding “yes!”, but not having been in that situation, and knowing how weak I can be, I just don’t know.
But if you need to know why birth control is wrong, just consider a few things I said. And read Humanae Vitae.
I would suggest…don’t leave the Church over this. Keep praying. In the end, if you end up going against Church teachings, stay with the Church and keep thinking and praying about it. And don’t tell people it’s OK to go against Church teachings. (I’m not saying you have or are; I rather suspect you would not, actually.) Just keep working it through. Whether or not you are with the Church doesn’t change God’s teachings, but if you leave the Church, it is almost like a way to convince yourself you are right and the Church, with all it’s years and depth and brilliant minds, is wrong. Sometimes we can’t make ourselves believe Church teachings, but we can do our best to live them. If you go against them and later believe the Church was right, you are there to talk to a priest…and staying shows you are continuing to give the Church a chance.
kpeople:
